CB Conwy Read online

  Andy looked at CK again. “When I first tried this, it was a bit like that. But I wasn’t with the guy for very long, so it was hard to...” He shrugged, seeming to be at a loss for words.

  “Hard to trust enough to let go?”

  Andy stared at CK. At last, he nodded. “Yeah, I guess. And the guys I played with after that... It didn’t seem to be what they were after.”

  It wouldn’t have been if the guys Andy played with were anything like the idiot from yesterday. CK pushed down his anger; it wouldn’t do either of them any good at the moment.

  “It’s what I’m after. I want you to be securely in your subspace, flying, without having to be beat up like this.” CK took a deep breath. “Will you have another scene with me? Not today or tomorrow,” CK added before Andy could answer. “This weekend is about healing. But eventually.”

  Andy was quiet, his face inscrutable. Finally, he spoke. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I’m not sure I can find the place you’re talking about.”

  “You definitely can; I saw that in our first scene. You were beautiful.”

  There was something very endearing about the way the big carpenter squirmed when he was praised.

  “And it’s my responsibility to bring you there. It’s me who makes you fly or doesn’t make you fly. And I’ll get you there. Maybe not right away, but we’ll make it happen.”

  “I’m just not very good at trusting people.” Andy’s voice was very quiet.

  “If you’ve had a lot of scenes like the one yesterday, I don’t exactly blame you.” CK kept his voice light. “I don’t expect you to be perfect, and I’d like to work with you. A lot.”

  CK got up and took the blanket from the back of the couch, spreading it over Andy. He seemed a little surprised.

  “I don’t want you to make a decision yet. This weekend is about giving your body the rest it needs. I’ll ask you again tomorrow before I leave. Now you need something to eat.” He left the room before Andy could protest either the resting or the fact that CK intended to stay the weekend. He had a sub to take care of.

  ***

  Andy might have looked perplexed when CK left him on the sofa, but he was tired enough to have dozed off by the time breakfast was ready. CK stopped to watch him. For the first time since they’d met yesterday, Andy was resting peacefully, his arms around the pillow and his breathing easy. It made him look his age. CK easily forgot that Andy was only twenty-four when they were walking the tightrope that playing with Andy was. A bit of peace and quiet would do him good, and CK intended to have him feeling if not great, then at least grounded and rested after their weekend together.

  CK gently shook the sub. “Breakfast’s ready.”

  Andy started, and CK just held his hand where it was until Andy was fully awake. Then he slid his hands around Andy, helping the tired man sit up. Andy didn’t lean into CK’s touch, but fought to get up by himself. It didn’t surprise CK; it would take time before Andy would be able to trust him like that.

  CK sat down next to him and reached for Andy’s plate. He speared a bit of scrambled eggs on the fork and offered it to Andy.

  “I... No.” Andy veered back. All of a sudden, he had a distant expression in his eyes, as if he weren’t really there.

  “You want to eat by yourself?” CK liked taking care of his subs.

  Andy just nodded.

  “Okay.” CK handed over the plate and fork, pretending not to see the surprise on Andy’s face. He ate well enough, and CK enjoyed the simple comfort of sharing a meal.

  While CK cleaned up their plates, Andy came into the kitchen. CK just nodded to him and gave him a plate to dry; it was good for the man to move around a little.

  Andy’s movements were careful, and he kept his elbows close to his body even when he reached into a cupboard.

  “How are your shoulders?”

  Andy looked up in surprise.

  “From yesterday -- are you sore?”

  “Yeah, a little. I often am when I’ve been tied up.”

  CK let his hands slide over Andy’s shoulders, feeling for any sign of even a minor dislocation.

  Andy started and lifted one leg as if to step back. He didn’t, though, and CK kept up the examination.

  “The joints seem to be fine.” He took one of Andy’s arms in his. “Let me know when the tenderness turns into pain.” He pulled slowly, watching Andy carefully. When the man’s arm was pulled out too far, Andy tensed up. CK let go.

