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  The President, Edythe, said, “So you just think that you are God’s gift to the world? If you’ve got it going on so well, why do you want to be a Beta?”

  “We don’t want her,” Big Sister Keisha Mean Machine screamed out.

  Taking a deep breath, I said, “First of all, I do apologize if I have led you all to believe that I think I am all that. I consider myself a very humble person and I’d like to be a member of this organization because of the Betas that I have seen all last year. They were helping people who cannot help themselves, confident in running things within the Student Government Association and they have the best GPA on campus. I’ve had to strive hard to even be a part of this group, but if you make me a member, hopefully you will be confident that I won’t bring you guys down. I’d just be a bonus to a group of girls who already have it going on.”

  “Alright now!” Penelope called out.

  I saw them mumbling to each other. I guess I gave a pretty good answer. Now I just had to wait and see if I made their line.

  “Well, Father,” I prayed aloud, on my knees in my bedroom, “I know it’s been a while since I’ve really talked to You. And if my mother knew I hadn’t been to church all semester I’d certainly be in trouble with her as well. I know You’ve got to be disappointed and I am sorry about that. It’s just school and this line, but You’re God so You know. I haven’t heard anything so I’m a little worried. I wanted to be a Beta, but like always I only want Your will for me. These last few weeks I have certainly seen another side of sorority life that I didn’t even know existed, but I feel firmly from the depths of my soul that this is something that You support. After all, it is an organization founded on Christian principles. If I could just get in, I’d make sure that we get our business back in order. Please Lord, I so want to wear that lavender and turquoise. In Jesus’ name ...”

  Before I said Amen, I heard screaming through the house as the front door closed. Somebody had great news. No matter what it was I was going to be supportive.

  “What’s going on?” I asked as I peeked outside of my door.

  Chandra turned around and said, “Girl, it’s Bridget and Myra. You know what just happened?”

  “Yeah, Bridget must have made the MEM line and Myra must have made the Nu one.”

  I knew one had good news, but both, already. Chandra saw that it was a bittersweet moment for me. She came over and gave me a hug.

  “You know we always girls, right? If them Betas don’t select you it would be the stupidest thing they’ve ever done.”

  “Yeah,” I told her, trying to sound like I had put it all in God’s hands. “So far it’s a no.”

  “Did you hear anything yet?” Bridget asked as she rushed over and showed me her letter from the MEMs national headquarters. “And look, it’s even on silver and gold stationery.”

  “Is she okay?” I overheard Myra asking Chandra.

  They were such great roommates. We were all doing our own individual thing, but we had a deep connection to each other. No one wanted to see the others not get what they longed for.

  “It’s no big deal. I know everybody is getting their information tonight. Before you ask again, I haven’t gotten a call or a letter. So I probably didn’t make the Beta line, but I’ll be able to help you guys.” I threw my arms around Bridget and Myra.

  “Well, I’d like to stay and chat but I’ve got to go. You know I’m praying for you, Hayden. It’s going to work out,” Myra said, an overnight bag in her arms.

  “Where you going?” Chandra asked, trying to get all of the scoop. “And I thought sororities didn’t haze?”

  “Now, I did not say that I was going to get hazed,” Myra replied quickly.

  Bridget said nothing, she just went into her room and packed as well.

  “You want to go get some Chinese food?” Chandra asked me.

  “Naw.”

  “Girl, you cannot stay in here and sulk. I will not have it. Pack your stuff up and let’s go.”

  “Well, what if the Betas come looking for me or whatever?” I said, trying to be optimistic.

  “If they want you they’ll find you. Plus, you’ve got your cell phone, right?”

  She had a point. I had been locked up in the house all day hoping, wishing and praying for some kind of letter saying I was on line. Why should I stay in all night sulking?

  We went to our favorite Chinese spot and pigged out. An hour and a half later, I still had not received a phone call as we headed back to our place. As we reached the front door, lights flashed.

