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absurd figure in dyed whiskers and a yellow under-waistcoat.

  General Gulpin sported his star, and looked fat and florid, but

  melancholy. His wife ordered away his dinner, just like honest

  Sancho's physician at Barataria.

  Botherby's stories about Lamartine are as old as the hills,

  since the barricades of 1848; and he could not get in a word or

  cut the slightest figure. And as for Tom Dawson, he was

  carrying on an undertoned small-talk with Lady Barbara St.

  Mary's, so that there was not much conversation worth record

  going on WITHIN the dining-room.

  Outside it was different. Those houses in Lilliput Street are

  so uncommonly compact, that you can hear everything which takes

  place all over the tenement; and so--

  In the awful pauses of the banquet, and the hall-door being

  furthermore open, we had the benefit of hearing:

  The cook, and the occasional cook, below stairs, exchanging

  rapid phrases regarding the dinner;

  The smash of the soup-tureen, and swift descent of the kitchen-

  maid and soup-ladle down the stairs to the lower regions. This

  accident created a laugh, and rather amused Fitzroy and the

  company, and caused Funnyman to say, bowing to Rosa, that she

  was mistress of herself, though China fall. But she did not

  heed him, for at that moment another noise commenced, namely,

  that of--

  The baby in the upper rooms, who commenced a series of piercing

  yells, which, though stopped by the sudden clapping to of the

  nursery-door, were only more dreadful to the mother when

  suppressed. She would have given a guinea to go up stairs and

  have done with the whole entertainment.

  A thundering knock came at the door very early after the

  dessert, and the poor soul took a speedy opportunity of

  summoning the ladies to depart, though you may be sure it was

  only old Mrs. Gashleigh, who had come with her daughters--of

  course the first person to come. I saw her red gown whisking up

  the stairs, which were covered with plates and dishes, over

  which she trampled.

  Instead of having any quiet after the retreat of the ladies, the

  house was kept in a rattle, and the glasses jingled on the table

  as the flymen and coachmen plied the knocker, and the soiree

  came in. From my place I could see everything: the guests as

  they arrived (I remarked very few carriages, mostly cabs and

  flies), and a little crowd of blackguard boys and children, who

  were formed round the door, and gave ironical cheers to the

  folks as they stepped out of their vehicles.

  As for the evening-party, if a crowd in the dog-days is

  pleasant, poor Mrs. Timmins certainly had a successful soiree.

  You could hardly move on the stair. Mrs. Sternhold broke in the

  banisters, and nearly fell through. There was such a noise and

  chatter you could not hear the singing of the Miss Gashleighs,

  which was no great loss. Lady Bungay could hardly get to her

  carriage, being entangled with Colonel Wedgewood in the passage.

  An absurd attempt was made to get up a dance of some kind; but

  before Mrs. Crowder had got round the room, the hanging-lamp in

  the dining-room below was stove in, and fell with a crash on the

  table, now prepared for refreshment.

  Why, in fact, did the Timminses give that party at all? It was

  quite beyond their means. They have offended a score of their

  old friends, and pleased none of their acquaintances. So angry

  were many who were not asked, that poor Rosa says she must now

  give a couple more parties and take in those not previously

  invited. And I know for a fact that Fubsby's bill is not yet

  paid; nor Binney and Latham's the wine-merchants; that the

  breakage and hire of glass and china cost ever so much money;

  that every true friend of Timmins has cried out against his

  absurd extravagance, and that now, when every one is going out

  of town, Fitz has hardly money to pay his circuit, much more to

  take Rosa to a watering-place, as he wished and promised.

  As for Mrs. Gashleigh, the only feasible plan of economy which

  she can suggest, is that she could come and live with her

  daughter and son-in-law, and that they should keep house

  together. If he agrees to this, she has a little sum at the

  banker's, with which she would not mind easing his present

  difficulties; and the poor wretch is so utterly bewildered and

  crestfallen that it is very likely he will become her victim.

  The Topham Sawyers, when they go down into the country, will

  represent Fitz as a ruined man and reckless prodigal; his uncle,

  the attorney, from whom he has expectations, will most likely

  withdraw his business, and adopt some other member of his

  family--Blanche Crowder for instance, whose husband, the doctor,

  has had high words with poor Fitzroy already, of course at the

  women's instigation. And all these accumulated miseries fall

  upon the unfortunate wretch because he was good-natured, and his

  wife would have a Little Dinner.

  End of Project Gutenberg's A Little Dinner at Timmins's, by Thackeray