Dianne's Destiny Read online

  The angst she managed to smother as a teenager roared back. She remembered feeling guilty because she was relieved to have her father gone. After he went to prison, her mother blossomed. She got a job as a bank teller. The two of them were happy until cancer took her life just before high school graduation.

  Realizing sleep wouldn’t be forthcoming Dianne climbed out of bed. She prepared hot chocolate, grabbed her laptop, and settled in to learn more about scrimshaw. Most articles focused on the art of scrimshaw and its relationship with whaling. Her doll didn’t seem to be large enough to have been harvested from an elephant or whale but it did have the carving on its chest.

  She glanced at the doll. Oddly, she was drawn to the thing as much as she was a little creeped out by it.

  ****

  The next morning, Dianne climbed out of the shower and twisted a towel around her head, then went in search of Jocelyn. She found her sitting on the floor leaning against the sofa with yearbooks spread around her. Two were open beside her and another lay on her lap.

  “Interesting, aren’t they? Especially after fifteen years,” Dianne said.

  Jocelyn patted the floor beside her. “I found several photos I want to ask you about. Especially this one.”

  “Which one?” Dianne settled next to her and leaned over to look at the photo she pointed at. “Oh, that one. That was me when I was fifteen and angry at the world. I glared at the photographer and his stupid efforts to get me to smile. It was before I knew Kip.”

  “And these. In all three books you and Kip received several honors. Cutest couple three years in a row. Honor societies. You were a rodeo queen and voted most likely to succeed. Why didn’t you ever tell me these things?”

  Dianne shrugged. “It was my past, I didn’t like to talk about it. I was running away, trying to forget. Guilt and regret burdened me almost every waking moment at first. Those feelings lessened when I was at college and sharing a dorm room with you. I guess because I had you as a new friend who accepted me for just me. Plus, I had to study all the time to stay on top of things and maintain my scholarship. About the accolades in high school, I never felt worthy of any of them. Kip deserved them all. I always assumed I received them because of him. His parents worked for the biggest ranch in the area. Everyone knew and respected the Mahan family. We moved to Oklahoma the summer between junior high and high school. My family was never accepted or respected because of my dad.”

  “Did Kip know how you felt?” Jocelyn shifted to look directly at Dianne.

  “I don’t think so. He loved me without condition, he taught me about love. I left because I wanted out of that town, so when I saw him with that cheerleader it seemed to be the right thing to do. I hoped, if I left, it would give him an opportunity to find someone more deserving than me. So, I took the scholarship. I broke his heart and my own. I didn’t have the courage to tell him.” Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t cry. She leaned back, feeling as if her body lost all muscle control, exhaled audibly, and wiped her sweaty hands on her thighs.

  “I think it’s time for you to move past the threat you think is hiding around every corner.”

  Dianne pulled the small galloping horse charm dangling from a gold chain to her mouth and slid it back and forth between her teeth. “Of course you’re right. The mind is a curious thing. I’m always feeling off kilter, yet I finally feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be. That includes Kip.” She sighed. “Time for us to get dressed. We have to get to the Equestrian Center.”

  They left the house in a rush and grabbed a quick breakfast sandwich and coffee at McDonald’s. “I think you’re in for a real treat today, Jocelyn.”

  Dianne pulled into the parking lot of the Horses of Hope Equestrian Center. She pointed to a truck and horse trailer parked at the far end. “That’s Kip’s trailer. He’s here.”

  “Good. I’ll get to meet him. You know I’ve never been near a horse, right?”

  “Yeah. You’ll be fine.” Dianne picked up her purse and prowled to the bottom of it. She brought out a prescription bottle and swallowed a pill without water.

  “What is that?”

  “My medication for anxiety. I always have to take one before I get to the center. It helps relieve the onset of panic attacks.”

  Jocelyn’s brow wrinkled. “Is that medicine a problem? You always swore you would never take any kind of addictive drugs, even with a prescription, because of your dad.”

