Human by Choice Read online

  I was so short on sleep that at first I had trouble remembering what was going on, then I blinked and it all came rushing back into my mind, just as it did every time I woke up. An alien! I had an alien in my home, an intelligent, reasoning creature from the stars, a phenomenon we humans had been dreaming of for the better part of a century! And, it hadn't as of yet made the slightest motions toward eating me alive. That part I was happiest about.

  “Good morning, Jerry,” I said.

  “Good morning, Kyle. Your sleepness was ... noisy at times but not disturbing. I thank you for the generosity of your computer and of your home.”

  I do snore occasionally, especially when I'm tired, so I guess that's what he was referring to. His language had improved considerably overnight, enough so that we could converse easily. There were plenty of misunderstandings, circumlocutions and cultural differences that occasionally took a long time to overcome, but I won't try to reproduce any of that. Apparently he (I went on referring to it as he for a day or two until we got that straightened out) had no need of sleep, at least not in the sense we did.

  “Thank you. Are you tired? Do you need to rest?”

  “No, I have no need to sleep at the present time.”

  “Uh huh.” Right then, I had no idea of the implications that simple statement held for the future. I simply assumed he needed less sleep than we did and would rest when he felt the need.

  “How about some food? Are you hungry? Do you think you can eat what we do?”

  “Yes, when I begin to need food, I believe it will be compatible with my body.”

  Again, I had no inkling of what his statement really meant, but if it didn't need food, I did, as well as a shower and some coffee to get me going. I started the coffee brewing, then said, “Excuse me. I need to shower and brush my teeth, and then we'll talk some more while I make breakfast.”

  “I will be content until you return.”

  The formal way he spoke soon disappeared as he picked up the nuances of slang, along with my southern accent, and began working deeper into the incredible versatility of the rich English language.

  He turned back to the computer as I left the room. It was one of the fastest showers and morning ablutions of my life, for I could hardly contain myself until I could get back and talk some more with him. Whatever else I had expected of an alien, I never thought I'd meet one who learned so rapidly or was so agreeable with whatever I happened to suggest.

  Not wanting to waste time cooking, I pulled down a box of sweetened Cheerios for breakfast. While I spooned them into my mouth we talked, with me sometimes having to finish a bite before answering.

  Once my bowl was empty, I poured coffee for myself, and then offered some to Jerry.

  “Not at the present, thank you, but I believe by tomorrow or perhaps the next day I'll be able to partake,” he told me.

  And again I missed the implications, but of course there was no possible way for me to understand what he meant. Once the coffee quieted my caffeine addiction and got my mind into gear, I decided to bring up the subject of sex, taking a chance that I might be broaching some taboo of his species.

  “Jerry, I've been referring to you as ‘he', implying not only that you're male but that your species has two sexes like ours. Am I correct or way off base?”

  “Off base?” He hesitated before continuing. Just as I opened my mouth to explain, he said “Yes, I understand now. A sports analogy. Your communication mode is extremely versatile for being so limited.”

  “Limited how?”

  “We have what you would call a perceptive sense. It allows us to discern many more nuances of meaning than speech alone.”

  “You mean you're telepathic? You can read minds?” Great blazing balls of fire! What must he be thinking of me if he knew everything that had gone through my mind since he fell to earth in my yard? If I were the alien I'd probably be the one wanting a shootin’ iron!

  “No, just that we ‘see’ with more than our eyes, even down to the small molecular level or even to the atomic. When communicating with a companion, speech is only part of the message. In time I will be able to explain in more detail.”

  I breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Okay,” I said and gladly left it at that, now that I was assured he wasn't reading my thoughts. Aliens using my computer and drinking my water was one thing, but if they got into my mind that was an entirely different matter. What if the thing had seen my crazy dream about the alien tomcat raping that kitty? Humanity might be looked at as really freaking weird, were that to happen. Fortunately for humankind, Jerry wasn't telepathic, as far as I understood it. “But back to your sex. Are you male or female?”

  He seemed to muse for a moment before answering, making me wonder for a moment if I had touched on a taboo subject. I was just thinking of how to phrase my apology when he put my fears to rest. “In our culture we have two genders, just as you do, but we're not limited as you are. In the course of our lives, we may have one sexual identity, then change to another, just as we change specialties of interest from time to time, and eventually two of us may propagate through what you would think of as ... a third sex, perhaps. One who bears the young.”

  “Hmm.” That must be a nice arrangement, I thought to myself. One sex just to have the babies while the other two have all the fun. Of course, I had no idea of their sexual practices at the time, or even if they had sex in the fashion we did. For certain I could detect nothing at Jerry's crotch that looked anything like genitalia. Anyway, his sexual organs didn't necessarily have to be placed like ours. His outward appearance was sort of like a cartoon animal—sexless. And who knew what he had hiding under that pelt?

  He must have taken my little utterance as a signal to continue with the subject, for then he said, “I've already instituted the necessary biomolecular and genetic revisions of my structure to become female. However, if that is unsatisfactory to you, I can reverse the process with little problem at this stage.”

