Life Sentences Read online

  “Thank you. I just do my job as I see fit.” Feeling more relaxed, Pilar sat at the chart table to make notes. Tommy turned to leave without permission. “I haven’t said you could leave yet,” she scolded. She continued with more softness, “We haven’t settled your smoking issue.” She pointed to his arm as though he already wore the patch he’d asked for.

  “Forget about it. I’ll take my chances with cancer. Gonna die somehow.” He placed his hand on the door knob.

  “Mr. Johnson, I think what you want to do, quit smoking, is worthy and difficult for someone locked up.” Pilar was willing to help a patient like Tommy who asked for assistance.

  “Thanks, but I don’t wanna get ya in no trouble or do something not in policy, Doc.” Tommy sat down again. “You already do more than any other doctor in this joint.”

  “I appreciate your compliment.” Pilar smiled. His sudden kindness was unexpected. Maybe there was more to him than met the eye, as the cliche went. “I do what I have to for the sake of good health. So, let me write a script for the patch and get you started in a support group. Agreed?” Without waiting for an answer, she wrote the prescription and made a notation in his medical record.

  “That’s great, Doc.” Tommy got up. Once through thedoor, he said over his shoulder, “I’ll pay ya back soon. I’ll clean your office with extra special care.”

  “God knows,” Pilar chuckled, “it could use it.” She didn’t want to do anything to provoke his angry side. Moreover, Pilar enjoyed that new, kinder facet of Tommy. She started to follow him out into the hall.

  Jane was obviously waiting outside the exam room. Not wanting to intrude, Pilar stepped back into the room just out of sight, but within hearing range.

  “How did it go?” she heard Jane ask.

  “Piece of cake. A soft touch. She’s eager to help, and that makes her mellow. The perfect “Duck”. She’ll give in when the time’s right.”

  “How do you know all that?” Jane pressed.

  “I listen and observe,” Tommy whispered. “The clues are out there.” He sounded like a detective from a film noir style movie. “And she wrote the script.”

  Pilar peeked out just in time to catch him stroking Jane’s cheek.

  “I’ll tell you more later,” Tommy said in almost a loving tone. He glanced toward Pilar and withdrew his hand. Lightning quick, he exited the waiting area on his own. His medium security level gave him a lot more freedom of movement than Chad. A lot more than most prisoners at Hawk Haven. When the gate closed behind him, Pilar watched Jane’s reaction. She lowered her head and shuffled papers on her desk as if to avoid Pilar’s scrutiny.

  Pilar gave Jane the script for the patch and counseling. “Process this today,” she ordered more harshly than needed.

  Jane picked up the paper and file. “I didn’t know he wanted to quit smoking. Good for Tommy.”

  “Yeah, good for Tommy,” Pilar repeated as she looked back at the gate. What had she gotten in to? Helping Tommy quit a harmful health habit couldn’t be all bad even if Pilar went outside policy a little. But, what did Tommy think she’d give in to? When would the time be right? She decided to find out what “Duck” meant.

  A half hour before the noon inmate count, Jane tapped on Pilar’s open door. “Chad Wilbanks is in exam room one.”

  Pilar’s heart stopped for a brief moment. She occupied herself by straightening a row of pens. She hoped Jane didn’t notice the color blazing in her face and down into her chest like a pink river. “I’ll be right along.” Did she sound too solicitous?

  As soon as Jane left, Pilar inhaled ten times, a technique learned in a relaxation class. She checked her face and hair in the mirror near the door. Jane looked up from her station and noted the care Pilar took. Pilar smiled and hustled to see Chad, sure the flush had deepened the red in her cheeks. She stuffed back the familiar question: Why was she acting like this?

  When Pilar walked through the door and let her eyes connect with Chad’s, she knew the answer. It was carnal.

  “I haven’t seen you in a while, Chad,” she said. “Whatbrings you today?” She pretended to review his history in his medical record.

  Casually, Chad leaned back in his chair, letting his knees part. “You,” he smiled. “And your scent. What is the perfume you always wear?”

