The Nerd Who Loved Me Read online

  "Damn straight you do," Leo muttered.

  "That much I can vouch for," Harry said. "The word's out. Try anything funny around the Emerald Lakes area and you're liable to be wearing cement overshoes."

  Lainie's eyes widened.

  "Metaphorically speaking," Harry added.

  "Right." Leo smiled. "Cement overshoes went out in the forties."

  Lainie glanced from Harry to Leo, obviously trying to decide if they were pulling her leg.

  "Take my word for it," Harry said. "If you leave Dexter with my mom, it's like locking the kid away in Fort Knox. All you'd have to worry about are the sugar highs from unlimited cookies and whether the TITS would spoil him so completely you'd never get him straight­ened out." Harry didn't know why he was supporting his mom's plan, except that for the first time since he'd ar­rived at the Nirvana with Dexter, Lainie seemed to be perking up.

  Even so, she shook her head. "I couldn't possibly im­pose on you like that, Rona."

  "Impose?" Rona looked at Lainie in disbelief. "Honey, haven't you been paying attention? I'm desperate for the grandmother experience. If you left Dexter here with me for a few days, you'd be doing me a favor."

  Lainie glanced toward the living room. The joyous sounds of boy and dog drifted down the hall as if to put an exclamation point on Rona's statement.

  "Obviously Fred would love it, too," Rona said. "As you can see, he's crazy about kids. The TITS bring their grandchildren over here specifically to give Fred a thrill."

  And Harry was beginning to feel very, very guilty. He'd known his mother wanted a grandchild to spoil, but he hadn't realized to what extent. Shit, he was even depriving Fred. His mom was treating this visit from Dexter as if she and Fred had hit the Quartermania jackpot.

  It wasn't like Harry didn't want to marry and have kids. He'd been a little slow about it, but he definitely saw that in his future. Apparently he needed to make it a bigger priority, though, considering he wanted a family and his mom really wanted him to have one.

  "You're making a convincing case," Lainie said to Rona. "I've been worried that Dexter is missing out on having grandparents fuss over him."

  "Your parents don't visit?" Rona asked gently.

  "Uh, no."

  She looked so sad at that moment that Harry clutched his coffee mug to keep from reaching for her hand.

  "That's too bad," Leo said, his voice gruff. "A damned shame."

  "Then I think it's settled." Looking for all the world like Judge Judy at the conclusion of a case, Rona folded her manicured hands on the table. "Dexter will stay here for a few days, and you can take a little trip with Harry."

  Harry almost fell off his chair. "Wait a minute, I—"

  "A trip with Harry?" Lainie made it sound like the last thing in the world she wanted to do.

  Well, that got his hackles up. "For your information, I'm a fairly decent traveling companion." Yep, his mom was doing the matchmaking thing, and he should watch his step. But Lainie didn't have to sound so horrified at the thought of being stuck with him.

  She blushed bright red. "Oh, I'm sure you are a won­derful traveling companion! I didn't mean it like that. I was caught by surprise, and I was sure you wouldn't want to do it, anyway, so I was only—"

  "All right, you two," Rona said. "Settle down and lis­ten to what I have to say before you jump to conclusions."

  Harry knew there was only one conclusion that made sense, and he'd already jumped to it, walked around on it, and recognized it as his mother's handiwork. If he was wrong he'd eat Fred's dog food, but he didn't think he was wrong. Rona had dreamed up a way to have Dexter to herself and throw her unmarried son in the path of matrimony in one brilliant maneuver.

  "Anybody change their mind about that Baileys?" Leo asked.

  "I'm thinking three fingers of bourbon, personally," Harry said. "But I have a feeling I'll be driving some­where soon, so I'd better pass."

  "Everybody wait here a minute." Rona pushed back her chair. "I need to get something. Anybody need more coffee while I'm up?"

  Leo stood and picked up his mug. "Let me get what­ever it is, Boom-Boom. I'm going for the Baileys, any­way."

  Rona sank back to her chair and smiled at Leo. "Thank you. If you could please bring me that invitation from the time-share people in Sedona, I'd appreciate it."

