So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore Read online

  Praise for

  SO YOU DON’T WANT TO GO TO CHURCH ANYMORE

  “Jake has given me a voice and a vocabulary for things that have been stirring inside my heart for many years.”

  —Stephen, graphic designer, Chicago, Illinois

  “I appreciate that this book is not church-bashing but that it is Christ-exalting. Thank you for giving words to feelings that I have had for so long yet have not been able to express.”

  —Sarah, Phoenix, Arizona

  “My husband read your story and is a changed man! He’s struggled with guilt and just not measuring up. He’s never gotten the relationship part of it. He’s got it now! He’s been on cloud nine the last few days.”

  —Heather

  “Terrific story! I am recommending it to our pioneer church planters around the world.”

  —Brian, director of an international missions organization

  “Exceptional story that will make you laugh, cry, and be in awe of the love that the Father has for all His children! It will challenge you to rethink what ‘church’ is all about!”

  —Chris, student at East Tennessee State University

  “To anyone who is wondering if God still moves among us as He did in the Bible, here is a story to show the truth—He does! It spoke to something so deep inside me that I couldn’t relax until I reached the end. And even then I knew it was just the beginning.”

  —Jillene, camp director, New York

  “This book has proven to be the most radically confirming piece of literature I have ever read.”

  —Becky

  “Searching for God’s truth is stranger than fiction.”

  —Dottie, a searcher, Orlando, Florida

  “I left my church after twelve years. I felt I needed to be in a church until I read your book and discovered it was not about going to church but being the church. And that is to be done everywhere I go and in everything I do.”

  —Ronda, mother and caregiver, Canby, Oregon

  “Inside every one of us there is a Jake Colsen screaming to get out. Here you will find all the big questions about our struggle to live in the world by the Spirit, and some of the big answers, too.”

  —Rachael, nurse, Rugby, England

  “This is not your typical Christian living book. I have never read anything like it before, but I certainly hope to again. I had my focus in the wrong place for a long time.”

  —Cory, IT specialist, Idaho

  “Your book has put words and answers to the feelings and questions we have had along this journey.”

  —Michael, Prescott, Arizona

  “This should be required reading for everyone. I can’t say enough about how it changed me, and my relationship with the Lord.”

  —Pam, Indiana

  “How could you know with such precision where we have come from, where we are, and what we are learning? You have put words to things deep in our hearts . . . too deep even to surface as thoughts, much less words.”

  —Maria Wade, wife and mother, Bloomington, Indiana

  “This easy-to-read treatise on practical Christian thought and life points to the higher way of God’s Son and Servant, Jesus. Jesus calls to tender hearts who choose to trust Him and walk with Him.”

  —Paul, handyman, Illinois

  “I don’t have the words to express how much I have been touched by this story. I’m glad to know that I’m not going crazy or being disloyal to feel as I do.”

  —Beth, Tennessee

  “It got me hooked right from the start and God used it to bring me closer to Him. Thank you for showing me that His body is not one congregation, denomination, or group of people, but that those He calls His own can be anyone, anywhere.”

  —Michelle, academic administrator, Melbourne, Australia

  “Your book is every conversation, thought, emotion, desire, and dream I have had for the past year. God really wants to wake up His church.”

  —Carole, single parent and massage therapist, Shildon, United Kingdom

  “It’s better than any adventure movie I’ve ever seen!”

  —Cynthia

  “I received your book from a dear friend on Saturday. I couldn’t put it down! I didn’t go to work until I finished it! Something grand was lifted from me. Something I have been carrying around for fifty years.”

  —-Jo-Anne, Realtor, Kansas City, Missouri

  “This is astounding! It sounds like the same journey I’m on but I grew tired of all the struggles. I want my relationship with my Father back.”

  —Matt, father of nine, Kalispell, Montana

  “These writings are more than a book. They are a living two-edged sword, God revealing Himself in the midst of hungry souls that have attended church, only to find ourselves very needy and empty.”

  —Joyce, Rochester, New York

  “This book will cut through all the red tape of ‘religion.’ It will free you from yourself and allow you to believe and accept the love God has for you.”

  —Cathey, sister, Florida

  “It is exactly what I am looking for in confirming what God has started in me.”

  —Chris, missionary, France

  “I am spellbound!”

  —Judy

  “Little did I know that this book so far would be the catalyst to finally lay it all down. At first I thought this was going to be an antichurch book and I found out that it is so prochurch! How could I not see these things before?”

  —Patricia, Massachusetts

  “What a great read! This book really speaks to some issues that I have been struggling with over the past few years.”

  —Bill, missionary, Wales

  “I recommended this book to a friend as one of the best writings I have seen on practical Christian thinking. She wrote back to me that she could not stop reading it once she began, and afterwards she felt that she had been born again—again!”

