The Bird Is Gone: A Manifesto Read online

  The wall behind them was open, too.

  The lockers.

  Back Iron's contraband.

  LP Deal reached around it for the AllSkin robe and wrapped Naitche in it, holding it together at the throat for him, showing him how, then placed Nickel Eye's golden helmet on his head, ran facefirst into the wall again and again, until he was bleeding from the eyes, until the chink in the cinderblock opened enough to allow a small body.

  Naitche.

  LP Deal pulled him close. Behind them something else clattered down in stages: a pipe bundle. The Freak Pipe. I stepped in with them, held it on my forearm like you're supposed to, handed it to Naitche. He took it like he knew what it was, what it held. And maybe he did.

  He blinked his eyes in goodbye and I blinked back, and then LP Deal pushed him through and collapsed, the better part of him stumbling into the light, and I had to see, see it better, so I pushed out the door, past Gooseneck, and found the stairs to the roof by instinct, spiraled up them four at a time, burst out into the open.

  Enil Anderson was there.

  My pistol flashed down my arm, to my hand, between me and him, and the world rotated around us for a few breaths.

  He was smiling, his skin drawn and leathery, and crowding all around us were the other thirty-nine, and I couldn't spin fast enough. And the smell.

  I don't know the name of the one I finally shot, but she didn't care: they were dead. Mounted on crossed poles, their eyes sewn open.

  American scarecrows.

  The one I shot was still spinning, smiling.

  My pistol clattered to the roof.

  This was a holy place.

  I took off my shoes and walked through them, pushing off from body to body, and they were whispering about Naitche, Naitche, Naitche, and the Special Agent who had been Chassis Jones breathed in and leaned over the edge of Fool's Hip for a last first glimpse of him, weaving himself into the yellow grass. He was growing smaller and smaller, and in the shimmering instant he became for her a buffalo calf she breathed in and became part of it, like Back Iron, like Nickel Eye, like Bacteen, and the tipi rings stories below her rose into hoops of ash, so she could walk through them, the first one taking her wig, the second her sunglasses, the third her name, and the fourth issuing her a pair of dingy canvas shoes, and then she was looking up, past Naitche and the man waiting for him on the horse, into the sky, and it was empty, like a bowl spilled then righted again, waiting to be filled.

  Behind her the katsina in the olive green jacket leaned down to his tied hand, for a cigarette; smiled. This is the way it is: after the massacres and after the cigar stores, we gathered around the fire, told stories and watched each other's faces for signs of ourselves.

  It was a third world country, but we called it the first.

  It was a good day to die, but nobody did.

  is this how it begins?

  yes.

  TERMS

  abergeny—adj., arch., colloq. INDIAN.

  Bacteen (bak' tēn)— 1. the mendicant barber –n. 2. holdover from the pre-CONSERVATION days, when INDIANS still cut their hair –n.

  Barefoot No Guns— famous INDIAN martial artist.

  big chief— 1. methylenedioxymethamphetamine –n., Pharm. 2. a big, red tablet –n., colloq.

  Blackhawk's Revenge— 1. anorexia nervosa –n., euph. 2. what some Americans claim to have ‘caught’ from looking at photographs of INDIANS of the Reservation Era –n.

  BLM— n., Organis. Bureau of Land Management.

  border— 1. no man's land between America and the INDIAN TERRITORIES –n., Geog. 2. where you exile TOMATOES –n. Syn. 1. redline, fringe, strip, brink, track, supercollider, new medicine line, hardline, end of the end of the trail. 2. RMZ. 3. the looking glass.

  Brasscalves— 1. IHS-sponsored fitness club and resale shop –n., Estab. 2. the first of the INDIAN businesses to barter for dues –n.

  Bright Eyes— my old name.

  BTLS— 1. Born Too Late Syndrome –n., Psychol. 2. a psychosomatic condition –n., Pathol.

  Bush Whacker— sullen trickster of SUSANNAH OF THE MOUNTIES, played of course by Long Lance.

  cat stand— n., arch. nineteenth-century slang for roadside bordello.

  Charity Stripers— n., pl. pep-squad for the WARRIORS, the premiere INDIAN basketball team of the TERRITORIES.

  chassis jones— n., Psychol. the distinct and undeniable need for a frame, [back-formation from ‘basketball jones,’ ‘cigarette jones,’ etc.]

  Code— 1. the pamphlet distributed to all INDIANS at the BORDER, as condition of entry –n. 2. a cultural primer or guidebook on INDIAN etiquette –n., Socio.

  Columbus Day— n., Hist. 21 May.

