Moonlight Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery Read online

  “Are you trying to force me to arrest you?”

  Her voice was eerily calm as she said, “You know we didn’t kill him. You know both of us better than that.”

  “All of the evidence points to you,” he growled.

  “Except the motive,” Emily replied. “Learned about those last time. I had a big fat motive for Dickhead. But neither of us have a motive for Sheldon. He was an irritating bug and that is all. His life plan was to steal Ingrid from you to get at her money. Wow,” she said sarcastically, “that sounds like a motive to me.”

  Gabe paused, closed his eyes, and said, “That’s on the phone?”

  “Probably. I only read a few of the texts.”

  “Why didn’t she tell me about them?”

  “Probably because she’s a big girl.”

  “Shit,” Gabe said. “Shit, shit, shit.”

  “You should probably decide how much you want her in your life,” Emily said with a sigh. “I’m going to tell you this right now. She likes you. Dare I say, likes you, likes you.”

  “Emily, we’ve been sleeping together for months. I think I’ve figured that out by now.”

  “Don’t avoid the issues. So while you’re solving this crime double-quick, you should remember that your partner’s wife was sleeping with Sheldon. Your partner has easy access to a gun and a far bigger killer instinct than Ingrid. Oh, and Maria has a motive. And probably anyone else that he was screwing over. Knowing Autumn’s skanky ways, you can add her to the list. And if you think you’ll be able to actually arrest me or Ingrid, you’ve got another thing coming.”

  “Did you just threaten me?’

  Emily rolled her eyes. “My aunt is the leader of the coven here. She knows we didn’t do it. And she knows you know we didn’t do it. The reality is every bit of the evidence for us can be easily destroyed, and you’ll be left with an unsolved crime.”

  “I will arrest you.” He paused for a long minute before he said, “Both of you. If I have to.”

  “I suggest you just solve the crime for real.”

  Gabe actually growled at her. She grinned and saluted and went to find Ingrid, wondering if Gabe had caught the little wounded sound she made and how much weight they were going to gain while Ingrid got over Sheriff Hotpants.

  “Why do you even like her?” Emily asked, turning back.

  “She makes me happy,” he said. “And I know where I stand with her.”

  “Oh my gosh, did you drink the coffee in the orange thermos?” His shining eyes and flushed cheeks said he had. Emily winced before she said, “We did not truth serum you on purpose.”

  “I am going to kill you,” he said carefully as he realized he’d been working as a cop while also being incapable of lying or even evading the truth.

  “Do you love her?” Emily asked.

  He didn’t answer.

  Was that an answer? Emily wasn’t sure, but even if it was, she wasn’t going to tell Ingrid he wouldn’t say it.

  This felt all too much like Harrison, and that made Emily want to knee Gabe hard in the nads.

  Ingrid was not crying when Emily got to the car, but her cheeks were very red and her eyes were very bright.

  “Seattle?” Emily asked. “Shopping? Maybe a new car? I hate the Camaro. Something yellow.”

  “I want yellow Mary Janes, too,” Ingrid said without looking at Emily. “To match the new car. And possibly something very, very sheer and lacy.”

  “You have a nice rack,” Emily said. “You should show it off. The boat leaves in ten minutes. We can make it.”

  Chapter 4

  A Storm Unleashed

  Wednesday Morning

  Emily and Ingrid stood on the deck of the ferry that plowed through the waters of the Juan de Fuca Straight, returning them to Sage Island after a weekend of shopping in Seattle. A long weekend. They’d left town on Saturday without their phones and now it was Wednesday morning. They’d dock in a few minutes and not a moment too soon. Emily watched her friend out of the corner of her eye and wondered how she was going to fix this. If she could fix it at all.

  They’d had some great moments in Seattle shopping downtown, hitting a coffee shop after every store for another hit of some magical fall-flavored coffee. Ingrid had insisted they act like tourists and visit the Seattle Underground and watch the fish being tossed about at Pike’s Place market. They’d had a luxurious dinner atop the Space Needle and enjoyed magnificent views. But Ingrid’s smile never reached her eyes.

