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  She grabbed my hand and said, “Yes. I know you remember that my pledging experience was difficult, but a lot has changed. Again, they’re not trying to take you to some dark room and jack you up. They intimidated the heck out of me. I only pledged because I knew it was in my heart. I wanted to be like Mom so badly and have a good underground experience, but that’s not what I had.”

  “You wanted to have an underground experience?” I asked her.

  “I meant undergrad experience because, you know, Mom pledged grad chapter. Truthfully, if I had to do it over again, I wish I would’ve pledged as a grad because pledging was a lot of work, but right now the Betas have their heads on straight, and they plan to do it right for your line. They want only a few girls, and they want you, Hailey. They know a good thing when they see one. You are so awesome, Hailey. I am just excited. Tickled purple and turquoise—Beta Gamma Pi colors, okay—that they want my little sister to be a part of our sisterhood. You’re so strong and care about yourself; you could be a great leader.”

  “Yeah, right. You tried for a position within the national office, and I saw what it did to you.”

  Hayden thanked the waiter as she sipped her water with lemon. Then she said, “Yeah, but I didn’t win. The President appointed me to a national committee, and it’s been great serving. You could go all the way because you have vision. People like you. If you need to try out other organizations by going to their rushes or talking to them, I support that. I don’t wanna cram what I know to be the best down your throat. I feel confident to say that if you go and check out the others, you’re gonna want to come to Beta Gamma Pi. Because when it’s done right, we are the stuff. We are the standard. We are the paradigm.”

  4

  BIASED

  “I know what sorority I wanna be in,” Teddi said to me as I got ready to go to Rho Tau Nu’s rush.

  “That’s great, girl. I haven’t decided if pledging is for me, but I owe it to myself to go and give everybody a chance and figure out if it’s even something I want.”

  “What, Hailey? Girl, you are a legacy, and I’m not one. There’s nobody in my family who is a Beta, but I know BGP is it for me. You should know that better than anybody,” Teddi said, almost salty that my mind wasn’t made up.

  “Well, I don’t, okay? I know what it’s like firsthand from my mom and my sister. It’s not all smiles. I’ve seen their tears. I just wanna see if there is another sorority I can gel with.”

  “You’re just gonna be committing suicide if you do that, girl. The Betas aren’t gonna want you if they see you trying out everything in the world.”

  “If that’s the case, it wasn’t right for me to pledge Beta Gamma Pi. Besides, it was my sister who encouraged me to get out there and see for myself. She felt confident that I was gonna pick her sorority. If she isn’t sweating it, why should you?”

  Teddi came over to me and grabbed both of my hands. “Look, I know we’ve been distant for the past weeks, and I’ve been really angry with you. The last thing I want is for us to keep having distance like we have. We’re sisters. Not sorority sisters, not blood sisters, but we are sisters connected at the heart, and I want us to experience some things together. We talked about coming to college together to do this stuff. We don’t take classes together. We don’t do any extracurriculars together. Can’t we try to get our bond back? Am I the only one who wants that?”

  Needing to have a really tough conversation with her, I frankly said, “Wait. Stop, Teddi. We don’t take any classes together because I’m in pre-law, and you’re in education. Our scholastic paths don’t even cross like that.”

  “Well, we were gonna do stuff with SGA. You were supposed to be in my cabinet. Now there’s a message on my door from the new President saying he wants to meet with you tomorrow. What’s that about, Hailey?”

  “Really?” I questioned in a shocked tone. “I’m not going to be able to meet with him tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure you’re gonna reschedule,” she said, handing me the Post-it note with great handwriting.

  “I may or may not. Teddi, let it go. Come on, you’re my girl. I know we wanna do stuff together, and we will. But we’re still individuals. We gotta make our own way.”

  “You know a lot of things, Hailey Grant, but you don’t have to go to other rushes to see that the other sororities don’t compare to BGP. But don’t take it from me. Go.”