  Conservation Act— n., Hist. the accidental solution to the ‘Indian Problem’ (under pressure from Keep America Beautiful, the American Congress signed into law an aggressive bill requiring ‘the restoration of all indigenous flora and fauna to the Great Plains.’ As wildlife biologists soon pointed out, though, for a disturbance-dependent landscape to regain anything approaching self-sufficiency—to say nothing of momentum—the reintroduced grass (buchloë dactyloides) needed buffalo (bison bison) to ‘disturb’ it, and, just as the prairie dog (cynomys ludovicianus) needed the disturbance of the blackfooted ferrett (mustela nigripes), so did the burgeoning herds of reintroduced buffalo need the INDIAN (canis latrans)).

  cowdrops— n., pl., Pharm. mild livestock tranquilizers popular before IHS reformed.

  Daily Bison— n., Perio. irregular, independent newspaper popular in the TERRITORIES.

  ‘dance’— what Clark said to his black ‘manservant’ York, in spite of his frostbitten penis.

  Day of the Dead— n., Hist. ten months after the CONSERVATION ACT and the resulting SKIN PARADE (i.e., the winter after the GREAT PLAINS FIRE), the North American INDIAN population doubled and then halved just as fast, the outskirts of town silent as the women walked out into the grass with decorated shoeboxes, their stillborn children who, according to news accounts, rose up from their cradleboard caskets the following spring as buffalo.

  diabetes— n., Pathol. as Eddie Dial says: ‘when I can smell the sugar in my urine, I know then that I'm my father's son, that I'm INDIAN.’

  dogs of war— n., Socio. rising from the stew.

  Double Dog— n. famous INDIAN daredevil.

  Downward Facing Dog— 1. famous Coeur d'Alene yogi (not to be confused with Side Crow).

  factory defects— n., pl. what each package of OCCAM'S RAZORS came with: depressions on each side, for thumb and forefinger, and an instruction booklet detailing the dangers of cutting longwise up the arterial vein in your wrist, chewing aspirin, and soaking in warm water well out of reach of the telephone, the neighbors, IHS. Diagrams were included. They were in color (red).

  Fat Deer Hilton— 1. American hunting resort located in the TERRITORIES –n., Estab. 2. another ‘end of the trail’ anagram –n.

  firing line— n., Myth. what NATTY COOPER is supposed to have laughed at when there was nobody there to even hear.

  Fool's Hip— n., Estab. minor bowling alley in Former South Dakota (was Ship of Fools until Mary Boy sold the name but didn't invest the money in a new sign, just told his itinerant, iliterate maintenance man to rearrange the letters into Fools' Ship, which is roughly when he added all the superfluous spelling and essay questions to the backside of his application for employment, questions for which LP DEAL was absolutely made).

  Freak Pipe— n. the Holy Grail.

  full-blood— n., Pathol. approximately eight pints.

  gauche (gōsh)— adj. Fr. for ‘left,’ as in ‘gone.’

  Geronimo— interj. what Crazy Horse didn't say.

  Ghost Dance— n., Hist. late nineteenth-century effort to ‘restore all indigenous flora and fauna to the Great Plains.’

  Gulag (gōō' läg)— n., euph. what the dishwashers call the sprawling, stainless steel kitchen of the MAYFLOWER.

  Guneaters Anonymous— n., Organis. a euphemism.r />
  Happy Hour— n., Hist. unofficial name of the big drunk that started with the RED ALERT and ended on the first DAY OF THE DEAD. The eighth of the population that didn't die of alcohol poisoning died driving home from the bar.

  happy hunting grounds— n., Geog., Psychol. the fifteenth century.

  Hemogoblin (hē' m gob' lin)— 1. recklessly edited junior-high life-science film in which the militaristic white blood cells fall victim to an animated retrovirus, leaving the red blood cells alone in the bloodstream at long last –n., Biochem. 2. an underground classic –n., Socio.

  homesteaders— n. those Americans who moved onto the reservations after the PENNIES DOWN frenzy.

  Hudson's— n., Estab. ‘the indigenous grocery store.’

  Huna Deal— n., Hist. the controversial land exchanges immediately following the CONSERVATION ACT where the total acreage of the temporarily ‘abandoned’ reservations was traded for BLM land immediately surrounding the TERRITORIES, sometimes at the request of the tribe or nation, but, in the case of some of the tribes or nations holding land bordering national parks, without consent, too. see also: PENNIES DOWN SYNDROME

  IHS— n., Estab. Indian Health Services.

