Hope for Us All: A Hope Series Christmas Novella Read online

  "I was going to show it to you on Tuesday, but I figured, why not give you your Christmas present now." He released his seat belt and opened the car door. "We could both use some good news."

  "What?" I gestured toward the empty lot. "You bought me a cactus."

  He shook his head and bounded out of the car. He walked around the front and opened the door for me.

  I stepped out and looked up and down the street.

  What am I missing?

  "I bought you a house." Jackson stood in front of the cactus with his hand out as if he had scored a touchdown.

  "I don't see a house." I narrowed my eyes.

  "Okay, not a house yet." He dropped his hands. "This is the land where we will build our dream house."

  I peered around him and took in the rocky terrain and the dead cactus.

  "When did we ..." I said and changed my tone. "When did we decide to build a house?"

  "We’ve talked about our dream house." He placed his hands on his hips.

  "Yeah, but I don't remember having a lot all picked out." I paced on the sidewalk. "I mean ... we're not even married yet."

  "Why does it feel like you're not exactly thrilled about this?" He took my hand. "Look." He stepped over the gate, and I followed.

  "It's two acres. We can build a big enough house and still have a great yard." He wrapped his arms around me and pointed at the back of the property currently overrun by more dead cacti. "You know that outdoor patio you saw. We could build it there."

  "Jackson?" I leaned back into him.

  "No. I know. We aren't talking about it until after the holidays, but I just want you to know what I'm thinking." He turned me in his arms and placed his hands on my shoulders. "We're already in talks to extend my contract. I plan to stay with the Cardinals."

  "I don't know anything about a new contract," I said.

  "You can't work on my contract; it's a conflict of interest. You know that." He frowned. "Anyway, I want my family here, with me."

  "What about what I want?" I asked.

  With one sentence, I crushed him—his hopes and dreams for our future. It wasn't even my intention.

  I bit my lip and waited for him to say something, but he didn't. His arms slid off my shoulders, and flopped at his side. He turned around and walked back to the street, leaving me in the middle of our pile of cacti.

  We endured another silent car ride home, but instead of going to my house, Jackson drove us to his apartment.

  The pain in my chest had migrated to my head, and it was hard for me to think. He opened the door to his apartment and stepped to the side.

  As I passed, I stared up at him.

  His posture tensed as I brushed against him. He wouldn't look at me.

  I hated hurting him, but he was asking me questions I didn't know how to answer. I didn't have the answers to comfort him.

  "You want anything?" he asked.

  "No, I'm fine." I sat down on the edge of the large leather sectional. I rubbed the leather; it was soft to the touch. Jackson and I had picked it out. We had decorated the entire three bedroom apartment together. We agreed on everything; it was easy. The focal point of the place was the large floor-to-ceiling window with a view of the mountains in the distance. It was beautiful, and Jack loved it.

  We hadn't even had a conversation about where we would live after we got married.

  Heck, I hadn't even set a date yet.

  Jackson plopped down next to me. He leaned back on the couch, reached up, and started massaging my shoulders.

  "That feels good." I relaxed my shoulders as the tension dissipated.

  He massaged me with his huge muscular hands. He worked between my shoulder blades, down toward my lower back. When he got to my ass, he reached around and pulled me close to him. His hands ran in the opposite direction. One grabbed and massaged my breast while his other hand went between my legs and explored. I moaned as his touched sparked something inside me, but my mood numbed my desire.

  I placed my hand over Jackson's and moved it. I wasn't in the mood to be touched, but he ignored my gentle nudge.

  He untucked my shirt, and shoved his hands down my pants. His arms tightened around my chest. He yanked me into his lap with a grunt. Bitting kisses stung my neck while he tweaked my nipple with his thumb and forefinger.

  Typically, his touches would have me moaning. For the first time in ... forever, I didn't want him to touch me.

  "Jackson," I said and gripped his forearm.

  He didn't answer.

  He ground his hips up into me, and I felt his hardness press into my ass.

  "Jackson?" I pushed at his hands, but he held on tight.