  “Lauren.” Pilar rubbed her hand lightly across her neck where she had applied perfume earlier. “I know you’re here to see me, but for what medical reason?” She brushed her hair off her forehead, pulled the exam stool forward and dropped gracefully onto it.

  Chad considered her for several moments. Pilar heard footsteps in the corridor as the employees made their way out the gate for lunch. She crossed her legs, shifted on the stool. Clearly, they were taking each other’s measures.

  Chad leaned forward and almost whispered, “I waited for as long as I could before coming back. I may be taking a chance today, but …” He reached his free hand toward Pilar.

  Pilar wrapped it in both of her hands and lowered her face into his palm.

  chapter nine

  FETISH

  MIDWAY THROUGH A BRUTALLY cold November morning in her fourth month at Hawk Haven, Pilar wasn’t surprised to find Chad waiting in an exam room. He sat in the same chair as he did on the first day they met.

  “So, what brings you here today, Mr. Wilbanks?” Pilar asked. As she took the medical folder from the door pocket, Pilar caught Jane observing her. Pilar’s glare challenged Jane’s inquisitive stare. Jane turned away.

  Pilar walked close to Chad’s chair. Her lab coat brushed against his hand. His now twice-weekly visits had become a normal part of her schedule at Hawk Haven, were so routine in fact, no one, except Jane, seemed to question them. Even the officers stopped cuffing him in the second month after Pilar reported to Jane that Chad had an inoperable brain tumor. She had to make up some chronic medical problem. Otherwise, he couldn’t see her so often without arousing suspicion.

  As Pilar passed Chad, he reached behind her andclosed the door. Pilar’s hair prickled at the base of her neck. Without turning she ordered him to get on the exam table.

  He obeyed.

  Pilar stationed herself behind him so she could watch the door. She circled her arms around his chest and reached her hand inside his pressed uniform shirt. His sinewy muscles tightened in response. Pilar kissed his neck and the top of his head. A thin flame ran under her skin.

  Chad caressed Pilar’s hand. “We’ve got to be careful,” he cautioned. His hand was warm, assuring. “You know I’m working on something.” His grip tightened and then he let go. Pilar’s hand hurt.

  “I know.” Pilar massaged his shoulders. “But, it’s getting tougher to wait. My nerves are raw.” She imagined his fine-toned, naked body entwined in hers. She massaged her hand.

  Chad turned to Pilar and brushed his lips lightly against hers like a child’s butterfly kiss. Heat flowed into her groin.

  “All you need to worry about are the babies we’ll make once I’m out of here,” he said as he rubbed her stomach.

  Pilar combed her fingers through his silky hair. He pulled away. “Remember that day I asked why you work here?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “I want to know the real answer. I may be the reason you stay …”

  “You are.” She dropped a kiss on his nose. He wavedher back.

  “Okay, but why did you start?”

  “Is that today’s topic?” she teased. Pilar relished his questions. He wanted to know everything about her. What she did every day, what her life was like growing up, everything. His appetite to know was insatiable, and she was the center of his attention in a way she’d never been for any man before.

  “Yes, and I want you here beside me when you answer it.” Chad patted the examination table.

  Pilar hitched herself up onto it, letting her long legs dangle beside his. She began to relate the story of an incident that instigated her desire to help others, long before she ever met the prostitutes of Cas
s Corridor.

  “My grandfather, my mother’s father,” she began, “told me that when he was a child in a small Polish village all the stores in the Jewish neighborhood where he lived remained closed on Christmas Day. The Jewish owners feared that if they opened they would be called Jesus killers.” Pilar noted Chad’s forehead crinkle in surprise. “You didn’t know I was Jewish?”

  “No. I didn’t,” he whispered.

  “Does it matter?”

  Chad inspected her face. After a few seconds he answered, “No. Why should it?”

  “Good.” Pilar continued with the story. “My grandfather said that no Jew would dare show his face on thestreets in old Poland on Christmas day. They feared some reprisal would take place, like being physically abused or having their property destroyed.”

  Chad shifted. “What does this have to do with you today?” he asked.