  Dianne’s insides tightened with irritation. Seriously? Jocelyn was concerned over anxiety meds? If she’d gone through what Dianne had, she might be a little more understanding. She tried to keep her annoyance from showing. She knew Jocelyn was just trying to be a good friend. “Don’t worry, it’s not a problem. I don’t want to have a panic attack. Especially not if Kip is around. I am anxious, but I’m learning to control it instead of the other way around.”

  Dianne pushed the door open, and Jocelyn followed her inside, the clang of a cow bell startled her. She looked up and grinned at Dianne.

  Beth manned the desk and stuffed envelopes. “Good morning, Dianne.” She shuffled through the stack. “Here, let me give you one of these invitations to save an envelope and stamp.”

  Dianne took the letter and put it in her pocket. She looped an arm around Jocelyn’s shoulder. “Beth, let me introduce you to my dear friend from San Francisco. Jocelyn Hartford, this is Beth Kelso. Beth is the secretary and energy source for the center.”

  Jocelyn reached to take Beth’s hand.

  Beth lurched out of her chair sending it rolling behind her. She enfolded Jocelyn in a bear hug. “Hi! I’m so happy to meet you. You’re certainly welcome here. How long will you be visiting? You know, I’ve never been to San Francisco? I bet it’s nice.” Beth spoke rapidly and with her usual childlike enthusiasm.

  Jocelyn looked at Dianne with wide eyes, and Dianne shrugged

  “I always heard Texans talked slowly. You surely don’t.” Jocelyn grinned. “San Francisco is a wonderfully diverse place. I hope you get a chance to visit one day. Feel free to get my phone number from Dianne.”

  “Do you know if Emperor is ready?” Dianne asked Beth.

  Beth nodded. “I think Kip’s out there today. We’re trying to get the round-up organized. I went home about midnight, he was still here.”

  Dianne’s pulse leapt at the thought of seeing him. Would his name always create such havoc with her insides, or would the day finally come when she’d be over him? It hadn’t happened in all these years, so she wasn’t holding her breath.

  Chapter 9

  Dianne led Jocelyn to the barn. Her heart rate increased, but this time it felt different. Not panic, just excitement and expectation. Seeing Kip was important to her, she couldn’t pretend he didn’t impact her anymore.

  Jocelyn made a noise in her throat when they entered the barn. “My God, what is that smell?”

  Dianne laughed and pulled Jocelyn into the walkway between the stalls. Several horses held their heads over the gates with their ears forward, nickering, and performing standing in place prances. “That, my dear friend, is the wonderful smell of horse flesh, manure, and hay. I like it better than the most expensive perfume from Paris.” Dianne walked to a stall at the end. “That’s Emperor.” She pulled the sugar cubes from her pocket and gave one to Jocelyn. “Hey, big boy, I have someone I want you to meet.” She rubbed his face and scratched his ears before extending a flattened palm so he could have his treat. “Try it,” she said to Jocelyn. “Keep your palm flat so he can’t bite you.”

  Jocelyn stepped back, holding her hands behind her back. “No way. Not if he bites.”

  “He doesn’t bite. It’s just hard for a horse to get something from your hand if it isn’t flat. Go on give him a pat and his treat.”

  After one step forward and two back, Jocelyn finally made it to the stall gate. She reached to pet the big horse. He stretched his head over the gate trying to get the treat he knew she held. She touched his muzzle. His snort made her st
umble backward. “You give it to him. I don’t think he likes me.”

  “That’s nuts. He likes you. You just don’t know how to read horse body language.”

  “Horses have body language?” Jocelyn handed the sugar cube to Dianne.

  Laughter rumbled from the next stall. Dianne leaned around to find Kip sitting in the corner. He stood, unfolding to his full height, stretched his back, and combed his unruly hair with his fingers before putting on his hat. “Mornin’ Dianne. Who’s your friend?”

  “Kip Mahan, this is Jocelyn Hartford.” The warmth of a blush crept into her cheeks. Why did being near Kip always make her pulse race?

  He smiled, tipped his hat, and reached to shake Jocelyn’s hand. “Nice to meet you. Have you never been around horses?”

  Jocelyn’s eyebrows lifted. “Uh, no. I’m a city girl.”

