Barrie, J M - The Admirable Crichton Read online

  LADY MARY (in alarm, lest the others may yield). Then, father, there is but one alternative, we must leave him.

  (LORD LOAM is looking yearningly at CRICHTON.)

  TREHERNE. It seems a pity.

  CATHERINE (forlornly). You will work for us?

  TREHERNE. Most willingly. But I must warn you all that, so far, Crichton has done nine-tenths of the scoring.

  LADY MARY. The question is, are we to leave this man?

  LORD LOAM (wrapping himself in his dignity). Come, my dears.

  CRICHTON. My lord!

  LORD LOAM. Treherne--Ernest--get our things.

  ERNEST. We don't have any, uncle. They all belong to Crichton.

  TREHERNE. Everything we have he brought from the wreck--he went back to it before it sank. He risked his life.

  CRICHTON. My lord, anything you would care to take is yours.

  LADY MARY (quickly). Nothing.

  ERNEST. Rot! If I could have your socks, Crichton--

  LADY MARY. Come, father; we are ready.

  (Followed by the others, she and LORD LOAM pick their way up the rocks. In their indignation they scarcely notice that daylight is coming to a sudden end.)

  CRICHTON. My lord, I implore you--I am not desirous of being head. Do you have a try at it, my lord.

  LORD LOAM (outraged). A try at it!

  CRICHTON (eagerly). It may be that you will prove to be the best man.

  LORD LOAM. May be! My children, come.

  (They disappear proudly in single file.)

  TREHERNE. Crichton, I 'm sorry; but of course I must go with them.

  CRICHTON. Certainly, sir.

  (He calls to TWEENY, and she comes from behind the hut, where she has been watching breathlessly.)

  Will you be so kind, sir, as to take her to the others?

  TREHERNE. Assuredly.

  TWEENY. But what do it all mean?

  CRICHTON. Does, Tweeny, does. (He passes her up the rocks to TREHERNE.) We shall meet again soon, Tweeny. Good night, sir.

  TREHERNE. Good night. I dare say they are not far away.

  CRICHTON (thoughtfully). They went westward, sir, and the wind is blowing in that direction. That may mean, sir, that nature is already taking the matter into her own hands. They are all hungry, sir, and the pot has come a-boil. (He takes off the lid.) The smell will be borne westward. That pot is full of nature, Mr. Treherne. Good night, sir.

  TREHERNE. Good night.

  (He mounts the rocks with TWEENY, and they are heard for a little time after their figures are swallowed up in the fast growing darkness. CRICHTON stands motionless, the lid in his hand, though he has forgotten it, and his reason for taking it off the pot. He is deeply stirred, but presently is ashamed of his dejection, for it is as if he doubted his principles. Bravely true to his faith that nature will decide now as ever before, he proceeds manfully with his preparations for the night. He lights a ship's lantern, one of several treasures he has brought ashore, and is filling his pipe with crumbs of tobacco from various pockets, when the stealthy movements of some animal in the grass startles him. With the lantern in one hand and his cutlass in the other, he searches the ground around the hut. He returns, lights his pipe, and sits down by the fire, which casts weird moving shadows. There is a red gleam on his face; in the darkness he is a strong and perhaps rather sinister figure. In the great stillness that has fallen over the land, the wash of the surf seems to have increased in volume. The sound is indescribably mournful. Except where the fire is, desolation has fallen on the island like a pall.

  Once or twice, as nature dictates, CRICHTON leans forward to stir the pot, and the smell is borne westward. He then resumes his silent vigil.

  Shadows other than those cast by the fire begin to descend the rocks. They are the adventurers returning. One by one they steal nearer to the pot until they are squatted round it, with their hands out to the blaze. LADY MARY only is absent. Presently she comes within sight of the others, then stands against a tree with her teeth clenched. One wonders, perhaps, what nature is to make of her.)

  End of Act II.

  ACT III

  THE HAPPY HOME

  The scene is the hall of their island home two years later. This sturdy log-house is no mere extension of the hut we have seen in process of erection, but has been built a mile or less to the west of it, on higher ground and near a stream. When the master chose this site, the others thought that all he expected from the stream was a sufficiency of drinking water. They know better now every time they go down to the mill or turn on the electric light.

