Knowing the Ropes Read online

  “Can’t you talk with him?” Nick asked, trying frantically to put the concepts into terms that Natalie could accept. “Explain it’s too much, too soon, see how some of the rules might be modified?”

  “I’ve tried. He’ll let me talk, but he does what he wants to anyway. All it does is prove to him that I need more discipline, which I suppose I do.”

  “Do we need to get you out today?” Selene asked. Nick felt a thrill he couldn’t quite place at Selene’s assumption of we.

  “He won’t harm me. I’m his property, and he values me. I don’t know why I called. I need this. It’s what I always wanted, isn’t it? I’m just having a bad day. Lonely, I guess. It just gets so boring sometimes stuck in the house by myself, and when Master gave me permission to call Selene…”

  “Stuck in the house?” Nick had to ask, although he suspected what the answer would be.

  “He’s eased up,” she said. “For a while, I was locked in the closet with a camping potty when he wasn’t home, but he decided I needed to start doing housework and besides I was getting too fat and soft because I wasn’t moving around enough. But I can’t go outside without him.”

  Yup, that was what Natalie had always wanted, being half house pet, half object.

  “Yes, you can!” Selene said, her voice a little strident. “You made the choice to follow his rules. You can make the choice not to follow them or to leave. That’s in your hands. It’s always in your hands.”

  “No, it’s not,” Natalie said quietly. “Not anymore. I gave that up. The last choice I made was to be with Master. You don’t understand, do you, Selene? This is the real deal. I’m property. No rights, no privileges. The only reason he can’t just kill me is that he wouldn’t want to deal with the consequences. This isn’t role-play, and at the moment, it’s not fun, but it’s my life. That’s why I had to call you, to say to listen to Alison when she says to take your time and figure out what you really want and need, because this isn’t for everyone.”

  Natalie took a deep, sobbing breath, then went on. “Nick…I miss you. You might not have been the right master for me, but you’re a great guy. I just wanted to say that. And Selene, I don’t know if you’re really as much of a newbie as you came off as in your message, but in any case, you’ve got one of the good doms. Hold on to him because there are a lot of ass…” Suddenly Natalie’s tone changed completely. “Slave must go now. Slave’s master is home. Good-bye, Selene, and remember what this girl told you. This girl would love to chat again sometime when her master permits.”

  The phone went silent.

  “Oh shit.” Nick buried his head in his hands. “She is so in danger, whether she can admit it or not. What do we do now?”

  Selene walked in from the other room and put her hand on his shoulder. “That’s the suck. We can’t do anything yet except worry and try to keep in touch. She hasn’t actually asked us to help. She’s not happy, but she’s still trying to make it work, although I can’t tell if that’s because she wants to or because she’s scared not to.”

  “With her, it could be the same thing. Natalie…well, you heard her. She’s not dumb in the usual sense, and I don’t know that she’s mentally ill, but she’s extreme. Hardcore. She wants to give her all to someone.”

  “Maybe it would be all right with someone who’d take good care of her, but this guy sounds like a prime grade-A asshole. I see what you meant about a sex nun. Only she’s like Sister Mary Fruitbat who thinks she’s seen Jesus on a taco shell.”

  Guilt and regret washed over him, leaving him queasy. He’d tried, or thought he’d tried, but his efforts hadn’t been good enough. If Natalie destroyed herself or let this still-nameless so-called master destroy her, would it be his fault? She’d been willing to give him control of every aspect of her life.

  What if he’d taken it, then made her take some of it back? Pushed her but in ways that would have been healthy for her? Pushed her to get back into doing photography instead of contenting herself with being a model? Made her get some counseling and figure out if she really wanted the complete surrender she thought she craved or if she was running away from something—responsibility, adulthood, mortality?

  Could he have turned her around when they were together?

  Could he do so now, if he had the chance?

  And should he? It would wreck the fun he was having with Selene, but they were friends and play partners, in lust, not love. If Natalie needed him, if he could help the woman he’d loved and lost, wasn’t that more important than hot monkey sex with someone who, with her good looks, sexual curiosity and level head, could find another playmate at the drop of a hint?

  Selene sat on the bed and snuggled next to him. Her body was soft and delicious and should have been tempting, but when he pulled her closer, it was more to enjoy the comforting contact.

  “Besides,” Selene added, breaking into his reverie, “we’re still not sure where she is, so even if we’re convinced she needs rescuing, we can’t just sweep in and do it. We have to wait for her, and that sucks.”

  “Sure does.”

  Damn, he needed to stop thinking, needed a distraction. He pulled Selene down onto his lap and began to spank her idly. Focusing on her lovely ass under his hand, the curve of her spine, her brown curls still wildly tangled from the rain, spread out on her back and the bed, let him breathe again.

  At first, she was obviously going along with him for the same reason he’d started it—because it was better than worrying about a situation they couldn’t affect. After a while she softened and relaxed into it. Her ass started to rise up to meet his hand, and her yips were punctuated with gasps. “Harder, Nick,” she begged. “And then let’s try out that new butt plug. I need to stop thinking.”

