Words Heard In Silence / Xena Uber Read online

  "Its all yours, boys. See you at dinner. AND REMEMBER YOUR MANNERS."

  --*--

  He made two stops on the way back to the house to escort Rebecca to dinner. The first was to the mess sergeant’s domain, the great tent that housed the cooks for the regiment. Much to his relief, dinner was based on a small deer that one of the scouts had brought in, rather than the army usual of beans and salt pork. His second stop was at the infirmary tent to check on Montgomery’s condition. There, the news was not as good. The man was still unconscious and unresponsive. Trickling water into his mouth caused a reflexive swallowing, but that was about all the response they could get. "Thank god Dr. Walker will be here soon. Maybe she has a solution." Charlie agreed wholeheartedly with his medic.

  Charlie arrived at the main house just a few minutes later than he had planned, and found Rebecca waiting for him in the small parlor at the rear of the house. He wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and offered his arm to her.

  As one, the gentlemen of the regiment rose as Charlie escorted Rebecca into the mess tent. They clustered around her, escorted her to the seat of honor, and each in his own way showed her that Northern men could be attentive gentlemen too. There was a festive atmosphere in the tent that night, and Rebecca rose to the occasion, flirting with some, listening with gentle sympathy to others and being motherly or sisterly to the youngest members of his staff.

  As the evening came to an end, Richard Polk quietly took Rebecca aside and handed her a hundred dollar chit. "Its for the first month’s rental on the use of your property, Ma’am. I hope it is sufficient, but our budget really does not allow for what the land is really worth."

  Rebecca looked at him slack jawed for a moment. "Uh…… Thank you Colonel Polk. I did not expect this. We hear so many tales of commandeering……."

  "No ma’am. The 13th Pennsylvania always honors its obligations, one way or another. This is fair money, ma’am, given honestly and openly, and money that you deserve for your kindness."

  "Well, thank you, Major. I know you are aware that it is most gratefully received."

  With that, the two parted, one returned home, the other to prepare the rosters for the following day’s activities. But a cautious understanding and respect had been started between the two, one that would serve them both well in the coming weeks and months.

  "Miss Rebecca, may I walk you home? You look tired."

  "Of course, Colonel Redmond."

  Charlie gently draped Rebecca's shawl over her shoulders, then offered her his arm. They set out on the short walk back to the main house. Quiet reigned between them as Rebecca considered the hundred dollars in her reticule and what it could do for her future. Finally, Charlie ventured into a safe little conversational foray. "Its gotten chilly tonight, ma'am."

  Rebecca stopped for a moment and looked up at the night sky, blanketed with clouds. "Yes, I believe the chill is giving us fair warning of things to come." Rebecca once again put her arm through Charlie's.

  "Miss Rebecca, I think that this place offers more shelter than me and my men have seen for a long time. We are all very appreciative."

  "You are quite welcome. I must admit when you asked to use the property, I certainly never expected to receive funds. They are a most welcomed resource. Thank you for arranging it."

  "Thank General Sheridan when he comes to inspect - and he will - he always does. President Lincoln has issued orders that we are to do our best to help rebuild normal relations with our southern citizens - particularly the civilian forces. He is well aware of the difficulties that lie ahead in reconstructing the union once this war is over."

  "Do you ever take credit for anything you do, Colonel?" She gave his arm a playful tug then slipped her hand into his.

  The small, chilled hand in his was more than enough to still Charlie's tongue. For a moment, he could not quite remember how to talk. All he wanted to do was to shelter the woman beside him as tenderly as he was sheltering the hand she had given. He shook his head slightly, then smiled gently. In the dark of the night, with clouds covering the moon and stars, their way was lit only by the lantern he carried. She could not see the wonder on his face.

  "Umm, I take credit when credit is due, ma'am.

  "Credit is due, Colonel. Accept it. Enjoy it. Could I interest you in a hot cup of tea to ward off this evening chill? Perhaps we could build a fire and talk for a bit."

