Talk Nerdy to Me Read online

  Charlie was unnecessarily freaking her out with all this door-locking and talk of people stealing things. She was in Middlesex, voted one of the ten safest towns of its size in the nation. The real estate agent had told her that early on. Eve hadn't thought the statistic had mattered all that much to her, but now she realized instinct had led her here, because she wanted to raise her kids in Middlesex.

  Those potential kids would need a father, of course, and she'd been unconsciously searching for him too. So what if Charlie looked like the perfect candidate for that, too? He didn't care to raise his kids in a place that ranked in the top ten safest towns for its size. Maybe he wasn't so damned smart, after all.

  She unlocked the door and Rick came in looking as though he'd had one too many jolts from the muscle stimulator. His shirt was buttoned up wrong and apparently his coat zipper had jammed a third of the way up.

  "Nanu, nanu," he said in a halfhearted imitation of Mork from Ork. I needed a time-out. Hey, Charlie, how's it going?"

  "Okay."

  Eve told herself not to react to Charlie's soft tone, but her heart wrenched, anyway. Those two quiet syllables spoke volumes about his state of mind. He was upset. Well, so was she.

  "I'd offer to help you guys." Rick tried to tame his hair, which was standing out in six different directions. "But I'm wiped. Maybe I could stretch out on Eve's couch until Charlie's ready to go home."

  Eve grabbed her opening. "Actually, Charlie's ready to—"

  "I thought Eunice was planning to run you home," Charlie said.

  "She was, but I couldn't talk her into quitting. She never seems to wear out." Rick looked dazed.

  "Maybe you shouldn't have let her use that muscle stimulator," Eve said.

  "Oh, that was cool. It was just the pace was brutal. I kept trying to convince her that we should take a break, but then she'd turn on the black light and start twirling her tassels or some such trick, and I'd be back at it."

  Eve resisted the urge to glance over at Charlie, who was no doubt rolling his eyes at his cousin's lack of restraint.

  "Finally I just grabbed my clothes and ran. Got dressed on her front porch. Then the local fuzz cruised by and I was afraid that paint job would glow in the dark, so I had to jump behind a snowy bush to finish the job."

  "That explains the sprig of evergreen behind your ear," Charlie said.

  "There is?" Rick reached back and pulled out a twig with a few pine needles attached. "After all that's happened, I didn't even feel that. I think the aliens gave her sexual superpowers, man. She's like some X-rated Ener-gizer bunny."

  "Rick," Charlie said. "There were no aliens. She made all that up."

  "That's what you say!" Rick struggled with his jammed zipper. "You weren't there! I never knew there were so many ways to use a green glow stick. So. Eve, can I borrow your couch?"

  Eve decided the evening had come to a fittingly weird ending. "Charlie, I think maybe you need to take your cousin home."

  Charlie sighed. "Probably a good idea."

  "I'd like that," Rick said. "But I can't seem to get this zipper unjammed."

  "Let me see. I've dealt with a trillion cantankerous zippers in my life." She dropped to her knees in front of Rick and tackled the balky zipper.

  "Thanks," Rick said. "Listen, Charlie, just to give you an idea of how much Eunice worked me over, I would normally look at a beautiful woman kneeling in front of me and start getting ideas."

  "Well, don't." Charlie sounded irritated as he reached for his boots.

  "Hey, no worries! Trust me, I'm not thinking of anything like that. It's like when someone offers you chocolate cake after you've eaten everything on the buffet table. You have nowhere to put it."

  Eve glanced up at him. "I'm not offering you chocolate cake. Rick."

  "Damn straight she's not." Charlie grumbled as he put on his coat.

  "Oh. I know that! I'm just sayin'."

  "Looks like the zipper on your lip isn't working any better than the one on your coat," Charlie said.

  Eve wiggled the zipper and freed it up. "There." She zipped Rick's coat as she stood. The poor guy did look as if he'd ridden all the Coney Island rides ten times in a row. "Maybe you should stay away from Eunice," she said.

