Moonlight Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery Read online

  Emily waited without harassing her. Her best dove probably knew she was talking herself into coming inside.

  With a long deep breath, Ingrid opened the car door and then shuffled her way up the walk. This was not going to be good.

  “I want to go to the Canary Islands this time,” Ingrid whined as Hazel opened the door.

  Hazel was lovely, in her early sixties with straight, sharply cut hair, bright blue eyes, and creamy skin. The vitality in her, despite her age, flashed as she looked the two of them over.

  “We got lost,” Ingrid started with a distinct whine to her voice. “We didn’t mean to.”

  Hazel sighed. The sheer frustration in her expression made them wince as she said, “It was you who buried that body. Your aura is screaming it.”

  “We were drinking,” Emily wailed. “We thought we killed him.”

  “He was shot,” Hazel said, opening the door. She did not seem amused in the least. Not that Ingrid could blame Emily’s aunt. They’d barely not gotten arrested for that last murder.

  “Is Autumn here?” Ingrid whispered, trying to look past Hazel’s shoulder, but the doorway behind was dark, masking whoever was inside.

  “No,” Hazel replied. “Thank goodness. But Saffron and Kay are.”

  “Suck,” Emily whispered loudly before easing past Hazel.

  Kay was one of elders of the coven. Hazel was the leader. But Saffron was one of the most powerful witches the coven had—and she was Emily and Ingrid’s age. She was all that Hazel thought the two friends should be. In addition to being learned in magic, Saffron was quiet, responsible, and kept to herself, but power glowed from her so brightly even Ingrid could sense it.

  “We brought boozy coffee,” Ingrid said bluntly, hoping that the offerings would at least ease the afternoon.

  “And food,” Emily added. “Naughty, fattening food with chocolate on the inside.”

  “You should stop drinking entirely.” Hazel shooed them inside. “But I do like your boozy coffee. Come on, I can sense death on you two. It’s like you’ve been rubbing up against ghosts.”

  “Ew,” Emily and Ingrid said together.

  “Please make that image leave and never come back again,” Ingrid added. “We don’t deserve to keep coming across murders. We didn’t kill Dickhead even though he deserved to be murdered by Emily. And we didn’t kill Sheldon even though he was really bugging me.”

  Hazel cleared her throat as she processed that they knew who the victim was and that Ingrid knew him. The elder looked at the two of them as if she could not believe she had been saddled with such idiots. She had, Ingrid thought, a point.

  “I was just leaving,” Saffron said. She walked towards the door, looked Emily and Ingrid over carefully and paused. “But I can stay if you need my help.”

  “Kay and I can cleanse their aura,” Hazel said. “That’s a start. You don’t need to hear whatever excuses they have for this…this…”

  “There isn’t a word for being as dumb as we are sometimes,” Ingrid said. “Remember when we graduated from college with honors and had life skills?”

  “No,” Hazel and Emily said together.

  “Take baked goods and coffee and never tell.” Emily shoved the pink pastry box at Saffron. Emily then turned to Ingrid and added, “You were a spoiled housewife who only had to deal with ivory tower types You don’t have life skills, you have…totally useless, dead in ten minutes of the zombie apocalypse, the first to go down in a horror movies skills. You’re the one the hot guy remembers as he slays the zombies. You’re the reason for his anger.”

  “Oh,” Hazel said, “you are definitely the reason for poor Gabe Tate’s anger.”

  “Shut up,” Ingrid replied, sitting down at the bar in the kitchen and laying her head on the counter. “I don’t want to think about that.”

  “You’re going to have to,” Hazel said. “Go to the garden and get some sage for the spell.”

  Ingrid looked at Hazel blankly.

  “Are you kidding me?” the older woman asked.

  “Um, we just used canned stuff. From the grocery store,” Ingrid replied. She caught Emily frantically shaking her head and said, “What? You knew we were supposed to use garden stuff? I don’t like gardening. Or dirt. Or…having to know things.”

  “You are a terrible witch,” Hazel replied. “I am honestly shocked that you can do the magic you do. And your coffee magic and shoes and fine lines is expert work. Half the witches in the coven cannot do those spells, but you can. Why?”

