The Book of Lists: Horror Read online

  THE BOOK OF LISTS HORROR

  An All- New Collection Featuring Stephen King, Eli Roth, Ray Bradbury, and More, with an Introduction by Gahan Wilson

  AMY WALL ACE , SCOTT BRADLEY, AND DEL HOWISON

  DEDICATION

  To my soul brother, Ned Claflin. “In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself in a dark wood where the straight way was lost.” Thanks for the flashlight, Ned. I love you.

  —A.W.

  For my mother, Linda Bradley (1942–2006), and my father, Scott G. Bradley, Ph.D. As all other words fail, I can only say: “I love you and thank you for everything.” And in loving memory of my grandparents: Sherman and Gladys Bradley, and James “Jiggs” Brake.

  —S.B.

  To the group at Champs. May this instigate a bunch of drunken arguments.

  —D.H.

  EPIGRAPH

  “Horror, at least in its artistic presentations, can be a comfort. And, like any agent of enlightenment, it may even confer—if briefly—a sense of power, wisdom, and transcendence, especially if the conferee is a willing one with a true feeling for ancient mysteries and a true fear of the skullduggery which a willing heart usually senses in the unknown.”

  —Thomas Ligotti, “The Consolations of Horror”

  “‘The horror! The horror!’”

  —Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  The authors would like to collectively thank the following individuals: our agent, Wendy Schmalz, who made the deal; at HarperCollins: our editor, Rakesh Satyal, for his patience and guidance; Rob Crawford, always on top of things; and Kolt Beringer and Patricia Fernandez for genius copyediting; Gahan Wilson, for his wonderful introduction; and John Skipp, the “Fifth Beatle” of The Book of Lists: Horror, for his boundless wisdom and amazing contributions to this endeavor.

  Amy Wallace’s Acknowledgments

  Thanks to the tireless Scott Bradley, who is almost solely responsible for steering this book into the light (or should I say dark?), and to Del Howison, who generously called on friends and acquaintances, and brought in wonderful contributions. To the inimitable Wendy Schmalz, my favorite agent ever, who as usual made a perfect marriage. Of friends, associates, and helpers, there are too many to name. Emily Bradley and Kevin Kelly, who brought energy and peace when each was needed; to Master John Skipp, who got his hands dirty at the crucial stages, and cooked a killer shepherd’s pie, thus dirtying them again. Richard Stanley, who inspired me to watch all with my third eye; Scarlett Amaris, instant new friend. Sophie Duriez, always happy for me; Susan Rosner Pierson, always loving and cheering; Don Cushman, ever dear; Adam Parfrey and Jodi Wille, there are no words; all my friends at Skylight Books, too many to name; Mes Amis, Chip and Laurence, with gratitude; Irene Miracle, muse, beautiful artist, and sublime friend; F. X. Feeney, a wonderful writer whose continuous friendship and support has been a blessing; Joseph of the Best Fish Taco in Ensenada (www.best fishtacoinensenada.com); Linda Ramone and John Cafiero, Satan’s Little Helpers, for their boundless generosity; Will, off in Romania but here in spirit; inspirational Ted and Erik; Tom and Nancy; Charles Black; Danny Fields, generous never to a fault; Michael, Michelle, and Luca, the Perfect Neighbors for a Writer. William Dailey, an angel always, especially at the eleventh hour. Lisa Tuttle, long-lost friend discovered, who inspires me in every way and knows what’s creepy. T. E. D. Klein, one of the coolest guys ever—he is splendid and he answers the phone sounding like Alfred Hitchcock. My cousin Danny, I love you! My brother, who I knew would write a perfect list, all while he said, “I don’t know anything about it!”—I love you. To the spirit of Robert Aickman, who opened my heart and soul to whatever that thing is they call horror, or “strange stories.” Finally, to the peerless Hank and Bella, who slept on my computer and notebooks at the most inopportune times—I love you.