  Dianne stood back, leaning against the stall as Kip charmed her friend. He was always able to have hearts fluttering even when they were kids. Her memories drowned out the conversation that buzzed in the background.

  The first time she and Kip went riding, she had never been on a horse. Her mount was an old trail horse with a swaying and sleepy gait. Before the ride finished and the horses were back in the corral she’d been hooked. She told Kip she wanted to learn to really ride. He borrowed a ranch horse for her. She practiced as often as possible and started winning a few play day events. A few weeks before her sixteenth birthday, Kip gave her a pretty palomino mare. She called her Honeybee. They became a team to be reckoned with.

  Emperor nickered, forcing her back to the present.

  “You ready to ride, boy?”

  Dianne led Emperor out of the stall and stopped near Kip and Jocelyn. “Heading to the arena. You guys ready?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.” Jocelyn grimaced.

  Laughing, Dianne mounted and trotted to the arena with Kip and Jocelyn following.

  Within moments she directed the horse through all of the gait changes—walking, trotting, and loping. The round arena offered her a glimpse of Jocelyn and Kip every few seconds. Kip stood with one booted foot on the bottom rail of the fence. Jocelyn peered through the rails smiling and waving each time Dianne rode past.

  She relaxed completely and kept a soft smile. She rode heels down with a straight back and was well seated in the saddle. Her hands held the reins loosely letting Emperor take the lead as he wished. Kip pointed at her and said something to Jocelyn. They both smiled.

  Kip put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. “Show us a fast cloverleaf!”

  “Are you serious?” She drew in a deep breath. What’s he thinking? She hadn’t done that in years. Her heart beat faster, she grasped the reins tighter and settled her boots in the stirrups.

  She pulled the reins back until Emperor stopped, then kicked him to a full gallop and guided him in a barrel racing pattern. She galloped toward Kip and Jocelyn letting out a whoop and skidding to a stop. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I did it, Kip.”

  She jumped down, her feet barely touching the ground before Kip scooped her into his arms and hugged her to him. He looked down at her, and his gaze dropped to her lips. For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. She waited breathlessly, his warm body pressed to hers making her knees go weak. Kip blinked and set her from him.

  Dianne squelched back disappointment.

  “What did she do?” Jocelyn asked.

  “She did a barrel racing pattern on a horse that’s never run it. He’s a natural.” Kip patted Emperor on the neck.

  Dianne held her side and clutched the reins as she tried to catch her breath. “Isn’t he spectacular?”

  “He sure is.” His eyes found hers. “And so were you. It was a great ride, Dianne.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to hold her heart in its place. She had hoped he would kiss her, but she had seen the sudden shadow of doubt cross his eyes and the pain she inflicted fifteen years ago reflected back at her. “Thanks, Kip.”

  He gave a short nod. “Ladies, I’d better get to work. Have a good day.” He tipped his hat and turned to leave.

  Dianne couldn’t pull her eyes away from the image of him walking away.

  ****

  A few hours later, Dianne had shown Jocelyn everything she wanted her to see, so they headed back to the car. She pulled the letter Beth had given her from a back pocket. “I, and a guest, have been invited to a shindig at the 3G. It’s two days away and includes several rodeo events, roping and sorting, branding and other things. Lots of food and a dance after dark. It’s the work day you and Kip were talking about. You interested?”

  Jocelyn shrugged. “Sounds interesting, even if I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You’d be exposed to things you’ve never seen and probably would never see again. I do want to go. Kip will be there as well as some old friends. I haven’t seen any of them since I got back.” Her stomach churned at the thought of the kind of reception she might receive. “To be honest, I’m afraid they might not want me around since I hurt Kip so badly.”

  Jocelyn shook her head. “Your former friends may or may not accept you back into their fold. Times have changed. They have new lives, just as you do. You can’t dwell on it at all. And, I think you and Kip need to have a real heart-to-heart talk. The chemistry between you two threatened to burn that barn down today. This event may provide that opportunity. How long until you have to RSVP?”

  “Tomorrow.” Being with or around Kip frightened her. Yet she hoped for the opportunity. She ran a shaking finger over her lips.

  Jocelyn moved to reassure her with a brief hug. “I’ll be with you. You’ll see, time will melt away.”

