Nerds Like It Hot Read online

  Time to find out who Cora's buddies were. "I think we should do an introduction thing around the table and tell a little bit about ourselves," he said. "I'll start. I'm Nancy Roth, and I live in L.A. I came on this cruise because I was curious. BJ, you go next."

  "I'm Bernice ... I mean, BJ Thigpen, and I live in San Jose. I'm a computer programmer, and I have a cat named Steve Jobs, and I used to play the flute, but I haven't done that in a while, so I couldn't call it my hobby, but—"

  "That gives us a really good picture of you, BJ." Neil didn't want this to take all night, for Christ's sake.

  "A cat named Steve Jobs." The Italian guy grinned. "Apple Computers. I get it. That's really cute."

  "And what about you?" Neil asked. "What are you all about?"

  "I'm Dante Fiorello, and I live in L.A. My partner and I—that's him over there, Lex Manchester—we run an exterminating company called Bobbie's Bug Thugs. We, uh, inherited the business from Lex's dad, Bobbie Manchester."

  "That's so interesting," BJ said. "Do you use environmentally friendly methods? Because I've heard about all these innovations, and you just look like the kind of people who would do that."

  "Oh, yeah," Dante said. "We're all about the environment. Right, Lex?"

  "Right." Lex waved a hand at Cora. "Why don't you go next? Nobody needs to hear from me. Dante's already given the pertinent info. And you're way more interesting."

  Cora beamed at him. "I don't know about that, but here goes. I'm Cora Bledsoe, and I—"

  "I knew it!" Neil slathered on the adulation. "I knew you were Cora Bledsoe! I simply love your movies!"

  "Cora Bledsoe!" The professor pulled back to look at her more closely. "That's why you looked so familiar to me. I've been trying to place you all night. I thought you might have been one of my students, but instead you're a movie star!"

  "A minor one." Cora fluttered her eyelashes.

  "Don't even suggest such a thing," Neil said. "You were right up there with the rest of them—Harlow, Grable, Monroe." He turned to the blonde. "Which brings us to you, speaking of Monroe. I suppose everyone says you look like her."

  The blonde seemed uncomfortable. "Actually, that's a good thing. I'm ... I'm training to be a Marilyn impersonator. My stage name's Norma Jean."

  Neil wanted more info. "What's your real name?"

  "Janice. Janice Collins."

  "But we all call her Norma Jean," Cora said. "You know, like Cher. Well, except not exactly like Cher, because that's one name, one syllable, whereas Norma Jean is two names, three syllables, but you get the idea."

  "She used to be Cher Bono, though," BJ said.

  "Nobody thinks about that now," Cora said. "Anyway, to help her stay in character, we call her Norma Jean."

  The blonde nodded. "Right."

  Neil sensed something else going on, and he was going to find out what it was, eventually. But he'd drop it for now. He had some time. Until the ship docked in Mexico, nobody was going anywhere.

  JUST BEFORE DESSERT WAS SERVED, THE WAITERS Removed all the centerpieces. Cora said it was strange, but Gillian had never been on a cruise before, so she didn't think anything of it.

  "It's almost as if they think we'll steal part of it," Cora said. "That's insulting."

  "They wouldn't have to worry about me stealing anything from that centerpiece," Nancy said. "But I'm not too sure about the folks at that table where I started out. They were in love with the stuff in there. When I left they were using the slide rule to calculate the exact dimensions of the table and figure out if the place settings were equidistant from each other."

  BJ brightened. "What a great idea! I wish I'd thought of it, and now it's too late."

  "If you want to do it tomorrow night, I'll see if I can scare up a slide rule," Dante said.

  Gillian glanced at him to see if he was kidding, but he seemed perfectly sincere. If she didn't know better, she'd think that Dante was trying to make points with BJ, and yet BJ was so obviously a nerd, not Dante's type at all. Maybe he was just trying to play his part really well.

  If so, she felt a little sorry for BJ, who seemed like a sweet person who didn't deserve to have her heart messed with. As Gillian was making up her mind to say something about that to Dante at the first opportunity, a pudgy man in a too-small navy blazer came into the dining room holding a cordless microphone.

