Goodness and Mercy Read online

  “Well, I would, because it shouldn’t be about impressing other people. It really should be about a desire and a heart to minister, which I’ve been taught by Pastor Landris means to serve,” the woman argued.

  “Okay, let me try it this way. Say you have a person who wants to be an accountant. This person may love working with other people’s financial books. They may feel it’s a calling. But they aren’t so great with math or numbers, debits, and credits. If you had a business, would you want this person to handle your books just because he or she has a heart to do it?”

  “But the person may really be trying. I don’t think anyone should discourage someone from trying. They could get good at it if they were encouraged to keep at it and given a chance. If that person wants to do it, who does it hurt?” the woman persisted.

  Fatima was becoming slightly annoyed by this woman asking so many questions about this same thing. She raised her hand. “Excuse me,” Fatima said to Johnnie Mae. “May I give it a try?”

  Johnnie Mae pointed her hand at Fatima. “By all means. Go ahead, Fatima.”

  “If you have a person who says he’s been called to preach, but he simply is not good at preaching, can’t preach a lick. I mean, he’s so awful that people tiptoe out before he gets finished. Maybe he’s not awful; he’s just not good. But let’s say he’s an awesome teacher of the Word. Would you encourage him to keep trying to preach just because he desires to do that or would you steer him toward where his gift actually lies?”

  “Okay,” the woman said. “I guess I understand. What both of you are trying to say is: It’s not about us. It’s about the ministry and what the ministry can accomplish in the body of Christ, in tandem with our gifts.”

  “Yes,” Johnnie Mae said. “We’re not trying to deliberately exclude anyone. We just want to help direct people to where they can be the most effective. Actually, all of this will be about both: the gift and the desire to minister without it being about us. The body of Christ wins when people are effectively operating in their gifts and their calling. Some people have the gift of dance. Some, the gift of song. Others, the gift of praise. Some of you may be outstanding teachers. Some administrators. Some of you may have been called to be directors, choreographers, organizers.” Johnnie Mae stopped and smiled.

  “All these parts are needed,” Johnnie Mae continued. “Just like the parts of our physical body. Everybody can’t be the eye. Everybody can’t be the hand. Everybody can’t be the mouth. Even with the hand, there needs to be a thumb, an index finger, a middle finger, a ring finger, and a pinkie. But with all parts working together, the hand is able to function properly. It’s able to pick up”—she picked up a packet and held it up—“things like this packet.” She put the packet back down. “A pen.” She picked up a pen. “Point.” She pointed. “And snap your fingers.” She snapped her fingers. “The thumb might argue that it’s more important, the index finger may argue that it is. But the truth is they all must understand that they’re all needed in order to get the job done. At least done without having to deal with a handicap.”

  “I get it,” another woman said. “It would be like if I wanted to play the organ. Sure, I’ve tinkered around a little to know how to play ‘Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,’ but I can’t play anything else too hot. And in truth, I don’t really play that song all that well. Yet I insist I want to play the organ because I have a heart to play. I would get my way, but it would likely not bless the people hearing it. So I really need to lay aside my own ego for the good of others.”

  “Precisely,” Johnnie Mae said, picking the packet back up. “And speaking of this packet, we need the application you’ll find inside of here turned in no later than next Sunday.” She set the packet back down again. “As long as you all know, the auditions are not done to hurt anyone. Everything we do, we try to do it with love. We just want to make this ministry as strong as possible. This ministry is part of the body of Christ, and we need to ensure we’re putting our best foot forward.” Everybody laughed. Johnnie Mae laughed as soon as she realized the pun she’d just made. They finished up and dismissed.

  “You’re still planning to try out for this ministry?” Tiffany Connors asked Gabrielle after the meeting was over.

  “Yeah. You?”

  “I’m going to give it a shot. I took dancing lessons for years when I was young. I admit that was some time ago. I’m more than a little rusty now. But hopefully, I’ll get chosen,” Tiffany said. “I need something else in my life to switch things up a little. Something for me. You know? Right now I go to work, take care of my children, take care of my husband, and take care of the house. I come to church, and that’s about it for fun. I’m not even working in a ministry.”

  “Weren’t you working in the New Convert / New Member’s Ministry? That’s where I met you,” Gabrielle said, recalling Tiffany was the one who gave her the Bible.

  “I was, but I had to quit. I felt bad having to run out early when it was my time to work because I was the only one here and I needed to go get my children from children’s church so the workers there could leave.” Tiffany looked down at her feet, then back up. “I ended up quitting that ministry after the second month. But I think this ministry may work out better for me. After we finish ministering with dance, which will likely only be on occasion, I won’t affect too many people. Plus, I would be able to serve while doing something I love to do. Did you take dancing lessons when you were young?”

  Gabrielle smiled. “Yes. In fact, I did. I had a great teacher, too.”

  “Well, I need to get my children so I can get home and practice.” Tiffany smiled. “I hope we both get chosen. That would be great.”

  “Yeah.” Gabrielle grinned. “I suppose I need to practice myself. I really pray we’re both chosen, too.”

