Big-Hearted Cowboy (The Buckskin Brotherhood Book 2) Read online

  Kate hung up her jacket. “We’re fresh out of crumpets, but we have brownies. Let’s take off these dresses and get into our jammies. Then we’ll talk.”

  “Great plan.” She headed into her bedroom to change.

  Kate beat her to the kitchen and already had a plate of brownies on the table and tea brewing. Until Kate had arrived with the loose-leaf kind, Millie hadn’t liked tea. Now she was a fan.

  Kate poured tea into both cups and added honey to hers. “I’m guessing the Teague deal has something to do with the conversation you had with Jake in front of the Moose tonight. Did he tick you off?”

  “Kind of. Except I’m not mad at him anymore.”

  “You aren’t? Then why did you give him the silent treatment on the way home?”

  “The way we used to act with each other won’t work for me anymore.” She stirred honey into her tea. “I’m tired of the surface relationship we’ve had going on. Matt and Lucy’s wedding was a wakeup call.” She glanced over at Kate. “I want to get married.”

  “Hm.” Kate picked up a brownie and took a bite.

  “You’re thinking I have wedding fever.”

  She chewed and swallowed. “It’s been known to happen. Add in Seth and Zoe’s baby boy, and even I was rethinking my choices.”

  “That’s just it. I haven’t made a choice. I’m drifting. I’ve always assumed I’d get married someday, but I figured I had plenty of time.”

  “You do. Don’t rush it. I got married because I was following some imaginary timetable. Worst decision of my life.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Twenty-two.”

  “Well, I’m twenty-eight. Zoe’s around my age. Lucy’s a couple of years younger. Time’s passing for me and I—”

  “Hold your horses, kiddo. First you’d better make damn sure you’ve found Mr. Right. If you marry Mr. Barely Adequate because the clock is ticking, I promise you’ll live to regret it.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t laugh, but I thought Jake was Mr. Right.”

  “Jake? Have you even kissed him?”

  “No. But I’m attracted to him and we have fun together. Lately he’s been giving me The Look.” She picked up a brownie.

  “The one that sets your panties on fire?”

  “Yep.” She bit into it. Delicious.

  “How did I miss that?”

  “He doesn’t do it often. We’re always in a crowd and he probably wouldn’t want to be caught giving me lustful glances. Come to think of it, I don’t think we’ve ever been truly alone. But I can tell he wants me. And I want him, too.” She took another bite of her brownie. It didn’t substitute for what she craved, but she couldn’t have that so she’d take a brownie, instead.

  “That’s a good beginning.” Kate sipped her tea. “But clearly something happened to derail things between you two.”

  “Turns out he has no interest in marriage.”

  “Ah. I can’t say I’m surprised, but why not?”

  “I don’t know, and we had no chance to talk about it.”

  “Aren’t you curious?”

  “Sure, but I won’t try to talk him into the idea.”

  “God, no. Any guy who needs to be talked into marriage is the opposite of Mr. Right.” She took another brownie. “I sort of agree with CJ about Teague, though. He doesn’t seem like your type.”

  “Why not?”

  “Too serious. One of the things I love about Jake is that he laughs a lot. I’m trying to remember if I’ve heard Teague laugh. I have no memory of it.”

  “He probably does. You spend way more time around Jake. We only see Teague when we go over to Ed’s with the Babes for their barrel racing practice.”

  “I suppose. Personally, though, I couldn’t spend my life with a man who doesn’t have a working funny bone. I don’t care how gorgeous he is.”

  “I’ll be spending an entire evening with Teague next Saturday. I’ll bet he’ll laugh sometime during the night. For one thing, he won’t be getting the stink-eye from Jake.”

  Kate’s eyebrows lifted. “Jake did that tonight?”

  “Oh, yeah. He glared at us the whole time we were dancing.”

  “He’s jealous?”

  “He admitted it. But I can’t worry about that. I’m moving on.”

  “What about that pesky issue of wanting to get naked with him? I doubt that urge will disappear overnight.”

