CB Conwy Read online

  ***

  CK was shaking by the time he was finally alone in the back room with Andy.

  They had taken Andy down from the cross and half supported, half carried him in here, placing the exhausted sub on the padded table. Not the Dom, though. Too busy getting congratulations on a job well done to take care of a sub beaten half to death, the man had gone straight to the bar.

  It made CK’s rage even bigger, and he had to take a deep breath to calm himself down enough to go near Andy.

  Andy was resting on his stomach, still naked, his back a mess of welts and even a few cuts where the strap had broken the skin. He hadn’t moved or opened his eyes since he’d gotten there, and for a moment, CK actually feared that he had been beaten unconscious. CK took another deep breath to center himself and gently let a hand slide over the unbroken skin on Andy’s shoulder.

  “Hey, Toby. Sorry, I was spacing ou...” Andy interrupted himself when he opened his eyes and saw CK.

  “Oh. Hi. I didn’t think you would come.” There was no accusation in Andy’s voice, only fatigue.

  “Of course I would. I saw most of it.” He was grateful that Andy didn’t point out that he had already let the man down once. “I’m sorry.” He stroked Andy’s arm.

  “It’s okay. Work kept you away.” CK hadn’t meant he was sorry for being late, and he had opened his mouth to say as much when the door opened.

  “Hey, Andy, I’m here with the feel-good stuff.” Toby halted his steps in surprise, hesitating in the doorway when CK marched toward the door and took the tray with medical supplies out of his hands.

  “I’ll take care of him. Thank you.” With those words, he dismissed Toby, and even though the owner of the club looked perplexed, the man backed out of the room and closed the door without arguing. It made the anger flare in CK again; it didn’t seem to matter to Toby that CK could be anybody and do anything to the hurt sub.

  He wasn’t, though, and he was going to take care of Andy. Things were going to be different from now on. The thought centered him, and he turned back to Andy.

  Andy was watching him, eyes tired but curious. CK put down the tray and sat on the stool next to the padded table.

  “Will you let me take care of you?”

  “Sure.” Andy did look spaced out, going with anything CK suggested. For now, it would have to do.

  “It might hurt some -- your back is a bit of a mess.” CK wrung out the excess water from the cloth and gently started washing away the blood. Andy shivered under his hands when the cloth passed the first wound.

  “It sometimes gets messy -- I have a high pain threshold, so they have to beat me hard to make me fly.” Obviously, the endorphins from the beating were loosening Andy’s tongue; he wasn’t nearly as reluctant to speak as he had been during their last scene.

  “I hate to break it to you, Andy, but you don’t have a high pain threshold.” CK washed the next wound and rinsed the cloth before he continued the work of cleaning Andy’s back.

  “I do. You saw me up there.” Andy was belligerent.

  “I did. I saw how you cringed long before your skin was broken. You’re incredibly stubborn and probably very disciplined, but you have a very low pain threshold. You’re sensitive.”

  Andy made a protesting noise that turned into a whimper as CK washed the largest cut. Fortunately, there were only a few minor ones to go before he was done with the washing. He leaned back, waiting for Andy’s back to dry. There was no reason to cause the hurt man more pain by wiping off the excess water. The heat in the room would do the job; the temperature was kept at a high level all over the club. Hot enough, in fact, that CK had to take off his shirt. It was stifling in here. Andy cast a wary glance at him, but relaxed again when CK didn’t remove any more of his clothes.

  “And apart from that, he didn’t make you fly.”

  Hearing that, Andy really protested. “He did! What do you call this?”

  CK looked calmly at him. “Pain. And the aftereffects of pain. You would feel this way even after you had fractured something; it’s the result of a beating, not of a scene. You’re exhausted and a little queasy. Am I right?”

  Andy seemed as if he was going to protest. Then the fight went right out of him, and he only nodded. All of a sudden, he looked pale.

  CK leaned forward, suddenly worried. “Are you going to be sick?”