  This hall is the living-room of the house, and walls and roof are of stout logs. Across the joists supporting the roof are laid many home-made implements, such as spades, saws, fishing-rods, and from hooks in the joists are suspended cured foods, of which hams are specially in evidence. Deep recesses half way up the walls contain various provender in barrels and sacks. There are some skins, trophies of the chase, on the floor, which is otherwise bare. The chairs and tables are in some cases hewn out of the solid wood, and in others the result of rough but efficient carpentering. Various pieces of wreckage from the yacht have been turned to novel uses: thus the steering-wheel now hangs from the centre of the roof, with electric lights attached to it encased in bladders. A lifebuoy has become the back of a chair. Two barrels have been halved and turn coyly from each other as a settee.

  The farther end of the room is more strictly the kitchen, and is a great recess, which can be shut off from the hall by folding doors. There is a large open fire in it. The chimney is half of one of the boats of the yacht. On the walls of the kitchen proper are many plate-racks, containing shells; there are rows of these of one size and shape, which mark them off as dinner plates or bowls; others are as obviously tureens. They are arranged primly as in a well- conducted kitchen; indeed, neatness and cleanliness are the note struck everywhere, yet the effect of the whole is romantic and barbaric.

  The outer door into this hall is a little peculiar on an island. It is covered with skins and is in four leaves, like the swing doors of fashionable restaurants, which allow you to enter without allowing the hot air to escape. During the winter season our castaways have found the contrivance useful, but Crichton's brain was perhaps a little lordly when he conceived it. Another door leads by a passage to the sleeping-rooms of the house, which are all on the ground- floor, and to Crichton's work-room, where he is at this moment, and whither we should like to follow him, but in a play we may not, as it is out of sight. There is a large window space without a window, which, however, can be shuttered, and through this we, have a view of cattle-sheds, fowl-pens, and a field of grain. It is a fine summer evening.

  Tweeny is sitting there, very busy plucking the feathers off a bird and dropping them on a sheet placed for that purpose on the floor. She is trilling to herself in the lightness of her heart. We may remember that Tweeny, alone among the women, had dressed wisely for an island when they fled the yacht, and her going-away gown still adheres to her, though in fragments. A score of pieces have been added here and there as necessity compelled, and these have been patched and repatched in incongruous colours; but, when all is said and done, it can still be maintained that Tweeny wears a skirt. She is deservedly proud of her skirt, and sometimes lends it on important occasions when approached in the proper spirit.

  Some one outside has been whistling to Tweeny; the guarded whistle which, on a less savage island, is sometimes assumed to be an indication to cook that the constable is willing, if the coast be clear. Tweeny, however, is engrossed, or perhaps she is not in the mood for a follower, so he climbs in at the window undaunted, to take her willy nilly. He is a jolly-looking labouring man, who answers to the name of Daddy, and--But though that may be his island name, we recognise him at once. He is Lord Loam, settled down to the new conditions, and enjoying life heartily as handy -man about the happy home. He is comfortably attired in skins. He is still stout, but all the flabbiness has dropped from him; gone too is his pomposity;
his eye is clear, brown his skin; he could leap a gate.

  In his hands he carries an island-made concertina, and such is the exuberance of his spirits that, as he lights on the floor, he bursts into music and song, something about his being a chickety chickety chick chick, and will Tweeny please to tell him whose chickety chick is she. Retribution follows sharp. We hear a whir, as if from insufficiently oiled machinery, and over the passage door appears a placard showing the one word 'Silence.' His lordship stops, and steals to Tweeny on his tiptoes.

  LORD LOAM. I thought the Gov. was out.

  TWEENY. Well, you see he ain't. And if he were to catch you here idling--

  (LORD LOAM pales. He lays aside his musical instrument and hurriedly dons an apron. TWEENY gives him the bird to pluck, and busies herself laying the table for dinner.)

  LORD LOAM (softly). What is he doing now?

  TWEENY. I think he's working out that plan for laying on hot and cold.

  LORD LOAM (proud of his master). And he'll manage it too. The man who could build a blacksmith's forge without tools--

  TWEENY (not less proud). He made the tools.

  LORD LOAM. Out of half a dozen rusty nails. The saw-mill, Tweeny; the speaking-tube; the electric lighting; and look at the use he has made of the bits of the yacht that were washed ashore. And all in two years. He's a master I'm proud to pluck for.

  (He chirps happily at his work, and she regards him curiously.)