  I wasn't responding to him, but instead of stopping, it made him work harder.

  I tried to remain calm, but my heart beat thumped in my head. He held me so tight I couldn't catch my breath.

  Panic set it.

  "Jackson, stop," I yelled as I dug my fingers in his forearms and pushed him away. I hurled my body off his lap. The momentum carried me to the floor. I fell with a hard thud on my tailbone.

  "I’m ..." Jackson stammered as he reached for me, but I scrambled away from him. "Oh, shit, Baby. I'm sorry."

  I pushed myself up and headed for the door.

  "Carrington." He ran to the door and bumped into me.

  I turned on him.

  He held his hands up. "I'm sorry. Please don't leave. Let's talk. I just need to talk."

  "Jackson, we don't need to talk. Not right now." I reached for the door. "My parents’ plane gets in at eight. I need to go. Can I take your truck?"

  I snatched the keys off the counter.

  "Carrington, we need to talk about this." Jackson pushed his hair out of his face, pleading with his eyes.

  "It's fine. We're okay. Let's talk later?" I kissed him on the cheek and turned around and left, ignoring the tears in his eyes. I wished I had sympathy for him. I had empathy, but it wasn't the same thing.

  It wasn't enough to make me stay.

  Chapter 7

  I used all of the forty-minute drive to the airport to get my mind right. I welcomed the tears, but they didn't fall.

  I surveyed the landscape as I inched along the highway. You would have no idea it was Christmas except for the over-the-top decorations in every house and store window. The over- exaggerated decor helped people get into the holiday spirit.

  It wasn’t working on me.

  I pulled up to the curb at the busy airport and waited for my parents and Kayla to arrive. I could hear my mother in my head complaining about the heat already.

  I spotted Kayla first. She peeled off her pink sweater and had no clue how seductive it looked as she shook out her long red wavy hair. I smiled and jumped out of the truck.

  Kayla shielded her eyes, spotted me, and squealed.

  We stood a foot apart, grinning at each other.

  "Carrington Olivia Butler."

  "Kayla Elizabeth Griffin."

  We screamed and hugged.

  We saw each other two months ago; we talk every few days and text daily. Whenever we saw each other, it was like the long-lost relative reunion.

  I hugged her, and the tears fell.

  "Oh, sweetie. I missed you," she said as she squeezed me tight and released me. "Hey, what's wrong?"

  "Oh, nothing. I just missed you too." I waved my hand and hugged her again. My parents stepped out into the sun.

  "My God, it's hot," Mom said as she pulled off her jacket. "Corn Cob," Mom yelled and pushed Kayla out of the way to get to me.

  "Hi, Mom." I hugged her back, inhaled her scent, and was instantly comforted. Dad joined us in our group hug, and I was enveloped in a Butler family cocoon of positivity.

  I smiled through my tears. Family was what I needed.

  When we came up for air, my parents stared me down.

  Satisfied that I was okay, my dad put the bags in the back while Mom, Kayla, and I climbed into the truck.

  "How was your flight?" I asked.


  "Sweetie. I know you're marrying a rich football player, but first class seats weren't necessary," Mom said.

  "It was very nice, though," Dad said as he climbed into the passenger seat.

  "It wasn't my idea. That was Jackson." I grinned.

  "Well, be sure and thank him for us." My mom nodded as if she was talking about a stranger.

  "You can thank him yourself." I pulled away from the curb. "He'll stop by before heading to the team hotel tomorrow afternoon."

  "How's he feeling? About the game and everything?" Dad asked.

  "He's calmer than I am," I answered.

  "He's going to be great," Mom said easily Jackson's biggest fan.

  I looked through the rearview mirror, and Kayla stared up at me. She was quiet, which was weird.

  "Where's our grandson?" Dad asked.

  "He had a Christmas party after school. He should be home by the time we get there." I pulled away from the curb.

  My parents continued to ask questions. We talked nonstop on the way to my place, but Kayla remained quiet.