  After ward, Gabrielle got in her car. She couldn’t believe how things had transpired. “God, You are truly awesome. Only You could bless me with an opportunity to do what I love. You’ve given me something to hold on to as I prepare to let go of what I thought meant so much to me: my house and likely even my car. Yet, over these past months of learning more about You, I’ve found that knowing You, and having You in my life, is the greatest love of all.”

  Chapter 12

  A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

  —Proverbs 18:24

  Gabrielle got home and immediately looked through the packet they’d been given at the meeting earlier. She first flipped through each page to see what all it contained. There were scriptures and teachings on why to dance in church, as well as the attitude of worship and praise that should be evoked when it came to dance and what the word minister means (to serve). It emphasized that when they danced, they were actually ministering to the people. And that meant they would be serving others through the ministry of dance. It was not to be entertainment in any way, shape, or form. It was not to be a show or for show. The scripture they were to apply to their lives and especially in this ministry was Colossians 3:17: “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.”

  On Tuesday, Fatima and Gabrielle got together at Gabrielle’s house to practice before their auditions were to take place. They’d cleared the area in the den to give themselves plenty of room. But before they began, Fatima could see something seemed to be weighing heavily on Gabrielle’s mind.

  Fatima took Gabrielle by the hand and pulled her over to the couch. “Instead of practicing right this second,” Fatima said as they sat down together, “which, incidentally, I’m not so sure I want to do—in front of you, anyway,” she joked, “let’s talk. Besides, I have a sneaking suspicion you’re really good at this dancing stuff and the practice is more for my benefit. After seeing you, I just might totally reconsider even trying out.”

  Gabrielle playfully rolled her eyes at Fatima. “Girl, please. What’s likely to happen is when I get a glimpse of you,
I’ll see just how much I really don’t know, and I’ll be the one who’ll sit down. Although honestly, I really really want this. Really I do.” Gabrielle smiled nervously.

  “Is that what’s bothering you? You’re afraid you’re not going to make the final cut? Because I can tell something is bothering you.”

  Gabrielle sighed hard. “No, it’s not that.” She sighed again. “I don’t like putting my business out there.”

  “I won’t say anything to anybody.”

  Gabrielle ticked her head, then scrunched her mouth. “I don’t make enough money to keep this house, so I’ve decided to sell it. A Realtor is coming by tomorrow to put the sign in the yard. I don’t make enough money to keep my car either, so I’m looking at trading it in for something smaller and less expensive. I’ve been late with a few of my bills recently. So that’s messing with my credit record and has lowered my FICO score tremendously, which doesn’t help when you’re trying to get another car.”

  “Whoa,” Fatima said, pulling her body back. “What do you know about FICO scores? Most black folks don’t have a clue what that is, let alone that it’s something they should care about.”

  “Besides loving to dance, I’m really good when it comes to business matters. Although you wouldn’t know it based on some of the decisions I’ve made lately.”

  “You mean like quitting a job that, from all you’ve told me, was great pay, then accepting a lower-paying job that’s not paying enough to cover your bills?” Fatima said.

  “So, you think I should have kept the job I had until I found one that at least paid me closer to what I was making?”

  “Look, I don’t know the circumstances surrounding your leaving. So no, I’m not saying that at all. I would be the last person to second-guess you on that. I’m dealing with enough stuff on my own job right now. So believe me, I can empathize with anyone quitting a job. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about turning in my resignation and walking right out the door. But I suspect most of us are merely slaves to our jobs, or at least slaves to our employers. Oh, we think we’re free. But in truth, we’re not. We get a few dollars after taxes, and we sell our lives to them in exchange for it. We’re told what time to be there, what days, the amount and the days we get to be off. We’re told what they want, how they want it, and when they want it done. Truthfully, many people do things they might not ever normally do, all at the altar of the almighty dollar.”

  Gabrielle started laughing.

  “What’s so funny?” asked Fatima.

  “I was just sitting here thinking about the number of people who have sold themselves into indentured servitude without even realizing that’s what they’ve done.”

  “Okay, I’m missing something here.”

  “What you were just saying.” Gabrielle lifted her body up and purposely sat on her foot. “Some of us do things we really don’t want to do, and we can’t walk away because we really aren’t free to walk away, in spite of our protest to the contrary. When most folks think about leaving a job, they have to consider the money they’re receiving and whether or not they can actually afford to do it. Most people who do leave, leave because they’re forced out through layoffs or downsizing, they get fired, or the company folds and then the workers have nowhere to report. Few people, especially these days, are free enough—after having acquired a mountain of debt—to simply walk away from their jobs just because they want to. And if they do leave on their own, you’d better believe either they have another job lined up or they’re searching desperately to find another one to replace it.”

  “So, that’s what’s bothering you?” Fatima said. “Your decision to leave your other job?”

  “Not whether I made the right decision in doing it; I had to do that. It’s really complicated. I wish I could tell you—”

  “I told you, you can tell me anything. I’m not one of those people who likes to hear something and go blab it to somebody else. I’m not. We’re friends—at least I consider myself your friend. Everybody needs someone they can share and talk things over with. Those things that mess with us, on the inside of our minds. It’s not healthy to keep things locked up inside,” Fatima said. “If we’re not careful, the mind can quickly become the devil’s playground. Satan loves toying with us. Using our thoughts against us, telling us things to cast shadows of doubts. Just messing with our minds.”