  "I'm Jared Stevenson the Third, your cruise director," he said. "Welcome to the Sea Goddess!

  "Oh, joy," Cora muttered. "A word from Mr. Pomposity himself."

  "We have lots of fun and games planned for you." Jared obviously loved having the limelight. "Some of you have already enjoyed the dynamite karaoke bar, and later tonight we'll have an astronomy lecture and starlight trivia quiz on the upper deck with our resident expert, Dr. Benjamin Lawrence. We'll be turning out all the lights for this one, so don't do anything I wouldn't do!" At that he paused to laugh at his own joke.

  In the silence, he eventually stopped laughing and cleared his throat. "Moving right along, your waiters are coming around with pencil and paper for each of you. You may have noticed that the centerpieces have disappeared. This is a memory and observation test. Write down all the things you can remember from that centerpiece. Those who get them all will win a free couples massage!"

  "Yikes," Dante said. "I wasn't paying much attention. And that sounds like a fun prize."

  "I think I remember most of it," BJ said. Dante winked at her. "Can I copy off you?" She laughed. "No!"

  "Then when you get the prize, will you share?"

  "Maybe." BJ's cheeks turned a bright shade of pink.

  Gillian made a decision. She'd talk to Dante and get him to stop leading poor BJ on. It wasn't fair to her.

  Meanwhile, she needed to see how many items out of the centerpiece she could remember. Being a makeup artist gave her an eye for detail and she'd been impressed with the creative centerpieces. Picking up her pencil, she began to list what she could. Just in time she remembered to label her paper with the name Norma Jean.

  "Time's up!" Jared said. "Picking up the papers, now!"

  Gillian handed her paper to the waiter and glanced over at Lex. "How'd you do?"

  "We'll see."

  "Well, I'm sure I didn't win," Cora said. "I'm terrible at that stuff."

  "Me, too," Little Ben said with a sigh.

  "Oh, who cares?" Nancy said. "It's not that big a deal."

  "It would be for me," BJ said. "I've never had a massage at all, let alone a couples massage."

  Gillian found herself getting excited as Jared started reading off the names of those who had guessed all the items. BJ's name was the first one read from their table. Gillian watched BJ blush and glance over at Dante, who smiled back at her. Uh-oh. This was developing into a genuine problem.

  When Gillian heard Norma Jean called, she didn't react right away, and then she realized it was her. She was overjoyed to have won, which was sort of silly, because she wasn't on this cruise to win massages. And it was a couples massage, besides.

  She could give it to Cora and Ben, of course. Except she didn't want to. Naughty girl that she was, she wanted to enjoy it with Lex.

  He might not be game, though. She had a feeling that would be another thing out of his comfort zone. She leaned toward him and lowered her voice. "Will you do it with me?"

  His gaze met hers. "It's probably a bad idea." "I know. Let's do it anyway." Heat flared in his eyes. "I'll think about it." "You do that."

  LEX COULDN'T IMAGINE ANYTHING MORE DANGEROUS to his libido than sharing a couples massage with Gillian. But if he refused, he'd look exactly like the uptight guy she might think he was. He hadn't been willing to sing a duet with her, so if he opted out of the massage, too, she'd probably give up on him. And that would be a good thing.

  He debated the matter internally all through dessert, and by the time everyone had headed to the upper deck for the astronomy lecture, he still wasn't sure what to do. But he couldn't think about it anymore. His job at t
he moment was guarding Gillian.

  But wait. Wasn't that why he had to do the couples massage? He couldn't let her go alone, could he? What if she chose someone else? No telling who she might end up with. So it was his duty to go. That decided, he surveyed the area that would be used for the lecture.

  The deck had been arranged with rows of lounge chairs set up in pairs, and notebooks had been placed on all the chairs. A large screen was positioned just below the ship's bridge.

  Not all the passengers had shown up for the stargazing program, which made him nervous. Unaccounted-for passengers meant people could be lurking around, people who had an agenda, like getting rid of Gillian. Lex said as much to Dante while everyone was milling around the deck.

