Selections from the Art of Party Crashing in Medieval Iraq Read online

  She entered the house that I was standing in front of, and my heart attached itself to her decisively, so that I couldn't get it free again.

  It was nothing but a moment until two beautiful young men passed the same way. They had a noble demeanor that showed their status, and they were both riding. They asked permission, and permission was granted them to enter.

  I was burdened by what love had grown in my heart for the concubine and by my anxiousness for her presence, so I obtained access to her by entering with the two young men. They thought I was invited by the owner of the house; the owner of the house thought that I was with them. Food was brought out, which we ate, and drinks were placed before us. Then the concubine appeared with an oud in her hand, and she seemed to me a beautiful concubine, and what was growing in my heart grew even more. She sang well, and we drank.

  I got up to urinate, and the owner of the house asked the two young men about me, and they replied that they did not know me. "This is a party-crasher," he said. But he was gracious, and his company embraced me as one of their number. I came and sat back down, and the concubine sang-one of my own melodies!

  She rendered the song beautifully, and drank. Then she sang more songs, some of which were my own compositions:

  And her command of this song was more excellent than the last. Then she sang more melodies, some ancient and some modern, and several of them were my own compositions and my own poetry:

  This song was the most exquisite of all, and I begged her to repeat it so that I could make sure she had it right. Then one of the two young men approached me and said, "I've never met a partycrasher more brazen than you-you're not content with crashing our party until you've bossed us around as well! This just proves the saying that party-crashers are bossy." I bowed my head and didn't answer. His friend told him to leave me alone, but he wouldn't let up.

  At that point everybody got up to perform the prayers, but I lingered behind. I picked up the concubine's oud and tightened its strings and tuned it properly, then I returned to my place and performed the prayers. Everybody came back. The young man tried to quarrel with me again, but I was silent. The concubine picked up her oud. She tested it, and she could feel that something was different.

  "Who touched my oud?" she said.

  "Nobody touched it," said the others.

  "But yes!" she exclaimed. "By God, somebody skillful has tightened its strings and tuned it in a way exactly appropriate to its design."

  Then I said, "I tuned it."

  "For Heaven's sake, my lord, take it and play it!" she said.

  So I took it from her, and I played it, beginning with a wondrous, difficult passage with some very moving finger-plucking bits, until people from all around had gathered to hear me play.

  They said, "For Heaven's sake, my lord! Do you sing as well?"

  And I said, "Yes! And I will also tell you who I am: I am Ishaq ibn Ibrahim al-Mawsili, and by God I've come here from the caliph! You have been abusing me all day because I trifled with you on account of this concubine, and by God I won't say another word nor sit with you until you expel that quarrelsome, wretched boor."

  I got up to leave and they hung on me, but I refused to turn back. The concubine caught up with me, and she hung on me as well, so I said, "I'm not sitting down unless they expel that quarrelsome, low-life loser!"

  His friend said to him, "I warned you not to try anything like this again," and he began to apologize.

  "I'll sit," I said, "but by God I won't sing a note with him here." So he took the youth by the hand and led him out. I sang the song of mine that the concubine had sung earlier, and the owner of the house was greatly moved.

  "Is there anything of mine that you'd like to have?" he asked.

  "Like what?" I asked.

  "Stay with me a month, and I'll give you the concubine and the donkey, along with the concubine's wardrobe."

  "I'll do it," I said, and stayed with him for thirty days without anybody knowing where I was. Al-Ma'mun asked for me everywhere, but nobody had any news of my whereabouts.

  When thirty days had passed, he released the concubine, the donkey, and the servant to me, with whom I returned to my household, which was in a pitiful state owing to my absence. Eventually, I rode to al-Ma'mun, and when he saw me he said, "Ishaq! Damn it, where were you?!"

  I told him and he said, "Show me this man immediately!" So I took him to the house. He was home, so al-Ma'mun asked him to tell the story again. He told it, and al-Ma'mun said, "You are a chivalrous man with chivalrous ways."

  He ordered that he be given a hundred thousand dirhams, and he said, "Don't associate with that low-life quarrelsome youth anymore."

  "God forbid, 0 King!" said the man.

  Singing-Girl

  Then al-Ma'mun gave me fifty thousand dirhams and said, "Bring me the concubine."

  I brought her, and she sang the caliph a song.

  He said to me, "I'd like to put her on a schedule where she sings every Wednesday from behind a screen with the other concubines," and he gave her fifty thousand dirhams. By God, she made a great profit from it too.