  An hour later, while I was at the Rho Tau Nu rush, all they were talking about was how they wished they were doing this like the Betas and they wished they were doing that like the Betas. I realized they needed to stop wishing and get up and do something. The image of them around campus was that they were made up of a bunch of insecure girls. As I looked around the room, it wasn’t ugliness in the room, it was just girls who had a lack of self-worth. I didn’t even stay for the whole thing.

  The next night when I went over to the Mu Eta Mu rush, I ran into Covin.

  He stopped me and said, “So I got your message that you wouldn’t be able to meet with me, but you’re out here on campus alone. You don’t seem busy to me.”

  “I’m heading somewhere as we speak.”

  “Okay, how about next week? I really need to talk to you,” he insisted.

  “Is it gonna take a long time?” I asked.

  “I don’t wanna rush what it is I have to say, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “Yeah, technically, I guess that is what I’m asking,” I said as I looked over his shoulder and saw the Mu sorors were looking around to see if anyone else was coming. “But I’m headed somewhere now, so I gotta jet.”

  “Give a brother a chance, Miss Lady. Call me sometime,” he said as he moved out of my way.

  “We’re closing the doors! We’re closing the doors, and you will be shut out if you’re not in here!” the Mu Eta Mu Vice President shouted out to girls who were trying to come inside.

  The Mus didn’t even speak to anyone as we interested girls all mingled about. This group of gals was the exact opposite of where I had been the night before. They didn’t lack confidence—they were overly confident. Yeah, they had on cute clothes, but all they talked about was how inferior the interested girls were. My thought was if you were all that as a sorority, you don’t need to bash anyone else. This definitely wasn’t me, and, again, I could not stay.

  Two nights later, it was the Beta rush. Teddi and I went, and every girl walking into their dorm room was super-excited. Except me. I wasn’t uninterested, but I wasn’t completely sold either.

  Teddi and I both stopped in our tracks when we saw a very attractive girl arguing with this thug-looking dude. I knew it was none of our business, but he was getting extra-loud with her. She tried to head toward the Betas’ door, and he grabbed her sassy hair.

  “Evan, I’m letting you do this sorority thing, but it better pay off for me, and it sure better not take too much of your time,” he told her as he let her go.

  It was dark, and I could not see the girl’s face. But she looked around and seemed so embarrassed. Very weird that she should have been checking ole boy instead of making sure no one saw him be overly aggressive.

  Teddi said, “No, she ain’t kissing that jerk. See, y’all, black women need to stop putting up with crazy behavior just to have a man.”

  The Evan girl went past us, and I was feeling like I should let her know she deserved more. But she didn’t look at me, so I knew she didn’t want my input. Plus, Teddi tugged on my arm because it was time for the Beta rush to begin.

  They were organized, they were inviting, and they talked about how they wanted to make the world better. They complimented us, and they mentioned other leaders. True sisters. Smart women. Women who loved the Lord, and women who wanted to make a difference. I loved seeing their room decked out with so much past history of women who have made a difference locally, regionally, nationally, and internationally. All these things were a part of me. The Betas were together, and I was proud of my African American sisters. />
  I still wasn’t sure if pledging was for me. However, my sister was right. I had tried others, and they didn’t measure up to Beta Gamma Pi. If I was going to do this sorority thing, clearly, BGP was my only choice.

  “Okay, so what did you want to meet with me about?” I said to Covin when we met on a Friday night as we sat at the finest restaurant in town.

  “Dang, you won’t even cut a brother some slack. Can we enjoy the evening first? I just wanna get to know you for a second before we dive right into business.”

  “Well, we don’t need to waste any time. You said you needed my help, and I’m here. I have a tough course load this semester, and I’m thinking about adding another activity that will take up more of my time. I don’t wanna waste yours. Tell me what it is you need so I can see if I can help.”