  "Are you kidding? I just need to get my strength back. We're on again for tomorrow night, unless you really need me over here."

  Eve wasn't sure what to say. "Well, I really—"

  "I know," Rick said. "You really don't need me. I think Charlie invited me to be polite, and you went along for the same reason. Charlie's the guy you want, right?"

  Right. "I'm not sure Charlie can make it tomorrow night," Eve said. "Don't you have a conflict, Charlie?" She glanced at him and wished she hadn't. He'd put on the chaps that showcased exactly what she could never have, damn it.

  He gazed at her, cool as can be. "Not that I know of."

  "Of course he doesn't have a conflict," Rick said. "You should have seen how excited he was about this project, all the research he did on biowhatzit. He wouldn't miss this for the world, would you, Charlie?"

  "Sure wouldn't." Charlie continued to stare at Eve. "I figure tomorrow we can pool our resources on the fuel question. We didn't get to that tonight, but tomorrow we can get right into it."

  "Great," Rick said. "So Charlie and I can ride over together. We can bring Chinese. Everybody likes Chinese."

  Charlie lifted his eyebrows as he looked at Eve. "Do you?"

  "Sure. Love it." She shouldn't let herself be roped into having Charlie come over for another night, but Denise would be here. Denise could chaperone.

  And come to think of it, Eve wanted Denise to meet Charlie and figure out that her baby sister was capable of having a nerdy friend. In Denise's world, nerdy friends were a badge of honor. "My sister will be here, if you're deciding on portions."

  "Oh, yeah?" Rick perked up. "Does she look like you?"

  Eve barely kept from laughing. Rick was exactly as Charlie had described him. Even though Eunice had wrung him out tonight, he wasn't the least bit committed to her. If another woman came along who interested him even more, he'd jump ship in a heartbeat.

  "She doesn't look much like me," Eve said. "She got the dark eyes and the dark hair from my father's side of the family. I take after my mother."

  "Is she a model?" Rick didn't seem ready to let the topic drop.

  "No, she's an economics professor."

  "Oh." That seemed to dampen Rick's enthusiasm. "Any hobbies?"

  "No." Eve realized that Denise was like her in that respect. Economics was her passion and the stock market was her hobby, but you couldn't really call it that because Denise took her investments as seriously as Eve took her inventions. In other words, neither of the Dupree girls liked wasting time on frivolous pursuits. Eve had never thought about that before.

  "She doesn't sound like my type." Rick said.

  "Maybe not." Eve wondered if a woman could ever feel secure with Rick. Apparently, he'd always be on the lookout for someone better than his current love interest. A girl could grab Rick and end up holding thin air, but if a girl ever got a good hold on Charlie, she'd have something. Unfortunately, Eve didn't think she had a hold on him at all.

  "Then I guess we'll see you tomorrow," Charlie said. "Same time?"

  "Okay." Eve tried to look on the bright side. Yes, she'd be tortured by being around a man who was exactly right for her and wasn't staying in town, but she'd also benefit from his research on biofuel. That was worth something.

  Charlie started out the door and paused. "Listen, if you locate those notes, would you give me a call?"

  He would have to mention those notes again, just when she'd convinced herself that the missing notes weren't anything to worry about. "I don't have your number."

  "Let me give you my cell." He rattled off the number. "Want me to write it down?"

  "No, I have it." She'd always been able to remember things like that. It certainly wasn't a sign of genius, though. She had no inten
tion of letting someone slap that kind of label on her, least of all Charlie, who was doing his best to blow this taco stand called Middlesex.

  "Then we'll see you tomorrow night," Charlie said as he went out the door. "Don't forget to lock up."

  She didn't even answer that. No matter what he said, this was a safe town and she didn't have to worry about thieves. "See you later," she called after them. And who was he to lecture about personal safety when he was about to climb on a motorcycle and ride it through what had to be icy streets? "Drive carefully!" she added before they were out of earshot.

  Then she closed the door. And locked it, but not because Charlie had told her to. She locked it because even in a town that was ranked among the top ten safest for its size, a locked door was a simple way to improve the odds. Nobody had said Middlesex was totally crime free.