  "I would be honored, ma'am. Your company is always gratefully enjoyed."

  "Wonderful. You can start the fire while I make the tea." She laughed softly. "Terribly domestic of us, do not you think, Colonel Redmond?"

  "My dear Miss Rebecca, if you must know, I have never been domestic with anyone since I joined the Army. It is more comforting than you know to do so now with you." Which room would you like to have tea in, Ma'am?"

  "The parlor."

  "The front one or the rear one, Miss Rebecca?"

  "Rear I think. It is warmer than the front and if the clouds move out we might be able to see the moon light on the pond."

  "My pleasure, ma'am." Charlie opened the front door for her. He lit a candle from the lantern he was carrying, and then lit a couple of lamps in the hallway. Handing her the lantern, he asked "Shall I come with you to get the tea things from the pantry?"

  "No, do not be silly. I know the pantry so well I could go in total darkness and still find what I need. You go tend the fire and then relax. You worked very hard today. I am surprised you are not on the verge of collapse."

  "And you, my dear lady, look just as tired. I will have the fire going in two shakes of a lambs tail, and then we can both relax." Entering the small parlor at the back of the house, he was pleased to note that the wood box was filled and there was plenty of dry tender. It even looked as if the fireplace had been cleaned. The boys had been busy. He laid the fire, putting loose tender at the base, then laying the logs and packing moss into the crevices to speed up the process of creating a nice steady, warming flame. Within minutes the fire had caught and a bright flame lit the small room.

  A few minutes later Rebecca entered with a tray, which she placed on the small table by the davenport. She smiled at Charlie, standing by the fireplace, watching the fire like a proper southern gentleman. If it were not for his uniform...Rebecca found herself longing for Charlie's suit.

  "You are in luck, Colonel. I managed to find a little honey. Would you like some in your tea?"

  "I will share it with you, Miss Rebecca. I must confess, I have a bit of a sweet tooth." He thought for a moment, a shy smile softening his face. "You know, you keep giving me these little gifts. I think you will spoil me, ma'am."

  She fixed his tea, taking him the cup, gently caressing the back of his hand. "In just a short time, Colonel, I have discovered that I rather enjoy spoiling you." She returned and fixed her own tea before taking a seat on the davenport

  Just that touch, coupled with the words, set Charlie's hand to trembling a bit. Rather than rattle the teacup - or even drop it - he set it on the mantle to cool a bit. The shy boy was back in his eyes for a moment. Then the Colonel returned. "Well, Ma'am, if I were a selfish man, I would say that you could just keep spoiling me." He paused, and then looked at her, his eyes lit with something she had never seen before. "I think I would like to be a selfish man just a bit."

  "Then please do. I will say that I too am being a bit selfish. I think I may distract you a bit too much from your duties, by asking for so much of your time, but for some reason I just cannot dredge up an ounce of guilt."

  "Ma'am, you know that you can call upon me any time and if it is at all possible for me to come to you, I will." There was an odd moment of intensity between them, and then Charlie picked up his teacup and took a sip, savoring the flavor and the hint of sweetness.

  Rebecca looked to her teacup, trying to decide if her next question was beyond the bounds of their newly formed friendship, but she decided to press on. She really wanted to know Charlie and this was the only way. She looked to hi
m with a shy smile. "Charlie, may I ask you a personal question?"

  "My dear lady, you may ask me anything and I will endeavor to answer you with all honesty."

  "How do you do it? I mean your disguise. Surely there must be times when it is difficult." She felt a heat rising to her cheeks as she tried to find the proper words. "I mean...how do you...umm..." She shook her head more embarrassed than she had anticipated. "Well, I mean what about things such as relieving yourself." She finished in a rush, nearly so embarrassed she thought she might burst out laughing and it was not a laughing matter.

  A blush started at the tips of Charlie's ears and worked its way across his features and down to his collar. It was fortunate that he had swallowed his sip of tea before she asked; otherwise, he might have sprayed it all over from pure shock.