  Scott Bradley’s Acknowledgments

  First and foremost thanks go to my coauthors, Amy Wallace and Del Howison, as well as our esteemed contributors, for helping unleash The Book of Lists: Horror on the world. And deepest gratitude for aiding and abetting far beyond the call of duty goes to: Hank and B el la , the two greatest cats in the world (and their savior, Shelly Tidoni); my sisters, Sherri Cervantes (and her family) and Tammy Walker; my grandmother, Shirley Brake; my beloved mentor Yale Udoff and his fabulous wife, Shula; John Skipp and Mitch Brian, the big brothers I never had ’til I met them; Jason Aaron (Semper Gus); Melina Neet (I’m waiting to be thanked in your book!); “Wild” Bill Edwards (for adventures in Los Feliz and Romania); David Wallechinsky and the memory of Irving Wallace (for creating The Book of Lists series— an extraordinary legacy to live up to); the Video Hut boys, past and present—Ozzie, Andrew, Levon, Michael Bancroft, Derrek Everette, and Davey Johnson (Weeeeeeee!); Eric Press (for crab cakes and for turning me on to Family Portraits: A Trilogy of America); Richard Stanley (for magic, mystery, and the M.A.R.K.–13) and Miss Scarlett Amaris (who reads even more than I do!); Don D’Auria of Leisure Books; Franz Rodenkirchen; Irene Miracle; F. X. Feeney; Tom O’Connor; Jörg Buttgereit and Charlie Podrebarac (for generosity with images); Charles Black; Mark Savage, Stephen Volk, and Mikita Brottman (for taking the plunge with early lists); Tim Sullivan; James Gunn; Missssssster Tom Gauer; Peter Avellino; Deb Wilborn (the only good writing teacher I ever had in school); Dallas Mayr, Ramsey Campbell, and Joe Hill (for answering trivia inquiries); everyone at Skylight Books (and to the memory of Lucy the Cat); Tony Timpone; Mark Justice, David T. Wilbanks, Pod of Horror, and its listeners; Mark Valentine; Toni Aloy; Ken Bussanmas; Eric John; Leo Thompson; David Kerekes; Joseph Cordova; Tim Lucas; the Flying Maciste Brothers; Kevin Kelly (healer of sick computers) and Emily (no relation) Bradley (formatting queen); Joe Straughan and his mother, Liz (for helping me remember that there were some “good old days”). Extra thanks to the Internet, without which this would have been a much thinner book. Finally, enormous thanks to ____________ (I know I’m going to forget someone, so insert your name there).

  Del Howison’s Acknowledgments

  First, and most importantly, to Amy and Scott. They brought me in with a lot of dreams and desire and I hope I didn’t let them down. I am proud to be a part of this. To Sue, for putting up with the cavedwelling writer who speaks in grunts and probably leaves her life at all the wrong times to go write. To Shelley Cherwinski, who was the muse on my first published story and who occasionally has to slap me into the correct state of mind. Fill up another glass of muse, please! To all the people who stepped up and gave us a list, and all of those who tried but couldn’t due to time and industry constraints. We’ll get you next time around. Finally, to John Skipp, who kept his head and made things fun again when they may have been slipping away. Thank you to all of the above.

  INTRODUCTION

  Trying to prod a thing as elusive, sneaky, and totally out-of-bounds as horror into an informative and highly usable book of lists would seem to be pretty much impossible.

  Nevertheless, Amy Wallace (who cowrote the first BookofLists in 1977 with her father, Irving Wallace, and brother David Wallechinsky), Scott Bradley, and Del Howison took it into their heads for some strange reason to inspire and/or gather up lists created by some of the world’s most obsessed and knowledgeable specialists in and creators of horror, living and dead (trust a horror writer to contribute to a book after he or she is dead!), and they seem to have no serious problems whatsoever in successfully and neatly arranging them all in a tidy and accessible fashion, so that the book’s a fortunate guide to anyone interested in the subject, ranging from total tyros to dedicated, lifelong aficionados.

  The book will also educate and stimulate fans
in a wide variety of ways, from revealing delightfully odd and surprising facets of the field and its varied practitioners, which should entertain the most blasé, to using the list format as a teaching device, which wonderfully, and sometimes downright awesomely, will open their eyes—as they certainly did mine—to aspects of horror rarely considered and new ways of looking at it, which will refresh and delight and downright surprise its most sophisticated fans.