  I was curious, I'll admit. Besides, men are always thinking about sex. “Why did you decide to start the change now, on a strange planet and in what must be an even stranger environment for you? Or is it something that happens automatically?”

  “Oh, no, Kyle. Long ago we progressed to a stage of biotechnology where the changes may be done at will. Of course we don't usually switch back and forth very often. Our lifespans are extremely long compared to yours, so there's no necessity for hurry in most matters.”

  “Of course not,” I said, and immediately hoped he hadn't picked up on the sarcasm. Damn it, he could have gone all day without saying that. The fact that we had to die was one of my pet peeves. At the very least, I thought our lifetimes were far too short. I hated the thought of death, the negation of my ego, and being non-religious, I had no anticipation of an afterlife. And while I'm still relatively young, I can remember how bitterly resentful my Dad had been as his life neared its end, not only because he knew he was going to die, but also at all the aches and pains that old age entails. And he didn't believe in an afterlife either. Frankly, I doubt that most people really, deep down, believe in a heaven, or they wouldn't struggle so to keep on living, even in pain and misery and conditions where death should seem welcome if they really thought there was something nice waiting afterward. And just look at how we misbehave. Would we really act the way we do if we thought our chances of going to heaven were based on our actions while alive? Hell no, we wouldn't.

  I shook my head to get the random thoughts out of my mind. “So I take it you're male now. Will you look the same after you change to a female or will the differences be apparent, like our sexual characteristics?”

  If an alien with a face like a cross between a cat and an owl could look troubled, Jerry did. I apologized, thinking I shouldn't have raised the issue so soon. “I'm sorry, Jerry. I think I must have troubled or embarrassed you. I didn't intend to.” Damn my big mouth. Why can't I ever learn to keep it shut?

  “It isn't that, Kyle. You've mistaken my
meaning, most likely from my incomplete comprehension of your language and culture. I'm becoming a female because I thought that would please you, since you're alone—that is, you have no companion present. Wife? Partner?”

  “I was married,” I told him. “My wife died in an accident several months ago. If you're becoming a female simply to please me ... well, I don't see what difference it would make. I'm sure I could continue to relate to you in your present form just as well as whatever you look like as a female.”

  A long moment of silence ensued and again I thought I had said something wrong.

  “I see that I still have failed to make myself understood. I apologize for that. What my transition means is that when it is complete I will look like a human female. In fact, in all respects I will be able to function as a human female, retaining only my perceptive sense and my knowledge.”

  * * * *

  That floored me. An alien changing into a functional human female? I didn't see how it was possible and said so.

  “Jerry, how can you do such a thing? Unless you've been studying us more thoroughly than you've admitted, I don't see how you can possibly do it.”

  He, or I guess I should say she, answered, since I began thinking of the alien as female from that point on. At any rate I changed the wording of its name to Jeri in my mind and thought of her like that from then on. She responded to my question with wording she had used before in somewhat the same context, but it had passed me by then, just as all the indirect references to the coming change had failed to penetrate. Some days I'm dense, I'll admit it.

  “My perceptive sense goes down to the molecular level, Kyle, and even beyond if necessary, as I've mentioned to you. I've already done a thorough analysis of your gene structure. As I'm sure you know, all the aspects of both male and female are contained in the chromosomes of every cell of your body, particularly as you possess both the X and Y chromosomes. Had you been female, I would have been unable to successfully change or perhaps even gone off on a false highway. Road? Path?”

  “Path. You mean you've been able to look inside my body without me even knowing it?”

  “Not look, as you interpret the term, Kyle. Perceive is the only English word I can use to describe what I did. As I've said before, our perceptive sense goes down to the molecular level.” She stopped for a moment, then continued. “Was I wrong to look inside your body without your permission?”

  “No harm done, but if you truly get to where you look like a female and can pass for human, it wouldn't do to go around looking through people's clothes, for instance. If you ever forget, for God's sake don't mention it! We like our privacy and the nudity taboos are rather strong in our culture.”

  “Yes, I've gathered that, but what you suggested I could do would never be detectable. Even so, as human, I shall practice the same mores as you do, so far as possible.”

  “Hmm. Maybe this is the time to ask if any more of you are on earth.” I think I kind of held my breath until she answered. It turned out that my suspicions were correct.

  “I believe so, although I can't say how many. As our ship broke up, hundreds of lifeboats escaped, but very few survived. I perceived several before distance became a factor. Perhaps as few as two or three of us made it to earth but certainly no more than two dozen, in somewhat less than a dozen boats.”

  I should have figured it out without her help by then, but I hadn't. I had been picturing the spaceship she arrived in as an interstellar craft that had crashed because of a mechanical failure, but in retrospect it was a sillier assumption than thinking you can drink boilermakers all night without consequences the next morning. Considering its size and the way it disintegrated upon touching earth in order to free its occupant should have enabled me to figure out that it was a survival craft of some kind, but I guess my brain had been overloaded right from the beginning. Anyway, knowing the truth brought up another question.