  TWEENY. Daddy, you're of little use, but you're a bright, cheerful creature to have about the house. (He beams at this commendation.) Do you ever think of old times now? We was a bit different.

  LORD LOAM (pausing). Circumstances alter cases. (He resumes his plucking contentedly.)

  TWEENY. But, Daddy, if the chance was to come of getting back?

  LORD LOAM. I have given up bothering about it.

  TWEENY. You bothered that day long ago when we saw a ship passing the island. How we all ran like crazy folk into the water, Daddy, and screamed and held out our arms. (They are both a little agitated.) But it sailed away, and we've never seen another.

  LORD LOAM. If we had had the electrical contrivance we have now we could have attracted that ship's notice. (Their eyes rest on a mysterious apparatus that fills a corner of the hall.) A touch on that lever, Tweeny, and in a few moments bonfires would be blazing all round the shore.

  TWEENY (backing from the lever as if it might spring at her). It's the most wonderful thing he has done.

  LORD LOAM (in a reverie). And then--England--home!

  TWEENY (also seeing visions). London of a Saturday night!

  LORD LOAM. My lords, in rising once more to address this historic chamber--

  TWEENY. There was a little ham and beef shop off the Edgware Road-- (The visions fade; they return to the practical.)

  LORD LOAM. Tweeny, do you think I could have an egg to my tea? (At this moment a wiry, athletic figure in skins darkens the window. He is carrying two pails, which are suspended from a pole on his shoulder, and he is ERNEST. We should say that he is ERNEST completely changed if we were of those who hold that people change. As he enters by the window he has heard LORD LOAM's appeal, and is perhaps justifiably indignant.)

  ERNEST. What is that about an egg? Why should you have an egg?

  LORD LOAM (with hauteur). That is my affair, sir. (With a Parthian shot as he withdraws stiffly from the room.) The Gov. has never put my head in a bucket.

  ERNEST (coming to rest on one of his buckets, and speaking with excusable pride. To TWEENY). Nor mine for nearly three months, It was only last week, Tweeny, that he said to me, 'Ernest, the water cure has worked marvels in you, and I question whether I shall require to dip you any more.' (Complacently.) Of course that sort of thing encourages a fellow.

  TWEENY (who has now arranged the dinner table to her satisfaction). I will say, Erny, I never seen a young chap more improved.

  ERNEST (gratified). Thank you, Tweeny, that's very precious to me.

  (She retires to the fire to work the great bellows with her foot, and ERNEST turns to TREHERNE, who has come in looking more like a cow-boy than a clergyman. He has a small box in his hand which he tries to conceal.) What have you got there, John?

  TREHERNE. Don't tell anybody. It is a little present for the Gov.; a set of razors. One for each day in the week.

  ERNEST (opening the box and examining its contents.) Shells! He'll like that. He likes sets of things.

  TREHERNE (in a guarded voice). Have you noticed that?

  ERNEST. Rather.

  TREHERNE. He's becoming a bit magnificent in his ideas.

  ERNEST (huskily). John, it sometimes gives me the creeps.

  TREHERNE (making sure that TWEENY is out of hearing). What do you think of that brilliant robe he got the girls to make for him.

  ERNEST (uncomfortably). I think he looks too regal in it.

  TREHERNE. Regal! I sometimes fancy that that's why he's so fond of wearing it. (Practically.) Well, I must take these down to the grindstone and put an edge on them.

  ERNEST (button-holing him). I say, John, I want a word with you.

  TREHERNE. Well?

  ERNEST (become suddenly diffident). Dush it all, you know, you're a clergyman.

  TREHERNE. One of the best things the Gov. has done is to insist that none of you forget it.

  ERNEST (taking his courage in his hands). Then--would you, John?

  TREHERNE. What?

  ERNEST (wistfully). Officiate at a marriage ceremony, John?

  TREHERNE (slowly). Now, that's really odd.

  ERNEST. Odd? Seems to me it's natural. And whatever is natural, John, is right.

  TREHERNE. I mean that same question has been put to me today already.

  ERNEST (eagerly). By one of the women?

  TREHERNE. Oh no; they all put it to me long ago. This was by the Gov. himself.

  ERNEST. By Jove! (Admiringly.) I say, John, what an observant beggar he is.

  TREHERNE. Ah! You fancy he was thinking of you?

