Snips, Snails & Puppy Dog Tales: A Children's Story Collection Read online

  “Dilly, Dilly, Dilly, don’t be so silly.”

  “No one wants to hurt me,” Bob stated, thinking the pig should be sedated.

  Dill sat down, wearing a frown, and crossing his bottom legs.

  The pig wore a serious face.

  Bob thought it was funny to see a pig wearing combat boots.

  In fact, it was a hoot.

  “Tommy show Bob-O the map.”

  “That should make him gasp.”

  Dill’s prediction came true.

  Bob could not look away from the paper.

  His eyes felt glued.

  The sunny day felt grayer.

  “Fried chicken 2 pieces for $2.99,” the paper proclaimed.

  “We’ll give you ice cream for another coin.”

  It hurt Bob’s brain.

  Think of the pain.

  “Pieces…” the rooster thought.

  Bob was frightened of being caught.

  It was scary.

  Maybe that was what happened to his cousin Larry…

  The pig, rooster, and boy worked hard that day.

  Bob no longer wanted to play.

  He worked hard through the night.

  The laser had to be just right…

  They bent over wires… fixing this, fixing that, until the laser went zap!

  The laser beam hit the wall, and it worked not at all.

  Dill read a manual, adjustments were easy, a turn of the screw.

  Trouble had started to brew.

  They got the job done.

  It was time for some fun.

  They all stared at the gun, as if they had already won.

  “Perhaps we should test it first,” Dill said, fearing the worst.

  “Okay.”

  “Let’s go outside, I could use some rays,” Bob stated.

  The chicken was tired of the dark room and it being so grey.

  So they went outside.

  Bob had the bazooka, just in case.

  He did not want it to go to waste.

  The rooster packed it with pillow feathers because they were soft.

  He might have to shoot it off.

  Tom’s last job was to rig up the laser gun for Dill.

  He wore it on his snout, to easily pull the trigger.

  This gave him clout.

  With a wiggle of his tongue, the pig could shoot the laser gun.

  It was pretty cool, and he felt tougher too.

  They sent Tom home.

  War is no place for kids, lasers, and squids.

  Dill thought a squid would be a good test.

  To fire the laser and see what it did.

  They went to the beach, and Dill pointed the gun.

  The war pig lined the sights up and fired.

  His good luck expired.

  That was when they decided to run.

  Dill’s shot missed, hitting a fish!

  It all seemed like slow motion.

  The red laser, the fish in the ocean…

  Then they saw something new…

  The fish grew and grew!

  It stayed like a fish no longer.

  It became a monster!

  The barracuda was mad… so the pig and the rooster ran.

  Feet shot out of the fish, they grew, and it split.

  The fishy creature was miffed.

  The barracuda monster-thingy left the ocean behind.

  Disturbing a fish should be a crime!

  The pig and chicken would pay.

  They had ruined his day!

  Bob could not run as fast as Dill did.

  He was too chicken.

  Besides, Dill had four legs because he was a pig.

  Bob hopped on Dill’s back.

  The rooster was ready to attack.

  They ran through a luau, knocking over tables like a plow.

  Upending this, spilling that, and Dill thought it was kind of a blast.

  He squealed out delighted, grunting.

  He was still scared of that fishy-thing, but it was fun to make people scream.

  They ran through a hotel, and rode in an elevator.

  They thought they had been clever.

  Then the elevator opened again.

  The barracuda stepped out wearing a wicked grin.

  It was coming right for them so they ran to one edge, then they ran some more.

  The monster kept blocking the door.

  Finally, Dill had enough.

  The fishy had teeth but it was not so tough.

  Feeling dread, Dill the pig said, “What do you want?”

  “Why to eat you of course.”

  “My life used to be lame, now it isn’t the same.”

  “Because of you it is now worse.”

  “Just wait quietly until I am through.”

  “It’s the least you can do.”

  The barracuda thing grinned.

  Was it going to win?

  The fish made Bob angry.

  He pointed the bazooka squarely.

  “Get away from the door or I will blast you to nevermore.”

  Barracuda just laughed, and it was his last.

  Bob jerked the trigger and feathers shot out.

  The barracuda went away on the cloud.

  Off the roof he went, onto the cement.

  “Whew, that was close!”

  “I thought we were toast,” Dill stated, feeling elated.

  “I guess fish is on the menu tonight.”

  Bob chuckled because things were all right.

  So Dill the pig put down his weapons of war and let Bobby-o make him a special surf board.

  It was kind of big, but just right for a pig.

  © 2014 Donny Swords

  SCREECH!!

  By Kristina Blasen

  Big brother

  chasing little sister with

  worms and dirty hands

  Screech! she goes and

  he laughs and laughs

  Little sister

  sitting big brother down for

  tea with pink tiaras

  Screech! he goes and

  she laughs and laughs

  © 2014 Kristina Blasen

  THE FISHING DERBY

  by Peter W. Collier

  Our town is well known for orange marmalade, sweet lemonade, and some other stuff that’s homemade;

  The people aren’t different from most every other town;

  There’s just nothing very special around;

  No mountains for climbing to the top;

  We don’t have a town mall or even lots of small shops;

  There’s not much here to make anyone stop;

  Maybe some of our buildings could use some new paint;

  The big city folks say that our town is just quaint.