  I tried to sound as tough as I could to fight the queasiness I was feeling. His hazel eyes matched his skin, and with every word he said it was like his lips were calling mine. I was not gonna be drawn into sweet talk and a handsome face. Or at least with everything in me I was going to fight off the feeling.

  I thought we were gonna talk business, so I was taken aback when he said, “I’m the student-body president of this campus, and I have a tough course load myself. I should be focused on my hopes and dreams, but I’m not. I can’t stop thinking about your beautiful face that kept me going through the fire. A lot of people have talked about helping me, wanting this position and that position, and I’m going to see what I can do. A lot of girls have been throwing a lot of stuff at me, too, but I can see through many facades. When I needed someone to come along beside me and help Ms. Mayzee’s family, you stood up and took the lead. You made a difference. You touched my heart. I never got to tell you thanks. So many people in this life wanna take charge, like my dad, who I admire. But you stepped out and made a difference.”

  “That’s kind. But your dad does a lot. He’s state senator, right? He’s making a huge difference for us,” I said respectfully.

  “Yeah, he really is. He had told me I need to look for people to be in my corner that give more than they take. He also told me it was high time I started looking for a girlfriend. Though he told me my mom would help me in that department, I assured him I’d be all right. I always figured a girlfriend would come whenever she came. I wasn’t looking for a girl I would fall for, but, Hailey— wow, I even love saying your name. It’s like heaven to me, you know. You’re something special. Up until tonight, I thought you were attracted to me, too, and if you tell me I’m wrong, I won’t bother you. We can make our relationship only business because you got something special I need to help make my administration count.”

  I batted my eyes while looking at the table because I couldn’t look at him anymore. My heart was racing like a sports car on the expressway. I needed to cool down. I felt overheated. So I looked away, almost uninterested.

  He took the hint and changed the subject. I felt more comfortable listening to him going on and on about becoming President of the United States one day. But then when he said he could see me as his First Lady because I had class, grace, dignity, and soul, I lost it again. When he touched my hands I almost couldn’t contain myself, but I bit my nails instead, as I often did when I got nervous.

  Sensing me pulling back again, he said, “Seems I’m barking up the wrong tree here. So let’s forget the personal conversation and get to the professional stuff. I really wanted to come to you and offer the position of director of community relations. We have cabinet meetings only once a month, so that will go well with what you got going on already. The only other responsibilities you’d have is to plan an event for the fall and spring, and I’d even be okay if we continued to help Ms. Mayzee King’s family. Don’t feel uneasy. You won’t have to worry about me getting romantic with you again.”

  The waiter came with our food. I liked that Covin asked to lead with a prayer. Though I wasn’t the strongest Christian, I knew I was impressed that the guy before me had given respect to the Lord. With my head bowed and my eyes closed, so many thoughts were running through my head. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea about me not appreciating what he had to say. I was truly in tune with his heart, too, and wanted our communication to grow. However, I had never had a guy in my life who was so open and honest with me from the start, and it felt good. Taking this position would cause many conflicts, but I had to look out for my own interests.

  Raising my head from the prayer, I said, “I would really love to be the director of community relations. I do have a heart for kids on this campus and helping to make this city better. But I can accept only if you and I can continue to explore what we may have. You didn’t read me wrong; I am attracted to you. And maybe that’s what is making me act like I didn’t have any feelings, because I’m a little ...” I didn’t even wanna say I was nervous.

  When I looked down, the next thing I knew he was standing beside me. He lifted my chin, and he bent down and gave me a gentle kiss on my cheek. I felt tingles all over my body. I couldn’t believe I was his pick.

  Autumn was flying by, and ten days had passed. Covin and I were having a great time dating. We’d meet in the library to study and get down to business. I was helping him not only with my responsibilities as community-relations director but giving him my thoughts on other parts of his administration as well. His boy, Jake, who was his adviser, was pretty ticked that I had the ear of the President. But Covin and I didn’t care. We were connecting, and it felt good.

