Words Heard In Silence / Xena Uber Read online

  He nodded again. "But my enlistment papers do not say that."

  "I just bet they do not." The woman gestured at the Colonel’s shirt. "Take off that shirt. You are about my brother’s size; I will get you one of his."

  Rebecca turned to make her way upstairs. Now she knew why the Colonel was being so kind. She moved into one of the old bedrooms. Most of the furniture was gone now, either sold to try and hold things together, or destroyed for firewood over the course of the last few years. She retrieved a shirt from a trunk, taking a moment to make sure it was in good repair and clean. Looking into the trunk she also fetched a pair of trousers.

  The woman returned downstairs, but did not go to the kitchen. Instead, she went into the bathing room. She had been preparing a bath for herself when the Colonel had arrived. Rebecca placed the clothes and a towel on a bench next to the tub. She dipped her fingers in the water to make sure it was still warm enough for bathing and then returned to the doorway.

  "Colonel, could you please come here? I am down the hall. Last door on the right."

  She listened to the heavy footfalls on the wooden floorboards. She certainly walks like a man, clomping through the house in heavy boots. Rebecca turned when the steps stopped behind her. "I thought you might like a bath."

  Charlie looked to the tub. The vision of a real bath and steaming water nearly did him in and he unconsciously licked his lips. His eyes traveled to his hostess. "That is very kind of you, Ma’am, but I could not impose."

  "Colonel Redmond, I have taken the time to haul water and heat it up. The least you can do is show me the simple courtesy of using it."

  Charlie could not hold the smile back any longer as he moved into the room. The thought of a hot bath with real soap and the luxury of being able to relax just a little was far too temping an offer to pass up. "Yes, Ma’am, it is the least I can do."

  "And stop calling me Ma’am. I have a name, it is Rebecca, Rebecca Gaines."

  "Rebecca? I like it."

  "Well, that is good, because I do not intend to change it anytime soon, Colonel Redmond. Now get out of those dirty clothes and enjoy that water while it is still warm."

  As the Colonel sat down to get ready for her bath, Rebecca pulled the shades to give her all the privacy she needed. Lighting a lamp, she placed it on a small stool next to the tub. She glanced up when she heard a groan. Moving across the room, she knelt in front of Charlie.

  "You will rip those stitches. Let me."

  "Thank you, Miss Rebecca."

  As she removed Charlie’s boots, she grimaced at the sight of the officer’s feet. She was wearing torn foot coverings that revealed several large, infected blisters on her feet and ankles. "After your bath, I will tend to those too. Now enjoy that water. I will be back in a few minutes."

  The Colonel watched as the young woman left the room. He sighed, and then began removing his clothes, a process that was also a very private ritual of transformation for Charlie. After everything, including the bindings he was forced to wear to make his masquerade convincing, had been removed, he settled down in the tub, moaning at the feeling of warm water covering his body. He knew he should be washing, but the urge to relax was far too great. He closed his eyes, sliding further into the water until his neck rested on the edge. As he relaxed in the tub, his mind wandered to his own sense of identity. He was not concerned that Rebecca had found him out because he knew he was Colonel Charlie Redmond. He had been living this lie for all of his adult life and to his conscious mind, there was no doubt. However, there was always that annoying little inner voice. The voice of the woman he had been so many years ago.

  You are a fraud, Charles Redmond. A lie. You can never be the ‘‘man ’ you pretend to be. You can never have the things you dream of. You will never find someone who will love you because of your sinful ways. The only comfort you will find in your pathetic life will be in the bed of whores who will never care for you.

  Charlie shut out the voice, and relaxed again, sinking further into the warm water.

  When Rebecca returned she found Charlie sound asleep. As she looked at the woman in the tub, she realized how ragged and tired she really looked. She had great sympathy for this woman. She could not imagine fighting and being at war. Certainly, she knew how to fire a rifle, but the thought of taking aim and killing another human being made her just a bit sick at her stomach and she wondered what circumstances had forced this woman into such a life. She sat her mending kit on the pile of clothes, and then moved to the tub where she knelt down and wet a cloth, making sure to lather it liberally. "Colonel Redmond?" She whispered gently to coax the sleeping officer awake.