  Andy closed his eyes. “Don’t know,” he mumbled. It didn’t sound very reassuring.

  Quickly going to the small fridge in the corner, CK found some juice, and he grabbed a bottle and a straw. Turning back, he sat down and offered Andy the juice.

  “Drink some of this. It will help with the nausea.”

  CK held the juice so Andy could drink. The tired sub opened his mouth and drank without ever opening his eyes. CK stroked his hair, giving him a few minutes to get the liquid in him.

  When Andy had emptied half the bottle, CK took it away and searched for something on the tray to use on the welts on Andy’s back. He chose the cream with a numbing effect; there was nothing about this pain that would be good for Andy to remember. After pulling on the gloves, he started applying the cream to the man’s back.

  A few minutes into the treatment, Andy sighed and opened his eyes. He was less pale now, but he seemed dejected.

  “I’m sorry about this. I can’t seem to do anything right.” He sounded so tired.

  CK kept applying the cream with soft movements, wishing he didn’t have to wear the stupid latex gloves. He wanted to touch Andy for real.

  “It’s not your fault that your Dom didn’t give you what you needed.”

  Andy laughed, the sound of it bitter to CK’s ears.

  “It wasn’t exactly because he didn’t try, was it? I’m just too fucked up to get it.” Curling in on himself, he started crying.

  CK bent down to pull Andy up until he was sitting up on the table, leaning against CK. Andy resisted at first, trying to turn his head away. CK just held on, giving him the close contact he needed. Then Andy finally gave in, his naked body going almost limp, and he was crying harder than before.

  CK held on, pulling Andy close to his chest and letting the sub cry. He mumbled something to his boy, meaningless sounds only meant to soothe while the sobs wracked Andy’s body. It sounded like it was a lifetime of sorrow that came out all at once.

  Then there was longer between the sobs, and finally Andy pulled back, still sniffling. He saw the mess of tears and snot he had left on CK’s shoulder.

  “Fuck, I’m disgusting.”

  CK just grabbed the cloth and wiped himself clean. “There, not so gross anymore. And if you wipe your nose, you’ll be entirely un-disgusting.”

  Andy laughed ruefully, his eyes not really meeting CK’s as he took the paper towel CK offered him, wiping his face and blowing his nose. Throwing the towel into the waste basket, his hand brushed CK’s arm.

  CK curiously prodded the inside of his own arm. “I think you made me go numb.”

  Andy looked at him, uncomprehendingly. CK smiled.

  “I held you where I had just applied the numbing cream, and it works quite well.”

  Andy sighed. “Sorry about that.”

  CK grabbed Andy’s head between his hands. “Stop apologizing. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

  Andy turned away, his slumped shoulders a study in defeat. “No? It seems I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.”

  “I think you’re right about that. It doesn’t mean that you can’t figure it out, though.” CK sat back, watching Andy intently. “But please promise me that you won’t do this again. I know you thought the beating was what you needed, but it isn’t. It really isn’t.”

  Andy shrugged and then winced. “But what am I supposed to do? This doesn’t work, but what does?” He sounded miserable.

  “Let me help you.” CK took his hands. “I
know I failed last week, but I know more about you now. I can help you. Do you remember our scene? The first one here?”

  Andy nodded.

  “There were moments then when you were flying -- the good flying, not the ‘I’m so hurt my body is shutting down’ flying. You get the difference?”

  Andy stared at him. Then he slowly nodded again.

  “Good!” He couldn’t help kissing Andy for that recognition. “That’s what we’re going for. It’ll be good for you. And when we get to know each other better, I’ll make you fly again; just remember the good moments from our first scene. There will be more of those, I promise.” When Andy learned how to trust him and let go.

  “Okay.”

  It wasn’t an overwhelming approval, but it was enough for now. CK felt the relief rushing through him. He hadn’t lost Andy yet.

