The Rose and the Ring Read online

spectacle! the King's nose was bent quite crooked by the blow of

  Prince Giglio! His Majesty ground his teeth with rage.

  'Hedzoff,' he said, taking a death-warrant out of his

  dressing-gown pocket, 'Hedzoff, good Hedzoff, seize upon the

  Prince. Thou'lt find him in his chamber two pair up. But now he

  dared, with sacrilegious hand, to strike the sacred night-cap of

  a king--Hedzoff, and floor me with a warming-pan! Away, no more

  demur, the villain dies! See it be done, or else,--h'm--

  ha!--h'm! mind shine own eyes!' and followed by the ladies, and

  lifting up the tails of his dressing-gown, the King entered his

  own apartment.

  Captain Hedzoff was very much affected, having a sincere love for

  Giglio. 'Poor, poor Giglio!' he said, the tears rolling over his

  manly face, and dripping down his moustachios; 'my noble young

  Prince, is it my hand must lead thee to death?'

  'Lead him to fiddlestick, Hedzoff,' said a female voice. It was

  Gruffanuff, who had come out in her dressing-gown when she heard

  the noise. 'The King said you were to hang the Prince. Well,

  hang the Prince.'

  'I don't understand you,' says Hedzoff, who was not a very clever

  man.

  'You Gaby! he didn't say WHICH Prince,' says Gruffanuff.

  'No; he didn't say which, certainly,' said Hedzoff.

  'Well then, take Bulbo, and hang HIM!'

  When Captain Hedzoff heard this, he began to dance about for joy.

  'Obedience is a soldier's honour,' says he. 'Prince Bulbo's head

  will do capitally,' and he went to arrest the Prince the very

  first thing next morning.

  He knocked at the door. 'Who's there?' says Bulbo. 'Captain

  Hedzoff? Step in, pray, my good Captain; I'm delighted to see

  you; I have been expecting you.'

  'Have you?' says Hedzoff.

  'Sleibootz, my Chamberlain, will act for me,' says the Prince.

  'I beg Your Royal Highness's pardon, but you will have to act for

  yourself, and it's a pity to wake Baron Sleibootz.'

  The Prince Bulbo still seemed to take the matter very coolly.

  'Of course, Captain,' says he, 'you are come about that affair

  with Prince Giglio?'

  'Precisely,' says Hedzoff, 'that affair of Prince Giglio.'

  'Is it to be pistols, or swords, Captain?' asks Bulbo. 'I'm a

  pretty good hand with both, and I'll do for Prince Giglio as sure

  as my name is My Royal Highness Prince Bulbo.'

  'There's some mistake, my Lord,' says the Captain. 'The business

  is done with AXES among us.'

  'Axes? That's sharp work,' says Bulbo. 'Call my Chamberlain,

  he'll be my second, and in ten minutes, I flatter myself, you'll

  see Master Giglio's head off his impertinent shoulders. I'm

  hungry for his blood Hoooo, aw!' and he looked as savage as an

  ogre.

  'I beg your pardon, sir, but by this warrant I am to take you

  prisoner, and hand you over to--to the executioner.'

  'Pooh, pooh, my good man!--Stop, I say,--ho!-- hulloa!' was all

  that this luckless Prince was enabled to say, for Hedzoff's

  guards seizing him, tied a handkerchief over his mouth and face,

  and carried him to the place of execution.

  The King, who happened to be talking to Glumboso, saw him pass,

  and took a pinch of snuff and said, 'So much for Giglio. Now

  let's go to breakfast.'

  The Captain of the Guard handed over his prisoner to the Sheriff,

  with the fatal order,

  'AT SIGHT CUT OFF THE BEARER'S HEAD.

  'VALOROSO XXIV.'

  'It's a mistake,' says Bulbo, who did not seem to understand the

  business in the least.

  'Poo--poo--pooh,' says the Sheriff. 'Fetch Jack Ketch instantly.

  Jack Ketch!'

  And poor Bulbo was led to the scaffold, where an executioner with

  a block and a tremendous axe was always ready in case he should

  be wanted.

  But we must now revert to Giglio and Betsinda.

  XI. WHAT GRUFFANUFF DID TO GIGLIO AND BETSINDA

  Gruffanuff, who had seen what had happened with the King, and

  knew that Giglio must come to grief, got up very early the next

  morning, and went to devise some plans for rescuing her darling

  husband, as the silly old thing insisted on calling him. She

  found him walking up and down the garden, thinking of a rhyme for

  Betsinda (TINDER and WINDA were all he could find), and indeed

  having forgotten all about the past evening, except that Betsinda

  was the most lovely of beings.