  “With words.”

  Andy blinked, looking confused.

  “Let me know when it hurts by telling me.”

  Andy looked down, and CK pulled at his other arm.

  “There!” Andy’s head shot up and he gasped a little.

  CK slowly let go of his arm and rubbed his shoulders.

  “Good job.”

  “I... What?” Andy swayed a bit.

  “You let me know when it hurt. That’s good. Your shoulders are okay, by the way; you’re just sore because he didn’t tie you up right.”

  “He didn’t?” Andy looked lost.

  “No. If you expect your sub to lose his footing or fight back, you have to restrain him differently -- or for a shorter period of time. Otherwise, he’ll get sore. Like you are now.” CK reached out for Andy and guided him toward the couch again. It seemed as if he was having a hard time taking in what CK just had told him. CK had no idea why, but that was a recurring state of mind around Andy.

  He helped Andy down on the couch again. “Do you want to watch a movie or something like that? What do you normally do to relax?”

  “I... We can watch a movie.”

  “I know. What do you normally do to relax?” Politeness was very well; it was an honest answer CK was after.

  “I read.” There was a defiant note to Andy’s voice.

  “Okay. Can I borrow a book, too?”

  Andy looked at him, confused. “Yes? I mean, of course you can.”

  “Thanks.” CK went to fetch Andy a shirt and helped Andy dress before he turned to the shelves. There was a lot to choose from, and at least half of it was non-fiction, a lot of it about Eastern Europe and the Cold War.

  “You’re interested in history?”

  Andy had picked up a book, but he was still watching CK with a bewildered expression on his face. “Yes. Well, politics, mainly. I used to study political science.” Andy didn’t say any more than that, and CK got a distinct feeling that he’d already said more than he’d planned on.

  CK picked a thriller and something about dissidents in the Soviet Union and went to sit down at the other end of the sofa.

  “You can’t read two books at the same time!” Andy sounded crestfallen.

  “I can only borrow one? I’ll put the other one back.” Weird rule, though.

  “No! I mean, you don’t have to, but you can’t read two at the same time.”

  “Can, too.” CK winked.

  “Can’t.” Andy looked both rebellious and slightly amused.

  “Hey, I like variety.” CK sat back and opened the thriller.

  “You’ll end up with a hopeless jumble of Soviet dissidents trying to solve murders.” Andy shook his head.

  “I think that has been done, actually. I’ll give you the title sometime.” CK saw Andy open his mouth to answer. He shut it again, though, and started reading his own book.

  ***

  The rest of the weekend was peaceful. CK had a hunch that Andy’s exhaustion made a lot of things easier; he simply went with what happened instead of fighting himself every step of the way as he had done before. He appeared to be about to balk when CK got into bed with him that night, but when he saw that CK was wearing boxers and didn’t do anything but switch off the bedside lamp, he slowly relaxed. CK lay listening to his breathing getting slower, and he was asleep in minut
es. In a way, that was CK’s biggest success so far.

  Sunday morning, Andy looked a lot better. He still moved a little carefully, but he ate well and was able to take a shower by himself. CK stayed in the bathroom, even though Andy raised his eyebrows.

  “I’m taking care of you this weekend, and I won’t have you fall in the shower with nobody there to pick you up.”

  Andy just nodded, and CK felt a little thrill go through him at the lack of protest. In spite of the cause, they had come a long way this weekend.

  Before lunch, they went for a walk. The air was crisp and refreshing as they walked through the quiet neighborhood toward the small park.

  “Are you okay?” CK asked as they entered the park. It was nearly empty; dogs weren’t allowed, and there wasn’t any playground for the kids, so most people preferred Boston Common.

  Andy didn’t just brush his question away. “I am, actually. My back’s still a little sore, but it’ll be fine in a couple of days.”

  “And the rest of you?” Skin mended easily. CK was more interested in what was going through Andy’s head. That was where the real scars were.

