Selections from the Art of Party Crashing in Medieval Iraq Read online

  "Seven things by which the pleasure and happiness of the guests can be increased are: if the host of the banquet is generous and magnanimous and openhanded, and never asked for anything he doesn't give. If the doorman is witty and understanding, and the house manager, or steward, is intelligent and cultured, and guides the people to their seats and arranges them, and the cook is good at his job and has clean hands, and the serving boy is intelligent and laughs with the guests, encouraging them to eat, and when the people whom you love and who love you are seated at the table, eating together with you, and nobody troublesome or repulsive comes and jostles or annoys you, but your intelligent friends who understand you come, and are generous with you and honor you and insist that you eat more, and their joy appears in their faces. I pray to God for these men and their offspring.

  "It does not behoove you to despise anyone except the stingy, the low, or those with a flaw in their genealogy, but a gathering with good singers and wine is like someone relating a story to an eager audience."

  205

  He said:

  I heard Bunan say, "If you are invited to two parties, go to the one closer to you."

  206

  Al-Khatib said, there is a tradition of the Prophet similar to this, which was told to us by al-Hasan ibn `Ali al-Tamimi, that Ahmad ibn Ja`far ibn Hamdan told us, `Abd Allah ibn Ahmad ibn Hanbal told us, my father related to me, `Abd al-Salam ibn Harb told us, Yazid ibn `Abd al-Rahman al-Dalani told me, on the authority of Abu al-`Ala' al-Awdi, on the authority of Humayd ibn `Abd al-Rahman, on the authority of one of the companions of the Prophet, peace and prayers upon him, who said:

  If two people invite you, answer the one who is closest to you, for that one is your closest neighbor. If one of them asks you before the other, answer the one that asked first.

  207

  Abu Nu'aym al-Hafiz told us, `Abd Allah ibn Ja`far ibn Ahmad ibn Faris told us, Yunis ibn Habib told us, Abu Dawud told us, Shu'ba told us on the authority of Abu `Imran on the authority of Talha ibn `Ubayd Allah, on the authority of `A'isha, who said:

  "Prophet of God, I have two neighbors. Which of them should I head for more?"

  "Whoever's door is closer to you," he said.

  208

  Muhammad ibn `Ali al Jallab told me:

  Bunan heard a man say, "The Antichrist will emerge in a year of drought, bringing cakes of bread from Isfahan, rock salt, and asafetida of Sarkhas."

  "God help you!" he said. "This is a man who deserves to be heard and obeyed!"

  209

  Al-Rafiqi informed us, Ibn al-Sari told us, Ahmad ibn al-Hasan al-Muqri' told us:

  I heard Bunan the party-crasher say, "A friend of mine invited me to a party he was having for merchants. I asked him for some sweet butter paste, so he brought me some fruit butter, fresh and untouched by fire, along with flower sifted with two sieves, fine and coarse. It looked like gold filings in a crucible, with Arabic butter of Basra, in a large, burnished copper pot with a strong forearm. (The sign that the flour is cooked is that it says `Tuf tuf,' and the sign that the butter is cooked is that it says `Baq baq').

  "Then we were brought a polished wooden skull bowl, and he threw everything in and shook it until it was mixed. Then a large shallow pan was brought out to fry it in, and I spied in the middle a burial of butter.

  "A group of jokers were sitting with us who had not yet recognized me, and one of them took a bite, getting part of the butter.

  "`They were thrown in headlong, with the straying,' he said, and he pulled the butter closer to himself."

  "Another of them said, while all were digging in, `They heard it raging and sighing,' and he pulled the butter over to himself." The butter was dwindling.

  "`The ruined well and the lofty tower,' I remarked, and tore the butter away.13

  "Then another one said, `Did you tear it to drown its people? Truly you have done a shocking thing,' and he pulled the butter over.14

  "`We lead the water to a parched land,' I replied, and tore the butter away.15

  "`Two springs are gushing within,' said another, and pulled the butter toward himself."

  "`Two springs are flowing within,' I replied, and tore the butter away."

  "`We caused the water to gather as ordained,' said another, and pulled the butter toward himself."