  'Well, dear Giglio,' says Gruff.

  'Well, dear Gruffy,' says Giglio, only HE was quite satirical.

  'I have been thinking, darling, what you must do in this scrape.

  You must fly the country for a while.'

  'What scrape?--fly the country? Never without her I love,

  Countess,' says Giglio.

  'No, she will accompany you, dear Prince,' she says, in her most

  coaxing accents. 'First, we must get the jewels belonging to our

  royal parents. and those of her and his present Majesty. Here

  is the key, duck; they are all yours, you know, by right, for you

  are the rightful King of Paflagonia, and your wife will be the

  rightful Queen.'

  'Will she?' says Giglio.

  'Yes; and having got the jewels, go to Glumboso's apartment,

  where, under his bed, you will find sacks containing money to the

  amount of L2I7,000,000,987,439, 13S. 6 1/2d., all belonging to

  you, for he took it out of your royal father's room on the day of

  his death. With this we will fly.'

  'WE will fly?' says Giglio.

  'Yes, you and your bride--your affianced love--your Gruffy!' says

  the Countess, with a languishing leer.

  'YOU my bride!' says Giglio. 'You, you hideous old woman!'

  'Oh, you--you wretch! didn't you give me this paper promising

  marriage?' cries Gruff.

  'Get away, you old goose! I love Betsinda, and Betsinda only!'

  And in a fit of terror he ran from her as quickly as he could.

  'He! he! he!' shrieks out Gruff; 'a promise is a promise if there

  are laws in Paflagonia! And as for that monster, that wretch,

  that fiend, that ugly little vixen--as for that upstart, that

  ingrate, that beast, Betsinda, Master Giglio will have no little

  difficulty in discovering her whereabouts. He may look very long

  before finding HER, I warrant. He little knows that Miss

  Betsinda is--'

  Is--what? Now, you shall hear. Poor Betsinda got up at five in

  winter's morning to bring her cruel mistress her tea; and instead

  of finding her in a good humour, found Gruffy as cross as two

  sticks. The Countess boxed Betsinda's ears half a dozen times

  whilst she was dressing; but as poor little Betsinda was used to

  this kind of treatment, she did not feel any special alarm. 'And

  now,' says she, 'when Her Majesty rings her bell twice, I'll

  trouble you, miss, to attend.'

  So when the Queen's bell rang twice, Betsinda came to Her Majesty

  and made a pretty little curtsey. The Queen, the Princess, and

  Gruffanuff were all three in the room. As soon as they saw her

  they began,


  'You wretch!' says the Queen.

  'You little vulgar thing!' says the Princess.

  'You beast!' says Gruffanuff.

  'Get out of my sight!' says the Queen.

  'Go away with you, do!' says the Princess.

  'Quit the premises!' says Gruffanuff.

  'Alas! and woe is me!' very lamentable events had occurred to

  Betsinda that morning, and all in consequence of that fatal

  warming-pan business of the previous night. The King had offered

  to marry her; of course Her Majesty the Queen was jealous: Bulbo

  had fallen in love with her; of course Angelica was furious:

  Giglio was in love with her, and oh, what a fury Gruffy was in!

  'Take off that {cap } I gave you,'

  {petticoat} they said, all

  {gown } at once,

  and began tearing the clothes off poor Betsinda.

  'How (the King?' } cried the Queen,

  dare you {Prince Bulbo?' } the Princess, and

  flirt with {Prince Giglio?'} Countess.

  'Give her the rags she wore when she came into the house, and

  turn her out of it!' cries the Queen.

  'Mind she does not go with MY shoes on, which I lent her so

  kindly,' says the Princess; and indeed the Princess's shoes were

  a great deal too big for Betsinda.

  'Come with me, you filthy hussy!' and taking up the Queen's

  poker, the cruel Gruffanuff drove Betsinda into her room.

  The Countess went to the glass box in which she had kept

  Betsinda's old cloak and shoe this ever so long, and said, 'Take

  those rags, you little beggar creature, and strip off everything

  belonging to honest people, and go about your business'; and she

  actually tore off the poor little delicate thing's back almost

  all her things, and told her to be off out of the house.

  Poor Betsinda huddled the cloak round her back, on which were

  embroidered the letters PRIN. . . ROSAL. . . and then came a

  great rent.

