Hope for Her (Hope #1) Read online

  He slammed the wall next to my ear. "I said don't move."

  I gasped. I stood there with my ear up against the wall with him inside me. Voices grew louder on the other side of the wall and faded away. If I screamed or called for help, any one of them would hear me and at least ask if I were okay.

  I remained silent even as a moan threatened to escape as he began to move inside of me.

  He moved in and out and he sped up, as I remained silent.

  "Josh,” I whispered under my breath. He moved faster, and I continued to say his name, but not loud enough for him to hear me.

  He slammed into me one last time, grunted and came. He stayed inside of me, his breath heaving in my ear. He kissed my neck again and before pulling out, he kissed my ear and said, “I love you.”

  He never waited for me to say it back—he collapsed on his bed, clutched the sheets, and drifted into a deep sleep.

  I turned and watched him, curious how he went from what we experienced to a comatose sleep in ten seconds flat.

  I got dressed and slipped out of his room.

  I headed down the stairs and saw Jackson walking through the entryway into the kitchen. It seemed like the only time I ran into him was when I was sneaking away from Josh.

  I tried to slip out the front door.

  “Carrington. Where’re you sneaking off to?”

  “I’m not sneaking,” I said with a little more defiance than I intended.

  “Okay,” he smirked and continued into the kitchen. “You want a drink.”

  “Uh, okay.”

  I walked into the kitchen and sat on a stool at the counter. A few of the brothers were at the kitchen table eating. Jackson lifted a pot, but shut it quickly and moved to the refrigerator.

  “You want a beer, water?”

  “Water is fine.”

  “You gave up drinking?” he asked and winked.

  “Yeah, well, it tends to get me in trouble.” I laughed and took the water. He sat next to me, opened the bottle, and took a sip.

  Neither of us spoke for a minute.

  “So,” I said.

  “So.”

  “You ready for Miami?” He seemed surprised by my questions. “What?” I asked.

  “You’re up on FSU football?” he asked.

  “Well, you can hardly get away from it. This place is obsessed with football.”

  “You’re from Texas. You’re supposed to be just as obsessed. Besides, didn’t you date a football player in high school? ”

  “How did you know that?”

  “I stalked you on Facebook,” he winked and I licked my lips and cleared my throat.

  “Yeah, but I didn’t really pay much attention to football until now.”

  “Don’t worry. I won’t tell.”

  “It’s kind of a violent game.”

  “Yeah.”

  “But exciting. Like controlled chaos.” I emphasized with my hands.

  “Yeah, exactly. It’s chaos. No strategy or skill required at all,” Jackson deadpanned.

  “You’re making fun of me.”

  “No, you’re absolutely right. Football is a billion dollar business built on chaos.”

  I laughed and bit my lip as he cracked up at my ignorance. He bumped my arm and I stopped laughing. His touch kind of threw me. The point of contact grew warm and spread throughout my body. I exhaled and pushed off the stool.

  “I need to go.”

  “You want me to walk you back to the dorm.”

  “No. I’m good.” I had to escape before it registered how much I enjoyed those warm fuzzy feelings.

  “Okay.”

  I headed out the door and walked back to my dorm and collapsed in bed, too tired to think. I welcomed the feeling of being cold and alone. It was what I was used to.

  The next morning, Josh and I met in the student union for breakfast and pretended like last night never happened and I pushed the warm fuzzy thought I had about Jackson out of my head.

  #

  Josh and I continued to spend all our free time together, so much so that my roommates started to think I had moved out.

  We never did much outside of his room or the fraternity house. I asked Josh to go to the games with me, but he refused. He preferred to watch the games in the theater at the frat house.

  Not me. I loved going to Doak Campbell Stadium. I loved the crowd and the cheering, singing the fight song after touchdowns and doing the war chant.

  When I did go to the game, I usually turned down the opportunity to party with my friends after and would hook up with Josh. He hated parties.