  95

  Ahmad ibn `Ali ibn al-Husayn al-Tawwazi told me, `Ubayd Allah ibn Muhammad ibn Ahmad ibn alMuqri' told us, Ja`far ibn al-Qasim told us, Ahmad ibn Muhammad al-Tusi told us:

  My father related to me that he heard Mukhariq the singer say,12 "I performed an act of partycrashing that cost the Commander of the Faithful, al-Mu'tasim, a hundred thousand dirhams."

  "How'd you do it?" someone asked.

  He said, "I drank with al-Mu'tasim from dusk to dawn, and when the morning came I said, "My Lord, might the Commander of the Faithful see his way to granting me permission to take a breather in al-Rusafa until he needs me again?"13

  "Okay," he said. He gave the command to the gatekeepers, and they left me alone.

  I began walking in al-Rusafa [said Mukhariq], when I saw a concubine who looked as though the sun were shining from her features, so I followed her.

  She had a basket of palm leaves, and she stopped at the fruit seller and bought a quince for a dirham, a pomegranate for a dirham, and a pear for a dirham. I continued following her until she turned around and saw me behind her.

  "Stay away, mister!" she said. "Just where do you think you're going?"

  "Behind you, my lady," I said.

  "Get back, you jerk," she replied. "If anyone sees you, you're dead!"

  Then she paused for a bit and looked me over.

  Then [said Mukhariq] she abused me twice as much as she had the first time, and she walked to a big door and went inside.

  I sat outside the door, and I daydreamed, and the sun went down. It was a hot day.

  But it wasn't too long before two young men came, looking pretty as a picture, riding on Egyptian donkeys. Permission was granted them to enter, and I went in with them. The owner of the house thought that I came with his friends, and his friends thought that the owner of the house had invited me. Food was presented, and everyone ate and washed their hands. Then the host said, "Would you like to see a girl?"

  "If you please," they replied.

  The concubine came out, looking straight ahead of her, with a slave girl carrying her oud. She placed the oud on her lap and she sang, and everyone enjoyed themselves and drank.

  "Who wrote that song, lady?" everyone asked.

  "Mr. Mukhariq wrote it," she replied.

  Then she sang another tune, and everyone enjoyed it-they enjoyed it even more than the last one.

  "Who wrote that song, lady?" they said.

  "Mr. Mukhariq," she replied.

  Then she sang a third song, and they enjoyed themselves and drank. Meanwhile, the concubine was glancing at me and feeling suspicious.

  "Who wrote that, lady?" they said, and she said, "Mr. Mukhariq."

  Then I lost my patience [said Mukhariq], and I said to her, "Concubine! Tighten your grip!"

  She tightened her grip, but began to lose her rhythm. I then asked for the oud, and I per
formed and sang the tune that she had first sung. Everybody leaped up and kissed my head.

  [My father said that Mukhariq had the best voice and was great with his "tool."]14

  Then I sang the second and the third songs, and they went wild and nearly lost their minds.

  "Who are you, my lord?" they asked.

  "I'm Mukhariq!" I said.

  "What's your purpose with us?" they asked.

  "Party-crashing, God keep you," I replied, and I told them my story.

  The owner of the house turned to his two friends. "As you know," he said, "I paid thirty thousand dirhams for that concubine, but she was undervalued by at least ten thousand, and I refuse to sell her for less than forty thousand dirhams."

  "We have twenty thousand dirhams each," said the two youths, and they made me her owner.

  Meanwhile, al-Mu'tasim was waiting. He had requested me at the commander's sons' house, and I hadn't come, so he was angry with me.

  But I stayed with the party for a time, and when I left I took the girl. When we came to the place where she had insulted me, I said to her, "Mistress, take back those insults you said to me," and she conceded and vowed to take them back. I held her hand until we came to the door of the Commander of the Faithful, al-Mu'tasim. I walked in with my hand in hers. When he saw me, he cursed and insulted me.

  "Don't be hasty!" I said, and I told him what had happened.

  Then he laughed. "I will compensate those men for you, Mukhariq," he said, and commanded that each man be given thirty thousand dirhams, and he gave me ten thousand dirhams.