  Cora had volunteered to be Ben's assistant during the lecture and she stood next to him, Natasha to his Boris. Gillian was over talking to BJ, and Nancy Roth had taken off for the ladies' room. That left Dante and Lex alone for a few minutes.

  "I wouldn't worry about the lack of participation," Dante said. "I think it's par for the course when it comes to nerds."

  "But they paid for this. You'd think they'd want to take advantage of everything."

  "Just the ones who've found somebody they're interested in. We have only couples up here, if you notice. I'm thinking nerds are slow to couple up." Dante took off his jacket. "I don't know about you, but without the benefit of air-conditioning, my jacket is both ugly and hot."

  "Good point." Lex took his off, too. "What do you think of Nancy Roth?"

  "She's one hot female. She gave me the eye a couple of times."

  "And you're not going to do anything about it, right?" Dante looked offended. "Well, I couldn't, now, could I?" "I'm glad you realize that."

  "I mean, it wouldn't be fair. She's a juicy woman who came on this cruise because she wants to get herself hooked up with a nerd."

  "She didn't say that." Something about Nancy bothered Lex, but he couldn't decide what it was. "She said she was curious."

  "Like Cora said a while ago, nobody's going to admit they came on this cruise to find a soul mate, especially not somebody as together as Nancy. But why else is she here?"

  Lex nodded. "That's my question."

  "She wants a nerd, that's why. The ship is lousy with them, but I don't happen to be one. She probably thinks I have this great nerdy business going on, Bobbie's Bug Thugs. She'd be crushed to find out I'm a dashing PI without a nerd bone in my body."

  "Yeah, I'm sure she'd be devastated."

  "Besides, Nancy doesn't do it for me. She's hot, and I can imagine taking her to bed for one night of sweaty sex, but that would be the end of it. Nothing long-range going on there. So, um ... what do you think of BJ?"

  Something in Dante's tone put Lex on alert. "Why?"

  "Well, Gillian's already landed into me because she thinks I'm leading BJ on. I'm sure Gillian's over there this very minute warning BJ about me."

  "Now that you mention it, you have been leading BJ on, and I'm glad Gillian said something. BJ seems like a really nice person, and she's not your type."

  "Are you saying nice people aren't my type? Thanks a whole hell of a lot. Remind me to put crackers in your bed tonight."

  Lex rolled his eyes. "A nice person could be your type, but not a nerdy nice person. You've never dated anyone like that in your life."

  "Could have been a mistake on my part."

  "But Dante, you just said that women come on this cruise looking for a nerd. That's BJ, too, right? Wouldn't she also be disappointed to discover you're a dashing PI?"

  "I don't think BJ came on the cruise looking for a nerd. I think she's looking for a guy, period. I don't think she's had a lot of experience, and that turns me on."

  Lex cleared his throat. "There's another issue. I don't know how to put this delicately, but in the past you've been all about hooters."

  "Yeah, I know." Dante gazed dreamily off into the distance where there was nothing but black ocean and the frothy wake of the ship illuminated by the cabin lights. "Weird, huh? I don't think I've never gone for a flat-chested woman before, but there's something about BJ. I mean, she named her cat after the guy who founded Apple. How cute is that?"

  "I didn't know you knew who founded Apple."

  "You told me. You said it was your job to educate me. Trust me, all my nerdy knowledge I owe to you. And that reminds me, why didn't you win that couples massage tiling? I know you had the centerpiece list nailed. I expected you to win and even get bonus points."

  Lex lowered his voice. "I cheated."

  "In reverse?"

  "Exactly. I was hoping Gillian wouldn't try for it, but as luck would have it, she did, and she won."

  Dante grinned. "And you'll have to sacrifice yourself and do the couples massage with her. Am I right?"

  "I don't know how else to handle it. I can't let her go in there alone, and I definitely can't let her go in there with another guy."

  "Of course not. It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it. I'm impressed with your dedication, buddy. I really am." "Go to hell, Dante."

  "I always thought that would be my ultimate destination, but looking at BJ over there, I'm not so sure anymore. I might be salvageable."

  "What are you saying?"

  Dante scratched the back of his head. "Have you ever heard guys say that they met somebody, and bam, that was it?"