  "Hmm?"

  "Wake up, Colonel."

  Her eyes opened slowly. Rebecca could see many years of sadness in them. "I am sorry, Miss Rebecca. The water just feels so good." The tall woman curled in on herself, trying to be modest in this most revealing of circumstances.

  "I am sure it does. Lean forward, let me wash your back."

  "Umm I am not sure……"

  Rebecca smiled at the shyness, but she bit her lip in order to keep from laughing. "Nonsense, Colonel. Regardless of your position, you are still a woman and I am sure that nothing I see will be a great surprise, unless the good Lord was making a different style when he made you. Besides, you need to keep that wound clean."

  Charlie leaned forward, wrapping her arms around her knees that had been pulled to her chest in an attempt at some modesty. She was in a truly awkward position. She thought of herself as a man, who should preserve the modesty of this gentle woman. She was a woman, who hid her gender from the world for very practical reasons of survival. In this moment, she was neither man nor woman, and both. She drew a deep breath, for this was new territory and potentially very dangerous. Only the gentleness of the woman behind her made it tolerable.

  When Rebecca dropped her eyes to the expanse of skin before her, she did indeed find a great surprise. The Colonel’s back was covered with scars left by a sound thrashing by a whip. "What happened?" She asked as she ran her hand over the old scars.

  "I took a beating many years ago."

  "Why?"

  "Someone was going to be beaten for something he did not do. They accused him of stealing food."

  "And you said he did not do it?"

  Charlie nodded.

  "How did you know he did not?"

  "Because I gave it to him. His family was starving and he just wanted a little food for them. I gave him the food and when he was accused of stealing it, I told them he had not. But my father said that someone had to pay for it, either the slave or me."

  "So you took the beating for him?"

  "He was a ten year old boy trying to feed his family. Anyway, it was a long time ago." She laid her forehead on her knees. Clearly, the subject was closed for now.

  The thought that her own father had inflicted the scars on Charlie’s body touched Rebecca deeply. Carefully washing her back, tears stung her eyes. There was so much nobility in this person. As the lady watched the officer, she could see small hints of the toll all that nobility had taken on her body and soul.

  Rebecca rinsed Charlie’s back then pulled her gently back so her neck was resting in her hand. "I will wash your hair."

  "I can do that, Miss Rebecca. You have been so kind. I do not want to be a further burden to you."

  "Let me." She whispered, moving closer to the tub. "Let me take care of you, Colonel Redmond. You need it, and you deserve it."

  "I do not deserve anything, Miss Rebecca. I am just a soldier doing my job."

  "You can tell yourself that all you want. You believe what you want, and I will believe what I want. I believe that you deserve it."

  "Thank you."

  "You are welcome." She answered sincerely as she poured water over Charlie’s head and lathered her scalp, giving it a good scrubbing. She was a little shocked at first when a single, deep moan escaped the Colonel’s chest. She felt her relax as she continued washing her hair. Soon
she realized that Charlie was sound asleep once again. Carefully, she finished up, gently placing the woman’s neck back on the rim of the tub, allowing her to rest for what Rebecca was sure would be the first time in a long while.

  Leaving the bathing room, she took the Colonel’s dirty clothes to the wet sink to give them a good scrubbing. Once that was done, the trousers where placed on the drying rack, while the shirt and the mending kit were taken to the parlor.

  She settled down in her last remaining easy chair. It was her favorite and she had decided Lincoln himself would have to come get it before she would surrender it. Placing the kit on the table, she removed thimble, needle, and thread. She was amazed by how happy this simple act of mending the shirt made her. Certainly, she had been forced to tend her own clothes , but doing it for Charlie just made her feel useful again. It was a very comfortable feeling.