  One thing we all know, some people like to come here just because it’s so slow;

  No one’s rushing to grab a train, or late for work again;

  Almost every day here is simply slowed down;

  That’s the way it is in our town;

  Except for one week, each year, when the world’s best fishermen all come here;

  They load up their trucks, with supplies and gas, for a chance at the biggest big mouth bass;

  The hotels fill up and the campsites too;

  There's a lot more people than just a few;

  The roads get clogged; it's quite a traffic mess;

  It's the same every year, more or less;

  Our Fishing Derby is a worldwide winner;

  The best contest for those reels and spinners;

  They come here from everywhere, just to fish, and no one asks why;

  With polished fishing rods and reels, the best money can buy, they may not catch any fish, but still they all try.

  Dwight Dingle looks just like a fisherman, there is no doubt;

  It doesn’t matter to him, if a salmon, a bass, or a trout;

  He wears the fishing hat with the hooks of all kinds, those hip wader rubber boots, and a spinning reel to wind;<
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  On his jacket there’s a ‘Boy Scout Master Fisherman’ badge;

  His fishing pole is simply named ‘Madge’;

  There are other things most odd about Dwight;

  One jacket sleeve is too short; it just doesn’t fit right;

  He says, “It helps to catch fish, whenever they bite.”

  But Dwight scares all the fish half a mile away;

  His snoring is loud, even in the middle of the day;

  He never does really fish; he simply sleeps instead;

  He baits all his hooks with only gingerbread;

  He’d still rather be in the ‘Fishing Derby’, it’s better than being at home;

  He likes just sitting down by the lake and being left completely alone;

  Mrs. Dingle says, “I can think of lots of other things he should be doing instead;

  He really should be washing the windows, mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, and trimming the hedge.”

  Dwight knows that it’s much better to be fishing, down by the water’s edge.

  Mack, Harry and Jake got up really early to fish on the lake;

  They all seemed half asleep, or maybe just half awake;

  The three are very best friends, so they say;

  They hired a rowboat to fish the whole day;

  What it was about Jake, I really don’t know;

  His buttons weren’t buttoned all straight in a row;

  The woods make him queasy, his stomach uneasy;

  He had a late night and now an early morning;

  How he was feeling was just the forewarning;

  All the night he was wheezing and even was sneezing;

  Tents don’t have thick walls;

  With the noise, even Mack and Harry didn’t sleep much at all;

  Harry climbed down from the truck and tripped over Mack;

  While tying his laces, Harry gave him a smack;

  “What was that for?” Mack grumbled at Harry;

  “Was that really absolutely necessary?”

  Harry replied, “If you park yourself right in my way...”

  Mack just said, “Hey, I’m in no mood today for your crazy horseplay!”

  Jake interrupted, “Come on you guys, should we get the boat into the water, or not even bother? I’m so tired I can’t see straight, are you sure this place to fish is really so great?”

  “Yes, absolutely!” exclaimed Mack, “I heard of this lake from Billy-Bob Jack.

  He and his brother Bart, they always catch fish near the deepest part.

  That’s also where they see 'Old Spotted Sam', the biggest and ugliest fish that ever swam!”

  “I’ve heard of that fish!” said Harry “They’ve been trying to catch him for 20 years, but he always gets away. There’ll be plenty of fishermen trying to catch him today.

  “That’s true,” said Mack “There’s a special prize for the one that catches Old Sam, and I’ve heard he especially likes worms covered in marmalade jam.”

  Jake interrupted, again, “Are you two finished?

  Help me with the boat, it’s stuck. I don’t know about catching a fish with marmalade jam, but let’s try our luck.”

  On the other side of the lake you could see Bernard Doubleday;

  Bernard catches fish in a somewhat different way;

  He’s the best fisherman you’ll ever find, but Bernard is completely blind;

  He doesn’t even get wet, but always wins a prize at fishing contests;

  He’s always fishing with Kate his daughter;

  She's the fastest at putting his hook in the water;

  She knows just what to do, at six years old;

  She baits all the hooks with old cheese mold;

  The fish seem to bite;

  They must be doing something right;

  Bernard has a bell at the end of his rod;

  This really isn’t so strange or too odd;

  “It jingles whenever a fish takes the bait;” according to Kate.

  She comes running to net any fish;

  It’s over with just a quick splash and a swish.

  “I was down at the end of the lake and was startled by a red and green snake,” according to Larry Blake;

  Larry had a huge fish on his hook and was reeling it in, to take a good look;

  He said, “I dropped my rod and ran; if snakes don't stop you, what can?

  I certainly caught the biggest fish of the day, but that snake helped my fish get away.”