  After locking the door, she went in search of her notes. If she could find them, that would end this whole crazy paranoia that Charlie was promoting. They had to be here somewhere. Plus she still had a bunch of cleaning to do.

  Charlie didn't usually have passengers on his motorcycle. Tonight he wished he didn't have this particular passenger. Rick leaned forward so that he could spend the ride relating more of what had happened over at Eunice's house. In Charlie's current frame of mind, that was too much information.

  "She's beyond inventive, Charlie," Rick said. "I have to buy that alien story."

  "No you don't!" Charlie had to shout over his shoulder to make himself heard, but shouting felt good. He was filled with nervous tension after the confrontation with Eve. Consequently, he drove the motorcycle fast, watching for icy patches on the road and swerving around them.

  "Aliens, I'm telling you," Rick said. "Who but an alien would look at those rubber bands they put around bunches of broccoli and think cock ring?"

  Charlie groaned. He didn't want to think about anything to do with sex. Tonight would be full of tossing and taming even without help from Rick's monologue.

  "Then she puts these little suction cups all over you and tells you to imagine tentacles. Who would think of that except someone who'd had sex with a creature with tentacles? It drove me wild, thinking of her in bed with an alien octopus. I was constantly on the verge of coming, but then she'd put on the broccoli rubber band and I'd be good for a while longer."

  Charlie stepped on the gas. The sooner he got Rick home, the better.

  "Then there was the space slime. She said that came straight from Titillium."

  "Never mind about the space slime!" Charlie had taken about all he could take.

  "No, really! It was green and gooey, and she rubbed it all over my dick before I finally— Yikes, Charlie! Watch out!"

  The bike went into a skid. Charlie corrected with his body weight and managed to come out of it. The skid scared him straight and he slowed down some. A wreck wasn't going to solve anything.

  "Guess I'm distracting you, huh?" Rick sounded shaken. "Maybe I shouldn't be telling you about any of this while you're driving."

  "Good guess!" Charlie concentrated on the pattern of ice and dry pavement, weaving his way back to his aunt's house.

  Rick stayed silent the rest of the way home. "Want to come in for a beer?" he asked as Charlie screeched to a stop in the driveway. "I could fill you in on the stuff I didn't mention."

  "That's okay."

  "I'm telling you, that space slime had some ingredient that made it tingle, like menthol or something. She loved it when I put it on her. I put it on her nipples, of course, but she really went crazy when I put it on her clit. I rubbed it in really good, and she—"

  Charlie revved the motor. "Sorry. Have to run. Work tomorrow."

  "You don't know what you're missing." Rick fastened the spare helmet on the back of the bike. "I'm willing to share. It might give you some ideas."

  "Appreciate the thought." Charlie took off before Rick could launch into any more vivid description.

  He drove home at a more leisurely pace. Now that he'd ditched Rick, he was in no hurry to go back to his empty apartment. As he was cruising the dark streets of Middlesex, the cell phone clipped to his jeans pocket vibrated. He pulled over to the side of the road so he could answer it.

  If Rick was calling him with more war stories, he wouldn't answer. But the number wasn't Rick's cell or his mother's land line. He answered the call.

  "Charlie?" Eve sounded scared. Really scared.

  "What is it?" Unconsciously he'd driven back in the direction of her house. He was less than two blocks away.

  "My ... my back door lock doesn't work."

  "Why not?" He had a bad feeling about this.

  "It looks like somebody broke it. On ... on purpose."

  Chapter Eleven

  Charlie concentrated on every nuance of the road as he flew over the deserted streets dodging patches of ice. He stayed low and moved with the bike, aware of every slip of the tires that warned him of a slick spot. He was desperate to get to Eve's house, but he wouldn't be any help to her if the paramedics had to scrape him off the pavement.

  The two blocks seemed like two miles, but finally he swerved into her driveway, parked the bike, and pulled off his helmet as he ran up to her front door. She must have been watching for him because she threw the door open before he could ring the bell.