  Nick couldn’t agree more. “You get the butt plug; then I get your mouth on my cock.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  For a few weeks, Natalie remained as absent as she had been before the bizarre phone call.

  And for a few weeks, Nick managed to believe that he wasn’t all that worried about her. Concerned, sure, but as Selene had said, since Natalie hadn’t let him know where she was or what she needed in the way of help, there wasn’t much he could do.

  By dint of spending a day repeating it to himself until it sounded true, he convinced himself that while she’d gotten herself into a situation most people wouldn’t like, it might work out for her in the long run. She longed to give absolute submission, after all, had wanted it enough she’d left him to find someone who wanted to take complete control.

  Actually being in that situation, though, must require a huge adjustment, and it wasn’t surprising she’d have days when it seemed like she couldn’t handle it.

  After work, it was easy not to think about Natalie. Without ever discussing it, he and Selene had fallen into a pattern of getting together most evenings, except when Selene needed time for homework. Their explorations of BDSM, dominance and submission pretty much wore him out, let him sleep without waking in the night wondering if Natalie was okay.

  During the workday, he threw himself into the latest project with a vigor and enthusiasm that he himself recognized as avoidance. Selene’s school was too far from his office to grab lunch with her regularly—only on Tuesdays did her class schedule allow her to meet up with him. But he made a point of going out with his coworkers when he could.

  He kept telling himself that it was just to get away from his desk, from work that could otherwise eat his brain completely. It was healthy to see the sun occasionally rather than his cubicle walls and his computer screen, good to talk to his colleagues about something other than the project—or even to talk to them about the project over halfway decent Thai food instead of in the office.

  And good, he reasoned, to avoid the temptation to spend his lunch hour sending Selene the sort of text messages that would at best leave them both distracted all afternoon and at worst eventually get one or both of them in trouble at work. The kind that directed her to go into
the bathroom and play with herself but not come, or to take a picture of her pussy with her phone and send it to him, or to do a little striptease in an empty classroom so she ended up panty-free, not trying to let others see her but not caring if they did, either.

  Okay, he wouldn’t really ask her to do that quite so publicly. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t threaten her with it.

  Yeah, he had it bad. He was getting turned on just thinking about naughty text messages. Not even writing them, just pondering what to write. Then again, Selene had that effect on him. She didn’t need to be doing anything to him to make him hard; she just needed to respond to his verbal banter and he’d want her on the spot.

  He needed to remind himself there was life besides work and kinky sex. Remind himself that there was life beyond Selene, Selene’s curves, Selene’s insatiable curiosity and willingness to try just about anything once, Selene’s sexuality. That there were people in his life other than her.

  Selene was the one who brought up another theory. “You actually went to lunch with Craig today?” she asked, her face incredulous and a little concerned.

  “A group of people that included Craig. I was feeling restless, needed to get out.”

  “Was it a really good lunch?”

  He shrugged. “Just the deli. Nothing special.”

  They were already holding hands across the restaurant table—they were waiting for their sushi—but she covered his hand with her free one and squeezed. “You’re worried sick about Natalie.” He didn’t answer right away, just stared at Selene, wondering why she’d been able to see so quickly what had been hidden to him. Wondering how he could squirm away from things he didn’t feel like contemplating when he’d much rather be contemplating a good dinner and the prospect of better-than-good sex.

  “What are you thinking?” she finally said.

  “What I did to deserve to meet someone who’s wise as well as beautiful and sexy? And how I can be sure to keep doing it so you’ll stick around.”

  Unfortunately for him, the wisdom he’d mentioned wasn’t derailed by his flattery. She just rolled her eyes and said, “Nice attempt to change the subject, Nick.”

  “I was thinking that…among other things.”

  “And those other things?”

  What he’d been thinking, or more accurately feeling, wasn’t the kind of thing he normally admitted to women. At least not to women he was dating, women who preferred to see him as dominant and in control, women he wanted to impress with his self-control.

  Selene was stable, though. Sensible. She could handle his imperfections and still want him. Maybe she’d even have a good idea about the situation.

  He opened his mouth to speak.

  When he’d tried to talk to Natalie about self-doubts and fears, she’d become convinced that she’d failed him, that if she were good enough, submissive enough, loyal enough, he’d be completely confident, one hundred percent dominant male, undiluted by weakness or worry. Or a trace of actual thought, perhaps, but that wasn’t the point. The point was he’d blown Natalie’s illusions and it had scared and hurt her.

  He closed his mouth again.

  How could he let Selene know how helpless he felt, how frustrated…how impotent?

  She seemed like she’d be able to distinguish between the in-control dom and the human being who didn’t always know what to do. But he didn’t want to risk blowing her fantasy and destroying her interest in him.

  He didn’t want to take that chance. At the same time, he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t concerned about Natalie. She’d think less of him if he didn’t worry.

  “I’m half tempted to start driving around the North Conway area with a picture of her, asking questions,” he finally said. That sounded strong and decisive, or at least tough and ready to take action.