  “You know what? It’s only a fantasy. Like you pointed out, I haven’t even kissed that cowboy. He might be a lousy kisser and a terrible lover. Hey, maybe that’s why he doesn’t want to get married. He has performance anxiety.”

  Kate grinned. “Keep telling yourself that, girlfriend.”

  * * *

  With more guests in the cabins due to the wedding, Millie had a heavier work load than usual the next morning. Fine with her. The busier she kept herself, the less time she had to focus on Jake.

  She saved Zoe and Seth’s cabin for last and texted Zoe to see if Hamish was asleep. She could always come back later.

  Come on over, Zoe texted back. I’m giving Hamish his bath. Seth’s down at the barn.

  Perfect. She could spend a little time with them before taking a cart of linens to the laundry room.

  She knocked and opened the door a crack. “It’s Millie.”

  “Come on in. I could use a hand with this slippery little guy. I’m not used to the bath routine yet.”

  Leaving her cleaning supplies outside on the porch, she stepped into the cabin and closed the door. “I’m no expert, either.” She walked toward the bathroom. “I helped with my niece when she was about this age, but I—good grief.”

  “I know.” Zoe glanced up from the bathroom sink while keeping a grip on the wiggling baby. “We’ve splashed water everywhere. The towels I planned to dry him with are soaked. Sorry. You don’t have to deal with it. I’ll—”

  “No worries.” She glanced at Hamish. “I think he likes it.”

  “Oh, he loves it. This is only his second bath, since I had to wait until his umbilical cord healed, and he gets so excited when I lower him into the warm water. Then he pees, and that’s a whole other issue.”

  Millie swallowed her laughter. “I’ll get you some dry towels from my cart.”

  “Thanks. I thought Seth would be back by now. He wanted to go down and help Jake and Rafe feed, but shouldn’t they be done?”

  “Usually. Be right back.” She went out to her cart, grabbed a stack of clean towels and hurried to Zoe’s and Hamish’s rescue. She held out a towel. “Let’s wrap him in this. Then I can take him into the living room while you get out of those wet clothes.”

  “You’re a lifesaver.” She nestled the dripping baby in the folds of the towel.

  Millie folded the towel around his precious little body and carried him out of the bathroom. He was good as gold, staring up at her with eyes that could go blue or brown. Too early to tell. But he was studying her, no question.

  If she and Jake had a baby, the kid could end up with green like hers or blue like Jake’s. Jake’s baby. That had been part of her fantasy, too. He would be a wonderful lover, husband and father. His sense of fun would make every day an adventure.

  Oh, yeah, she’d invested heavily in that dream. She’d based it on such shaky evidence, too—some flirting, some hot glances, and Jake’s love of cooking. She should have known better. Kate loved to cook and she was death on marriage.

  Zoe came out of the bedroom in dry clothes. “I should have waited for Seth. But I ran out of things to do and Hamish was awake, so I decided to tackle it on my own.”

  “No harm done. It’s only water.”

  Zoe grinned. “And some pee.”

  “Hey, it’s what babies do. Although with my niece it was easier. More contained.”

  “I know! I’m never prepared for the fountain to erupt.” She held out her arms. “I’ll take him, now. I’ll get some clothes on him so he’s ready to go out into the world when Seth gets back.”

&nbs
p; “I’ll grab my cart and start on the bathroom, if that’s okay.”

  “That would be great. I’m so glad I got to meet you at last. I hated that you had to miss Seth’s and my wedding.”

  “I hated it, too, but trust me, you wouldn’t have wanted my germs down there.” Would Seth’s wedding have affected her the same as Matt’s?

  Maybe. It wasn’t only the timetable, as Kate had implied. It was also the joy that each of these couples had found by joining forces against whatever Fate dished out.

  She had friends—good, solid folks who would always support her. She had family—her parents, her brother and his wife and kids. But she wanted a partner who was always there, who stood by her side through thick and thin.

  As she was mopping up the bathroom, her phone pinged. Could be anybody. But it wasn’t. It was Jake.