  ERNEST. I do not hesitate to affirm, John, that he has seen the love-light in my eyes. You answered--

  TREHERNE. I said Yes, I thought it would be my duty to officiate if called upon.

  ERNEST. You're a brick.

  TREHERNE (still pondering). But I wonder whether he was thinking of you?

  ERNEST. Make your mind easy about that.

  TREHERNE. Well, my best wishes. Agatha is a very fine girl.

  ERNEST. Agatha? What made you think it was Agatha?

  TREHERNE. Man alive, you told me all about it soon after we were wrecked.

  ERNEST. Pooh! Agatha's all very well in her way, John, but I'm flying at bigger game.

  TREHERNE. Ernest, which is it?

  ERNEST. Tweeny, of course.

  TREHERNE. Tweeny? (Reprovingly.) Ernest, I hope her cooking has nothing to do with this.

  ERNEST (with dignity). Her cooking has very little to do with it.

  TREHERNE. But does she return your affection.

  ERNEST (simply). Yes, John, I believe I may say so. I am unworthy of her, but I think I have touched her heart.

  TREHERNE (with a sigh). Some people seem to have all the luck. As you know, Catherine won't look at me.

  ERNEST. I'm sorry, John.

  TREHERNE. It's my deserts; I 'm a second eleven sort of chap. Well, my heartiest good wishes, Ernest.

  ERNEST. Thank you, John. How's the little black pig to-day?

  TREHERNE (departing). He has begun to eat again.

  (After a moment's reflection ERNEST calls to TWEENY.)

  ERNEST. Are you very busy, Tweeny?

  TWEENY (coming to him good-naturedly). There's always work to do; but if you want me, Ernest--

  ERNEST. There's something I should like to say to you if you could spare me a moment.

  TWEENY. Willingly. What is it?

  ERNEST. What an ass I used to be, Tweeny.

  TWEENY (tolerantly). Oh, let bygones be bygones.

  ERNEST (sincerely,
and at his very best). I'm no great shakes even now. But listen to this, Tweeny; I have known many women, but until I knew you I never knew any woman.

  TWEENY (to whose uneducated ears this sounds dangerously like an epigram). Take care--the bucket.

  ERNEST (hurriedly). I didn't mean it in that way. (He goes chivalrously on his knees.) Ah, Tweeny, I don't undervalue the bucket, but what I want to say now is that the sweet refinement of a dear girl has done more for me than any bucket could do.

  TWEENY (with large eyes). Are you offering to walk out with me, Erny?

  ERNEST (passionately). More than that. I want to build a little house for you--in the sunny glade down by Porcupine Creek. I want to make chairs for you and tables; and knives and forks, and a sideboard for you.

  TWEENY (who is fond of language). I like to hear you. (Eyeing him.) Would there be any one in the house except myself, Ernest?

  ERNEST (humbly). Not often; but just occasionally there would be your adoring husband.

  TWEENY (decisively). It won't do, Ernest.

  ERNEST (pleading). It isn't as if I should be much there.

  TWEENY. I know, I know; but I don't love you, Ernest. I'm that sorry.

  ERNEST (putting his case cleverly). Twice a week I should be away altogether--at the dam. On the other days you would never see me from breakfast time to supper. (With the self-abnegation of the true lover.) If you like I'll even go fishing on Sundays.

  TWEENY. It's no use, Erny.

  ERNEST (rising manfully). Thank you, Tweeny; it can't be helped. (Then he remembers.) Tweeny, we shall be disappointing the Gov.

  TWEENY (with a sinking). What's that?

  EKNEST. He wanted us to marry.

  TWEENY (blankly). You and me? the Gov.! (Her head droops woefully. From without is heard the whistling of a happier spirit, and TWEENY draws herself up fiercely.) That's her; that's the thing what has stole his heart from me. (A stalwart youth appears at the window, so handsome and tingling with vitality that, glad to depose CRICHT ON, we cry thankfully, 'The Hero at last.' But it is not the hero; it is the heroine. This splendid boy, clad in skins, is what nature has done for LADY MARY. She carries bow and arrows and a blow-pipe, and over her shoulder is a fat buck, which she drops with a cry of triumph. Forgetting to enter demurely, she leaps through the window.) (Sourly.) Drat you, Polly, why don't you wipe your feet?