  After the biggest win of the season against the LSU Tigers, I allowed Melinda and Jessica to drag me to a bar after the game. I sent Josh a message and put my phone away. I didn't want to hear him tell me to come home because I knew I would. Tonight, I wanted to hang out with my friends.

  The bar was within walking distance from campus. As soon as we walked in, the atmosphere made me smile; everyone was in a good mood because of the win. One of the back rooms in the bar had a karaoke machine. Melinda wanted to get in touch with her inner pop star but needed us as back up. She selected a Vivianne Green song called “Emotional Roller Coaster”, and we waited an hour until it was our time to sing. They downed beers for liquid courage, and I watched and shook my head. This was a bad idea. When the host called her name, she pulled us up there, but freaked out before the first word dropped. I had no idea what got into me. I opened my mouth, and the song came out, on pitch too.

  Emotional roller coaster, loving you ain't nothing healthy. Loving you was never good for me, but I can't get off.

  I felt the song and belted it out like I wrote it. When I stopped, I looked around and noticed that the crowd had grown quiet. Before I ran off in a panic, the crowd erupted in applause. I smiled and gave them a little curtsey before walking off the stage. Melinda and Jessica waited for me.

  "Oh my God. Did you just do that?" Melinda asked.

  "You were amazing," Jessica gushed while she suffocated me with a hug. As I pushed her away trying to breathe, I locked eyes with Josh. He leaned up against a column near the back of the bar with his arms crossed over his chest. I couldn't place the expression on his face. It was somewhere between pride and disgust, if that was possible. A sea of bodies twenty deep stood between us. As I pushed my way over to him, I lost sight of him, and he disappeared. Jessica followed me.

  "What's wrong?"

  "Josh was here, but I can't find him."

  "Why would he run off?"

  "I don't know. I'm going to go find him." I headed toward the door, but Jessica had a hold of my shirt.

  "No, you should sing another song."

  I smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

  "I'll see you later."

  "Carrington ..." She said my name a couple more times, but I reached the exit and headed out into the nippy air. I crossed the street and was back on campus, but the dark buildings gave me a creepy feeling. I could see the center of campus, but it was still a five-minute walk away. As I took a few more steps, I felt hands wrapping around my waist. I tried to scream, but a hand covered my mouth and pulled me toward one of the buildings. I was too shocked to fight back, but the person's scent was familiar, and I calmed instantly. I pulled his hand away from my mouth.

  "Josh." I shoved him, and he let go enough to loosen his grip. He started to laugh.

  "I knew you would come looking for me."

  "You scared the shit out of me," I pouted and crossed my arms. My eyes darted around, but no one was around and the way Josh looked at me made my body throb.

  He placed his hands on my neck and pulled me to him. He kissed me hard, and I gave in to the kiss. As one arm snaked around my waist, he pushed me back into the shadows of the closest building. He fumbled for the door and a giggle tickled my lip as the door flew open. Our lips remained fused together, our tongues dancing around. He pushed me into the nearest classroom, and when the back of my legs hit the desk, I jumped up on it as I r
eached down to unbutton Josh's jeans. He scrambled for my panties and pulled them off as I grabbed him. He slid into me, and I moaned as his lips left mine.

  "Baby, you were so hot up there singing," he said as he fucked me. I blinked, and my mind went back to the stage. The feeling of being up there, the whole world faded away as I sang that song. I wondered if he heard the words. Did he realize how they related to us in so many ways? I held on as he continued to pound into me, and I tried to concentrate, push the negative thoughts out of my mind, but I couldn't. That quick, I lost it. I lifted my head and found Josh with his eyes closed, his face scrunched up. He kept up the pace until he released with a grunt. He shivered and held me tight. I tried to quiet my mind, but I couldn't. I tried to relax and stay in the present, but I felt nothing. I pushed him away, bent down to grab my underwear and headed out the door. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

  "Where are you going?"

  "I'm going back to my room." I yanked my arm away but didn't move.