  “What’s that?” Chandra said, shielding her eyes from the blinding light.

  I was already hip to the signal. Someone was here for me. I was scared to believe this could be good news.

  “Go on in, Chandra. I think I made it,” I told her as my heart raced.

  “You sure you straight?”

  “Yeah, bye girl.” We hugged and I walked to the car where the light was coming from.

  I knew not to tap on the window or anything and after about three minutes the door opened. I sighed in relief when I saw Penelope. She didn’t say I made it and she looked kind of worried. She just handed me a piece of paper and got back into the car. It was the address for a nearby park. After searching through my purse for my keys, I jumped in my car and was there within minutes. As soon as I got there the lights were on me again and I saw a clear lighted path. I stepped on a lavender colored brick, as a chorus sang from the darkness.

  “Congratulations Hayden, you’re the last person to be on the Beta Gamma Pi line. Follow the lavender and turquoise lights to meet your line sisters,” Edythe said.

  The singing continued as I walked. It seemed so surreal, so sweet, so precious. My heart was calm and I forgot all the drama I had endured. I felt special being serenaded.

  “You are now my sister, no longer just my friend, though you’re just a baby Beta, we’re connected till the end. I will show you the way, our bond will be great, now you will forever have Beta Gamma Pi on your mind. What a blessing you have made line.”

  As soon as they were finished singing, I was in a circle formed by a group of girls that I didn’t know. These girls couldn’t be my line sisters. All of the ladies who had been with me during all of the underground stuff were not around. I was hardly able to breathe, I was so excited, but completely devastated that my new-found friends that I had bonded with weren’t with me.

  Then I felt a touch and heard a familiar voice. “I’m here, girl,” Bea said.

  Trisha said, “Me too.”

  The three of us hugged so tight.

  “Where is everybody else?” I said, hoping they were around the corner.

  “We’re the only three that made it,” Trisha said, as the three of us hugged again. We had a bittersweet moment, crying tears of joy for ourselves. We also cried tears of sorrow for those who didn’t make it. I didn’t know why they weren’t picked. I heard when you participate in underground lines, you’re taking a chance to see if you’ll actually make the real pledge line, but I never thought that rumor to be true. I guess I was wrong.

  Bea said, “I guess we better count our blessings.”

  I had arrived at the park at one in the morning and I didn’t leave until four AM. I was so tired. I did make it back to my apartment in one piece.

  “Thank you, Lord,” I said. “This is exactly what I prayed for and because You honored my request, I know this is going to be a good experience. Help me not to lose my mind on line. I love You, Lord. Thank You and I pray for all of those who didn’t make it. May they keep on knowing that it’ll be okay.”

  When I stepped out of the car, I heard a car honk. Now, I was a little nervous. Though our area was secure it was scarcely patrolled by college police. It was after four in the morning and the bushes that surrounded my path made the place look so dark. Who would be honking at me? I already knew the Betas put on their headlights, so I knew it wasn’t them. I walked a little briskly to my door, but then the honking started again a
nd a car started moving in my direction.

  “Wait, wait. It’s me,” the faint yet familiar voice called out through the window.

  When the car got close enough, I noticed it was Creed’s. “Hey you!”

  “You seem alone,” Creed said, looking all around the parking lot. “Hayden, I can’t go to my place. Can I come in? I need to hide out.”

  “Yeah, just park your car way down there. I don’t want anyone thinking you’re at my house.”

  “Cool, I’ll be right there.”

  I never let a guy into my apartment and I knew my dad would be totally angry if he knew I was entertaining a young man at four in the morning. But he was overseas fighting a war and we didn’t exactly see eye to eye on everything. I was in college now, I had to do my thing. If Creed was out this late and couldn’t go back to his place obviously he had good news, and I could tell him I made line too.

  When he came through the front door, I wrapped my arms around his neck and my lips found their way to his. I was a little bummed out that he wasn’t hugging me back. Then he put me down and pulled out a bouquet of lilies.