  Indiamen— 1. fleet of unlicensed truck drivers who make daily supply runs between the INDIAN TERRITORIES and the SATELLITE RESERVATIONS –n., Occup., pl. 2. any truck driven, pushed or pulled by INDIAMEN –n., colloq.

  Indian (in' dē n)— adj. a mode of dress which peaked when eleven-year-old Norseman Leif Garrett walked onto the production stage of The Dating Game wearing beads and buckskin. The girls in the front row screamed and plain fainted. They were all INDIAN.

  Indian Burn— 1. the Great Plains Fire, claimed to be the ‘only’ first [sic] INDIAN act visible from space –n. 2. often cited as one of the early instances of Reverse Blanket Warfare –n., colloq. see also: TWO BURN FLAT

  Indian Head Penny— n., Psychol. the Oneida woman who went through eight marathon cosmetic surgeries to fit the classic one-cent profile.

  Indian Territories— 1. no longer just Oklahoma –n., Geog. 2. not made of milk and honey –n. Syn. 1. INDIANation, Brave Red World, New New World, ‘Home on the Range,’ Red Earth, Red Spot, Red Sea, Rouge City, SAVAGE Kingdom, INDIAN Ocean, ‘Cities of the Plain,’ ‘INDIAN America.’ 2. in the words of the defunct Dakota Star, ‘one big, honking red light district.’ Usage: often shortened to ‘TERRITORIES’ in MISCHIF.

  ivory trade— n., Hist. ushered in the CONSERVATION Era.

  Judas stock— n., Socio. the individual horse, cow, buffalo, sheep or pig trained to lead the rest of the herd (flock, etc.) to slaughter, usually distinguished either by copper bells or special favor and referred to as ‘Judas horse, Judas cow,’ etc. see also: LP DEAL

  Karma (kär' m)— n., Relig. why on the morning the CONSERVATION ACT was voted into law, the majority of the dissenting Congressmen's alarm clocks failed to ring, due to power failures. The rest were tied to their beds with their own sheets. One had inhaled a whiffle ball. The SKIN PARADE had already started by the time he coughed it up.

  ‘keep off the grass’— 1. what Enil Anderson painted on signs every workday for six years –phras. 2. what America says to INDIANS –imper.

  KLIM (klim)— 1. ‘the extremist band’ –n., colloq. 2. ‘the last hostile station on the FM' –n., colloq. 3. ‘milk,’ backwards, on purpose.

  late movie— n. The Scraeling.

  Lily Deer— n. the ‘Native advice columnist.’

  Little America— 1. the vast, fast-food district of New Bismarck –n., Geog. 1. the fast-food section of any town, or food court of any mall –n., colloq.

  Lovelocks'— 1. a chain of INDIAN hair salons / embassies in America –n., Estab. 2. supposed to be BACTEEN'S former place of employment –n., Myth.

  LP Deal— 1. ‘long-play deal’ –n. 2. six letters still visible on an abandoned record store window on the abergeny side of the BORDER –n., Hist.

  Lunar Boy Hoax— n., Hist. the valiant, pre-CONSERVATON effort by NATTY COOPER to ‘restore all indigenous flora and fauna to the Great Plains' by intimating over a live SATELLITE feed that there was gold on the moon, prompting a nightly series of ‘Yellowside Reports’ which culminated in a brief resurgence of interest in the space program (see: funding); though only five Americans (one shuttle crew) left before the rush was over, many credit NATTY COOPER with setting the stage for CONSERVATION.

  Magpie & Muskrat— n., Entert. pair of combative, resilient cartoon characters.

  Manifest Destiny— n. star of SUSANNAH OF THE MOUNTIES, known both for her willingness and her vocal range, see also: VIRGINIA DARE

  Maryland— n., Estab. Catholic amusement park.

  Mary Rowlandson— n. still tied up, and liking it.

  Mayflower— casino-resort just inside the TERRITORIES –n., Estab. 2. major American getaway –n., Touris.

  Mischif— n., Ling. (re)combination of all the major language groups into a constantly-shifting, perpetually evasive pan-INDIAN vernacular.

  Miss Dick—1. n., Entert. a professional nomad (amateur fugitive). 2. n., Entert. stage name for the popular new sleuth in the traveling SUSANNAH OF THE MOUNTIES production, often billed as ‘Miss America's new roommate.’

  morion (môr' ē on')— n., Hist. helmet fashionable among 17th century conquistadors.

  Narcisco Borjoques— n., Hist. California bandit of the 1860s who shot each of his victims once, through the head (not to be confused with Joaquin Murieta).