  If Gabe would have been anywhere in the vicinity, Emily would have chucked him off the observation deck. Then she and Ingrid would have had a lovely dinner. If Ingrid was going to be miserable at the hands of this idiotic small town sheriff who didn’t know an innocent person when she slapped him upside the head, well then they may as well have the satisfaction of murdering the fortune-hunting bastard.

  Now that they were minutes from the island, minutes from a possible encounter with Gabe, Emily wasn’t sure what emotion was primary in Ingrid’s mind. Anger? Hurt? Sadness? It was like watching a version of that cartoon feelings movie Disney had put out. Ingrid had dragged her to see Inside Out when they were in the city this weekend, and by the end Ingrid was a hot mess of emotional chaos.

  “That was so great,” Ingrid had sniffed through her tears. “I love Joy. She is just happy all the time.” The angst in her voice turned into sarcasm on a dime. Ingrid’s emotions were all over the damn place. “She probably isn’t dating a complete moron. If she was, she’d be the sadness dove. Sad and miserable all the time. But me, I feel like anger right now. That red dove that is so pissed all the time. I just want to beat Gabe to death with my bare hands. No magic necessary.”

  Emily had just listened as Ingrid voiced the maelstrom of emotions that had been circulating through her body since Gabe had been such a phenomenal jackass at the nail salon.

  What a moron.

  As if Ingrid would not have done a better job of destroying evidence—if it mattered for real, they could be masterminds of the baddest of badass crime cover-ups. Gabe was mean. And nasty. And rude. And he said mean things that made Ingrid sad. And Emily enjoyed thinking about the way she’d pay him back for screwing with her friend.

  The island was within sight now. “Ingrid, I gotta pee. I’ll be right back.”

  Ingrid barely blinked, nodded slightly, but didn’t take her eyes off the ocean.

  Emily passed through the dining area of the boat and was nearly to the bathroom when she saw a poster she’d missed earlier.

  “Wanted In Connection with a Murder on Sage Island: Ingrid Pickford and Emily Brown”

  Son of a Bitch. He really was a grade A super jerk.

  She forgot the need to pee. Ingrid needed to see this. Maybe a little more anger to pull her out of the funk she’d been in for the entire boat ride was just the thing.

  Emily returned to the deck and grabbed Ingrid by the arm. “Come with me. You have got to see this.”

  Emily watched Ingrid digest the Wanted poster. Her jaw dropped, she looked at Emily, and then back to the poster.

  “No, he did not.”

  There was a long pause. Emily couldn’t wait to see what Ingrid’s reaction was going to be once this information had sunk in.

  Finally, Ingrid turned to look at Emily. Her eyes burned with fury and her cheeks were flushed. A cold, evil smile spread across Ingrid’s face, not reaching her eyes.

  Yep, it was on.

  “I’m gonna need you to go ahead and drive me to the police station when we arrive on the island, Em. I’ve got a sheriff to handle.”

  Then Ingrid was silent.

  She didn't speak again while they disembarked or as they walked to the car. Ingrid didn’t so much as cough in the car on the way to the police station. Emily was thrilled to see Ingrid channel her anger into violence. It was, after all, the very best way to bury unwanted emotions.

  Give him hell, Ingrid, Emily thought to herself and didn’t work to suppress her smile.

  Gabe was gonna get it.

  •••

  Emily followed the thundercloud that was Ingrid through the halls of the police station. As soon as Ingrid was done with Gabe/super-jerk, she was going to cause him physical pain. Ingrid would crush his heart and his soul, Emily would break his body. All the things she’d wanted to do to Owen before he so rudely died, she would do to Gabe.

  Gabe and Kevin rounded the corner and Ingrid froze. For a second. Then she lifted her chin and walked straight toward Gabe.

  “Sheriff, I understand that I am wanted by the police. How can I be of service, you stupid piece of rude, evil, badge-holding jerk dove?”

  Emily held down the giggle that threatened to erupt when she saw Gabe’s face blanch at Ingrid's words and tone. He knew he was in deep. So deep. Emily would give Ingrid some time alone with the doomed sheriff. She turned her attention to the new deputy.

  “Officer, I haven’t bothered to learn your name, why don’t we give them a minute.”