  “These are the sorority’s flower,” I said.

  “Yeah!”

  “How’d you know?”

  “You’re not home at this hour of the night, and that could only mean you’re doing what the rest of us are—you’re on somebody’s line. Congratulations girl, I knew you’d make it.”

  “I didn’t know I would. How many are on your line?” I asked him.

  “Thirteen of us—and you?” he asked.

  “It’s sixteen.”

  “Cool.”

  “Come on.” I pulled him into my bedroom. Thankfully, I had cleaned up since I was home all day long.

  “So how did you feel when you found out?” he asked me.

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know? I’m a little sore on my bottom, but I feel great,” he teased, as he rubbed his butt.

  “It’s just most of the girls we were underground with didn’t make line.”

  “That happens all of the time; everyone knows the risk you take. Supposedly the ones who didn’t take part in any of the underground stuff are really going to get it when it really gets down to it, so they won’t be paper. It should balance out. How many of y’all survived?”

  “Only three.”

  “Dang, they were brutal. On my line, ten of us made it and we only have three new guys.”

  “See what I’m saying? How am I supposed to be happy when so many people who wanted this didn’t get it? Why did they choose me?”

  “Uh, because you’re beautiful, smart, and you’re fine as I don’t know what,” Creed said, as he pulled my body toward his and we fell onto my bed.

  “Okay, soooo you got to go home.”

  “I just told you I can’t.”

  “What do you mean you can’t?”

  “They told us we can’t go home for twenty-four hours. They took our keys. I’m sure they’re staying there. I know when I get back I won’t have a TV, a stereo, food, I might not even have books.”

  “Are you serious? Now how is that supposed to make you a better Pi?”

  “To figure out how to survive, I guess. I don’t know if all of this stuff is supposed to have some kind of subliminal message to make us better for the organization. Half of it is stupid, but I’m excited to go through the process, you know?”

  “But I can’t have some boy in my crib, in the middle of the night, in my bed with me. No.”

  “I’m not just some boy, how about I’m your boyfriend.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says the girl that is going to say yes. You are going to have to help me get through this. These guys are crazy and I need to have something special, someone awesome, and someone all mine. I need to be thinking of you.”

  So very excited, I nodded, yes.

  He kissed my neck and went to my ear. If I hadn’t been lying down I would have fallen. I was so mesmerized by his touch. Tired in each other’s arms we lay still.

  “You’re gorgeous and you’re mine,” Creed said, as we drifted off to sleep. “What a gift!”

  6

  PROMISE

  After a week of underground hell, I was excited to take my first official step into Beta Gamma Pi. It was the Pi induction ceremony. I still didn’t really know a lot of folks on my line. We had been doing things independently for all of our big sisters, chauffeuring them around, running errands, and doing everybody else’s homework and research papers. It was a hot mess, but I wasn’t quitting.

  “So, we’re really gonna do this?” Trisha turned around and said to me as the sixteen of us stood in line in our black dresses waiting to be escorted into the newly renovated theatre on campus for the ceremony.

  I didn’t know a lot about everybody on the line, but I did know a few things. Like the tallest girl, Audria, was from Alabama. The girl was a big religious person. Trisha and Bea thought she was a little fake and phony with it. Every time we saw her she lifted up her hands to the sky and proclaimed, “Praise the Lord.” I was down with GO-D myself, but I had to admit to my two girls that she was over the top.

  “Y’all, I think we should pray,” Audria shouted from the back.

  “Why don’t you just pray quietly for us,” Bea said sarcastically, and half of the line snickered.

  “We all need Jesus, Bea,” Audria responded, a little put-off that everyone was mocking her.

  “Don’t hurt her feelings, Bea,” I said over my shoulder as I lightly spanked Bea’s big thigh.

  “Watch it now! She’s really gonna have to pray for you if you hit me again,” Bea teased.