  Natty Cooper— 1. a martyr –n. 2. the first INDIAN on the moon / original LUNAR BOY –n., Bio. 3. was made a posthumous holy clown for whispering ‘gold’ into his headset to the American audience, then hopping away forty feet at a time, hiding for three oxygen-rich (lunar) days in which he's supposed to have consorted and cavorted with imperialist Martians, trading military secrets and traditional recipes –n., Entert. 3. was ultimately fined 28.2 billion dollars by a temporary consortium of television networks and federal space programs, which he tried to pay in wildly irregular installments of rancid beef, glass beads, and IOU notes –n., Legis. 4. assassinated en route to the TERRITORIES by American PATRIOTS dressed up as redcoats –n., Hist. Syn. 1. ‘Gnat Man’ 2. ‘Coop.’

  New World Times— n., Perio. ‘the indigenous newspaper.’

  Nickel Eye, or, Nikolai (nik' lī)— 1. claims his father was so INDIAN he would hunt deer with tennis balls, just to make it even –n. 2. likely from one of the SATELLITE RESERVATIONS –n.

  No More Promises, No More Lies— n., Entert. popular soap opera (not to be confused with Young Pagans in Love or The Grass Still Grows or All My Relations or And the River Flowed).

  non-dairy creamer— n., colloq. MANIFEST DESTINY.

  Norman's Invasion— n., Hist. the border scuffle brought on by Norman Pease and his white eyes when they tried to immigrate to the TERRITORIES at YAQUI BUOY.

  Occam's Razor— 1. ‘for the INDIAN in you’ –n., Socio. 2. an import –n.

  one and five-sixteenths— phras. how INDIAN NICKEL EYE says he is.

  ‘Oral History of Buffaloes’— n., Liter. the shortest of LP DEAL'S esc(r)apegoat notebooks (full text: it was nice, and then They came).

  parfleche (pär' flĕsh')— 1. a bag made from rough hide that's had the hair removed, more or less –n. 2. a woman's least favorite purse –n., Fashio.

  passenger pigeon— 1. a large bird with red eyes, of the family Columbidae (ectopistes migratorius), which once ‘roamed the virgin forests of North America in unbelievable numbers’ –n., Cryptozoo., Hist. 2. according to Audubon, a bird ‘steered by a long well-plumed tail, and propelled by well-set wings, the muscles of which are very large and powerful for the size of the bird. When an individual is seen gliding through the woods and close to the observer, it passes like a thought, and on trying to see it again, the eye searches in vain. The bird is gone.’ –n., Lit. see also: VANISHING INDIANS

  Patriots— n., org. short-lived ragtag band of hardline conservative Americans who routinely
dressed up in various period costumes and snuck across the BORDER to take political prisoners, each of whom was summarily found guilty and executed in whatever manner went with the costumes; ‘short-lived’ because when they dressed up like INDIANS once, their sister-organization in the TERRITORIES happened to be dressed up like cowboys, specifically, a posse of John Wayne's many characters. The Duke smiled, crossed his arms over the saddle horn, and pushed his hat up with the barrel of his pistol, all this long black hair spilling out.

  pemmican (pĕm' ĭ kn)— 1. dried meat pounded into a paste with whatever's left over in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator –n. 2. has a shelf life of five years –n., Myth. 3. potted meat, without the pot –n., colloq.

  Pennies Down Syndrome— n., Pathol. vacant stare associated with those INDIANS who returned home after HAPPY HOUR to find Americans living in their homes, courtesy of the HUNA DEAL, which auctioned their ‘abandoned’ land for ‘pennies on the dollar.’

  pet coyote— n., MISCHIF for recreational peyote [pet + coyote].

  pink eye— n., Pharm., Pathol., Socio. all the rage.

  piskun— n., arch., when buffalo act like lemmings (not to be confused with COWDROPS).

  Red Alert— n., Hist., phras. the now-historic initial radio report that the CONSERVATION ACT had passed, that ‘the Dakotas were INDIAN again.’

  Red Dawn— 1. video reenactment of the SKIN PARADE –n., colloq., 2. delayed visual for the GHOST DANCE –n., Hist. 3. what LUNAR BOY had to be seeing when he looked down at the earth and whispered ‘gold’ –n., Myth.

  Red Hat— n. variation of Indian Poker; a game of logic with four or more people and a deck of cards, the object being to deduce if you have the ‘red’ card stuck to your forehead or not (in misdealt all ‘red’ hands, it's played as if it's ‘Black Hat’—i.e., the goal is to deduce if you're wearing the ‘black hat’ at the table with all these ‘red’ INDIANS, i.e., if you have the lowbelly card, if you're ‘white’).