  “Please, let me take care of you now. I want to deal with your back and take you home. Your place or mine, I don’t care; I just want to make sure that you rest and eat and have somebody there for you. You crash hard after something like the beating you just took.”

  Andy seemed hesitant. “I won’t be up to much, you know.”

  CK tightened his grip around Andy’s hands. “I don’t expect you to be. You can take it as an exercise in letting me take care of you if you want.” He had a hunch that being taken care of was a novelty in Andy’s life.

  “An exercise, huh?” Andy gave him a tired smile.

  CK smiled back and nodded. “Will you let me?” He held his breath, trying hard not to let it show.

  Andy nodded, and CK leaned in and kissed the man again. He hadn’t even known how much he had hoped for this answer.

  “I don’t know what to do, though. I... really don’t.” Andy sounded so tired.

  “That’s okay. Take it as the first part of the exercise. You don’t have to know what to do; you just have to lean back and let me take care of you. There will be no scenes, no demands. All you need to do is stop thinking until tomorrow.” That way, Andy could let go of everything and just let himself be taken care of.

  Andy nodded silently. He looked too exhausted to do much else, and CK had a hard time keeping from hugging him. He managed to drink the rest of the juice, and then CK helped him lie down.

  “I’ll take care of the rest of your back, and then I’ll take you home. Just relax.”

  ***

  When CK led Andy out through the club, one arm around him to support him, they met the Dom who had given him the strapping.

  “Hey, man, you took it like a champ. Nice job.” The Dom grinned and held his hand up for a high-five. CK glared furiously at him until he took it down, looking confused. CK kept silent until they were out of earshot. Then Andy heard a hissed “Amateur!” Andy was taken aback, both by the exclamation and the vehemence in CK’s voice.

  He was too tired to think about it for long, though, and they went out into the streets. It seemed like it took forever to get to CK’s car. When they finally got close enough to see it, Andy’s legs were about to give out from under him.

  “Come on, baby, it’s only a few more steps. You can make it.” CK had both hands around him now, and somehow, Andy made it to the car. When CK had opened the door for him, he slumped sideways in the front seat, closing his eyes and just resting while CK did up his seat belt for him. He was so tired that he never wanted to get up again.

  “Where do you want to go?”

  Andy forced himself to open his eyes when CK let a gentle hand slide over his cheek.

  “Home. I want to go home.” He closed his eyes again.

  Apparently, CK remembered his address, because the man started the engine and drove off in silence.

  ***

  It was late in the morning before CK heard a pained sound from the bedroom. CK hurried in there to find Andy struggling to get up. Andy moved slowly and winced when he twisted his body.

  “Easy, now.” CK was at his side quickly, supporting him until Andy sat upright on the edge of the bed. CK sat down next to him.

  “I feel completely wrung out. How can half an hour of strapping do this to me?” Andy sounded exhausted.

  CK shrugged and stayed close. “That’s not exactly a mystery. First you took a harsh beating, and then you went through the wringer emotionally. And by the way, half an hour is way too long for a strapping. You’re lucky you’ve still got some skin left.”

  “Yeah, well,” Andy sounded exasperated, “I shouldn’t be this weak.”

  “As a matter of fact, you should.”

  Andy turned to CK, gasping a little when he moved.

  “Don’t turn like that; it’ll make your cuts open up.”

  Andy obediently stopped moving, but he was frowning. “I don’t get it; why should I be weak?”

  CK looked at him. “Because there would be something wrong with you if you didn’t react that way. It would mean that you were damaged.”

  Andy stared at CK for a moment; then he made a strangled sound and fought to get up, swaying when he managed to get upright. CK steadied him by his arms, making sure he didn’t fall. Andy was breathing fast, and he didn’t meet CK’s eyes.

  “Are you okay?” CK held on, not touching Andy more than that, giving him space to breathe.

  Andy tried to push his way past CK, but he wasn’t strong enough. CK moved, though, supporting his not quite steady walk out of the bedroom. In the living room, Andy stopped, looking around as if he didn’t know what he was doing there.