  "What's wrong? Why are you so pissed? That was fucking hot," he said. I wanted to smack the lusty smirk off his face.

  "I'm glad you enjoyed it," I said.

  "Did I miss something here?"

  "No, forget it. I'm going home." I headed for the door, and Josh followed two steps behind.

  We walked back to Broward Hall in silence. I grew more pissed the closer we got. I stopped for a second before heading up the stairs, but Josh stayed quiet.

  "What was that back there?" I asked.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I saw you after I came off the stage. You had this look of disgust on your face, and then you walked away."

  "You texted me that you were hanging out with your roommates. That's fine."

  "Oh, thanks for your permission."

  "You're welcome," he said and smiled. I headed up the stairs. "Carrington?"

  I turned to face him.

  "Then why show up at all? And, and, you left and you knew I would come after you."

  "So you’re pissed at yourself for coming after me. That's not my fault."

  I sat down hard on the steps and kind of wished I had stopped to put my underwear back on.

  "This whole relationship runs on your terms and I'm starting to lose myself. We eat when you say, and we have sex when you want to have sex."

  "I thought you wanted to have sex. You grabbed me, and I was just following your lead."

  "It's not just about the sex. It's everything. We never do anything together. We never go anywhere. The only time we connect is during sex, but it wasn't there for me tonight, and it made me realize that maybe that's all we had."

  "It's not all we have." Josh knelt in front of me and rubbed a hand up and down my calves. As soon as he touched me, that familiar chill ran through me. I loved the way he touched me, but it wasn't enough anymore. "Would you feel better if I invited you home with me for Thanksgiving?"

  "It depends on why you are inviting me."

  "I don't want to spend even a second away from you,” he murmured as he leaned over and kissed me.

  I kissed him back—but it didn't make me feel better.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Joshua Elijah Griffin, IV

  Carrington and I were an official couple. It was all going according to plan, maybe a little faster than planned. We spent all our free time together. The more time we spent together, the more I trusted her, which was huge for me.

  After our little fight after the karaoke bar, I had to invite her to Thanksgiving. She would never understand that keeping her away from my family was a good thing. Besides, Father expected me to attend, and he was determined to portray his family intact and happy.

  Bringing Carrington wasn't the best idea, but I figured at the party everyone would be on their best behavior—a low-risk way to introduce her to my father. He wouldn't do anything to embarrass me at his own party.

  We turned off the road and Carrington squealed as we entered the gates. My family home impressed everyone who saw it like this, in full-on party mode.

  The mansion was huge, but we only used about one fourth of it on a regular basis. When I was home, I never left my side of the house. No surprise, it was on the opposite side of the house from my father’s suite.

  I rolled down the window and the smell of food wafted over the grounds. I slowed down to avoid running over the staff sprinting back and forth between the main house and the guesthouse where they were setting up. My sister's voice was amplified over the foray as I pulled into my usual parking space.

  Carrington looked around wide-eyed, and I had to pull her along to get her inside the house. I wanted to spend time with her before subjecting her to an evening at Griffin manor.

  "Your home is beautiful," she said as we climbed the stairs to my room.

  "It's my dad's home."

  "Come on, Josh. Even you can't be matter-of-fact about this place. It's a palace."

  "I spent most of my time in this part of the house."

  I opened my bedroom door and recoiled, as I imagined what she might think of my childhood room. It was not much different than when I was twelve years old. Carrington didn't seem to notice. She looked around and touched everything.

  The room, separated by two sets of stairs. At the far end, the theater and entertainment center stood against the wall.

  My bed and closet sat next to the inside wall and the opposite wall was a door that opened into the backyard.

  As soon as you walked into the room, a small kitchen and dining area stood in the corner. I took Carrington's bag to my closet and left her to explore on her own.

  When I returned, I found her sitting on my bed, giving me a look. I loved that look. It was her I am so turned on by you right now look.