  Ingrid shrugged and said, “You should just call my mom and tell her your frustration. She needs someone to vent about me with. I can give you her number. She might come at Christmas. Maybe. I have a sister who is good at magic and what not. Mum usually goes there.”

  “I can’t imagine why.”

  Ingrid pretended to wince, but Hazel knew them well enough to not buy it. “I’ll get the herbs. You two should come outside. It’ll be better there anyway.”

  “Don’t you need a full moon?” Emily asked “That one time we tried, we needed a full moon.”

  “Are you referring to the time you set yourselves on fire?” Hazel’s voice was dry, and she didn’t spare them a withering glance.

  “Just Emily,” Ingrid said, following them outside. “I was fine.”

  Ingrid and Emily were placed in the center of a ring of stone. Emily leaned closer and said, “I guess they don’t need the moon.”

  “Shhh,” Ingrid said with a grin. “The doves have ears.”

  “And magic that works,” Emily stage-whispered. “They could do things to us.”

  Hazel and Kay ignored them and walked around the circle in opposite directions. They were talking, but in another language. It made Ingrid’s head hurt to try to pay attention, so she just stared up at the clouds and wondered how mad Gabe was going to be and if her relationship was over.

  Suck, she thought, he was totally going to dump her. He was going to dump her so hard.

  “We’re going to have to solve this,” Emily said when the chanting was over. Ingrid had to admit she felt better. They were still completely and totally screwed, but she felt more hopeful about it.

  “Your best chance,” Hazel said as they returned inside, “is to let Gabe solve it and be straight with him.”

  Ingrid winced.

  “They’re not going to do that,” Kay said. “Obviously.”

  “Hey,” Emily replied. “We solved Dickhead’s murder.”

  “Ummm,” Ingrid said, feeling the lie of that.

  “You survived Dickhead’s murderer is more accurate, I would say.” Kay replied. “I have to go. I suggest that you listen to your aunt. But good luck.”

  She took her bag and an eclair and left. Papa Pandolfi did make wonderful pastries and magic burned a good amount of calories.

  “We can do this.” Emily pulled down plates and took one of the chocolate-filled croissants.

  Ingrid poured herself coffee. She couldn’t eat. She didn’t know what to do. All these feelings were not her style. This felt like the old days with her husband, Harrison. She didn’t want to go back to being overwhelmed in emotions. She wanted to spend time with those she loved and nap and enjoy her life.

  Damn it.

  “Since I know you are not going to listen to me,” Hazel said. “I’ll just go straight to saying, I agree with Kay. However, you should probably fumble your way towards Kevin Sullivan, Tia Sullivan, and Maria Peters.”

  Emily and Ingrid gasped.

  “Kevin is Gabe’s new deputy,” Ingrid said. “That’s too hard. He’d know what we were doing. It’s not like we can break into his house like we did Autumn’s.”

  “Yes,” Hazel said. “That’s why you should tell Gabe and let him solve the crime. Like he did last time.”

  Ingrid frowned. “But if it gets solved right away, ” she said, “Maybe he won’t kill me. Or dump me.”

  Hazel frowned, saw Ingrid was serious and said, “You cannot bury bodies and expect Gabe to just let it go. But I will say this and mean it. That man is smitten with you.”

  Ingrid sighed. They had buried a body. Cops didn’t just get over things like their girlfriend’s burying bodies. She laid her head back down on the counter. But, she thought, it might be less of a problem if the crime was solved very, very fast. All doves on deck and whatnot.

  “So, why Tia?” Emily asked. She had pulled out her phone and was taking notes.

  “Do you two know anything?”

  “Coffee,” Ingrid replied instantly. “Shoes. Vacation locations. Um…”

  “We’re gaining a fair amount of experience with bodies and also different types of cars,” Emily added.

  “Emily knows about setting things on fire for booty calls.”

  “I do not need to know that.” Hazel rose and poured herself more coffee. “But everyone knows that Tia and Sheldon have been having a fling for years. If Kevin found that out, I’d say that he’d have a motive. And of course Tia does since she’s married and sleeping with Sheldon.”