  Selene’s smile clearly said, Better to laugh than to cry. “I understand the temptation. But there’s a lot of territory to cover up there, and if it’s anything like the area I grew up in, half the roads don’t have signs. The post office probably won’t give you a street address to go with the PO box, and if she’s staying home as much as it sounds like she is, people in the nearest town may not recognize her.”

  He sighed. Getting hit with the wet haddock of reality was never pleasant, even when it was administered by an attractive woman. “I bet if anyone did recognize her, they’d decide I was a psycho stalker ex-boyfriend and lie. Certainly what I’d do if some stranger came poking around asking questions about a cute female neighbor.” He considered his audience for a split second. “Or any neighbor, although I’d be more suspicious if it were a cute female one. If they were asking about the odd mobsterish guy next door, I’d probably think undercover cop rather than crazy ex, but I’d still put them off until I saw proper ID.”

  “Would you like me to try calling her again? Who knows if she’ll answer or call back, but at least there’s a chance….”

  “Please.”

  He knew he should be glad Selene was willing to jump into the breach, willing to take action, but it just served to underscore how little he could do for Natalie.

  After he’d helped push her into her current situation.

  Craig caught Nick at the coffee shop the next day, before he was awake enough for dodging assholes.

  “So, how’s it going?” Craig asked in a manner that layered all sorts of swarmy meanings into the simple question. “Haven’t seen you”—a slight, significant hesitation—“outside of work lately.”

  Meaning Kinksters munches and meet-ups, because he and Craig didn’t see each other in any other context. He and Selene hadn’t been bothering to go. They saw Alison and Garth and some of the other Kinksters socially once in a while, but given the choice between going to a munch and talking about kink and doing kink with a beautiful, eager woman, the choice was crystal clear.

  “Been busy lately.” Nick took a swig of coffee to avoid the temptation to say more.

  “Good busy?”

  The obvious fishing pushed one button too many. Nick nodded and flashed the best approximation of a shit-eating grin that he could produce with a mouth full of iced latte.

  “Ever hear anything from Serena or Serendipity or Serenity or whatever her name was?” It was painfully obvious Craig not only remembered Selene’s name but also every detail of his smashingly unsuccessful attempt to flirt with her. “I wasn’t sure how committed she was, but I’m kind of surprised I haven’t seen her around. Still, I suppose that crowd doesn’t suit everyone.”

  Nick swallowed his coffee and with it the urge to say something along the lines of I don’t think we’re really in the same crowd. You’re a wannabe, and everyone knows it.

  He couldn’t, though, resist the urge to say, “I’ll tell Selene tonight that you were asking after her.”

  Craig made a face like a fish out of water.

  Nick’s mouth started working before his still-caffeine-deprived brain could stop it. “If she doesn’t make me forget anything half so mundane within thirty seconds of seeing her. We’re still at that can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other stage.”

  This time, the sated grin, unhampered by coffee, was probably obvious enough that everyone looking in his general direction realized Nick McCutcheon was a happy man.

  “I’ve been a bit busy too. Very nice summer and fall. Met a few interesting young ladies and one of them seems to be shaping up promisingly.”

  Well, the world was full of idiots, and Craig did seem to find playmates easily enough. Keeping them might be another matter, but his smutty talk, dominant posturing and slightly used good looks seemed to work in the short run. People said guys thought with their dicks. The fact that Craig managed to get laid on a regular basis was proof that women weren’t immune to the same problem.

  “Glad to hear you’ve met someone. Do she and your wife get along?”

  “Very funny.”

  When he saw the look on Craig’s face, Nick wished he’d fought off the urge to gloat.

  I
t wasn’t the annoyance at being asked about his wife. Nick expected that. Hell, he deserved that for being deliberately obnoxious. But a grown man shouldn’t look that nakedly needy and envious, like a toddler who wanted his brother’s toy. At least not in a coffee shop at eight thirty on a Thursday morning.

  There was a certain cheap satisfaction in knowing that someone wanted what, or in this case, who, you had, and sometimes when someone was macho-posturing at you, it was impossible to resist the temptation to posture back, bigger and badder. But by rubbing Craig’s nose in his own happiness, he’d only made the tension between them worse.

  That was the last thing either of them needed, considering they had to work together until the IRS decided it was satisfied with their current project—which, at the rate things were going, might be a long time.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “So, how are things going?”

  As she dried the glasses that Alison handed to her, Selene shrugged. “All right, I guess. School’s great, and the contract web work is a lot better than being locked at one company full time. But I don’t feel like I’m connecting to anyone except you guys and Nick. Are people in Boston not very friendly?”

  “So it’s been rumored. Or maybe it has something to do with you getting a new boyfriend so soon after moving here? Like maybe you’re a little distracted?”

  Selene laughed. “Yeah, Nick’s definitely distracting, though he’s not exactly a boyfriend.”

  Before she’d said it, the thought hadn’t been disturbing, just the matter-of-fact truth that was easy to accept when she wasn’t in Nick’s arms. As the words came out, though, she felt like she’d swallowed a stone. She’d been calling him a boyfriend to Molly, not sure how to describe the relationship that wouldn’t make Molly’s head explode, but that wasn’t what he was, was he?