  Her eyes grew dark, and she pulled her shirt off over her head. Her hair fell across her shoulders as she grinned up at me. I couldn’t deny that I wanted her.

  I pulled off my shirt and ran to the bed, slowing down to pull off my jeans as she worked on the rest of her clothes.

  She scooted up onto the bed, and the comforter and pillows swallowed her. I gained immediate access to her lower half, pulling her panties off and licking her. A giggle and moan emitted from the pillows, and it made me laugh. I dove back in and tasted her until she came.

  I climbed up the rest of her, removing pillows and throwing them to the floor, anxious to see her post orgasm face.

  I removed the last pillow from over her face and caught her in mid-gasp with a sexy ass grin. I said a silent pray of thanks to have her in my bed.

  I kissed her deep and hard as she reached down for me. She pushed the rest of the pillows off the bed, I grabbed a condom from my nightstand and rolled us over, so she was on top. As we kissed, I some how managed to put the condom. She lifted herself and sat down on me, taking me inside of her and settling on my lap. She made small movements back and forth and studied my face to see how I would react. I wanted to show her how much she meant to me—no hiding, no games, and no tricks. She moved faster, and I matched her pace, meeting her halfway. She leaned over and kissed me, and I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her close to me as I moved inside of her. The feel of her moaning vibrated off of my neck. God, she turned me on. I wanted to last for her, but she was so hot, and it felt so good. I sat up and brought her down on me at the same time and released. It hurt and felt amazing at the same time.

  We both collapsed back on the bed, her in my arms, trying to catch out breaths. My heart pounded so fast. She ran her hands through my hair and down my neck. She placed small kisses every place her fingers touched. She kissed my forehead and my cheeks and reached my mouth. She hesitated for a second, then her tongue opened my lips, and we kissed while staring into each other's eyes. The closeness kind of freaked me out.

  "Hey," she whispered. "Thanks for bringing me here."

  Her gratitude expressed in her eyes and her facial expression made me smile. It hit me—all she wanted was for me to let her in my life. It had prove
d painless so far. I hoped it lasted.

  We hurried to shower and dress for the party. She wouldn't let me see her until she emerged fully done, sequestering me to the theater area to dress.

  Nothing prepared me for the way she looked when she came out. It took my breath away. She wore a garnet dress with gold accents. Her hair was pulled up on the sides and left long in the back. She wore garnet lipstick, which matched the shade of her dress and tall black sandals.

  I groaned when I saw her. She looked gorgeous and her bright smile completed the outfit.

  One of the house attendants waited for us outside to drive us around to the front of the house for our entrance, over-the-top and obnoxious. At least they didn't announce every guest like at a state dinner. I turned to watch Carrington, and her face made it worth it. She loved all this shit.

  "You look beautiful," I said and grazed her lips.

  "I thought your dad would like the garnet and gold."

  "And, here I thought you dressed up for me," I said half joking.

  "I did, but I want him to like me."

  "He is going to love you." I kissed her, placed her hand in the crook of my arm, and led her to the party. "Just like I do."

  My father spotted us as soon as we entered the foyer of the house. This room always reminded me of the lobby of an insanely expensive hotel. We only used this entrance for special events.

  "Joshua, my son," my father said as he pulled me into a spine crushing hug.

  "Hi Dad," I said and noted how small my voice sounded after his.

  "What did you bring?" he whispered in my ear as he let me go and greeted Carrington. His eyes traveled up and down her body and Carrington stared away, rubbing her arms.

  "Dad, this is Carrington Butler." Carrington lowered her eyes and reached out her hand. "Carr, this is my dad."

  "Hi Mister Griffin." Her voice sounded small, too. I figured she would be nervous, but I wondered what happened to the confident, assertive, gorgeous woman who had just seduced me in my room.

  "Well, aren't you cute," Dad said. "What a lovely dress."

  "Thank you, sir," Carrington said as she ran her hands over her dress.