  The lists of best horror works are written by such towering figures as Stephen King, Robert Bloch, and Karl Edward Wagner, and, if put to use, would doubtless make an addict out of the most determined horror hater (there actually are such people). Guides to very special favorite horror fields are not neglected. Thomas Ligotti presents ten classics of horror poetry, and S. P. Somtow’s opera list includes Götterdämmerung and Don Giovanni, which I think qualify fully by featuring, respectively, the end of the world and a living statue dragging singing victims off to hell.

  There are a number of very funny lists, such as editor Anthony Timpone’s rueful “Ten Movies I Wish I’d Never Put on the Cover of Fangoria”; T. E. D. Klein’s “Twenty-Five Most Familiar Horror Plots” (of which my favorite is “Hey, I’m Really Dead!”) and C. Courtney Joyner’s well-observed “Ten Top Horror Movie Surgical Blunders.” Perhaps the funniest title of the funny lists is Vince Churchill’s “Wow, the Black Guy Lived!”

  Maybe most interesting of all the categories are lists of widely varied horror works which will—I guarantee it—make you see legendary works of horror, or horror itself, in an entirely new light. I’ll only cite two of them and let the rest come clawing at you out of the darkness: Caitlín R. Kiernan’s sly “Thirteen of the Top Ten Lovecraftian Films Not Actually Based (or Only Loosely Based) on the Works of H. P. Lovecraft,” which has forever and permanently, profoundly altered my opinion of the origin of one of my very absolutely favorite monsters, and may do the same for you; and the really brilliant “Ten Horror Films that Aren’t Horror Films” by Video Watchdog editor Tim Lucas, which I think I can guarantee will remarkably, and healthily, widen your definition of horror itself.

  Have a good time.

  —Gahan Wilson

  GahanWilsonisthe legendaryand internationallyfamous cartoonist of the macabre, whose work appears regularly in Playboy and The New Yorker and is available in numerous collections. He is also a well known and popular horror and mystery author. His many books include Eddie Deco’s Last Caper, Everybody’s Favorite Duck, and Gravedigger’s Party.

  THE BOOK OF LISTS: HORROR WRITING STAFF ABBREVIATIONS

  A.W. Amy Wallace

  D.H. Del Howison

  J.S. John Skipp

  L.M. Lisa Morton

  M.B. Mitch Brian

  R.P. Rick Pickman

  S.B. Scott Bradley

  A NOTE ON SPOILERS

  precedes list entries that feature potential spoilers, as well as entire lists with numerous possible spoilers. While the authors have made every attempt to identify spoilers, one reader’s spoiler could be another’s old news, so we apologize for any we didn’t catch.

  CHAPTER 1:

  “Keep Repeating . . . ‘It’s Only a Movie . . . !’”

  FEAR ON THE SILVER SCREEN

  THE TOP SIX GROSSING HORROR FILMS OF ALL TIME IN

  THE UNITED STATES (ADJUSTED FOR INFLATION*)

  *Adjusted to the 2007 average ticket price of $6.58.

  Source: www.boxofficemojo.com

  SIX STARS WHO TURNED DOWN

  FAMOUS HORROR MOVIE ROLES

  1. Bela Lugosi as the Monster in Frankenstein (1931): Coming off the title role in the hit 1931 film version of Dracula, Bela Lugosi seemed like the natural choice to star as the creature in Frankenstein. While make-up tests with Lugosi were indeed conducted and shot, ultimately he did not play the role, although accounts differ as to why. Lugosi claimed that he “read the script and didn’t like it. So I asked to be withdrawn from the picture.” However, Jack Pierce, the film’s makeup designer, was quoted as saying that the star “had too many ideas of his own that didn’t correspond with those of the producer, Carl Laemmle. Lugosi thought his ideas were better than everybody’s.” Whatever the case, the part went to a forty-four-year-old character actor named Boris Karloff, and the rest is horror history.

  2. Shirley MacLaine as Chris MacNeil in The Exorcist (1973): Author William Peter Blatty used his friend Shirley MacLaine as the inspiration for Chris MacNeil, the movie star whose daughter Regan is a victim of demonic possession, right down to giving the character a similar last name. When MacLaine signed a deal with producer Lew Grade, she tried to interest him in making the film version of The Exorcist. However, the producer made a lowball offer on the hot material, which was declined, and MacLaine ended up starring in another supernatural thriller, The Possession of Joel Delaney (1972). After other major actresses were considered by Blatty and director William Friedkin, the role eventually went to Ellen Burstyn, who earned an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress. In an odd side-story, MacLaine has long maintained that the image on the novel’s dust jacket cover was a distorted photograph of her daughter Sachi that was taken by Blatty, although the author has repeatedly denied this claim.