  As for the shoe, what was she to do with one poor little tootsey

  sandal? the string was still to it, so she hung it round her

  neck.

  'Won't you give me a pair of shoes to go out in the snow, mum, if

  you please, mum?' cried the poor child.

  'No, you wicked beast!' says Gruffanuff, driving her along with

  the poker--driving her down the cold stairs--driving her through

  the cold hall--flinging her out into the cold street, so that the

  knocker itself shed tears to see her!

  But a kind fairy made the soft snow warm for her little feet, and

  she wrapped herself up in the ermine of her mantle, and was gone!

  'And now let us think about breakfast,' says the greedy Queen.

  'What dress shall I put on, mamma? the pink or the peagreen?'

  says Angelica. 'Which do you think the dear Prince will like

  best?'

  'Mrs. V.!' sings out the King from his dressing-room, 'let us

  have sausages for breakfast! Remember we have Prince Bulbo

  staying with us!'

  And they all went to get ready.

  Nine o'clock came, and they were all in the breakfast-room, and

  no Prince Bulbo as yet. The urn was hissing and humming: the

  muffins were smoking--such a heap of muffins! the eggs were done,

  there was a pot of raspberry jam, and coffee, and a beautiful

  chicken and tongue on the side-table. Marmitonio the cook

  brought in the sausages. Oh, how nice they smelt!

  'Where is Bulbo?' said the King. 'John, where is His Royal

  Highness?' John said he had a took hup His Roilighnessesses

  shaving-water, and his clothes and things, and he wasn't in his

  room, which he sposed His Royliness was just stepped trout.

  'Stepped out before breakfast in the snow! Impossible!' says the

  King, sticking his fork into a sausage. 'My dear, take one.

  Angelica, won't you have a saveloy?' The Princess took one,

  being very fond of them; and at this moment Glumboso entered with

  Captain Hedzoff, both looking very much disturbed.

  'I am afraid Your Majesty--' cries Glumboso.

  'No business before breakfast, Glum!' says the King.' Breakfast

  first, business next. Mrs. V., some more sugar!'

  'Sire, I am afraid if we wait till after breakfast it will be too

  late,' says Glumboso. 'He--he--he'll be hanged at half-past

  nine.'

  'Don't talk about hanging and spoil my breakfast, you unkind,

  vulgar man you,' cries the Princess. 'John, some mustard. Pray

  who is to be hanged?'

  'Sire, it is the Prince,' whispers Glumboso to the King.

  'Talk about business after breakfast, I tell you!' says His

  Majesty, quite sulky.

  'We shall have a war, Sire, depend on it,' says the Minister.

  'His father, King Padella. . .'

  'His father, King WHO?' says the King. 'King Padella is not

  Giglio's father. My brother, King Savio, was Giglio's father.'

  'It's Prince Bulbo they are hanging, Sire, not Prince Giglio,'

  says the Prime Minister.

  'You told me to hang the Prince, and I took the ugly one,' says

  Hedzoff. 'I didn't, of course, think Your Majesty intended to

  murder your own flesh and blood! '

  The King for all reply flung the plate of sausages at Hedzoff's

  head. The Princess cried out 'Hee-kareekaree!' and fell down in

  a fainting fit.

  'Turn the cock of the urn upon Her Royal Highness,' said the

  King, and the boiling water gradually revived her. His Majesty

  looked at his watch, compared it by the clock in the parlour, and

  by that of the church in the square opposite; then he wound it

  up; then he looked at it again. 'The great question is,' says

  he, 'am I fast or am I slow? If I'm slow, we may as well go on

  with breakfast. If I'm fast, why, there is just the possibility

  of saving Prince Bulbo. It's a doosid awkward mistake, and upon

  my word, Hedzoff, I have the greatest mind to have you hanged

  too.'

  'Sire, I did but my duty; a soldier has but his orders. I didn't

  expect after forty-seven years of faithful service that my

  sovereign would think of putting me to a felon's death!'

  'A hundred thousand plagues upon you! Can't you see that while

  you are talking my Bulbo is being hung?' screamed the Princess.

  'By Jove! she's always right, that girl, and I'm so absent,' says

  the King, looking at his watch again. 'Ha! there go the drums!

  What a doosid awkward thing though!'

  'Oh, papa, you goose! Write the reprieve, and let me run with

  it,' cries the Princess--and she got a sheet of paper, and pen

  and ink, and laid them before the King.

  'Confound it! where are my spectacles?' the Monarch exclaimed.