  He took a deep breath and remember the promise he had made just seconds ago. "Well, in camp, Jocko and I have arranged that one of the privileges of command is privacy for such things. And in the field, well, there is always bushes and I hurry." A weak grin, more nerves than humor, lit his face.

  Rebecca burst out laughing, she simply could not help herself but she quickly got it under control. But the grin was still firmly on her lips and a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "I am sorry Colonel. I just cannot fathom you being that quick in those tight breeches." She cleared her throat gently. "Like the ones you had on today."

  "Ah, well, um. They are not as bad as you might think. And a little talcum goes a long way in getting them off and on quickly." He grinned back.

  All right, she could see that she was just going to have to be blunt, because the suspense was killing her. "That does not explain certain 'attributes' that are so readily on display when you are wearing them." She tried hard not to smile, but she could not help it and she knew her face was bright red.

  Charlie's blush renewed itself until his face was as brilliant as the flames flickering around the logs in the fireplace. "Well, you see, I, um, I am fairly handy with a needle, you see, and I, um, well, I make my own under things. A little artful padding and a snug fit...." He could not continue, and stared up at the ceiling looking perhaps for some divine intervention in this conversation. Still he plowed manfully on.

  "Its not really that hard." With that, he could not help it. He scrunched his face up and closed his eyes, realizing exactly how many ways what he had just said could be interpreted.

  Perhaps the floor could open up and swallow him.

  Rebecca did choke on her tea when he made that last comment. Half-coughing and half laughing she added playfully. "I see. Well, I must say Colonel, you do yourself proud."

  Charlie dropped, boneless and awkward into the chair opposite her and started laughing. The utter ridiculousness of the lengths to which he would go to hide his gender, to fit in, to alleviate suspicion had all been revealed in a couple of small questions. He could either laugh until the tears ran down his cheeks or cry.

  Gaining some small modicum of control, Rebecca pressed on. "I am sorry Colonel. I did not mean to embarrass you. Perhaps I have asked too much. I am sorry."

  "No Miss Rebecca - you ask obvious questions, and ones that I have never had a friend who was close enough and trusted enough to me to even be able to ask them. Carry on, brave lady - all my secrets are yours to bare."

  At the moment, Charlie looked like a young boy, caught in some indiscretion and being brought to task for it.

  "Oh you are a brave man, Colonel." She teased a bit. "There are so many things I want to know. I am amazed at what you have done. I find it simply fascinating and I do not mean that in a bad way. But what you have accomplished is truly astonishing. Would you mind explaining to me, how you……umm……find companionship."

  The look of pain and loneliness that skittered across Charlie's face at that question was enough to take Rebecca's breath away. In a low, tight voice, he responded, "Mostly, I do not. There have been a few... very discrete professional women who have given me surcease when it got too difficult to handle."

  In a lower voice, "When the loneliness got too vast. I guess I am just like any other man in that. And I cannot believe I am talking about women of ill repute with a lady of your standing. Please, please forgive me."

  Rebecca rose from the davenport, walking over to him and kneeling down in front of him. She took his hands in her, running her thumbs over the backs of them gently. "There is nothing to forgive, Charlie."

  She offered softly. "I asked and you answered. You were very honest and forthright. Please do not be upset dear, Charlie. Do not be concerned about any answer you have given me." She reached up and palmed his cheek. "You are the most incredible person I have ever met, Colonel. I wish I had a tenth of your strength."

  He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek more firmly into her hand, savoring the touch, storing it in his memory. Every inch of his body begged to be the skin that her warm hand caressed. Without opening his eyes, he turned and reverently laid his lips in her palm. In that moment, Charlie Redmond lost his heart. He whispered into her palm, "I have no strength, only fear. I am a creature who has lied and cheated to survive. You are the strong one, dear lady."

  "There you go again, refusing to take credit. I am going to have to work on that, Colonel Redmond." She did not stop to think about her next action, it came from the heart and it just happened. She leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Charlie's cheek. "I wish it were in my power to make you truly happy, Colonel. I would live the rest of my life trying."