  “Did you manage to send a distress signal? Will another ship be coming to rescue you?”

  “No. I fear I shall never return to my home planet.”

  “Never? Why not?”

  “Several reasons. First, this galaxy is huge, as you well know. While many planets bear life, we've found only three or four others so far in hundreds of years of exploration that have intelligent species and all of those but humans are subtechnical.”

  I'm glad she included us among the intelligences. Some days I have my doubts about just how smart humans are despite being able to invent such things as fast food and pantyhose. But maybe she was overlooking something.

  “How about if one of your navigators survived, wouldn't they know how to get back? Or is that all pre-programmed?”

  “No, that's one of the few things that weren't completely automatic, but I know for certain that our pathfinders all perished when our starship failed, so even if it were possible to build another ship here, which it isn't, it's doubtful that I or any of my fellows who escaped could find the way back.”

  “You don't know how a spaceship, a starship I should say, works?”

  “Only generally. You know in a broad sense how a nuclear reactor works, but could you design and build one using the technical aid of south sea islanders?”

  “Uh, no.” I got the point. We were barbarians compared to them, but personally, I think she could have thought of a gentler way of putting it. “Won't another ship ever come this way again?”

  “Perhaps, but again using an analogy, in the course of your life will you ever travel to London, to a particular street and house number you've never heard of, much less seen?”

  “No, I guess not. So you're stuck here. Is that why you're planning on assuming human shape?”

  “I see no other recourse. Judging from what little I know yet of your culture, it's impossible for me to go out in public in my present appearance. Fortunately, in our own culture, assuming other body shapes, including the mental processes, is commonplace. I myself have taken the shape of, and lived for a short time as, one of our nearest cousins in the animal world. It's no inconvenience for me to become like a human. In fact, again judging from what little I know, it should be an extraordinary experience, since I will assume the characteristics of a human female. But before that happens, I'm going to have to impose on you for some assistance with the change. May I?”

  “Certainly. I'll do whatever I can to help you. We sure as hell don't want the military or one of the security agencies to get their hands on you.” That made me pause for thought. “You said you can perceive others of your kind. Do you have any idea at all of where the others might be?”

  “I was so busy trying to keep my boat operational that I only remember flashes of a few trajectories. I know of one that probably came to rest hundreds of miles east of here and I believe another ship probably landed in the United Kingdom, although I can't be certain. Other than those, I have no idea, since even though we were all on the same general trajectory, some of the survivors lagged behind me and some were ahead, like the two I mentioned, but there must have been a lot of divergence. They could have come down most anywhere, although the lifeboats would have guided toward land masses.”

  “I see.” And I had to wonder if anyone else was in the same predicament as me—offering aid to that old bugbear of humans: a bug-eyed monster. BEM in science fiction parlance. We had gotten off track. “You said you needed my help. What is it you want me to do for you?”

  “In order to assure a successful transition, I'd like you to convey me to the vicinity of the nearest young female that you know of. Could you do that?”

  “Sure,” I said, thinking momentarily of Gwen. As if this alien could ever match her! I didn't say that, though. No sense in getting her aggravated at me. “In fact, I need to go shopping in a day or two, anyway, and the little store where I buy groceries and gas has a young lady working there in the afternoons and evenings. I could cover you with a blanket in the back seat and you can do what's necessary while I'm inside. How would that be?” You know, I did
n't feel a bit of guilt over Jeri preparing to look inside Bridgett. Heck, I wouldn't have minded a peek myself, at least beneath her clothes. I had a sneaking suspicion she didn't wear panties all the time, but I could be wrong. Just my evil self doing the speculation.

  “Yes, that would work very well. Actually, I only need to get within a couple of hundred feet to ... zero in, I think is the term, on the anatomy I'm interested in. In case you're wondering, I want to observe the uterus and ovaries and the other sexual differences, and look more closely at the X chromosome as it is expressed in a female.”

  “No problem. Hey, what kind of woman will you look like when you're finished?”

  The bifurcated mouth opened wider in what I think was an attempt at a smile. “I can look like any of the ones I've seen while watching the newscast, but I'd rather you do the choosing.”

  “No shit?”

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  * * *

  Chapter Three

  If ever a man wanted to play God, here was my chance. I thought almost constantly about what she wanted me to do. When it was first mentioned, a picture of Gwen popped into my mind, as she had been back when we first married, as young and fresh and precious-looking as a just-unfolded spring flower in the morning, dew drops on the petals sparkling with little pinpoints of fire from the morning sunshine. It took only a moment for me to realize that trying to recreate Gwen would be the biggest mistake of my life. Every time I would look at her, I'd be hoping to see the love of my life again, but it wouldn't really be her. I decided that it would be much better to keep the memories the way they were and to start fresh. That was if I could ever be attracted to an alien masquerading as a human female, as Jeri apparently thought I would be. Hell, she probably understood humans better than I did at that point.