  Leo chuckled. "You mean the one addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Fred Ambrewster?"

  "That's the one."

  Lainie burst out laughing. "They sent a time-share in­vitation to a dog?"

  "It happens all the time." Harry really liked hearing her laugh. "You can't blame them. Mom's listed in the phone book as 'Fred and Rona Ambrewster.'"

  Rona sniffed. "Go ahead and make fun of me, but I think it's smart to give the impression there's a married couple living here."

  "Yeah," Leo called from the kitchen, "and guess how many of your neighbors call me Fred?"

  "I think it's a great idea," Lainie said. "My number's unlisted, of course, but if I should ever list it, I'll re­member that strategy. I suppose you wouldn't even have to have a pet. You could just stick a guy's name in there. Who would know?"

  "Of course, Rona could solve the whole problem." Leo came back with his mug full, the coffee carafe in his free hand and the envelope stack under his arm. "She could marry me and then there would be an actual mar­ried couple living here. No subterfuge necessary. But I can't seem to convince her of that, and I've been trying for twenty years."

  Rona glanced at him. "Our arrangement suits me just fine. And it suits you just fine, too, so be quiet. If I ever said I'd marry you, you'd run for your life."

  Leo winked at Harry. "Smart woman, your mother." Then he handed her the envelope and started pouring coffee all around.

  "And don't you forget it." Rona took a letter out of the envelope. "Anyway, Leo and I are curious about this time-share."

  "Rona is curious," Leo said. "Me, I'm not so sure about the time-share concept."

  "Well, I think it looks beautiful. So Harry, you and Lainie could drive down there tonight, listen to the pitch tomorrow, and let us know if it's worth our making the trip. They include two nights' lodging, so the only ex­pense would be the meals."

  "But the letter's addressed to you and Fred," Harry said. That was the least of the problems, but the only one he could say in front of everyone.

  The big problem, the huge, gigantic, super-humongous problem, was how he'd react to all that time alone with Lainie, in a resort setting, probably bedding down in the same complimentary suite. Sure, it could get her out of town for a few days and perhaps throw Joey off the trail, but Harry would be smack-dab in the middle of the biggest temptation he'd had to face in years.

  "So be Fred for a few days," Rona said. "I was plan­ning to have Leo be Fred, so why not you? My friend Suz said they don't check ID on these deals as long as you look like you're a decent prospect. Besides, your last name matches."

  "I'll bet I'd have to register a credit card at the front desk for incidentals."

  Rona waved away the objection. "They won't ask. When was the last time you registered a credit card at a hotel and had anybody look twice at it? If they do, tell them Fred's your nickname and Harold is your real name. If the credit card signature matches, they'll be fine with it."

  "But my name doesn't match anything," Lainie said.

  "I know, sweetie," Rona said. "But you won't be asked to prove who you are. I was planning to give you some of my clothes to take along, and among the various TITS members we should be able to come up with some wigs and spare pairs of glasses. You don't want to be recog­nized as yourself."

  Harry had to admit it was a neat little plan. He had plenty of vacation days coming because he never went anywhere, and he was caught up at work. Hell, he was always caught up at work. Dependable Harry. Boring, but dependable.

  At any rate, if Joey turned out to be your average dis­ruptive bully, he'd probably give up after a few days of searching fruitlessly for his son and ex-girlfri
end. This could be a simple, if temporary, fix for the problem, giving Lainie time to figure out how to solve her dilemma once and for all.

  Of course, Lainie might refuse to go along with the plan.

  "Okay," Lainie said. "I'll do it."

  Joey couldn't believe Lainie had given him the slip. Her car was still in the parking lot, though. And it would stay in the parking lot. He'd disconnected the battery and parked his car right next to hers, so when she came back, even if he'd fallen asleep in the car, he'd wake up when she got somebody to come out and help her.

  But after fifteen minutes of trying to catch some Zs, he realized he was both hungry and thirsty. Well, hell's-a-poppin', if he wasn't parked right behind a casino, which served food and drinks twenty-four/seven. He could easily order some food, have one drink while he was waiting for it, and get another one to bring out here with the sandwich. Even if Lainie showed up, she wouldn't be able to have the car fixed and drive away in the time it would take him to get some eats.