  "`And then led it to a dead land,' I replied, and tore the butter away.19

  "I saw that no one was going to speak, and so I went on, `It was said, "0 Earth, swallow the waters," and "Clear, 0 Sky," and the waters subsided, the commandment was fulfilled, and it came to rest on the mountain, and it was said, "Begone, ye unrighteous!"' and I mixed the butter with what was left of the fruit paste.20

  "They laughed, and one of them began to choke, so everyone had to pound him on the back until the morsel went down. Thank God he was not harmed!"

  210

  Al-Rafiqi informed us, Ibn al-Sari told us, Ahmad ibn al-Hasan al-Muqri' told us, saying, I heard Abu `Abd Allah Husayn ibn Ja'far al-Kufi say to Bunan:

  Bunan the party-crasher related to me, "Muhammad ibn `Abd Allah ibn Tahir held a banquet. I went," he said, "and entered with those going in. We were heading for the best table, where the Bann Hashim were, and Muhammad ibn `Abd Allah called Bishr ibn Harun, his secretary.

  "`Damn it!' he said. `Who's the guy with the round cap ... I mean the one with a tall black hat on his head and a green mantle-the one I don't know?'

  "`My lord,' he said, `that man is called Bunan. He attends these banquets whether he is invited or not.'

  "`O Bishr!' said Muhammad ibn `Abd Allah ibn Tahir. `If he has eaten, bring him tome!'

  "When Bunan was fetched, Muhammad asked him, `Who you?' (meaning `Who are you?').

  "`May God extend the life of the prince!' he replied. `I'm the man who is attending these banquets whether I am invited or not.'

  "`Deliver your requests to me,' he answered.

  "`My lord,' said Bunan, `I request that you write a certificate for me saying that no one may join in this craft (or perhaps he said "profession") unless he is freed to do so by my hand.'

  "He wrote the document as described and ordered one hundred dinars be given to Bunan.

  "Abu `Abd Allah Ahmad ibn al-Hasan said, `I read the document, which was in the calligraphy of Bishr al-Nasrani."'

  211

  The judge Abu al-Qasim `Ali ibn al-Muhassin ibn `Ali al-Tanukhi related to me:

  Among the retinue of the Amir Bakhtiyar,1 known as `Izz al-Dawla, was a man named `Aliyyaka, who was a great party-crasher of military men (the gatekeepers, officers, and secretaries), and of the prominent members of the private class, as well as male concubines. Bakhtiyar got wind of this and ordained that `Aliyyaka should appoint a successor in party-crashing. He approached the scribe Abu Ishaq Ibrahim ibn Hilal al-Sabi with the task of writing this appointment for Ibn `Urs al-Mawsili on the authority of `Aliyyaka, making Ibn `Urs his successor in party-crashing. Abu Ishaq wrote the document for him in a humorous fashion and read it to us. This was the text:

  These are the tasks with which `Ali ibn Ahmad, known as `Aliyakka, entrusted `Ali ibn `Urs al-Mawsili when he deputized him, that he may thereby propagate his doctrine. `Aliyakka appointed al-Mawsili in order to preserve the practice of his art for the people of the city of Baghdad, the City of Peace, as well as to record what is to be obtained under party-crashing's auspices, both its core practices as well as its fringe elements.

  Al-Mawsili is appointed in recognition of his lack of shame, his aggressive social intercourse, his frequency of mouthfuls taken, and his stellar digestive ability. He is noted for his energetic pursuit of this little-known practice in which he excels, and this undercultivated art that he knows so well, for by its means he obtains the blessings of voluptuous food and physical pleasure. He is a frequent visitor of the well-to-do with variegated resources; God gave him power over rarities of foodstuffs, and gave him victory over marvelous delicacies, and he therefore takes a share of the goods as though he were a major investor
in their business. He charms his way through the door, making a surprising entrance, using methods that shall be laid bare by this document, as the righteous and proper mode of conduct shall be exhaustively detailed. May God grant me success, for to Him turn petitioners, and in Him we trust.

  I command the party-crasher to fear God, the most powerful, the fortified fortress, the unshakable pillar, the lofty mountain, the reinforced defense, the walled garden, and the blessed provision for the day of Resurrection, on which day none but a party-crasher shall obtain provision! I order him to declare his piety privately and openly, to be observant in his words and in his deeds, to make God's pleasure his goal, His reward his desire, nearness to Him his wish, and praising Him his purpose. Nor shall he with overhasty step stray from his Lord, lest he be faced with punishment and repining.