  Kevin looked at Ingrid, then at Gabe who nodded, before replying to Emily. “Yes, Miss Brown, I’d like to ask you some questions.”

  “Lead the way.”

  Kevin led Emily into a small interrogation room, maybe the one she’d been interviewed in when her idiot ex-husband turned up dead, and she sat down before he told her to.

  “I’m glad you two decided to turn yourselves in.”

  “Uh, yeah. You’ve got the wrong idea. I can see you are just as smart as Sheriff Blind and Stupid. We are not turning ourselves in. My best pal Ingrid is in the hallway telling your boss what a colossal fool he is. After which, I’ll be adding my two cents. What’s happening right here with you and I, we are giving her privacy.”

  “I think Gabe has a different plan for the next few
minutes. Your friend is in a lot of trouble, Miss Brown. She has tampered with evidence, contaminated a crime scene, fled the area when she was a prime suspect. I think the sheriff has realized that he cannot be romantically involved with someone like Ingrid.”

  Okay, yeah. Now it was on. “Listen up, you tiny, arrogant prick. First of all, the sheriff would be lucky to be loved by someone as incredible as Ingrid. He would know that if he pulled his head out of your ass for five minutes. Secondly, you're a dick. Finally, you should be more worried about the woman in your life, rather than who the sheriff chooses to spend his time with.”

  “Keep my wife out of this. She has nothing to do with this.”

  “Oh no,” Emily said, injecting a dripping sweetness into her voice. “Why, you must be dumber that I had first thought. Which is saying something because I already assumed you were dumber than a box of rocks. I wonder what the downgrade of that would be? Maybe a box that was empty. Dumber than an empty box. Hmmm…no that doesn’t really have a good ring to it. I’ll think on that for now. Anyway, Deputy Dumbass, your wife has exactly everything to do with this murder case since she was sleeping with the victim and has been for years. Sheldon was on the island for a booty call. That and to try to profess his love for my friend Ingrid in there.”

  Emily nodded her head in the direction of the hall and watched as her announcement settled on to Kevin the Moron.

  “Yeah, so. Speechless, right. Clean up your own house, you idiot. And leave my friend out of it. If I so much as a hear a whisper from you about the ‘type of girl’ Ingrid is, I’ll pull on my big girl witch panties and you will never know what hit you. Just because we choose to be casual in our use of witchcraft doesn’t mean we have to. Don’t screw with us, Deputy. We have a whole coven of badass witches who, to this point, have aided the police department. Don’t get on our bad side.”

  She stormed out of the interrogation room and marched outside to wait by the Camaro for Ingrid. She knew as soon as Ingrid was done reading the sheriff the riot act, she’d storm out to the car. They had a similar leaning toward dramatic exits.

  •••

  Ingrid swallowed on a dry throat as Kevin and Emily left. She didn’t need to read minds to know that Gabe was about to dump her. The big question was why was her heart pounding in her throat.

  “Ingrid,” Gabe started, stretching his neck.

  She didn’t say anything. She breathed in through her nose and out through barely parted lips, not making a sound. How had she let this happen? She’d spent the last four days missing Gabe so bad it hurt physically.

  “I was worried about you,” he said softly. “I couldn’t find you and I didn’t know where you were. Someone was just murdered, and you disappeared. If Hazel hadn’t said you were all right…”

  He ran his hands through his hair. She loved his hair. Loved to run her hands through it. To rub her cheek against it when he sat on her couch. She loved the way it blew in the wind and the way it smelled fresh out of the shower.

  This was going to hurt so very much.

  “What then?” she asked. She wanted to hear him say she mattered.

  But he didn’t.

  Of course he didn’t tell her that she mattered. That he loved her. None of the things she thought she might want to hear. Where had all these feelings come from?

  Instead he snapped his mouth closed, and she could see the muscle tick in his jaw.

  “What then, my pretty?” She kept her voice light and frothy.

  He didn’t smile. He didn’t meet her eyes. He didn’t…anything. He didn’t touch her. He didn’t run his fingers through her ponytail. He didn’t lean in for a quick kiss. Or a long, gasp-inducing one.