  He walked around the building and in through the front. The place smelled and sounded like money—even with the new machines that paid in paper vouchers in­stead of coins, money lust was in the air. He'd always loved that about casinos. You could walk in a poor slob and walk out a rich dude in a couple of hours. All you needed was a stake and luck.

  His luck was due to turn. It had to turn, or he was in way too much trouble. But all he had to do was link up with little Dexter, and he was golden. The kid was his. He had a legal right to him.

  Locating the nearest bar, he took a seat.

  "What’ll it be?" asked the bartender, a young punk who didn't look old enough to drink.

  Joey ordered a beer and a turkey sandwich. The beer came immediately, and he chugged half of it. Then while he waited for the sandwich, he dug in his pocket for quarters and stuck three in the poker slot machine built into the bartop. The first game paid off with twenty quarters, which he took as a good sign. He must have whooped a little, because the bartender came over to take a look.

  "Nice going," the guy said.

  "Chump change." Joey fed three more quarters into the machine. "One of these days, I'm going to be rolling in it." Then, because he knew the bartender probably heard that all the time, he felt compelled to look this ya­hoo in the eye and add, "Seriously."

  "Wouldn't that be nice?" Obviously the guy didn't believe a word of it.

  "I'm not kidding around." Joey finished off the beer. "I'm going to inherit a freaking fortune." He motioned to the empty glass. "Hit me again."

  "Sure thing." Pretty soon the guy brought another beer plus the turkey sandwich.

  Joey decided to ignore the sandwich for now and con­centrate on the beer. It felt real good going down, and he'd had a tough night. "See, I wasn't supposed to inherit everything at first."

  "Is that right?" The guy edged away, like he didn't want to get drawn into the conversation.

  But Joey knew how to grab listeners, by God. If there was one thing Joey Benjamin knew how to do, it was keep people entertained. "See, it's all about sexual pref­erences."

  Immediately the guy was back. "Like, what do you mean?"

  "My older brother Emil popped right out of the closet two weeks ago, and my billionaire, Bible-thumpin' daddy's not leaving him one thin dime, now. I'm next in line for the dough, but my daddy wants a guarantee that I can pass on the family fortune to my own flesh and blood when the time comes."

  "So you're looking to get someone pregnant?" The guy was totally involved in the story. "Because I'll bet you'd have women lining up, if they knew about this deal."

  "I can't take that chance. See, I had mumps as a teenager, and the docs said I'd be shooting blanks from that point on."

  "Wow, that sucks!"

  "Except five years ago, to my surprise, I got my girl­friend pregnant, so I do have a kid. Might be the only one I'll ever have, but I have one."

  "So you're all set, then!"

  "Yeah." Joey gulped some more beer. "Except I never told Daddy about that kid. You know how it is. He doesn't think people should have sex outside of marriage." Joey snorted. "Probably not inside of marriage, either. And if he knew the kid's mother was a showgirl, well, we won't even go there. Anyway, I figured what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him."

  "But now you want him to know about the kid, at least."

  "Right." Joey picked up his sandwich. "My little brother Ronnie is so sure he has this sewn up. He even had his sperm tested, the little prick, and I mean that lit­erally. But yours truly has already sired the next Ben­jamin heir, so I'm light-years ahead of Ronnie and his freaking sperm count. With luck I can gloss over the showgirl part. The thing is, now I have to find that little dude, or my ass is grass."

  "I don't get it. Your kid is missing?"

  Joey spoke through a mouthful of turkey sandwich. "It's sort of complicated. I'll find him, though."

  "Man, in your shoes, I'd be scouring the countryside for that ticket to my inheritance."

  "That's exactly what I plan to do." Joey polished off his second beer and waved to the empty glass. "I just need to wet my whistle real good first."

  Lainie's reasons for accepting Rona's suggestion revolved around Dexter and what would be the best thing for him. So even though she'd said yes, she needed to check with her son and make sure he was okay with the plan.

  "Or rather, I'll do it if Dexter says okay," she added. "If you don't mind, I'd like to go in the living room and ask him privately."