  “Y’all two stop,” Trisha said.

  “Seriously Bea, we’re about to go in here for this induction ceremony. The first official step into the sorority. This event should tug at our hearts. How better to get in the right spirit than by seeking God. What’s wrong with getting a cool word?” I said, knowing a covering from up above would be a great thing.

  “Aight Audria, say something for all of us,” Bea said, relenting.

  “Don’t worry about it. I already did,” Audria retorted.

  “Well, forget it then,” Bea said to her.

  Then there was our number one, Dena, the shortest girl on our line. She was so shy. I wished she was a little tougher.

  “Miss Dena over there is shaking,” Trisha said to Bea and me.

  Bea said, “See, I don’t know how we gonna make it with the big sisters with one as weak as her. They shoulda took that other girl we had. Dang!”

  “Yeah,” Trisha agreed.

  “I’m still really upset that my friend didn’t make it. With the exception of you two, she’s got all these girls beat, hands down. She had the grades, yet they took her through all those hoops and stuff for nothing,” Bea lamented.

  Then the girl in front of Trisha turned around, put her hands on her hips and said to the three of us, “Why are you guys griping about who is not here on this line? I tried to stay out of your conversation because I know you aren’t talking to me, but I know I speak for everybody on this line when I say enough already. Contrary to what you think, the rest of us can carry our own. That’s why we did make the line and your friends didn’t. My name is Sharon. Don’t you forget it.”

  Trisha wanted to take her hand and bash the girl when she turned back around, but I held her and said, “Just let it go.”

  Thankfully Penelope came and got us and escorted our line into the assembly. All the hostility that had been penned up in the waiting room was released when I walked into the room filled with Betas wearing white. The night before, Edythe told us to wear black for the ceremony. They told us the black we were wearing symbolized the darkness we were in before being connected to the Beta Gamma Pi light. When I passed my mom and saw the tears fall from her eyes, I knew this was a special ceremony. Though she wasn’t forcing this on me, I knew it was something she really wanted for me. Something we would now be able
to share. Something dear to her heart. Her sorority would soon be dear to mine for life.

  Our initiation ceremony was breathtaking. With the marble floor, crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling, and the many mahogany chairs, I couldn’t help but feel spellbound by the room’s captivating beauty. The hundreds of small flickering lavender and turquoise candles all over the room symbolized our connection with the Beta Gamma Pi light. The chandelier lights were fairly dim, perhaps to allude to our darkness before coming into our newfound sisterhood. The room’s center held a life-sized framed portrait of our five great founders. A hundred sunrise lavender and sunset turquoise sprayed flowers surrounded the base of the portrait. This was the moment I had dreamed of.

  The ceremony lasted an hour, but it was so impactful. Every single thing the speakers said was so important and moving that it made me want to get up out of my seat and lead a nation. Before our induction was official they called each of us up individually to come sit in a royal chair, fit for a queen. It was there that we recited an eight-line pledge, confessing from the bottom of our soul that we were ready to pledge our vows. I knew that the vow to be a Beta was a serious commitment. I said every word with real passion for the sorority.

  My mom then came up and put the Pi pin close to my heart. She leaned over and whispered in my ear that I would get the full letters upon completion of the whole pledge process. Though I couldn’t wait for that moment, I took time to relish this special one.

  With pride, she said, “I love you, Hayden. Enjoy this experience. When done the right way, it can change you and shape you for greatness.”

  As soon as the ceremony was officially over and we were in the hall, there was a nice spread of food, mostly pies, symbolizing the Pi ceremony. Suddenly an irate Beta, who turned out to be Sharon’s mom, came rushing up to our advisor.

  “I’ll tell you what, something funny is going on with these girls. My daughter can’t even keep her eyes open. Most of this line was sleeping during the whole ceremony. If some hazing is going on, I will stop all this madness and take everybody’s letters. You better hear me up in here. Touch my daughter and Alpha chapter will be no more.”