  “One Christmas day when I was about seven, my grandfather and I ate in the only open Jewish deli in the Detroit area. To entertain me and help me forget about all my friends celebrating a holiday I didn’t understand, my grandfather told me stories.” She chuckled quietly. “One was about the doctors in his village who used leeches to draw out the evil spirits. Imagine.” She looked deep into Chad’s eyes, hoping to find understanding there. “My grandfather looked so lonely, so lost. And, though we wouldn’t be injured or called Jesus killers, that Christmas day I knew I never wanted anyone else to suffer as he had.”

  Chad cocked his head to the side. “So, you want to help the underdog, is that it?”

  “Yes, I suppose, simply put, that’s it.”

  “Am I one of your underdogs?” he asked. His lisp was obvious.

  “Of course not. You’re my Chad.”

  From the first time Pilar blurted out family secrets to Chad, there was no turning back. How could she not surrender to him? Pilar was so caught up by him, by the way he listened closely to her every word, by his tracking her every motion, by his physical beauty — so like a Michelangelo sculpture – she could hardly think of anything else. His attention held her spellbound. She loved everything about him: his touch, his voice, especially his seductive, hypnotic eyes.

  Chad broke her train of thought when suddenly he took her face in his gentle hands and said, “You are the most exciting person I have ever known.”

  Pilar blushed like a school girl.

  He chuckled. “And I want you to be the mother of my children. But,” he winked, “I don’t want you to quit working. We don’t want to waste your brain on housework, do we?”

  When Pilar was slow to respond, Chad kissed her nose and said, “I could be Mr. Mom.”

  They laughed so loud Pilar feared others in the infirmary would hear them. Yet, that easy laughter gave Pilar the courage to dig deeper into Chad’s secretive past. Except for the few crumbs he offered about his college psychology major, his father, Maryann, and fraternity life, Pilar knew little else. She accepted that as part of his shyness, or even an institutionalized caution. In fact, when she prodded him for details about his childhood, his lisp became more pronounced. So Pilar had yielded to his need for privacy, therefore, confident that as their relationship grew, so would his trust in her.

  But, Pilar had excused Chad’s clever avoidance of his personal history for long enough. The time had come to hear about Chad Wilbanks from other sources than Lorrieand the news. The time had come to test that new trust.

  “Tell me more about your father.” Pilar slipped down to stand facing him between his legs.

  Chad’s eyes narrowed. “What can I tell you that I already haven’t?” he asked.

  “I don’t know.” Pilar offered a comforting smile. “Anything.”

  “You know he was a duplicate of your father. Dominating, rich, and an angry perfectionist. He believed that showering a person with money was equal to affection and a way to make up for his absence, which was most of my life.” Chad paused and stared at a spot above Pilar’s head. “He abandoned me.” Chad spoke those last words with such a chill, Pilar shivered.

  “Yes,” Pilar agreed. “My father was a duplicate.” It consoled her to know she hadn’t been the only one to suffer a relationship with an unloving father.

  “Except,” Chad said, and stopped.

  “Except what?”

  “They didn’t look alike.”

  Though neither Chad nor Pilar shared pictures of their fathers, Pilar had often described Marcus in great sarcastic detail. Chad had never described his father. “What do you mean? You never have told me how your father looked. In fact, I don’t even know his name.”

  “I fortunately take after my mother,” Chad said. “I wouldn’t want to remind her of him.” Chad still didn’t sayhis name.

  Pilar believed Chad and she were joined together by their comparable relationships with their fathers. Though unconcerned about either father interfering in her future with Chad, Pilar wasn’t so sure about the role Maryann Wilbanks would play.

  Standing face to face in that sensual moment of faith, Pilar’s confidence about her closeness to Chad was clear. Pilar decided to take a chance and ask Chad to give up more information about his own past that he held so dear, so secret. “I’ve shared a lot of my family history with you, Chad. And, today I told you the special story about my grandfather.” She stroked his cheek. “Do you trust me enough now to tell me about your family?”

  Chad’s body stiffened. He pushed her away and turned his back. Hurt, she placed her hand on his shoulder to let him know it was okay. Chad lifted his hand to hers. They remained in that silent space for several moments.