  “It was quite a shame, that fish was so huge!” that’s what Larry claims:

  Each time Larry told the story, the fish grew more;

  It even had wings and a lion's roar;

  His fish was sounding so big, that it may have gobbled up Larry!

  Larry’s snake couldn’t be half that scary;

  A grey cloud sat above the lake’s small cove, just by the red cedar grove;

  It stayed there for most of the day and just kept raining down that way;

  Sitting in a small rowboat, under the weather, was Charlie Alistair Merriweather;

  It seemed only to rain on him;

  The whole day long, his weather was grim;

  Charlie rowed his boat to move away, but wherever he’d stop the grey cloud would stay;

  Charlie got wet, then wetter still, it never stopped raining and he got a chill;

  Everywhere else on the lake, the sun was shining bright, but not a single fish near poor Charlie would bite.

  Emile was sure that his fishing wouldn’t be poor;

  He just couldn’t wait to start using his lucky lure;

  But when the line kept tugging it wasn’t quite right;

  There wasn’t one real fish bite;

  He first caught an old rubber boot;

  Then a basket made for fruit;

  Then he landed a truck steering wheel;

  “There are no fish!” exclaimed Emile;

  He didn’t know what was wrong;

  He fished odd stuff, all day long;

  A spring that still springs and a bell that still dings;

  A brass rose and a doll without toes;

  A kind of garden gnome for holding a hair brush and comb;

  A front door handle and half-burned candle;

  A desk drawer and small sign from a store;

  Some bottles and cans; a few dozen or more;

  Even a tea cup, glued onto a tray, but not a single fish all day;

  His lucky lure hadn’t failed before, but when fishing in a lake, not out his car door.

  The Butler boys and Harvey Hicks;

  They know all the best fishing tricks;

  They sometimes fish with Ginger their cat;

  She bats at the water and knows where they’re at;

  When their dog Scamp smells one, he starts to moan;

  He finds fish better than he finds a bone;

  The one never left out is Henrietta their duck;

  She’s just there to bring them all good luck;

  On their raft, where the fishing is best, they’ve saved some great lures, to win the contest;

  They know where there’s lots of fish to catch, and for even fish lures they know of a patch;

  There’s an old spring bed at the bottom of the lake;

  The best fisherman lures and lines it takes;

  It snags up hooks and tangles up lines;

  The Butler Boys think that’s just fine;

  They swim to the bottom, in the usual way;

  To find the best lures, at the end of each day;

  The big city fishermen always try their luck; against, the cat, the dog, and Henrietta the duck;

  The Butler boys, and their friend Hicks, they do their fishing with only short sticks;

  They still catch more fish than anyone can;

  With some help from their friends, they’ll beat any city fisherman.

  She pouted, shouted, and stomped both her feet;

  Her face turned purple, like a beet;

  “I need a washroom,” said
Mary Street;

  I’d go in the woods if I could, but there should be a washroom, there should!

  You say, not in the lake, don’t you dare;

  Not in the stream and watch out for a bear;

  Take 100 steps from the lake and the trail,

  Only downwind and never in a gale;

  There are too many rules to know;

  Do I really need to dig a deep hole?”

  Jake could be heard, afloat on the lake, out in the boat;

  He was sneezing still and had a sore throat;

  Mack said, “Maybe, it’s not just the woods or trees”

  Harry began to tease Jake, “Maybe, it’s fishing that makes you sneeze.”

  Jake said, “Please, you’re both scaring away my fish!

  I’m sure that I know what bothers my nose."

  Mack said, “Whenever I get near pumpkins, my big toe starts to grow.”

  “Thanks for sharing that”, said Harry;

  “I’ll tell you something really scary;

  Whenever I eat junk snacks, my face gets bloated and looks just like Mack’s.”

  “Very funny!” said Mack, giving Harry a smack.

  “Hey, do I have to separate you two?” Jake asked;

  “Are you through?

  I want some peace and quiet from this boats crew;

  Is that something you both can do?

  Maybe it’s how you tease each other; maybe, that’s what makes me sneeze, one sneeze after another.”

  Mack said, “I put some marmalade jam on your worm and hook. I read that it works, in an old fishing book.”

  Jake whined, “Hey, I didn’t ask for any on mine!”

  Just then, a fish took Jake’s line … ZIP, ZEEEEEEE;

  Away it went and Jake yelled, “WHOOPEE!”

  The fish was giving him quite a fight;

  Jake held on tight, with all his might;

  It was a big one and just kept pulling;

  The boat began rocking; then started moving;

  All three of the friends were pulled down the lake;

  “It’s as big as Mack!” yelled Jake;

  “What does that mean?” asked Mack;

  Harry came back, “You have too many snacks!”

  The boat was being pulled, much too fast;

  “Just how big is this fish?” Harry asked;

  Look out! …we’re heading for that rock!

  Watch it! …we’re getting too close to that dock!”

  Jake yelled back, “It’s up to the fish! I can’t go where I wish!”

  The three fishermen jumped, just as the boat hit an old tree stump;