  "Yeah, and I always thought it was a load of bull." If he'd had any slight reaction like that to Gillian, he'd crushed it. They had no future.

  "I thought it was bull, too." Dante turned to look at BJ. "But now I'm not so sure."

  "I take it you're pairing up with her for this lecture?"

  "I am. And I think it could turn out to be a romantic evening, unless ..."

  "Unless what?"

  "Unless this old guy doesn't know how to pronounce Uranus."

  TECHNICALLY, NEIL HAD BEEN SHIELDED FROM THE family business while he was growing up. His mother hadn't wanted him to understand the work his father was involved in, or, later on, the work his stepfather was doing. But what his mother didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

  As a teenager Neil had acquired all sorts of specialized knowledge from people indebted to his father. For example, he knew how to get into any locked room, including the key-card type. By paying close attention during dinner, he'd overheard Cora telling the professor her room number.

  He still wasn't sure whether he'd find Gillian McCormick in Cora's stateroom. The blonde who called herself Norma Jean might, in fact, be Gillian in disguise. She hadn't answered right away when her name had been called for the centerpiece quiz contest. Norma Jean was obviously an alias, but whether her real name turned out to be Gillian remained to be seen.

  The hallway on C Deck was deserted, but Neil wasn't worried even if it hadn't been. He was a passenger with a nametag. On this first night of the cruise, anyone could be forgiven for getting confused and going to the wrong room. And passengers weren't familiar with who was on their deck at this point. Nobody would question him.

  His heart raced as he neared Cora's room. If Gillian was in there, it would be the end of her. He had a small vial of ether and a hanky in his evening bag, and he would use that to knock her out. After that, he'd simply strangle her.

  Cora's room was located right next to a double door leading out to a promenade. With a little luck, Neil could get her out those doors and over the side into the water. She would simply disappear.

  Getting the door open took a little more effort than he would have liked. He was out of practice. But finally it yielded, and he held his breath, listening for any signs of occupancy. He wanted to hear those sounds, because it would mean he could finish this and get on with his life. Quietly he pulled on a pair of surgical gloves he'd tucked in Nancy's sequined evening bag.

  But the room was silent. Closing the door behind him, he stepped inside a room slightly bigger than his, but arranged in a similar way. From the evidence of clothes in the closet and makeup in the bathroom, two wome
n lived here, not one.

  He began going through drawers, looking for something, anything that would help him identify that second woman. And there, at the bottom of one dresser drawer, was a passport. He opened it and saw a picture of the person he'd expected to find on this cruise. True, passport photos never showed anyone to advantage. Nancy's was hideous, and Nancy was so gorgeous that she could stop construction if she walked past a building site.

  In any case, this washed-out photograph of a longhaired brunette, flattering or not, answered the question. Gillian McCormick was staying in this room. That meant she was somewhere on this ship, and she wasn't cowering in the stateroom because of seasickness, either. She was out there somewhere, and he was going to find her.

  As he rummaged through the drawers and closets, he found no clothes that would match up with the woman in the passport photo. Even the underwear was classy— some of Victoria's Secret's best. He should know. Nancy shopped there all the time.

  That left him with one obvious conclusion. He was dealing with someone who had decided that she needed a makeover to confuse the issue. Cora Bledsoe was part of the Marilyn era. Rumors had it that she'd been a close friend and confidante of Monroe. If she'd helped Gillian with a plan, chances were she would have leaned toward a Marilyn disguise.

  Neil checked the sizes on the dresses hanging in the closet. Those that had tags were a ten. Nancy wore a respectable size six, unless she bought something at Chico's, in which case she was a zero. But Neil had heard that Marilyn had known how to pig out. That hourglass figure was legendary, but rumor had it that the legend had sometimes gone up to a size twelve.

  Apparently Gillian McCormick had decided that it would be convenient to morph into La Monroe for the duration of the cruise. Neil didn't mind so much. He was just glad to know who he was after—the blonde in the red dress, the one who had called herself Janice Collins, probably on the spur of the moment. She didn't know he was right behind her, though, and that clashed with his flair for drama.