  That one kiss burned into Charlie's soul. He could not breath, he could not move. Part of his heart cried out to take her into his arms, the other sat in stunned fear that he would awaken, that this was another dream like the one he had the previous night and if he moved it would disappear.

  Slowly, his eyes opened and he looked into the moss green ones before him. A vista of peace lay in those eyes. All of the hope, all of the dreams he had ever had was there before him. "You do, dear lady, you do."

  She smiled and caressed his cheek one last time. She wished it were true, that she could make this wonderful person happy. But she knew in her heart that someone like Charlie would never be happy with her. For a brief moment, she wished she were more. "Come, Colonel. It is been a long day and I think we are both exhausted. Let us go to bed."

  He was struck dumb, with no words to respond to the gift she had just given him. Charlie knelt to bank the fire, then followed after her, hungering to just remain in her company. Of course, she could never truly love one such as him. She was a woman, a widow who had known the touch of a true man. But if he could somehow be allowed to stay close to her, to be in her company some of the time, then maybe that long bleak life after his time with the army was up would be bearable. Maybe.

  --*--

  Charlie felt her tremble in his arms, then when she began whimpering and crying he was fully awake. He moved his arm which had been around her waist and propped himself up on his elbow. He wondered what she might be dreaming about that would make her cry out and struggle with the quilts.

  The overwhelming look of pain on her face made Charlie’s heart break. He wanted so much to take the pain away for her. To make everything all right, maybe for the moment, maybe for tonight he could.

  Gently he touched her shoulder. "Rebecca? It is all right; it is only a dream. You do not need to be upset."

  Still she struggled and cried in her sleep. When she crossed her arms over her body as if she were protecting herself, Charlie pulled back, wondering if he was the cause of her distress. Suddenly her eyes opened and she gasped in panic, sitting up immediately, looking around to get her bearings. Finally, she saw Charlie. "I am sorry." She sniffed. "I did not mean to wake you. I will go to the davenport."

  "You will do no such thing. Please," He placed a gentle hand on her arm. "Lie down, and rest." Her coaxed her back, then ran his fingers through her hair. "You are safe here. No one will hurt you."

  "Thank you."

  He let his fingers drift down to wipe tear
s from her cheeks. "Will you share with me what has you so upset?"

  "I was dreaming of my husband."

  Charlie’s heart sank yet again. "I am sure you miss him."

  "No," She shook her head, the tears renewed. "I know I am awful for saying this, but I do not miss him."

  "You do not?"

  "No," She looked to Charlie, expecting him to leave her. When he did not move she thought it safe to explain. "He did not love me, Colonel. He……he……never loved me." She began crying again, this time moving closer to Charlie, seeking comfort there, hoping he would not turn her out.

  He opened his arms and she curled into them with her head on his shoulder, her tears soaking the cotton of his nightshirt. Charlie could tell the woman was trying desperately to gain back control. "Its all right," He whispered. "You are safe, go ahead and cry. There is no one here who will pass judgment."

  Chapter 6

  Monday, November 14, 1864

  Sheridan threw Charlie's report over to his executive officer, Colonel Angus McCauley. "What do you think of this?"

  McCauley read it then looked at Sheridan with a question on his face. "Charlie Redmond wrote this?"

  "Yup. Looks like our perfect officer and gentleman may have finally decided to shift the emphasis from officer to gentleman. I think I am going to have to get down there and conduct my formal inspection as soon as possible. He has either fallen for the land or the lady, and I am damned if I can tell which from his letter. But I sure want to find out."

  "Well, sir, even though he may have his head in the clouds, from the looks of his reports, he has found a good place for the troops. Looks like its got everything –– pasture, water, places for the men to be at least partially sheltered from the weather, room for a real hospital, and he has secured the rail head. We will not have too many problems provisioning them. I believe General Grant used Culpeper as his headquarters for a short time last spring. Thank God, we will not have to use horse and wagon. I am having enough problems with the troops outside of Haymarket."