  Chad released Pilar’s hand and faced her. “My mother, Maryann, is the most beautiful and caring woman I have ever known,” he said as his eyes filled. He quickly added, “Next to you of course, Pilar.”

  Pilar didn’t want to hear about his mother in those terms. Often in the past, Chad had slipped out endearing remarks about Maryann. Remarks that had intruded on their limited sessions. In those moments Pilar reeled with jealousy and, yes, even hatred of a woman she had never met.

  Chad reached into his pocket. “Here,” he said, and offered Pilar a letter. “It’s from today’s mail.”

  The letter from Maryann read like a love note. As she read, Pilar’s sight froze for a long moment on the words, “I long to hold you in my arms.” The vision of son and mother romantically entwined nauseated her. Serves me right for probing, Pilar thought. And surely, she’d misunderstood. His family history really didn’t matter after all, because no matter how secretive he chose to be, she would do anything to be with Chad. Anything.

  “I know you’ll do anything for me,” he said, refolding the letter and returning it to his pocket. How had he gotten inside Pilar’s head?

  “But,” he added, “I don’t want you to do something foolish or before it’s the right time.”

  Pilar’s mouth dropped into an exaggerated pout. Chad stood and tilted his head to one side. “Gotta go,” he said “before someone gets a crazy idea that we have more than a doctor-patient relationship.”

  Pilar laughed. “Now, how would they get that idea?” She reached for Chad’s hand, glad that the tense moment had passed. She decided to risk one more inquiry into Chad’s background before he left. “Since we’re being so honest with each other, did you know I met Lorrie in training?”

  Chad stepped back. “Yes,” he admitted. “She wrote to me.” Though his lisp was conspicuous, his calm, matter-of-act answer cooled Pilar’s momentary conviction that theywere ready for such a baring of their souls. Her jealousy suddenly transferred from Maryann to Lorrie. Chad must have recognized her anxiety because he rested his hand on Pilar’s arm to reassure her.

  Pilar pulled away, but Chad’s grip tightened around her arm. “She’s an old friend,” he consoled. “A youthful sweetheart. College changed us, so we went our different ways.”

  “She’s still in love with you,” Pilar blurted.

  Chad smiled sympathetically. “Lorrie is not a stable p
erson.”

  “I know.” Then clasping his hand into hers, Pilar walked him into the corridor. Her heart skipped when Jane glanced at their interlocked fingers.

  “Jane won’t say anything. I know Tommy and she have been going at it for more than a year.” He touched Pilar’s cheek. His eyes connected with hers. “Tommy’s a good friend.” Chad winked at Pilar and nodded at Jane.

  Pilar scanned the area to make sure no one else had seen that exchange, especially Officer Leonard. He had shown up at unusual places and times. It was almost as though he followed Pilar to catch her in a mistake. Sometimes, Pilar thought she heard him breathing outside her office door. Often when she flung the door open to surprise the spy, she’d spot him dashing out the infirmary gate.

  After Chad left, Pilar went back to her office in a daze. She leaned against the closed door, her heart pumping in a feverish rush. She sat at the desk, fingering Chad’s institutionalfile. Did Lorrie write to Chad before she got to Hawk Haven? So what? If she did, Lorrie’s plan to get him back hadn’t worked. And, Maryann wouldn’t get him either.

  Instead of spending any more time on Lorrie and Maryann, Pilar dreamily reviewed the past glorious months she shared with Chad and focused on her second month at the prison. She remembered Chad’s name was listed on the afternoon sick call. When the consultation began, Chad boldly spoke first. “Let’s cut to the chase. We both know how we feel about each other.” He sat very still, resting his unshackled hand in his lap.

  Pilar stepped away from him. She steadied herself against the exam table, an unsubtle, bad habit in his presence. Words didn’t come. Instead, she simply stood there and placed her hand over her open mouth. There was no defense. Any astute observer would notice how she had been taken with Chad’s flirting from the start. Marcus’ words mocked Pilar. “You’re nothing without a man.”

  Pilar finally forced a response to Chad’s confession. “What do you mean?”