  She was going through a relationship crisis of her own. Her husband, Jamie, moved out after our trip to Jersey a few weeks ago. I had no idea she had been so miserable, living with an alcoholic with a temper, who insulted her every chance he got. When we saw it firsthand, Jackson went into protection mode.

  He loved Kayla, too. They are like cousins and to see her in such a bad situation, we both felt for her.

  When we pulled up to the house, Jack bounded out the front door.

  "Poppa, Grandma," he yelled.

  "There's my little man," Mom said as she absorbed Jack's hug. She grabbed his face and kissed his cheeks and hugged him again.

  "Hey, where's mine?" Dad said.

  Jack laughed and hugged his grandpa. I loved seeing them all together. Jack and I spent the first year of his life with my parents, and I forget how much they bonded.

  Kayla stood off to the side and watched. When Jack saw Kayla, he grinned and ran over and hugged her.

  "Hey, you little munchkin." She tousled his hair. "How are you?"

  "I'm fine." Kayla and Jack bonded on another level. She had helped me take care of him when I returned to FSU. For three years, she was in our lives, and they saw each other every day. It was hard for Jack when Kayla moved to New York, but they remained close. Jack had so many people in his life who adored him.

  Mom and dad grabbed the bags while Jack tried to guess which one contained his Christmas presents. I stayed behind and grabbed Kayla's hand.

  "Hey, you okay?" I asked.

  "I was going to ask you the same question." She squeezed my hand. "What's wrong?"

  "Nothing." I shook my head.

  She walked us to the front steps and sat down. She pulled me down next to her.

  "You looked worried—gorgeous but worried and sad." She patted my hand.

  "Jeez, thanks." I rolled my eyes.

  "You don't look like someone who's marrying the love of her life. Where's Jackson?" she asked.

  "He's at home." I smiled and nodded, but under Kayla's scrutiny, I couldn't lie. I couldn't keep it in any longer.

  Kayla took my hand and pulled me up. "Come on. Let's go for a walk."

  We walked down the block in silence. It wasn't until the next block that I spoke.

  I finished a heavy sigh and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

  "Adam’s moving back to Florida. He asked me to join him and offered me partner."

  "Oh." Kayla's eyes grew wide, but her excitement dampened when the reality sunk in. "Oh, wow. So I guess Jackson isn't exactly thrilled about it."

  "No. I mean. The opportunity is incredible. I'd be the youngest partner, and I'd be running a practice area of my choice." The list of pros rolled off my tongue.

  "Yeah, and Orlando is where Jackson's from and his family’s there," Kayla said, finishing my list.

  "Mr. Griffin," I added.

  Kayla nodded.

  "Have you told him?" she asked.

  "Oh, no. God, no." I shook my head. "He'd start building a house right next to his. Or worse, make us move in with him."

  "Yeah, good luck trying to get him not to spoil his grandson when he can see him every day."

  Our laughter died out.

  "Jack would love it, but then he wouldn't because he wouldn't get to see Jackson every day," I said.

  "Jackson wouldn't get to see him or you every day. It's like you guys just got back together. This would take some adjustment. I'm sure you guys can work it out.” Kayla listed the cons just as easily as I listed the pros. “But ..."

  "What?" I asked.

  "There is only one person’s opinion I haven't heard.”

  "Who?" I narrowed my eyes.

  "You."

  I blinked.

  "How do you feel about it?"

  "I told you; it's a great opportunity." I walked away.

  Kayla followed.

  "Yeah, professionally." She grabbed my arm.

  I stopped.

  "But how do you feel about it?"

  "Seriously, Kayla, I haven't had a chance to think about it in those terms. I know in my head what I should do, but my heart hasn't caught up yet." I dropped my head. "I'm tired of missing Jackson."

  "What do you mean?" she asked.

  "I feel like the majority of my time knowing him has been spent missing him." I looked down the street half expecting him to drive up. "Wishing we were together. Even now that we are together, I want to see what life is like for us for a while, but there are these distractions, and the picture isn't clear to me."

  I had lost Kayla.

  "What does being married to him look like? What does our daily routine feel like?" I continued walking. "When does the security of forever kick in?"