  "Oh, Charlie." Her face was pale as she drew him into the entryway. "It looks like they used a crowbar to get in. The door's all chewed up around the lock."

  Charlie's chest was tight with the effort to breathe. He was so glad to see that she was okay. Theoretically the lock could have been jimmied anytime, but whoever had done it probably knew it was still broken. "I didn't think you had a back door other than the one that goes from the kitchen to the garage. Where is it?"

  "At the end of the hall there's a little dogleg to the left. I forget about that door half the time, especially this time of year when I don't go out in the backyard. Come on, I'll show you."

  Charlie glanced down at his boots. "I don't want to track—"

  "Never mind that now." She started toward the hallway.

  He glanced at the front door, and sure enough, the dead bolt wasn't thrown. "Eve, damn it, you haven't locked the front door. That needs to become second nature."

  She turned back, startled. "Oh." With a sheepish expression, she walked back to the door and turned the lock. "I guess once you arrived I automatically started letting my guard down."

  "That's dangerous thinking. I'm not some martial arts expert who can save you from anybody who comes along."

  "I know." She gazed at him. "It isn't logical, but you have that effect on me, anyway. I feel completely safe around you."

  "You shouldn't." And he wasn't only talking about personal safety. He wondered if she had any idea the kind of craving she inspired. Giving in to that craving could mean heartbreak for both of them, and his grip on those urges was tenuous at best.

  "I'll work on that," she said. "In the meantime, I want you to take a look at the door and tell me what you think." She started back through the living room.

  "I don't have to look to tell you what I think." He followed her down the hall. "You need to notify the police. I meant to say that when you called, but I was so rattled I forgot. I figured we'd do it once I got here."

  "I don't want to notify the police, Charlie."

  "Why the hell not? You had forcible entry. I'll bet whoever it was took your notes."

  "I have a hard time believing the police will get excited about a missing set of notes. They'll probably advise me to fix my door and get an alarm system. End of story."

  "At least there would be a report." Charlie had to agree with her, though. Those notes weren't something you could put a dollar value on, like a television or a sound system. He just wanted to find a way to get her more protection.

  "Having a report is less important to me than taking a risk that they'd look at the hovercraft and want to know what kind of license I have for it."

  Good point. Charlie w
as sure the moment she flew it she'd be in violation of some law. And he could only imagine what kind of red tape she'd encounter if she tried to get a permit. In doing that she'd only increase the number of people who knew about the hovercraft.

  She turned the corner at the end of the hall, a corner he hadn't noticed before. Of course he'd been thinking about round beds and condoms in the bathroom during the time he'd spent in this part of the house.

  "There it is."

  At first glance in the dim light from the hall, the old wooden door seemed fine. He wasn't sure what he'd expected—maybe a hacked-out place where the lock should have been. Then Eve pulled on the knob and the door swung open, letting in a slice of cold air

  The other side had taken all the abuse. Claw marks indicated where someone had used a crowbar to pry open the door. Looking at it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

  "I guess we don't have to worry about how many keys you have floating around, do we?" he said.

  "I figure they hacked their way in the back door and went out the front, leaving it unlocked. Maybe they even thought the unlocked front door would throw me off the track for a while, which it did. If you hadn't been so intent on having me lock everything up good and tight, I might not have checked this back door at all."

  "Did you check for footprints?" He glanced out the door, but the snow looked trampled by many pairs of boots.

  "I didn't think of that. When I first went out to see what had happened, I stomped around a lot because I was cold. I'm sure I messed up any prints that might have been there." She was shivering.

  He didn't know if her trembling was from the chill or nerves, but for starters he closed the back door to eliminate the frigid draft. "For right now I'll nail some boards across here so no one will be able to get in. Tomorrow I'll get you a new door and a different lock." He unzipped his jacket in preparation for the work ahead. "An alarm system might be a good idea, too."

  She made a face. "I hate those things. I never remember the code and I'm forever setting it off or forgetting to turn it on."