  Dianne shoved her fingers through her hair, undoing the braid. “But, Kip won’t want me there. You saw the way he shut himself off when we almost had a moment.”

  Jocelyn took Dianne by the shoulders. “Listen. I don’t know what happened to your confidence. I think Simon destroyed part of it, and the mugging took the rest, but damn, girl, you need to snap out of it. Kip wants you there, he cares about you. Just go with that and don’t freak yourself out.”

  Dianne nodded, then put her hand into a front pocket and pulled out a pill, downing it in one quick swallow.

  Jocelyn frowned. “How often are you taking those damn pills? I’m worried it’s becoming a problem.”

  “It’s not. I’m just a little apprehensive about seeing everyone.”

  “Listen, I would love to go to this cowboy thing but if it’s going to set you back we shouldn’t do it.”

  Dianne unlocked the car doors. “It’s not a problem, trust me. What do you want to do now?”

  “Let’s go shopping for something to wear to this hoedown.”

  Dianne laughed and rolled her eyes. “It’s not exactly a hoedown.” She opened the doors and they slid inside. “But close.”

  ****

  The scent of leather and the sound of a cowbell greeted them as they entered the western wear, tack, and equestrian supply store. Dianne inhaled deeply. “Smell that? It’s new leather.”

  “It’s nice.” Jocelyn stood inside the door looking for the clothing department.

  Dianne moved to a saddle display. She rubbed her hand over the smooth leather of the seat and traced the lines of the tooling on the stirrup skirts. Sighing, she moved away and walked with Jocelyn to the women’s department. “I do love that saddle.”

  “Then buy it.”

  “I probably shouldn’t spend the money. Let’s look at the shirts.”

  “Wait. Wait.” Jocelyn pulled Dianne to a display of vests. In one hand, she held a black suede vest with fringe and a cowhide vest in the other.

  Dianne grinned. “Well, they’re western. Stereotypical, but cute.”

  Jocelyn stood in front of a mirror. She pulled the fringed vest on and twirled. “Well, what do you think?”

  “I think we should find a shirt first, then choose a vest. Don’t forget jeans and boots.”

 
An hour later the shopping was complete and they carried their purchases to the car. Dianne stared at Jocelyn’s bags and shook her head. “What were you thinking? Three shirts, two vests, two pairs of jeans, a skirt, two pairs of boots, and socks. Overkill, don’t you think?”

  Jocelyn opened the passenger door. “Yes, but I loved it. Tomorrow I’ll wear the cowhide vest during the day and save the fringed one for the dance. Besides, you bought a closet full for yourself.”

  Dianne chuckled. Letting go and having fun felt good. She made a promise to herself to find ways to laugh in the future.

  “What are you laughing at?”

  “I never imagined I would see you excited about western wear. It’s extreme from your usual fashion sense.”

  Jocelyn shrugged. “When in Rome and all that.”

  Dianne’s heart felt light as they headed home in the evening dusk. This had been one of the best days she’d had in a long time. She would tuck it away in her memory and cherish it.

  ****

  Dianne opened a bottle of wine, and she and Jocelyn settled at the computer to learn more about the doll.

  “Listen to this.” Dianne read a brief article about a scrimshaw doll. “This rose carving is unique to the doll from the eighteenth century, the one that’s cursed. I agree with the article written by the gypsy girl from the 1960’s. She believed that the doll chooses who owns her. I swear she chose me. I feel safer since I got her. Crazy, huh?”

  “Not so crazy. I feel something special about her as well. Plus, there’s the romance of it all. If she has a curse how will you know who will be affected?” Jocelyn lifted the doll’s dress and looked at the carving of the rose.

  Dianne sipped from her wine glass and leaned back. “I don’t know. It says the curse can cause harm to anyone mistreating or betraying it. Only true love can break the curse.”

  “What kind of harm, I wonder?” Jocelyn picked the doll up and held her at arm’s length.

  Dianne chuckled. “Maybe the doll will cause harm to anyone betraying its owner, if the owner is loyal. Who knows, maybe the doll’s bad vibes will make Simon fall down the stairs or something.”