  I command him to contemplate party-crashing and its meaning, its purport and its methods, and to conduct his own scholarly investigation with original research, rather than mere imitation or citation. Many people find the practice truly despicable, and loathe the people who do it, accusing them of being mischievous and greedy, but some of these men are faulty in their reasoning and infelicitous in their speech. Some of them are also stingy with their money and hoard it with trickery. Both types are blameworthy, and neither denuded of the trappings of shame.

  There is another class of men who do not believe in private property; they spend their own wealth, and drain the wealth of others in the process. They think the best way to enjoy a dinner party is to attack the food, or at a drinking party to guzzle and steal drinks. They are most deserving of the name "noble," best suited for laudation, most appropriately deemed man's men, and the first to be called young knights. Their practice is known as party-crashing, and for men of intelligence there is no shame in it at all. The word is derived from the root tafala, which means evening and dusk, but parties can be crashed in both the front and the back part of the day, its beginning and its end, just as the sun and the moon are called "the two moons," but one of them is the moon, and just as Abu Bakr and `Umar are called "the two `Umars," but one of them is the `Umar.

  I command him to attend to the banquets of the noble and the notable at their hosted affairs, and the table spreads of commanders and viziers at their palaces, and thereby to avail himself of easy booty, and gain access to rare delicacies. By seeking out these men, he may hit upon some exquisite foods, the delights of the palate, marvelous eatables, tasty to the gullet. One finds that sort of thing with those sorts of people, and nowhere else.

  I command him to attach himself to a rich trader, or to a wealthy city merchant throwing a housewarming feast or an inn-warming feast. These people heap favors on themselves for special occasions, though they are tightfisted in their regular affairs.

  I command him to befriend the house stewards and their overseers, and keep company with the kitchen managers and their porters. They hold their employers' feasts and drinking parties by the reins and can turn them to the advantage of cohorts and acquaintances. The partycrasher is fortunate in their company, he benefits from their friendship, and his desires are fulfilled in their vicinity.

  I command him to attend the merchants' markets and the vendors' fairs. If he sees a large food purchase being made, and somebody jostling to buy provisions, let him follow the purchases to their intended destination and to the house that will receive them. Let him discover the time set for the feast and the gentlemen of leisure who will attend. Without fail, one of these gentlemen will know him, so he can learn the time of his departure and follow him out, waylay him, accompany him, and ultimately go in with him. Barring that, he may commingle with a group of people entering the party. All he has to do is pass through the door and circumvent the authority of the guard and the gatekeeper. Thus, he gains access to what few have gained access to and declined, unless they were already stuffed with food and bleeding wine.

  I command him to install spies where singers and entertainers, dykes and cross-dressers live. When these people get news of a party, they go together, or if they get news of a banquet, they all gather there. He must spur his camel on and wear his mount thin getting to this party. He must attack like a devouring whale, a swallowing serpent, a ravaging lion, or the eagle when it strikes.

  I command him to avoid poor commoners' parties, troops of the no-good ragtag, not to take one step in their direction, nor part his lips for their food, nor bring his bag of tricks to their doorstep, nor count a man among them a gentleman. Their band combines narrow-mindedness with narrow means, piddling property with paltry power. It is a disgraceful injustice to sponge off of these people, and an insult to the honor of the party-crasher. So avoiding it is best and refraining from it most advisable.

  I command him to render an accurate account of what is laid out on the table, and of the food that is there transmitted, until, by means of estimation and approximation, exploration and investigation, he knows the number of dishes, many or few, and their varieties, toothsome and delicious. He thereby enables himself to fill his stomach with the last of them and feel sated just as the meal ends. Whether there is a little or a lot, let his portion never escape him. Let him miss nothing, whether trivial or sublime. When he perceives that the food is scanty and insufficient for the crowd, let him devote himself with shrewd attention and discernment in the matter, and fill his stomach with both hot and cold. He who does so will be safe from the consequences that fall upon amateurs. Those who play coy and politely eat lightly think that the repast will last them until the end of their hunger and finish them in the outer limits of satiety. But it is not long before they are smitten with the discombobulation of a lover and find themselves aching with disappointment. May God preserve us from such a state and guard us from this distressing fate!