  He just didn't.

  “You know I didn’t do this,” she said, the pain of all the things that weren’t happening stabbing her over and over again. Why had they been drinking? Why had they gotten lost? Why had they gone alone to the witch thing? Why had they buried that damn body instead of calling Gabe as soon as they’d found it.

  “I might suspect that you’re innocent,” he replied. “But that doesn’t mean that you’re making it easy for me to prove it.”

  At that comment, that insinuation that she might be guilty, she had to blow out a long breath before she could even control herself enough to reply. “And will you have to prove me as not the murderer of every murder that happens on the island?”

  “Ingrid!” His voice rose, and she wanted to slap him. How dare he talk to her like that? Oh gods, it was so like Harrison. That shout of her name, all irritated and frustrated. “The only murders in the last nine years are directly connected to you.”

  She swallowed again to prevent herself from shrieking like a fishwife. She wouldn’t be that person.

  “You buried the body. You fell on it. You left your DNA all over the crime scene and his car. You don’t have an alibi.”

  “I have Emily,” Ingrid said, watching his beloved face scoff at that reply. He looked at her then, because her voice was different than anything he’d heard before. Cold and brittle. Like she was. Like this was making her. Oh gods, she thought again, oh dove god. Why was she stupid enough to let herself feel about someone again?

  “We both know that Emily would do anything for you. She’d bury a body. Whatever was needed. Oh wait, she did bury a body for you.”

  “A body,” Ingrid said, “that I did not kill.”

  “But I have to prove that after you rolled around in the dirt with it and then buried it,” Gabe shouted.

  Well, what could she say to that anyway? He had a point. But she was finding it didn’t matter. Oh, how it didn’t matter. What mattered was how he was talking to her right now. What mattered was his disgust with her. She deserved someone who knew instantly that she was innocent and was determined to prove it without destroying her in the process.

  “Ingrid, we can’t be together. Not now.”

  Oh gods, there it was. She wanted to throw herself at him and beg him to not say those things. But she’d known it was coming, and she wasn’t going to be that woman. She didn’t need him. She didn’t need this. She didn’t know what she needed but it was not this.

  “Let me make something clear,” she said softly, steel in her voice. “I did not kill Sheldon Peters.”

  “Well, I’m not the only cop in this town, and I have to prove that. I can’t do it while we’re together.”

  “Do you believe me?”

  “Of course I do, but Ingrid…”

  That hadn’t been very heartfelt. She could understand it of anyone but him. He had a key to her apartment. He slept in her bed more nights than not. He held her in the dark. He could not be those things anymore. Not after destroying her like this.

  “So you’re dumping me because others think I did it.”

  “Of course they do,” he shouted. “You practically licked the body. For the love of all that is holy, Ingrid, you have destroyed any chance I had of not looking like a moron.”

  She stared at him, and he flushed, stepping back.

  “Because I’m stupid? I’m the spoiled little housewife widow? How many people are accusing me of poisoning Harrison now.”

  Gabe flushed brighter.

  “Oh, are you investigating that then, too?” The anger was so hot it was burning away the rush of hurt. The hurt was left, but it was the deep lasting wound and the fury made it manageable.

  “We have to cover our bases thoroughly, Ingrid. Please stay out of this.” At least he looked ashamed. Thank goodness she hadn’t told him that much about Harrison.

  “You are a bastard,” she said carefully. “You really did call the cops who investigated Harrison’s death, didn’t you?”

  “I’m not at liberty to discuss any part of the investigation beyond the questions I have to ask to ascertain what happened.”

  She smiled. It was the smile Emily would call Ingrid’s ‘evil, now it’s on’ smile. Her magic flowed into her, and she flicked her finger, sending him across the room and pressing him against the two-way glass.

  “Are they recording this?”

  He didn’t answer. He struggled against the unseen bonds, but how can you fight an enemy you cannot see when you aren’t a witch? You can’t. The evil smile was tilted across her face.

  She focused, and a scent of smoke filled the air. Goodbye recording, she thought. And probably very expensive recording equipment. The fire alarms should have gone off, but she didn’t want them to. She wasn’t finished.