  Kayla caught up with me and put her arm around me.

  "Well, speaking as someone who's getting a divorce." We stopped. "I don't know if that even exists, but you have to listen to your heart."

  "What if there's too much noise for me to hear what my heart is saying?" I craved peace and quiet.

  "Then you need to find a quiet place to listen," Kayla said.

  We ended up back at my house a few minutes later. I saw a strange car near the curb. I peeked through the front window and saw my mom hugging Jackson's mom.

  "You tell me how I'm supposed to do that with a house full of parents." I hugged Kayla to me, one more time.

  "Maybe you need to escape," Kayla said.

  Chapter 8

  We entered the house.

  The noise smacked me in the face.

  Football highlights played on the television. Jack and my dad were in the midst of a debate about the playoffs. My mom and Mrs. Mitchell argued over side dishes.

  I barely finished greeting Mrs. Mitchell before my mother chimed in.

  "Where are the sweet potatoes?" she asked.

  "What sweet potatoes?" I asked.

  Kayla grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and popped the cork.

  Thank God for my best friend.

  "Sweet potatoes for the sweet potato casserole." My mom's shoulders slumped. "Carrington, you can't have a Christmas dinner without the sweet potato casserole."

  I stood with my mouth open.

  Kayla giggled in the background.

  "Oh, and Jackson and the boys love beef on Christmas." Mrs. Mitchell scribbled something on my notepad. "Maybe we can remove the ham and replaced it with quick beef roast."

  Kayla handed me a glass, and I downed half of it while the great side dish debate continued.

  I removed myself and collapsed into the nearest chair, listening to my dad, Mr. Mitchell, and Jack. Jackson's name peppered throughout the conversation.

  I peeked in the kitchen, and even Kayla had joined the female cooking summit.

  I zoned out for a few minutes until I heard Jack call for me.

  "Momma, is it too late to add to my Christmas list?"

  "What?" I blinked.

 
Jack continued.

  "There are some PlayStation games that are exclusive to the new unit." He spouted off titles while counting on his fingers. I blinked again and stood up. "Mom. You okay?"

  I didn't answer him. I walked to my room and closed the door.

  I picked up my cell and scrolled to Jackson's number. Our grinning face photo popped up, but I ended the call. I'd unloaded on him enough. I jumped when my phone rang in my hand.

  The caller id showed a photo of Adam sitting behind his desk with a serious expression. It was an act. Adam didn't do serious. He switched between euphoria and disillusionment.

  "Yes, Adam," I said.

  "Hey, I know you're going to kill me."

  "Then why are you calling me?" My voice came out harsher than I intended.

  "Whoa, what? What's wrong, Carrington?" he asked with his concerned lawyerly tone, which wasn't really concern. It was also an act. "Is this about me telling Jackson about Orlando?"

  I had forgotten about that, but now, I was pissed about it, too. Before I could lay into him, he continued.

  "I'm sorry, Carrington. I thought you would have told him. I feel like shit about it." He almost sounded sincere.

  "What did he say when you told him?" I asked.

  "He didn't say anything. He grunted under his breath, and I let someone pull me away." Adam chuckled.

  "Jesus, Adam."

  "I know. I'm sorry.

  "Never mind." I shook my head. "What is it?"

  "I need you to email me something from the office's secured server. It's a summary judgment motion from the McKinnon file. It's worded perfectly. I need you to add it to the Branson motion. It needs to be filed first thing Monday morning."

  "Adam ..."

  "I know. I'm a thoughtless dick. Just think, in a few months, you'll be the one annoying another lawyer to do your bidding." He chuckled, enjoying his euphoric high.

  Why did the notion make my heart and head hurt? I downed the rest of my wine and headed back into the noise.

  Kayla rode with me to the office so I could pick up my car.

  The place was deserted.

  Walking the halls of the office I spent so much time in, felt eerie like the walls knew I was thinking of leaving. I wasn't sure, though. I keep hearing ‘it's a great opportunity’ over and over in my head.