  “Ew,” Ingrid said. “He was totally trying to get in with me by sending me random sexts and he was going after Tia at the same time? I bet every time he came to the island to stalk me, he was also doing Tia. I don’t like her. That’s gross. It’s like cop incestuous.”

  “You’re contaminated now,” Emily said. “She needs her aura cleaned again. Stat.”

  “Isn’t Maria Peters his sister? Didn’t I know her when I was dating Sheldon?”

  “Brunette? Dark eyes? Chunky curvy?” Emily asked.

  “She’s nice enough,” Hazel said. “But she and her brother have raging fights every time he comes to town.”

  “He is,” Ingrid said, “a total douche. That’s understandable.”

  “
Yup, I like her already.” Emily flung her hair and shoved her plate away. “Well Sherlock, let’s solve this crime, go out for lasagna, and see if we need to have a wine and ice cream binge or if Gabe will forgive you.”

  “He’s going to arrest us.”

  Hazel cleared her throat and said, with a scowl, “I’ll prevent that much from happening. Hiding a body is a crime, but honestly, it isn’t like you killed him. I won’t see my niece and my adopted niece in jail for being idiots. Even though you deserve it.”

  “What is that going to cost Ingrid?” Emily asked.

  “I’ll send you a bill. And you’ll be riding with others in the coven to the next event.”

  “I don’t know,” Ingrid said over her shoulder as they walked to the front door. “I feel like this is your fault for trying to reform us anyway.”

  A jolt of something hit them both in the butt at the same time. They yelped and hurried to the car before Hazel decided to strike again.

  •••

  Ingrid and Emily got back in Ghosty. “Let’s see if we can find Sheldon’s car, Ingrid.”

  “Yeah, okay. If this damn car will cooperate.” Ingrid looked out the window for the moment. “Where should we start looking for him?”

  “Maybe his car is near where we found his body?”

  Ingrid nodded.

  “Okay, let’s head out. Hazel said he drives a dark blue Chevy pickup. Super tinted windows. There’s a giant Seahawks sticker on the back window. Like, giant. She thinks he had it airbrushed on or something.”

  They weren’t disappointed. While his truck wasn’t near where his body was found, they happened upon it on their way out to the woods. Ingrid spotted it in an alleyway just as they were on their way out of town.

  “There it is. Pull in there, behind him. We’ll just check it out, and then we can leave an anonymous tip for Gabe.”

  They approached the truck slowly, as though expecting a dead body to jump out at any time. “It’s unlocked, Em.”

  “Don’t—” But Emily was too late. She sighed, “Ingrid. Did you just leave your fingerprints on the car of the guy you used to date who had the hots for you and was coming to the island to hook up with you?”

  “I’m not a total idiot, Emily,” Ingrid said. “I used my sweater. And I brought a plastic baggie for evidence collecting.”

  “What evidence do you think you will find?”

  “Jackpot,” Ingrid shrieked. “A condom wrapper. Maybe the murderer’s fingerprints will be on this wrapper.”

  She scooped it up with the edge of her sweater and then bagged it. “I’ll give it to Gabe when I see him later.”

  They looked through the cab of the truck but didn’t see anything else out of place. “I don’t see anything more.”

  “Good, let’s get out of here. I’ve got to get even the idea of this condom wrapper off of my hands. Time for a pedicure, yeah?”

  “Gladly,” Emily pronounced. They got back in the car and drove to Kimmie’s. “We might just stay out of jail, Ingrid.”

  “Of course we will. I never doubted it,” Ingrid lied jubilantly.

  •••

  Emily and Ingrid walked into the nail salon and saw Maria Peters getting a manicure. Ingrid sighed. Great, she thought. Speaking of the devil. Sheldon’s sister. That’s convenient. And sort of annoying.

  “Oh hey,” Maria said as the doorbell rang above the nail salon door, “It’s my brother’s lost love.”