  96

  Al-Husayn ibn Muhammad ibn al-Hasan alMu'addib told us, Isma'il ibn Ahmad al-Kashani told us, Muhammad ibn Yusuf al-Firabri told us, Ismail ibn al-Bukhari told us, Abu al-Rahman ibn Shayba told us, Ibn Abu Fudayk told me, on the authority of Ibn Abu Dhi'b, on the authority of al-Maqburi, on the authority of Abu Hurayra, who said:

  I was staying close to the Prophet of God in order to fill my belly at a time when I did not eat leavened bread, I did not wear silk, I had neither servant nor maid, I tightened my belt with stones, and I asked men to teach me verses of the Qur'an that I already knew so that they would invite me in and feed me.

  97

  Al-Hasan ibn Abu Bakr told me, Abu al-Fadl `Isa ibn Musa ibn Abu Muhammad ibn al-Mutawakkil `Ali Allah told me, Ibn Khalaf ibn al-Marzuban told me, Ahmad ibn Mansur related to us, `Abd Allah ibn Said ibn al-Husayn al-Kindi told us, Ismail ibn Ibrahim al-Tamimi told us, Ibrahim ibn Ishaq al-Makhzumi told us, on the authority of al-Maqburi:

  Abu Hurayra said, "I used to ask the companions of the Prophet about verses of the Qur'an that I already knew, just so they would feed me something.

  Kitten

  "Whenever I asked Ja'far ibn Abu Talib about a verse, he would never answer me until he had taken me back to his home and had said to his wife, `Hey, Asma'! Get us something to eat!' After she had fed us, he would answer me. Ja'far loved his neighbors, and was always sitting with them and sharing hadith with them."'

  98

  Abu Nu'aym al-Hafiz told us, Abu Ishaq Ibrahim ibn Muhammad ibn Hamza told us, Abu Ya`la (who is al-Mawsili) told us, `Abd Allah ibn `Umar told us, Muhammad ibn Fudayl told us, on the authority of his father, on the authority of Abu Hazim:

  Abu Hurayra said, "I was in extremely dire straits. I met `Umar ibn al-Khattab, and asked him to recite a verse for me from the Book of God. He went into his house and taught it to me. I walked a short distance away, and then fell on my face from hunger. Suddenly, the Prophet of God was standing by my head.

  "`Oh, Abu Hurayra!' he said.

  "`I am at your service, Prophet of God,' I replied.

  "He took me by the hand and raised me up. He saw what was wrong with me. He took me to his camel bag and gave me a bowl of milk, from which I drank.

  "`Again, Abu Hurayra,' he said.

  "I drank again, and continued drinking until I had filled my belly as full as a goblet. Later I saw `Umar, and explained to him what had happened.

  "`My trouble was resolved by one better suited than you to resolve it,' I said, `and what's more, I asked you to recite a verse for me that I knew better than you did!'

  "`I wish I had taken you in,' said `Umar, `more than I wish for a beautiful red camel."'

  99

  Abu al-Husayn Muhammad ibn al-Husayn ibn Ahmad al-Ahwazi told us, and he said, I heard alHasan ibn `Abd Allah al-Lughawi say, I heard Abu Bakr ibn Durayd say, I heard Abu Hatim say:

  Someone went out to visit a sick man on the edge of Kufa, and Abu Hanifa2 and Abu Bakr alHudhali3 met him, and he said, "We're visiting So-and-So."

  So they followed him to the sick man, visiting him, and Abu Hanifa said to Abu Bakr, "If we sit, he'll bring some lunch."

  So when they went in, they began talking, and Abu Bakr recited, "We will surely test you with something of fear and of hunger," to the end of the verse4

  The sick man got the hint, so he stretched out and recited, "It is not incumbent upon the weak or the ill" to the end of that verse.'

  "Get up," said Abu Hanifa. "You're not getting anything good out of him."

  100

  Abu `Ali al-Hasan ibn `Ali ibn `Abd Allah al-Muqri' told us, Muhammad ibn Ja`far al-Tamimi al-Kufi told us, Abu Muhammad al-`Ataki said, I met secretary Ahmad ibn Said al-Ta'i in Damascus, and he told me:

  101

  `Ali ibn Abu `Ali told us, Ibrahim ibn Ahmad ibn Muhammad al-Muqri' told us, al-Muzaffar ibn Yahya told us, Abu al-Hasan al-Asadi recited this to us:

  103

  Abu al-Hasan Muhammad ibn `Abd al-Wahid ibn Muhammad ibn Ja`far told me, Muhammad ibn Abd al-Rahim al-Mazini told us, Abu Ahmad al-Hariri told us, Ahmad ibn al-Harith al-Kharraz told us, Abu al-Hasan al-Madini told us:

  Abu Burda said to Ibn al-Sammak, "What do you say, 0 Abu al-'Abbas, about jawzinaj's light and flaky crust, and the power of its sweetness, drowning in sugar and oiled nuts?"