  The tear actually required a small patch, but it was fixed quickly. Just as Rebecca was bringing the thread to her teeth to nip it, she looked up to find the Colonel standing in the doorway. She was bathed and dressed in the clothes that Rebecca had left for her. She gave a shy smile and tugged at the suspenders. "I look like a farmer."

  "Indeed you do. It is a look that suits you."

  Charlie gave a little snort. "I do not know how to be anything but a soldier. It is a good thing I do not own a farm."

  Rebecca placed the shirt in her lap and considered Charlie as she stood there. "You are absolutely right, Colonel. A farm would not be the proper place for you. Now a fine plantation or an outstanding stud stable would do well to have someone like you taking care of it."

  "You are very kind."

  "No. You are very kind. Tell me, Colonel Redmond, what will you do after the war?"

  He walked further into the room, taking a seat on the davenport. "I imagine I will be given a base command somewhere. They may ship me to a fort in the Western Territory."

  "Is that what you want to do?"

  Charlie stared at his hands as he considered it. "I really do not know anything else. I have been in the army most of my life. It is my home. At least the only home I know. I am sure it probably will be until the day I die.

  For some reason, Rebecca had a vision of a casket being lowered in the ground with only a minister and the gravediggers there to pay their respects. It was not a good feeling, the thought that this very kind person would have no one with her in her final days. "It sounds lonely."

  "It is. But it is the life I chose. I can never have a normal life, Miss Rebecca. I will always be Charlie Redmond. It is who I am, for better or for worse." He drew a deep breath then stood up. "Well, Miss Rebecca, thank you for the lovely bath," he gestured to the shirt in the woman’s lap. "And for fixing my shirt. I will go back out to camp now and get out of your way."

  "You are not in my way, Colonel."

  "Please call me Charlie."

  A small laugh escaped as she quirked a brow. "It fits you."

  "Yes, I know. Charlie always fit better than Charlotte."

  "Maybe it is because you are so damn big."

  "Could be," A small, quirky grin lit his face for a moment.

  "Colonel Redmond," Rebecca started in a most shy fashion. "I have been alone here a long time. It is nice to have someone to talk to. Would you stay for a bit? Maybe you could tell me some news of the world."

  "I am not sure you would want the kind of news that I have to offer. I have not had leave for sometime. I am afraid the only thing I could tell you about would be the battles I have been in and I would not dare offend your sensibilities by telling you such things."

  Rebecca nodded. "Thank you, Colonel Redmond. Perhaps we could talk about other things. Where are you from?"

  "Charleston."

  "Charleston, South Carolina? How……?" She stopped, knowing that she had no right to ask how a southern woman ended up in the Union Army. "Me, I have never been out of Virginia."

  "Virginia is a beautiful place."

  "When we are not at war."

  "Indeed."

  Rebecca took a deep breath, looking up as if she were remembering a time very long ago. "Everything has changed, has it not, Colonel?"

  "I am afraid so, Miss Rebecca. Things will never be the same again. The world you knew is long gone, left to historians and philosophers."

  The blonde smiled. "You read philosophy, Colonel?"

  "When I can get my hands on books. They are rare and very hard to come by when you are moving from one campaign to the next."

  "When was the last time you had leave?"

  "Two years ago."

  "Why so long?"

  "No sense in taking leave when you really have no place to go."

  "What of your family? Your home, in Charleston?"

  "I have no family. Not any more."

  Rebecca’s heart knew the pain of losing everyone you loved. Her parents were long dead and her bother had been killed soon after eagerly joining the Army of Virginia. Her husband had died almost exactly a year ago in yet another senseless battle. And while she had never really loved her husband, she did mourn for the useless loss of life. To her, it was all so senseless. "I am so sorry, Colonel Redmond."

  Charlie shrugged. "I guess it is too late to be sorry. I made my choices a long time ago. I have learned to live with them." He sighed, and then looked at the blonde. "Miss Rebecca, I think you should know. My men probably think that I have been in here……umm……well……"

  "Having your way with me?"

  A slight blush crept up his neck, into his face. "Yes."

  "Will it keep them from trying the same thing?"