  'Angelica! go up into my bedroom, look under my pillow, not your

  mamma's; there you'll see my keys. Bring them down to me,

  and--Well, well! what impetuous things these girls are!'

  Angelica was gone, and had run up panting to the bedroom, and

  found the keys, and was back again before the King had finished a

  muffin. 'Now, love,' says he, 'you must go all the way back for

  my desk, in which my spectacles are. If you would but have heard

  me out. . . Be hange
d to her! There she is off again. Angelica!

  ANGELICA!' When His Majesty called in his LOUD voice, she knew

  she must obey, and came back.

  'My dear, when you go out of a room, how often have I told you,

  SHUT THE DOOR. That's a darling. That's all.' At last the

  keys and the desk and the spectacles were got, and the King

  mended his pen, and signed his name to a reprieve, and Angelica

  ran with it as swift as the wind. 'You'd better stay, my love,

  and finish the muffins. There's no use going. Be sure it's too

  late. Hand me over that raspberry jam, please,' said the

  Monarch. 'Bong! Bawong! There goes the half-hour. I knew it

  was.'

  Angelica ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. She ran up Fore Street,

  and down High Street, and through the Market-place, and down to

  the left, and over the bridge, and up the blind alley, and back

  again, and round by the Castle, and so along by the Haberdasher's

  on the right, opposite the lamp-post, and round the square, and

  she came--she came to the EXECUTION PLACE, where she saw Bulbo

  laying his head on the block!!! The executioner raised his axe,

  but at that moment the Princess came panting up and cried

  'Reprieve!' 'Reprieve!' screamed the Princess. 'Reprieve!'

  shouted all the people. Up the scaffold stairs she sprang, with

  the agility of a lighter of lamps; and flinging herself in

  Bulbo's arms, regardless of all ceremony, she cried out, 'Oh, my

  Prince! my lord! my love! my Bulbo! Thine Angelica has been in

  time to save thy precious existence, sweet rosebud; to prevent

  thy being nipped in thy young bloom! Had aught befallen thee,

  Angelica too had died, and welcomed death that joined her to her

  Bulbo.'

  'H'm! there's no accounting for tastes,' said Bulbo, looking so

  very much puzzled and uncomfortable that the Princess, in tones

  of tenderest strain, asked the cause of his disquiet.

  'I tell you what it is, Angelica,' said he, 'since I came here

  yesterday, there has been such a row, and disturbance, and

  quarrelling, and fighting, and chopping of heads off, and the

  deuce to pay, that I am inclined to go back to Crim Tartary.'

  'But with me as thy bride, my Bulbo! Though wherever thou art is

  Crim Tartary to me, my bold, my beautiful, my Bulbo!'

  'Well, well, I suppose we must be married,' says Bulbo. 'Doctor,

  you came to read the Funeral Service--read the Marriage Service,

  will you? What must be, must. That will satisfy Angelica, and

  then, in the name of peace and quietness, do let us go back to

  breakfast.'

  Bulbo had carried a rose in his mouth all the time of the dismal

  ceremony. It was a fairy rose, and he was told by his mother

  that he ought never to part with it. So he had kept it between

  his teeth, even when he laid his poor head upon the block, hoping

  vaguely that some chance would turn up in his favour. As he

  began to speak to Angelica, he forgot about the rose, and of

  course it dropped out of his mouth. The romantic Princess

  instantly stooped and seized it. 'Sweet rose!' she exclaimed,

  'that bloomed upon my Bulbo's lip, never, never will I part from

  thee!' and she placed it in her bosom. And you know Bulbo

  COULDN'T ask her to give the rose back again. And they went to

  breakfast; and as they walked, it appeared to Bulbo that Angelica

  became more exquisitely lovely every moment.

  He was frantic until they were married; and now, strange to say,

  it was Angelica who didn't care about him! He knelt down, he

  kissed her hand, he prayed and begged; he cried with admiration;

  while she for her part said she really thought they might wait;

  it seemed to her he was not handsome any more--no, not at all,

  quite the reverse; and not clever, no, very stupid; and not well

  bred, like Giglio; no, on the contrary, dreadfully vul--

  What, I cannot say, for King Valoroso roared out 'POOH, stuff!'

  in a terrible voice. 'We will have no more of this

  shilly-shallying! Call the Archbishop, and let the Prince and

  Princess be married offhand!'

  So, married they were, and I am sure for my part I trust they

  will be happy.

  XII. HOW BETSINDA FLED, AND WHAT BECAME OF HER