  Can we talk? I’d like some privacy. Maybe in your cottage around noon? Kate should be involved in the lunch routine at the dining hall. I can bring some food to share. Let me know.

  Sounded innocent enough, except that they’d never had a truly private moment alone. Heart thudding, she texted back. Sure, why not? Bring whatever you feel like eating. I’m not picky.

  Not about food, anyway. She was picky about men. And damn it all, Jake was still her first choice.

  Chapter Eight

  Jake was sweating bullets as he pulled up in front of the white clapboard cottage that Millie shared with Kate. He knew the place well since Seth’s mom had lived here. Seth had, too, until he’d turned sixteen and requested a transfer to the bunkhouse.

  Jake had arrived at the Buckskin a couple of years after that. He and Matt had been the new guys, both wondering if they’d fit in. Having Seth around, a wrangler their age, had helped.

  After shutting off the engine, Jake picked up the bag of sandwiches and climbed out. His breathing was still wonky, so he took his time going up to the porch.

  The weathered Adirondacks were the same ones he’d sat in during summer evenings with Matt, Seth and his mom. She’d bring out big bowls of popcorn and a pitcher of homemade lemonade. Once they were of age, it had often been bottles of hard cider instead.

  He could use some of that Dutch courage about now, but it was too early in the day. And too cool to sit on the porch. He dragged in a breath. Either he took this road or he’d have to step back and let Teague make his move. He rapped on the screen.

  Millie opened the door immediately. She looked as nervous as he was. And beautiful. She always wore her hair in a ponytail for work, but now it fell to her shoulders in waves of burnished copper. For him?

  She didn’t smile. “Come in. I have coffee.”

  “Great.” He held up the paper bag as he walked through the doorway. “I made us a couple of sandwiches.” Fixing them was one thing. The knot in his stomach might interfere with eating them.

  “I set us up in the kitchen.”

  “Sounds good.” Damn, he still couldn’t seem to breathe normally. Carrying the sandwiches into the kitchen, he put the bag on the table. She’d set their places, the ones they always took when the four of them hung out here.

  Except today, for the first time ever, it was only them. Two empty chairs underscored the situation. Noon light coming through the kitchen window made everything look different, too.

  He laid his hat brim-side up next to his place. One night he and Rafe had taught Kate and Millie how to flip cards into an upended hat. Those women must have practiced like crazy after that, because now they were unbeatable.

  He took off his jacket and draped it over the back of the chair he usually sat in.

  “Here’s your coffee.” She brought over two steaming mugs and put one by his place and the other by hers.

  “Thanks.” He helped her into her chair before sitting down, himself. Opening the bag, he pulled out the wrapped sandwiches and handed her one. “This all feels very weird.”

  “Yep.” She unwrapped her sandwich and laid it on her plate. “Oh, I forgot. There are chips in the cupboard if you want me to get—”

  “I don’t need ’em. I’ll be lucky to get through this sandwich.”

  “Then why did you bring food?”

  Surprised by the question, he glanced at her. “It’s our lunch hour. We both need to eat.”

  For the first time, she smiled. “That’s so you. You never want anyone to miss a meal.”

  “It’s not good to skip meals. It messes with your digestion.”

  “So you’re going to force down this sandwich, even though you’re so uptight that you don’t want it? That can’t be good for your digestion, either.”

  He gazed at his sandwich. “You have a point.”

  “What if we wrap up the sandwiches and stick them in the fridge until after this talk that has you tied in knots?”

  “Okay.” He rewrapped the sandwich and put it in the bag.

  She did the same and got up. “Do you still want your coffee? I could put that in a thermos.”

  “I’d like to keep the coffee. Gives me something to hold onto.” When she returned to the table, he stood and helped her into her chair again.

  Then he reclaimed his seat and wrapped his hands around his coffee mug. Good thing it was a generous size and not one of the little teacups the ladies were so fond of. In his current condition, he might crush that delicate china.

  Millie took a sip from her mug and put it back on the table. “Well?”