  3. Sterling Hayden as Quint in Jaws (1975): The legendary star of The Asphalt Jungle and Johnny Guitar was selected by director Steven Spielberg to play the crusty shark hunter Quint in the adaptation of Peter Benchley’s bestseller. (Lee Marvin was also briefly considered.) However, Hayden was in the midst of legal problems due to unpaid taxes, and his salary would have been subject to a levy by the Internal Revenue Service. Although several ideas were considered to circumvent the problem, none were deemed viable and Hayden ultimately passed. Veteran actor Robert Shaw (who called the script “shit”) took the role and delivered what many consider the single finest acting moment in the film: Quint’s monologue about the sinking of the USS Indianapolis.

  4. and 5. Gene Hackman and Michelle Pfeiffer as Dr. Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling in The Silence of the Lambs (1991): Orion Pictures acquired the film rights to the bestselling Thomas Harris novel The Silence of the Lambs in 1988 because Gene Hackman expressed interest in directing and writing the movie version. He also planned to star as serial killer Dr. Hannibal “the Cannibal” Lecter (the role had previously been played by Brian Cox in Michael Mann’s 1986 film Manhunter). By mid-1989, Hackman had dropped out of the project, and Jonathan Demme took over as director. Demme offered the role of FBI trainee Clarice Starling to Michelle Pfeiffer, with whom he had worked on the comedy Married to the Mob. Pfeiffer found the material too dark and declined. When The Silence of the Lambs was finally made, Anthony Hopkins played Lecter and Jodie Foster played Starling. Both won Academy Awards for their performances.

  6. Jodie Foster as Clarice Starling in Hannibal (2001): The massive success of The Silence of the Lambs virtually assured a sequel—however, it took Thomas Harris more than a decade to deliver one. When the novel Hannibal appeared in 1999, many readers were angered by the outré plot, which featured an ending that had Clarice Starling and Hannibal Lecter running away together as lovers. Among the outraged fans was Jodie Foster, who felt the novel’s conclusion “betrayed” Clarice (director Jonathan Demme and screenwriter Ted Tally, both Oscar winners for Lambs, also passed; Ridley Scott was hired as director, and David Mamet and Steven Zaillian wrote the script). Foster later added: “Clarice meant so much to Jonathan and me, she really did, and I know it sounds kind of strange to say, but there was no way that either of us could really trample on her.” Many actresses, including Hilary Swank and Cate Blanchett, were considered for the role, which ultimately went to Julianne Moore, who said: “Of course people are going to compare my interpretation with Jodie Foster’s . . . but this film is going to be very different.” It was. And, despite modifying the controversial ending, the movie proved as polarizing to fans as the novel.

  —S.B.

  RAY BRADBURY’S FIVE HORROR FILMS

  THAT MOST INFLUENCED HIM AS A YOUTH
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  A native of Waukegan, Illinois, Ray Bradbury is the author of The Martian Chronicles, Fahrenheit 451, The October Country, Dandelion Wine, Something Wicked This Way Comes, The Illustrated Man, and countless other classic works of science fiction, fantasy, and horror. He has also been the recipient of numerous awards, including a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2002, and the National Medal of the Arts in 2004.

  The following was dictated to Del Howison on September 16,2007, at Ray Bradbury’s home in Los Angeles, California.

  1. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923): I was three years old when I saw this film. It made me want to be a hunchback.

  2. The Phantom of the Opera (1925): I was five years old when this came out. It made me want to be Lon Chaney.

  3. The Lost World (1925): It made me fall in love with dinosaurs. I’ve loved them all my life. I wrote all kinds of things about them. John Huston read something I wrote about them and it caused him to hire me to write the screenplay for Moby Dick.

  4. King Kong (1933): I fell for Fay Wray. She’s the best. Years later my friend Ray Harryhausen got to go up to the top of the Empire State Building with her. That’s something, isn’t it?

  5. The Mummy (1932): The one with Boris Karloff. I wanted to be a mummy strolling out of a tomb.