  I command him to train himself, to redirect his emotions, and ignore what would annoy him; let it pass. Let him feel it best to turn a deaf ear to an obscene insult and to disregard a rude remark. If someone jostles him away, let him patiently wait to receive what is his right. If a smack falls on his head, let him pretend not to notice, so as not to lose his molar's favorite grazing ground. If he meets a snob, let him face him with kindness and serenity. If he penetrates the gates, mingles with the crowd, sits with those present, and blends with the congregation, he will inevitably encounter some disapproving soul, someone who notes that his face is unfamiliar. If this person is modest and high-class, he will hold his tongue, deeming speaking out beneath him. But if this person is a rude, boorish man, he will clear his throat and begin to tell all. Should this happen, the party-crasher must avoid being rude and use kindness with the speaker, thereby curbing his wrath, dulling his sword, and allaying his anger. But if, as time goes on, the others have looked on him again and again, and have grown accustomed to his face, and he comes to seem familiar to them, and they come to like him, then he achieves the same status as the others gathered there, who went through much more trouble to achieve it. We have heard that a man of this sort, a man of understanding and knowledge, intellect and discrimination, crashed a banquet of a very important person. The eyes of the crowd penetrated him, and suspicions ranged freely among them.

  "Who are you, may God give you strength?" one asked him.

  "I was the first one invited to this event," he said.

  "How can that be when we don't even know you?" someone asked.

  "If I see the owner of this house, he'll recognize me, and then I'll introduce myself!"

  They brought the owner of the house, and when the party-crasher saw him, he greeted him first, saying, "Didn't you tell your cook, may God give you support, to make more than enough food for the number of expected guests and more than the amount that they need to eat?"

  "Yes!" he said.

  "That excess is for me and those like me. By its means you support those of my calling. It is our daily bread granted by God through your hands. He works through you."

  "Welcome!" said the owner of the house. "Make yourself at home. May you s
it only with the highest-class people, among table companions and gentlemen. You spoke artfully and well. Let this man be a leader for us to follow and a guide who instructs us by example, God willing!"

  I command him to take many digestive aids, which relieve blockages, strengthen the stomach, render food more appetizing, and help process a meal. It bolsters his stamina, thereby improving the regulation of his humors. It calls him to nature twice; twice a day he will rise up after eating. The party-crasher who takes digestive aids is like the writer who sharpens his pens, the soldier who polishes his sword, the craftsman who whets his instruments, or the expert who hones his tools.

  This document was charged by `Ali ibn Ahmad, known as `Aliyakka, and he will hold you to the injunctions here laid out. He spared you herein no manner of guidance or success, refinement or cultivation, description or observation, incitement or reminder. Be by its decree counseled, by its restrictions curbed, by its illustrations guided, and by its memorization informed, if God so wills. Peace upon you, and the mercy and blessings of the Almighty.

  Editions and Translations of al-Khatib al-Baghdadi's Kitab al-tatfil

  L'arte dello scrocco. Translated by Antonella Ghersetti. Cantazaro: Abramo, 2006.

  Al-tatfil wa hikayat al-tufayliyin wa akhbaruhurn wa nawadir kalarnihirn wa ash`aruhurn. Edited by Bassam `Abd al-Wahhab al-Jabi. 1999. Reprint, Beirut: Dar Ibn Hazm, 2006.

  Al-tatfil wa hikayat al-tufayliyin wa akhbaruhurn wa nawadir kalarnihirn wa ash`aruhurn. Cairo: Maktaba alQudsi, 1983.

  Al-tatfil wa hikayat al-tufayliyin wa akhbaruhurn wa nawadir kalarihir wa ash`aruhurn. Edited by Kazim alMuzaffar. Najaf: Maktaba al-Haydariya, 1966.

  Al-tatfil wa hikayat al-tufayliyin wa akhbaruhurn wa nawadir kalarnihirn wa ash`aruhurn. Edited by Husam al- Din Qudsi. Damascus: al-Qudsi, 1927.

  Secondary Sources

  Bauer, Thomas. "In Search of `Post-classical Literature': A Review Article." Mamluk Studies Review 11, no. 2 (2007).