  “Come on, let’s get you a shower.” CK gently led him toward the bathroom.

  Andy shook his head. “I can’t. My back...” He still followed CK, though.

  “I’ll help you. It’ll make you feel better.”

  Andy let CK lead him to the bathroom, standing in the middle of the room while CK got the water running. He made one of those small sounds again when CK bent down to get his boxers off him.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful.” CK eased the boxers off, making sure they didn’t touch Andy’s buttocks on the way down. The sub was shaking, even though he was doing his best to hide it.

  “You’re okay.” CK helped him into the tub, turning the valve so that the water came from the shower hose rather than the showerhead. CK stripped down to his own boxers and stepped into the tub, reaching out for the hose. Andy startled, his trembling more pronounced now.

  “I’m only going to use it on your front and on your legs.” CK checked the temperature, turned down the water a little, and let the spray fall on Andy’s chest. The sub looked away, the insecurity clear on his face.

  “Just your front and legs,” CK repeated. There was no point in telling Andy to relax; that would just be another demand the man couldn’t follow. Instead, CK kept his movements slow and steady, showering Andy’s chest, stomach and legs. Little by little, the trembling subsided.

  CK put down the hose and took a loofah, lathering it up. He let it slide over Andy’s body, careful not to let the soap get in contact with the wounds on Andy’s back. He didn’t avoid the man’s genitals, but carefully washed everything, even if it got him another of those little sounds he had come to recognize as Andy’s only way of verbally conveying surprise or embarrassment.

  After sluicing away the soap, CK pulled off the bandages. “Your back is okay. There’s only one cut that hasn’t closed up yet, and it doesn’t look infected. You can have a real shower tomorrow.” He turned off the water.

  After patting Andy dry, CK quickly dried himself after removing his wet boxers and found some sweatpants in Andy’s closet. They were light and wouldn’t hurt Andy. He borrowed a pair himself, too.

  “Go lie on the couch; I’m going to redress your wounds.” Andy obediently padded out of the bathroom; he looked slightly more settled now.

  CK found him on the white couch in the living room, lying on his stomach, head on a pillow. CK
sat next to him, carefully cleaning the open wound and dressing all of them; it would keep the scabs from catching on Andy’s clothes or sheets. After finishing up, CK sat on the floor, leaning on the couch and watching Andy.

  “So, you want to talk?” CK interrupted himself before Andy could answer. “Okay, I didn’t put that the right way; I get the impression that you don’t like to talk about this at all. Am I right?”

  After a little pause, Andy nodded. He had closed his eyes.

  “Still, I think you should.” CK put an arm on Andy’s, just letting him know that CK was there. “Do you do a lot of hard scenes like yesterday?”

  Andy shrugged. “Some.”

  “Why?”

  Andy sighed, but he seemed to realize that CK wouldn’t leave him alone. “I want the flying. I want to get away.” He pushed his head a little deeper into the pillow. “I guess I haven’t done it the best way.”

  “Haven’t you had anyone who’s made you find your subspace before?”

  “What’s that?” Andy opened his eyes.

  “Your subspace?” CK was puzzled by the question. He’d thought that was what everybody was after in a scene. Andy nodded.

  CK found that he actually had to think about the answer. He had helped a lot of subs find their subspace, but he had never had to describe their state of mind before. “Well, it’s a bit like the high you get after a beating, but you can be in it for hours, and you can get there by all kinds of submission.” And it was beautiful.

  “Like when you kissed me?” Andy blushed a little, but he kept watching CK.

  “Yeah, like that. It was really hot.” CK didn’t hide what he felt about that scene.

  Andy’s cheeks got even redder, and he closed his eyes again.

  “Haven’t you had a scene like that before?”

  Andy seemed to think. “Not really.”

  CK sighed inwardly. This was like pulling teeth. “What do you mean by that?”