  Gabrielle nodded. She’d definitely been presented with her share of negative thoughts. “I don’t think you would tell anybody, Fatima. You truly have been a great friend. I’ve just kept things inside of me for so long, most of my life actually. I’ve only had myself to confide in. And I’ll admit: I don’t trust easily. The only person I learned early on in life I could rely on and trust was me. Whenever something is going on, I tend to keep it to myself. It generally works out over time one way or another anyway. Of course, now that I’ve come into the knowledge of Christ, I can talk to the Lord about everything. He is truly a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

  “That’s good, Gabrielle. But God still created us to help one another, to be there for each other, to lean on each other for strength. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. If you need to talk about something, I can listen with my mouth closed. If you need my opinion or advice, I’ll be glad to give that. If you’re simply looking for a sounding board, I can be that for you. You don’t have to do this all by yourself any longer. I would even encourage you to talk to Johnnie Mae Landris if you’d like. She’s fantastically great to talk to. But you need to find someone you feel you can trust and are comfortable with. That’s what it means to be sisters and brothers in Christ. And a true sister has your back.”

  Gabrielle settled more comfortably on the couch, readjusting her body. She closed her eyes as she spoke. “I’m selling my house. And I’m not even sure where I’m going to live after I do that. In truth, my house note is not all that more than it will cost to rent an apartment. So if I can’t afford this house, I certainly won’t be able to afford an apartment. I thought about getting a roommate, but that usually turns into a disaster. I’ve considered trying to find a part-time job to supplement my income. But if I do that, I’ll miss Bible study on Wednesday nights and possibly not be able to attend church on Sundays. Who knows? So, a part-time job is not an option for me. My relationship with God is too important to me to sell myself out for a house or a car or just mere things.”

  “I understand what you’re saying. But I know people who work two jobs. They’re still able to study the Word. They just learn to do what they have to do to make it work.”

  “I’m sure they don’t study the Word like they would at Bible study. They’re likely too tired or have too many others things to catch up on. We can’t do it all. Something will inevitably go lacking or be half done. It’s a trick of the devil. I’m telling you, the devil is causing us to sell our souls for money. Making it appear that we’re doing the noble and honorable thing like making sure we have a nice place to live, something nice to drive around in. Arguing how else will we be able to bless the people if we can’t reach them? And we do have to put food on the table and take care of our family,” Gabrielle said. “We just have to do what we have to do. It’s okay. God understands.”

  Fatima frowned. “I’m not following you.”

  “We’re selling out the way Judas sold Jesus out for thirty pieces of silver. We’re selling out Jesus when we choose certain things over Him. How are we to follow somebody if we don’t know where they’re going? How are we going to know where Jesus wants us to go if we don’t study His Word, have time to talk to Him, time to listen to what He has to say? Sure, I could go back to my old job, right now if I chose to. But that job would become a hindrance, a stumbling block with my walk with the Lord. I would have to work on Wednesday nights, among other things, when I need to be at Bible study. It would likely keep me from attending church on Sundays. I always had to work Saturday nights into the early morning hours. And did you know that Sunday morning
s happen to be the best mornings to sleep in? That’s why so many people come to church late on Sundays. The devil rocks their bed, making it oh so difficult to get up. Satan, telling them it’s okay because God intended for man to have a day of rest.”

  Fatima shrugged. “I hear you. But then why not see if you can get Wednesdays off in exchange for another day? Same thing for Saturday nights if getting off early enough for Sunday morning is a problem? The way you talk, it sounds like your former boss must still be in contact with you. So that means you had to have been a great employee, and the company as well as your ex-boss really didn’t want to lose you.”

  “He didn’t,” Gabrielle said.

  “Well, that sounds to me like a person who would work with you. You both could end up getting what you want.”

  Gabrielle unfolded her foot from underneath her and placed both her feet on the floor. She leaned forward. “He would definitely work with me. Although, I’m pretty sure he won’t be willing to give up Saturday nights since that’s his busiest night. But Fatima, I just can’t work there anymore. It’s not even an option, not even a consideration for me, especially now that I’m saved.”

  Fatima considered what Gabrielle may have been doing that would cause her to feel it was not an appropriate place to work after becoming saved. Then again, this was the same woman who fretted about wearing a strapless evening gown to the church’s Inaugural Ball. Working at a restaurant called Hooters was what came to her mind.

  “I agree that you shouldn’t compromise your walk with the Lord,” Fatima said. “There are certain jobs Christians shouldn’t be caught doing, specifically if it will cause them to stumble or to backslide. Personally, I don’t think working at a bar is appropriate for a Christian. Yet some Christians would disagree with me on that. They’ll tell you it’s just a job. And if they’re not drinking, then what difference does it make. Take my job: there’s a potential temptation to embezzle or to at least set up deals that would benefit others who might be willing to give me a kickback—pay to play kinds of deals. Even though there’s nothing wrong with me working there, if I were inclined to steal or to do anything unethical or that would affect my walk with the Lord, I would have to consider not working there.”