  “The guys think—” He stopped to clear his throat. “They think I need to tell you why I don’t plan to get married. At the bare minimum, you deserve to know that.”

  “Did you have a meeting of the Brotherhood?”

  “Not exactly. Well, sort of. Rafe and I talked on the way back to the bunkhouse last night. Then we discussed the situation with Leo, Nick and CJ. We decided not to text Matt.”

  “I should hope so.”

  “We didn’t bother Seth, either, but I knew he was coming down to the barn this morning, so he’d have a chance to put in his two cents.”

  “Do they know the reason why you don’t plan to marry?”

  “They do now.”

  “They didn’t know before?”

  “It never came up.”

  “How could it not come up? You live together, work together, party together. Oh, wait. Never mind. I get it.”

  “Get what?”

  “Guys. Everything is on a need-to-know basis.”

  “Right. And now you need to know, so here I am.”

  That seemed to amuse her and she ducked her head, but when she glanced up, her expression was serious. “Thank you for that. I’m all ears.”

  He gathered his forces. Seth had assured him that talking about his miserable past would get easier. So far it still sucked. “My parents have been married four times.”

  Her eyes widened. “That’s a lot.”

  “To each other.”

  “What?”

  “They’ve married each other four times over the past thirty-some years.”

  “Then they’ve divorced three times?”

  “Four. They’re currently divorced. I found that out when I talked to my dad this past Christmas. But he’s sure they’ll get back together. With their history, they probably will.”

  “That’s… that’s… I don’t—”

  “Don’t know what to say? Whether to laugh or not?”

  “There’s nothing funny about it. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

  “Not that I know of. My mom’s convinced my dad fathered some kids when they were divorced, but he claims he hasn’t. They fight about that a lot, but they can get into a screaming match about little stuff, too. Like how to hang the toilet paper roll.”

  Millie shuddered. “Your life must have been chaos.”

  “I spent most of my time with friends or locked in my room. They hardly seemed to notice.”

  “And I’m guessing meals were haphazard.”

  He nodded. “I tried putting myself in charge of the kitchen, but any m
eal I cooked had the potential to end up with dishes hitting the wall, so I gave up on it.”

  “My God.”

  “The divorces brought the most drama, but in between divorces they’d have trial separations. They were cheaper and kept the pot well-stirred. I think the record was four of those between my seventh-grade year and graduation from high school.”

  “Zero stability.”

  “You’ve got it. It was more peaceful when my dad was gone, although I didn’t see much of my mom. She’d be busy dating. They both dated. Then my dad would come around with a dozen red roses and it would start all over again. I don’t much like red roses.”

  “I promise not to give you any.”

  He met her gaze, thinking she was making a joke. Instead her soft green eyes looked so sad, sadder than he’d ever seen them. “I’m depressing you. I’m sorry. That’s the gist of it. We can change the subject.”

  She reached over and squeezed his arm. “I’m not depressed. I’m horrified on your behalf. No wonder weddings freak you out.” She didn’t move her hand.

  Her warmth penetrated through his sleeve. Nice. “Fortunately I’ve managed to avoid going to them. Seth and Zoe’s was the first. It wasn’t too bad, maybe because it wasn’t in Apple Grove. I don’t know Zoe that well. But Matt and Lucy, that’s close to home. If they turn out like my parents…”

  “They won’t.” She gave his arm another squeeze.

  “I hope not.” He took a shaky breath. “But I might.”

  “Do you really think so? Wouldn’t you do everything in your power not to be like them?”

  “Oh, I’d try, but I’ve read the research. Kids who go through stuff like that learn the pattern. I’m a bad risk, Millie.”

  She tightened her grip on his arm. “What if I’m willing to take it?”

  He swallowed. Seth had predicted she’d react this way. His heart beat faster. “I could be putting you in harm’s way. Teague’s a solid guy. I seriously doubt he has scary demons. You would—”

  “But I don’t want Teague.”

  “You must want him a little bit. You accepted a date with him.”

  “Only because I thought you were a hopeless case.”