  Andy was quiet for a bit, but it was a thoughtful silence; he didn’t seem uncomfortable at the question.

  “I have a lot to think about, you know?”

  He looked at CK. “I’d never thought about the flying before. I know I need it, but I thought I had to be so beat up that my body is about to shut down, as you put it, to get there. I didn’t know it could be different.” He turned his head, staring into the air. “I have to wrap my head around that.”

  “Are you okay with that?”

  Andy smiled a little. “I hate not knowing stuff.” He laughed at himself before he continued. “But I’m okay. I couldn’t go on the way I was, anyway. It wasn’t good for me anymore. I think the scene Friday was rock bottom, and maybe I needed to go there before I can get anywhere else. Now I just have to figure out what to do next.”

  “You still want to have a scene with me next weekend?” CK didn’t like the silence that followed his question. Finally, Andy spoke.

  “I... It’s going to be very different from what I’m used to, isn’t it?”

  CK nodded. He wasn’t into beating men halfway unconscious.

  “In a way, excruciating pain is a lot easier than not knowing what’s going to happen -- how I’ll react to it. It’s weird.”

  “I don’t think it’s weird at all. You’re pushing your limit. That’s always hard.”

  “I thought limits had to do with pain?”

  It had been a good decision to take Andy here; he spoke far more freely when they weren’t closed in and he could move around while talking.

  “Not necessarily. And yours probably haven’t got anything to do with pain at all; you’ve trained yourself to endure almost anything. The question is whether you’re willing to try something good, too?”

  Andy shook his head. “It should be so easy to answer that question, shouldn’t it?”

  CK reached out a hand and stopped Andy. “I’d really like you to have another scene with me. We’ll do it Saturday in my playroom; there’ll be no bad memories from the club there. I know it’s going to be different, but I’ll help you, and I’ll make it good for you. I want you to try.”

  Andy didn’t meet his eyes. “I won’t have a clue what I’m doing. You won’t laugh at me if I fuck up?”

  Yeah. Insecurity was probably Andy’s least favorite feeling.

  “No. I won’t laugh. I promise.”

  Andy took a deep breath. “Okay.”

  CK felt the smile spreading on his face. He reached out his hand.

  “Deal?”

  Andy laughed, too, and took his hand. “Deal. You might have to drag me there if I chicken out between now and Saturday, though.”

  “Oh, I will. Don’t you worry about that.”

  Andy got a weird expression on his face when he heard that, a mixture of panic and pleased surprise. He smiled, though.

  “Okay, then. I won’t.”

  4

  Andy didn’t have to be dragged to CK’s apartment. He did have to take a deep breath at the door, though. God, he was nervous.

  Considering the weekend that had preceded it, it hadn’t been a bad week. Andy had told Jeff that he was hurt, and he hadn’t had to do any heavy lifting the first couple of days. His boss had gotten that weary look when Andy explained how he had been injured, though. It wasn’t exactly the first time.

  Andy had told Jeff that he was going to CK’s place for a scene Saturday, and his boss had tried to talk him out of it.

  “Fuck, Andy, you’ll be a lot safer at the club. There’s no reason to go home with strangers,” Jeff had pleaded with him.

  It had taken Andy a lot of work to convince Jeff that he wasn’t going to be harmed. It wasn’t until Andy gave his boss CK’s address and promised to call Jeff after the scene that Jeff finally relented.

  It was important to Andy that this scene didn’t take place at Slake. He had a lot of memories from the rooms in the back of the club, most of them bad. It wasn’t really the Doms’ fault; Andy had been very specific in his demands, and he had gotten exactly what he asked for. He had never told Toby that he wasn’t getting what he needed. Hell, he hadn’t known he wasn’t getting what he needed. In Andy’s opinion, if this was anybody’s fault, it was his own.

  He didn’t know anything about the scene today, other than it was going to be different from anything he had tried so far. Even if the man hadn’t already told him so, his few meetings with CK had taught him that.