  —Paul

  “To say I enjoyed it and was encouraged would be an understatement.”

  —Brett, consultant, Durban, South Africa

  “You express so clearly my concern and hope for Christ’s church today.”

  —Richard, Alabama

  “I was so compelled that I had to read through it in two days. I am absolutely speechless, also so excited at the same time—so many things confirmed and many truths learned.”

  —Lysle, former pastor, England

  “This is the best story with resounding truths that I have ever read. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

  —Kristopher, Texas

  “It is so refreshing, sobering, and exciting to read such freeing words devoid of any manipulation or legalism.”

  —Nick, Australia

  “This book is a healing balm and I could not quit reading it until I had read it all. So much wonderful truth here and so simply stated.”

  —Margie, Washington

  “Thank you, from an almost-ready-to-give-up-being-a-Christian because nothing seemed to make much sense anymore and there was no life in my supposed ‘life’ in Christ.”

  —Colleen

  “I am flabbergasted! So are my husband and best friend. I am personally so excited to have the verbiage to express what God has been speaking to me for years. Everything you say is bang on! I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of me.”

  —Gay

  “Thanks for the beautiful and powerful story. Your writing really brought me closer to our awesome God and Father.”

  —Rudolf, The Netherlands

  “I can’t even begin to express what this work means for me. I’m beginning to see that everything I
do can be done out of love for the Father and others and that obligation can be replaced.”

  —Jeremy

  “I’m totally hooked!”

  —Michelle, Australia

  “What I have read has blown me away completely. I can’t seem to get my mind around the point that all of the answers that John is giving seem to be those which I have been having, on those rare occasions when I seem to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying. And they have been the ones that I have been inclined to disregard as my imagination.”

  —Denis, Australia

  Other Books by WAYNE JACOBSEN

  Authentic Relationships (with Clay Jacobsen)

  He Loves Me

  In My Father’s Vineyard

  Tales of the Vine

  The Shack (in collaboration with author Wm. Paul Young)

  So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore

  An Unexpected Journey

  Wayne Jacobsen and

  Dave Coleman

  Los Angeles, California

  SO YOU DON’T WANT

  TO GO TO CHURCH ANYMORE

  Published by:

  Windblown Media

  4680 Calle Norte • Newbury Park, CA 91320

  (805) 498-2484

  www.windblownmedia.com

  Published in association with Hachette Book Group USA.

  This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

  Except where otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Bible Publishers.

  Scriptures noted nlt are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

  ISBN-10: 0-9647292-2-9

  ISBN-13: 978-1-9351700-1-3

  Copyright © 2006 by Wayne Jacobsen

  All rights reserved

  Cover design courtesy of MercyArts Studio ([email protected])

  Dedication

  To the Blessed Ones—

  those today and

  throughout history

  who have been insulted,

  excluded, and lied about

  for simply following the

  Lamb beyond the accepted norms

  of tradition and culture.

  (See MATTHEW 5:11)

  Contents

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  1: Stranger and Stranger Still

  2: A Walk in the Park

  3: This Is Christian Education?

  4: Why Your Promises Haven‘t Worked

  5: Love with a Hook

  6: Loving Father or Fairy Godmother?

  7: When You Dig a Hole for Yourself, You Have to Throw the Dirt on Someone

  8: Unplayable Lies

  9: A Box by Any Other Name . . .

  10: Won to Trust

  11: Taking Flight

  12: The Great Gathering

  13: The Final Parting

  About the Authors

  Appendix

  Acknowledgments

  The crafting of this book has been a four-year journey, where we have posted the rough draft of each chapter in succession online. We had hoped to complete it in a year, but it took us four. So, we most want to thank our patient readers who endured this experiment with us, encouraged us with their comments, and added to this content with their own stories and questions.

  We’ve also had some marvelous people read and proof the manuscript for us. Canadians Bruce and Judy Woodford worked through every chapter with us, proofreading for our mistakes and adding their ideas. In this printing we added other editors to help shape this manuscript: Kate Lapin, Julie Williams, Paul Hayden, and Mitch Disney. Thanks to you all. If any mistakes survived their proofing, it was probably due to Wayne’s irresistible urge to tweak the manuscript until the last possible second.

  Our cover design was graciously provided out of the clear blue by Stephen at MercyArts Studio in Chicago, Illinois, with help from Dave Aldrich of Rhode Island.

  We also want to thank our wives for their outrageous support and encouragement in this project and the many brothers and sisters who have helped show us “a more excellent way.”

  1

  Stranger and Stranger Still

  At that moment he was the last person I wanted to see. My day had been bad enough already; now I was certain it was about to get worse.

  Yet there he was. A moment before he had poked his head into the cafeteria, walked over to the beverage station, and poured himself some fruit juice. I thought about ducking under the table but quickly realized I was too old for that. Maybe he wouldn’t see me back in the corner. I looked down and covered my face with my hands.