  I was actually able to balance my time more than I thought I would be able to. School, SGA, and love blended well. I had no spare time, but I liked my life. I was full.

  Though I was happy with my life, I was getting pressure from my mom, sister, and best friend, who kept asking me to pledge. The pledge packet was due for BGP.

  Reluctantly, Teddi convinced me to just turn in my Beta Gamma Pi application, letters of recommendation, and transcript. Though I had no clue whether I was really gonna make line or not, I did at least get them all off my back by trying.

  Next thing I knew, I was sitting in an interview in front of eight Western Smith Betas and their adviser. They drilled me with tons of questions. And because the questions were all service related, I soared with my answers. I knew from their smiles that I was winning them over.

  When I went back to my own busy life, I got the call from Cassidy. “You’ve been accepted as a pledge member of Beta Gamma Pi. Meet us at the Historic Theater on campus, upstairs room 202, and bring the necessary funds requested.”

  Immediately after, I called my mom and told her the news. She was elated. Within hours she was dropping off the cashier’s check in the amount of nine hundred and fifty dollars. A big part of me wanted to tell her to save her money, but she kept going on and on about how excited she was that her baby was going to be her sister.

  So I kept my appointment to meet the Betas. When I got there, Cassidy and Samantha were seated before me. I wanted to ask Teddi if she had gotten a call from the Betas, but she wasn’t picking up her cell, and she wasn’t home when I left to go to the bank to pick up the cashier’s check.

  Just as I was about to hand in my money, Samantha got a call and motioned for Cassidy to come over. Some girl didn’t make line and was asking a whole bunch of questions. I didn’t mean to pry, but I could see the clipboard that held only four names. The line had three other girls I didn’t know, but I didn’t see Teddi’s name there. I became really upset. I just knew she wasn’t going to be chosen. She wanted this more than me.

  As soon as Samantha hung up the phone, they came back over to me. I couldn’t play it off. “Listen, guys, I appreciate you all wanting me. Um, and as you say, Betas are leaders. Though I’m not a Beta now, I took it upon myself to view the table, and I noticed the list of girls you want to bring into the fold. Teddi Spencer, my roommate, isn’t on there.”

  “Yeah, her name’s not on there because we can’t choose a lot of people,” Cassidy said, knowing how deeply I cared a
bout my girl.

  Samantha rolled her eyes and had a little tougher response. “Look, we owe no pledge explanations.”

  “No disrespect, Sam, but you need to know I know she’s a way better fit for you all than I am. So I just want to tell you that if spaces are limited, you want to choose her more than me.”

  “Your loyalty is admirable, Hailey, but, no, we want you,” Cassidy said.

  “No, I’m telling you you want Teddi. She really wants to serve. She is willing to give you her whole heart. I’m the one who is divided into so many directions, and if you want to choose someone based on space, it’s her you want and not me. Please reconsider! I don’t know how else to say that Teddi is the girl you need, and if she’s not gonna be in it, I don’t wanna be in it. I’m sorry.”

  “That’s a pretty bold stand you’re taking,” Samantha said as I walked toward the door.

  “Sometimes people don’t know what they need, and it will take a little pushing. If you want me that bad, you’re going to have to consider Teddi.”

  Samantha came to the door and opened it for me. “Well, we’re telling you right now that you might be giving up your chance of being a Beta.”

  As I walked out I said, “That’s a risk I’m willing to take. If you don’t choose Teddi, you lose me. She is the better choice, and it’s a fact. I’m not biased.”

  5

  GALORE

  I couldn’t believe I was standing in a room with three other girls I didn’t know to take the first steps toward becoming a member of Beta Gamma Pi. I had been serious when I stood before Cassidy and Samantha and told them to choose Teddi over me, and I had meant it when I said if Teddi didn’t do it, I didn’t want to be in it. However, someway, somehow I allowed my mother and my sister to convince me not to back out.