  And that was why Andy’s stomach was trying to turn itself inside out when he stood in front of CK’s door. At the same time, he was strangely calm; he wanted to do this, no matter how insecure it made him feel. He had thought about it over and over again all week, and he had decided to go with whatever CK made him feel, even if it was insecurity or embarrassment. Andy didn’t get to trust anybody in only a few weeks, but he knew that CK was going to be good for him. He rang the doorbell.

  CK’s face lit up in a smile when he saw Andy. “Hi there. Good to see you.”

  Andy couldn’t help smiling back; CK’s happiness was contagious.

  “Hi, CK. Am I late?”

  CK leaned in and kissed Andy quickly. “Not at all. Come on in.”

  Andy blinked, but let himself be guided into CK’s apartment. He bent down to get his shoes off; CK’s floors were pristine light pine. He caught CK looking oddly at him when he got back up, but the Dom didn’t say anything about it.

  “Let me give you a tour. I’ve unpacked almost everything by now.” CK showed him around. There were still a couple of boxes here and there, but the apartment was spacious and had a nice feel to it. A lot of pictures and things, in Andy’s opinion, but it made the airy place feel homey.

  “You’ll need bookcases for those.”

  They were in the living room where a row of big boxes still held CK’s books.

  “Oh, I’m just going to use the shelves there.” CK pointed at the built-in shelves along one wall. Andy stepped closer.

  “They won’t hold; the boards are too thin. They’ll bend under the weight of your books.” He let a hand slide over the shelves.

  “Really?” CK put his hands on his hips. “I guess there’s a reason people usually don’t put anything but an ornamental vase on those.”

  “Or have people like me build shelves. But they look good.” They did -- they suited the apartment well.

  “I’ll just have to get more vases, then.” CK didn’t exactly sound like a guy who was into vases. Or as if he had any intention of starting a collection now. “Well, let me show you my playroom.”

  Andy suddenly remembered why he was there and straightened up, following CK down the hallway.

  “Watch your step.”

  Andy
followed CK up the two steps into the playroom.

  “The guy who lived here before was a musician -- he soundproofed everything in here, including the floor. That’s why the floor is raised.”

  Andy studied the room. Somehow, the room fit CK very well. It wasn’t anything like a traditional dungeon. No cross, no whips on the walls, no seedy floors. Instead, the walls were white, the floor was nice pine boards like the rest of the apartment, and the only BDSM furniture was a sturdy-looking iron frame and a padded table. One wall had hooks embedded in it, and there were some low cupboards along another wall.

  “It’s really nice. Sir, I mean.” It was, but Andy’s stomach was churning by now.

  “Nervous?” CK had turned toward him.

  Andy could only nod.

  “It’s okay.” CK rubbed Andy’s shoulders, stroking down his arms. The gentle contact reminded Andy what CK did to him: made him feel good. That was the point of him being here today.

  “Let’s get started. You’ll only get more nervous if you’ll have to wait, won’t you?” CK’s voice was even, reassuring.

  “Yes, sir.”

  CK’s hands slowed. “A question for you: Does it excite you to call me sir?”

  Andy couldn’t meet CK’s eyes. But he had decided to be honest this weekend. With himself, and with CK.

  “No, sir.”

  “Okay. It doesn’t excite me either, so what do you say we skip it?” CK’s hands were rubbing his shoulders comfortingly.

  “Okay?” Andy looked up into CK’s eyes. The man smiled a little when he did so.

  “There you are.” CK leaned in and kissed him. “It doesn’t excite me when you look down, either. I want to see you.”

  “Sorry.” Reflexively, Andy bowed his head when he was chastised, and then he forced himself to look up again. “I mean...”

  CK kissed him again. “You’re doing fine.”

  Andy decided to believe the man. Things were a lot simpler with CK than they were with anybody else.

  CK stepped back. “I presume you’d like to know what we’re going to do today?”

  The question took Andy by surprise. “I didn’t think you’d tell me?”