  "More than likely."

  "Then let them think it. Go back out there and tell them that if you want to."

  "Now why would I do that?" He asked a little indignantly.

  "Would any of your men dare touch a woman you have claimed?"

  "Probably not."

  "That would be the reason, Colonel."

  "I see."

  "As a matter of fact, if it will keep them from my door, I will be happy to let you sleep inside."

  Charlie’s eyes dropped shut for just a moment as a soft sigh left his lips.

  "How long has it been since you slept in a real bed, Colonel?"

  "Do they still make real beds?"

  "I am not sure if they still make them, but I do have one here if you would like to use it."

  "No, thank you, Miss Rebecca. That really is too much."

  "Why? You are going to be here for at least a little while. I can offer you simple comfort, and you can offer me protection. Actually, it sounds like the perfect arrangement to me."

  "A soft bed?" Brows lifted momentarily as he considered the offer.

  The blonde rose from her chair, offering Charlie her hand. "Let me show you. Then you can decide."

  The Colonel stood, taking the offered hand, instantly enjoying its warmth. Rebecca’s hands were not as soft as a lady’s hands should be. Charlie knew it was because she had been forced to work her own land. He realized at that very moment what a determined spirit this gentle lady must have. Most women the Colonel knew would have simply given up and fled to someplace far safer and easier to get by.

  Rebecca lifted her skirts just slightly as they began climbing the stairs. She felt herself tightening her hold on Charlie’s hand. She was amazed at how much larger they were than her own. They were strong and rough from years of hard work, yet she could feel gentleness in them.

  At the top of the stairs, they turned down the hall with Rebecca leading the way. She opened a door at the very end of the hall, gesturing for Charlie to enter the room. It was a small sitting room, with another door opened to the bedroom beyond. Although Charlie did not know it at the time, it was the only room in the house with a complete bed remaining.

  Charlie entered the bedroom and looked at the large, inviting four-poster bed. The hand made quilt covering the feather filled mattress only made it look that much more inviting. Rebecca gave the reluctant offi
cer a bit of a push. "Go on, Colonel. Try it out."

  Taking a seat on the edge of the big bed, a look of pure pleasure swept across Charlie’s face almost immediately. Rebecca crossed the room. Standing before the officer, she gave her a little push at the shoulders. Charlie lay back on the bed, his booted feet planted firmly on the floor. "Ahhh……" Any other comment he might have wanted to make, died on his lips as he sank into the thick down filled mattress.

  "Nice, is not it?"

  "Oh, yes." He nodded then sat up. "Are you sure?"

  "Absolutely. Spend as much time as you like, Colonel Redmond. I will also enjoy having the company. I am afraid I have taken to talking to myself. Sometimes I fear for my own sanity."

  "Do not, Miss Rebecca. I also talk to myself. It becomes a habit after awhile. I am sure some days my men think I am truly insane. How long have you been alone here?"

  "Nearly three years now. My parents had both passed over before the war started. That left my younger brother, my husband and I to tend to the place. We had a few servants of course, but they all either ran away or were taken to help with the war effort. A few stayed for a time, until after both my brother and then my husband were taken. After that, they fled as well." Rebecca knew she sounded angry and bitter but she could not help herself. Everything that had been her life was gone. Everything but the land she fought so hard to keep, but she knew with the end of the war coming, she would no doubt lose that as well.

  "Do you have any news of your bother or husband?"

  "Both dead."

  "I really am sorry, Miss Rebecca."

  "I just pray to God this horrible mess ends soon."

  "I have a feeling it will be over soon." He looked to Rebecca as his hands ran across the bedspread. "My men and I are eventually headed toward Charlottesville, and then, perhaps on toward Richmond. I have a bad feeling about it all. I am afraid it will be," he paused, refraining from using to descriptive a term to relate the horrors of the battle. "Like the Wilderness was, but I do believe it will be over soon, Miss Rebecca. And this area should remain fairly quiet for now."

  "The South has lost this war?"

  "Long ago. It is only a matter of time now."