  "Sure." Rona smiled. "No problem."

  Excusing herself from the table, Lainie tightened the belt of her raincoat before walking into the living room. She was sweating under that vinyl coat. Borrowing some clothes from Rona would obligate her even more, but by now her own clothes were probably a wrinkled mess, not fit for a trip to a resort. And she'd love to get into something more comfortable. Her sequined thong wasn't designed for sitting around a kitchen table drink­ing coffee and chatting.

  When she reached the living room, she found Dexter sprawled on the floor cuddling Fred. Dexter hadn't heard her come in because he seemed to be engrossed in telling Fred a story.

  "But those aliens trying to take over the world hadn't figured on Dexter and his Superdog Fred," Dexter said. "Those two zapped the aliens like crazy, and they started running to their spaceship. Then they took off and went back where they came from, a nebula far, far away. So Dexter and Fred, they were heroes, and they had a big parade and got to ride in a convertible with the top down, and they got to eat all the cookies they wanted, and that night, they all went to see a dance show. The end."

  "Great story," Lainie said.

  Dexter looked up, his expression worried. "Hi, Mommy. Do we have to go, now?"

  "That's what I want to talk to you about." She crouched down next to him.

  "Can we come back again, though? Me and Fred, we like each other a lot."

  From his prone position, Fred wiggled and thumped his tail on the rug.

  "I can see that." Right then and there, Lainie made a promise to herself. She would figure out a way for Dex­ter to have a dog. She'd been too quick to take the apart­ment they lived in, or maybe used to live in was more like it. The future was uncertain. But once this business was settled about Joey, she'd keep looking until she found a place that allowed pets.

  "As it turns out, Miss Rona has asked if you'd like to stay here for a while."

  Dexter's eyes grew round with excitement. "Stay here? You mean sleep here? With Fred?"

  Lainie nodded. "Miss Rona said you could stay here while I take a little trip with Mr. Harry."

  "Where're you going?"

  "To check out a vacation place and see if Miss Rona wants to go there someday."

  "So why don't we all go? You, me, Mr. Harry, Miss Rona, Mr. Leo, and Fred. All of us. We could get a van."

  Lainie smiled at the picture of such a trip. "Miss Rona doesn't want to go right now, and she would love to have you stay here with her to keep her and Fred company."
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br />   "I could do that," he said eagerly. "How long do I get to stay here?"

  She noticed he'd phrased it as if he didn't want to leave, ever. Poor kid, he really needed grandparents, not to mention a dog. "Oh, about three days." She reached out and stroked his hair. "But remember, we've never been away from each other for three days." She was grateful that he was smart enough to understand how long that was. She didn't have to worry that he'd agree to some­thing and not know what she was talking about.

  He looked at her with great seriousness. "Will you miss me a whole lot?"

  "I'm sure I will." She got a lump in her throat just thinking about it.

  "It's only three days." He sounded so much like her that she nearly laughed. "You'll be fine, Mommy. Be­fore you know it, you'll be coming back."

  "I guess you're right." She admitted to being a little bit jealous of Rona and Fred, who had captured Dexter's devotion in no time at all. But because they had, she could more easily deal with this problem. Maybe during the trip, Harry could help her decide what to do about Joey.

  She would love to know how Harry looked at this plan. She hoped he wasn't too irritated that his mother had swooped in and complicated his life with this trip. He acted hesitant, and she could certainly understand that. Harry didn't seem to know what to do regarding her. He seemed attracted, and yet maybe he didn't want to be attracted.

  Well, three days of forced confinement should give her the answer to the puzzle of Harry Ambrewster. But she wasn't sure how she'd manage to leave her kid for that long. "So you're sure you're okay with this idea?" she asked.

  "Mommy, I'm great with this idea. But are you going to be lonesome without me?"

  "Probably." She leaned down and kissed his soft little boy's cheek. He smelled of doggy drool. "But like you said, before I know it, I'll be back."

  Chapter Five

  The minute Lainie was out of the room, Harry skewered his mother with a look. "Just so you're aware, I know ex­actly what you're doing."

  Rona laughed. "I know you do. I haven't been able to get anything past you since you were two."