  He replied, "My God, what a description! Positively painful given the absence of what you describe. If the pastry were only here right now, I would savor its presence so much more than your description. But as it is not, please let us do without more description as we must do without the pastry itself."

  104

  The judge Abu al-'Ala' Muhammad ibn `Ali ibn Ya'qub al-Wasiti told us, Muhammad ibn Zayd ibn `Ali ibn Marwan al-Kufi told us, Muhammad ibn alQasim al-Anbari told us, my father related to me, Abu al-Nadr the jurist told me:

  I heard someone tell a story about al-Rashid and a member of his family arguing about faludhaj and lawzinaj,1 and which is tastier. Al-Rashid said, "We'll ask Abu al-Harith Jummayn'112 and so they went and got him. Al-Rashid said to him, "Hey, Abu al-Harith, what do you think about faludhaj and lawzinaj-which is tastier?"

  "0 Commander of the Faithful," he answered, "I cannot pronounce upon them in absentia." So al-Rashid said, "Somebody go get him some," and Abu al-Harith set to eating a great deal of faludhaj, and then a great deal of lawzinaj, until al-Rashid said to him, "Now tell us which is tastier. Choose one of the two."

  "0 Commander of the Faithful," said Abu al-Harith, "whenever I attempt to pass a verdict, the other begs me to consider its case once more

  105

  Abu al-Qasim al-Azhari told me, Muhammad ibn Sulayman ibn al-Khidr told us, Abu Ishaq Ibrahim ibn Ja`far al-Tustari told us, Ahmad ibn al-Hasan alBasri told us, Ahmad ibn al-Isbahani told us, Abu Bakr ibn `Abd Allah al-Isbahani said, al-Hasan ibn al-Sabah al-Nasa'i said:

  I paid Ja`far ibn Muhammad a visit, and he asked me, "What do you think about sweets?"

  "I will not judge an absentee," I told him.

  So he called for a four-legged polished conical bowl filled with lawzinaj and 7na`rul of a red rose water, almonds stripped of their shells, white sugar, all coiled in a pale honey, such that if you broke the lawzinaj, you could hear it creak like an Indian shoe, and when you put it in your mouth, it would crackle like iron just out of the bellows.

  And I said, "And your God is one God," and Yfar fed me one.'


  Then I said, "He sent to them two."4

  So he fed me a second. Then I said, "He fortified us with a third."5

  So he fed me a third. Then I said, "Then take four birds."6

  So he fed me a fourth. Then I said, "There is no secret conference of three, but He is their fourth, nor of five ..."'

  So he fed me a fifth. Then I said, "Say they were five, the dog being the sixth ..."8

  So he fed me a sixth. Then I said, "Seven heavens one above another."9

  So he fed me a seventh. Then I said, "Eight pairs ...."10

  So he fed me an eighth. Then I said, "Nine men ...""

  So he fed me a ninth. Then I said, "Ten in all..."i2

  So he fed me a tenth. Then I said, "I saw eleven stars.."13

  So he fed me an eleventh. Then I said, "Surely, the number of months with Allah is twelve months in Allah's ordinance."14

  So he fed me a twelfth, and I said, "If there be of you twenty steadfast ..."Is

  And he hurled the bowl at me and said, "So eat, you bastard," and I replied, "By God, if you hadn't thrown this bowl at me, I would have said, "And we sent him to a hundred thousand or more!""

  106

  Abu `Abd Allah al-Husayn ibn Muhammad ibn alHasan, brother of al-Khallal told me, Ibrahim ibn `Abd Allah ibn Ibrahim al-Shatti in Jurjan told me, Abu `Ali Shu'ba told us:

  The party-crashing chieftains in Basra were very dashing, sporting blue wraps in the summertime. One of these chieftains, called "Abu Malik al-Halik," was walking down Quraysh Lane on a Saturday evening, when he ran into Abu `Abd Allah Muhammad ibn Ibrahim ibn Ishaq. Muhammad ibn Ibrahim was sitting by the door and had just swept the sidewalk, because he was marrying the daughter of Husayn ibn Bishr alSabuni that Sunday. So Abu Malik said, "Hello" and "Congratulations," and then he said, "I heard that you're going to have a big feast tomorrow. If it's okay, I'm going to come to your house, eat at the banquet, and slip some food out for the kids."