  They sat in the pedicure chairs making themselves at home. Kimmie would get to them eventually. Ingrid was looking at her phone and when she looked up she found Gabe’s eyes on her. Oh shit, she thought. The look he was giving her was furious. She hadn’t seen that…well, ever. And he didn’t even know yet what they’d done. Maybe. Maybe he’d seen the wine bottle.

  “Hey, Maria,” Gabe said. “I heard you were here. I was hoping I could talk to you for a few minutes.”

  Ingrid swallowed. He knew who the body was. Did he know yet that she’d dated Sheldon?

  “Sure,” Maria said, happily. She held out her nails and said, “Go ahead.”

  “I was hoping we could talk privately,” Gabe said carefully.

  Maria must have caught something in his tone because she looked up with a worried expression. “Is something wrong?”

  “Well.” Gabe cleared his throat and said, “Yes. Why don’t we…”

  “Just say it,” Maria said. Her gaze was fixed on Gabe’s face, but anyone who was looking at her was putting together the same clues she had. Man in a cop uniform. Wants to speak to you privately. Something bad has happened. “Please.”

  “I really think…” Gabe began.

  “Just say it,” Maria demanded. “Please.”

  He took a deep breath and sat down next to her. “It’s your brother, Sheldon.”

  “Oh no,” she whispered.

  “He was found…dead.”

  She licked her lips, blood draining from her face and then said, “I…I…”

  She stood and darted to the bathroom. Kimmie followed, gaze concerned. Ingrid and Emily sat in silence.

  As soon as she was gone, Gabe turned on Ingrid. “What are you doing here?”

  “Getting our nails done,” Ingrid said. He knew her well enough to see her evading his question. He just hadn’t been paying attention before.

  “Don’t give me that,” he said, barely keeping his volume from going beyond them. “I don’t need you to dabble in this crime. I need you to stay out of it.”

  He was so angry, Ingrid was speechless. She hadn’t ever… He couldn’t just… Here it comes, she thought. Her eyes began filling with tears, and she realized that she didn’t just like him.

  “Stop it,” Emily said, standing and blocking his view of Ingrid. “We really are here to get our nails done. We didn’t know Maria was going to be here.’

  “So you weren’t at the mortuary? Dr. Jenkins saw you,” he hissed. “Don’t lie to me.”

  “Are you all right?” Emily asked. “You are really flushed.’

  “That’s called anger and too much coffee,” he replied. “Furious anger. The kind that makes me want to throttle the two of you idiots.”

  Ingrid stood, stepping out from behind Emily and said. “I am not an idiot.”

  Each word was precise and fury filled. She would not be treated this way. Not again.

  “I didn’t…”

  “Let’s just be clear,” Ingrid said. “I knew Sheldon. I dated him in college. He was texting me for weeks. We blew up the scene around the body using our magic and then buried him because we were totally drunk and freaking out. And before I could even start to tell you what happened, it was too late.”

  Gabe’s gaze was fixed on Ingrid, but his eyes widened as she confessed.

  Ingrid continued, “But I didn’t kill him. I don’t need to kill someone like that myself. But if I did, you can be assured that I would set them on fire or stab them in the throat.” She handed him her phone. “I know we screwed up. But, but…”

  What more was there to say? It was over; he just hadn’t said it yet. And she wasn’t going to be called an idiot. And damn it, this really was more than lust and like, and she couldn’t deal with it.

  She just couldn’t deal with being in love with someone who didn’t love her back.

  Not again. She stormed out of the salon.

  •••

  Emily watched Ingrid leave the salon and turned toward Gabe. “Speaking of stabbing people in the throat and setting them on fire, I would like to do that to you,” Emily said, getting up in his face.

  “You buried the body?”

  “We were in the woods, we tried to do magic, it was dark. We were drunk. We’re idiots. Like you said.”

  “Yes,” Gabe said. “Shit.”

  “But you said that.” Emily said. “Just so you know. Probably the worst thing you could have said to Ingrid.”

  “You buried a body,” Gabe whispered back, glancing over his shoulder to make sure no one heard. “You buried a body. After covering it with your own DNA.”

  “We also searched his car.” She pulled at the condom wrapper in the baggie they’d put it in and said, “So there’s that.”