  Out of the cracks between my fingers, I could see he had turned, leaned back against the counter, and took a drink while surveying the room. Then he squinted toward me as he realized he wasn’t alone and with a surprised look he started toward me. Of all nights, why here? Why now?

  It had been our worst day ever in a long and torturous battle. Since three o’clock that afternoon, when the asthma made its first attempt that day to strangle Andrea, our twelve-year-old daughter, we had been on guard for her life. First we rushed her to the hospital watching her struggle for every breath. Then we watched as the doctors and nurses battled with her asthma for the use of her lungs.

  I admit I do not deal with this well, although you’d think I would with all the practice I’ve had. My wife and I have watched our daughter suffer all of her life, never certain when a sudden, life-threatening attack would send us scurrying to the hospital. It makes me so angry to watch her suffer; no matter how much we’ve prayed for her and had others do the same, the asthma continues to get worse.

  A couple of hours before, the medication had finally kicked in and she began to breathe more easily. My wife headed home to get some much-needed sleep and relieve her parents, who’d come to be with our other daughter. I stayed the night. Andrea finally fell asleep and I found my way to the cafeteria for something to drink and a quiet place to read. I was too wired to sleep.

  Grateful to find the place deserted, I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down in the shadows of a distant corner. I was so angry I couldn’t even think straight. What have I done so wrong that my daughter must suffer like this? Why does God ignore my desperate pleas for her healing? Other parents gripe about playing taxicab for all their children’s activities; I don’t even know if Andrea will survive her next asthma attack, and I worry that the steroids she’s on will stunt her growth.

  Somewhere in the middle of a good wallow in my anger, he poked his head into my private sanctuary. Now he was walking over to my table and I honestly thought about punching him in the mouth if he dared to open it. Deep down, though, I knew I wouldn’t. I’m violent only on the inside, not on the outside where anyone else can see it.

  I’ve never met anyone more frustrating than John. I was so excited when we first met, and honestly I’ve never met anyone as wise as he. But he’s brought me nothing but grief. Since he’s come into my life, I’ve lost my lifelong dream job, been ostracized from the church I’d helped to start fifteen years before, and even found my marriage in rougher waters than I’d ever known.

  To understand just how frustrated I am, you would have to come back with me to the day I first met John. As incredible as the beginning was, it doesn’t compare to all we’ve been through since.

  My wife and I celebrated our seventeenth wedding anniversary by taking a three-day trip to Pismo Beach on the central California coast. On our way home on Saturday, we stopped in downtown San Luis Obispo for lunch and shopping. Its revitalized downtown is a major
draw for the area and on this sunny April day the streets were jammed.

  After lunch we split up since our preferred browsing places are quite different. I went to loiter in the bookstores while she trolled the clothing stores and gift shops. Finishing before our scheduled rendezvous time, I had perched myself against the wall of a store while enjoying a chocolate ice-cream cone.

  I couldn’t help but notice the heated argument going on a few feet up the street in front of The Gap. Four college aged students and two middle-aged men were holding bright blue handbills and gesturing wildly. I had seen the handbills earlier, tucked under windshield wipers and lying scattered in the gutter. It was an invitation to a play about the flames of hell that was being produced at a local church.

  “Who’d want to go to this second-rate production?”

  “I’ll never set foot in a church again!”

  “The only thing I learned in church was how to feel guilty!”

  “Been there, done that, got the scars, and ain’t going back!”

  In the few moments since I had begun eavesdropping, I think every one of them threw in a comment. Another would jump in as if he was going to burst from the pressure if he couldn’t add their own venom.

  “Where do these arrogant people get off thinking they can judge me?”

  “I’d like to know what Jesus would think if he walked into one of these churches today!”

  “I don’t think he’d go.”

  “And if he did, he’d probably fall asleep.”

  Laughter drowned him out.

  “Or maybe he’d die laughing.”

  “Or crying,” another voice offered, which caused everyone to pause and think a moment.

  “Do you think he’d wear a suit?”

  “Only to hide the whip he’d sneak in to do a little housecleaning.”

  The increasing volume drew the attention of those passing by. Their pace would slow as they were drawn into the commotion. Some drawn by the passion and intrigued by the assault on something as sacred as religion joined in like puppies at the food bowl. Still others hung around on the fringes to listen. Some even asked me what was going on.

  Then a full-fledged argument developed as some of the newcomers challenged the antichurch cynics. Accusations volleyed quickly in the crowd. Most of them I had heard before: complaints about extravagant facilities, hypocrites, boring sermons, always asking for money, and burnout from too many meetings. Those who sought to defend the church had to admit some of these weaknesses but tried to point out many good things churches have done.