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  Trying not to get upset I said, “I can’t tell you, but I do have to go and meet a couple of them.”

  “That’s crazy. You about to walk on this campus by yourself. Girl, don’t we have security? That’s just asking for trouble—you’re wearing a short dress practically up your behind and then you’re going to prance around campus at midnight?”

  “I know this sounds crazy, but this is something I really want to do. Please tell ...”

  She cut me off and said, “Look, I ain’t seen Bridget and Myra. I don’t know where they are. I’m about to roll out myself in a minute. But we came over here with you, if you leave now how we gonna get home?”

  “Shoot, I’ve got to be there in three minutes,” I said, noticing how much time had passed since Penelope summoned me. “Look, just make sure they get home. Please tell them what happened. I know they’ll understand.”

  She grabbed my wrist. “I’m staying up and I’ll call the cops if you aren’t home in a few hours. Where are you meeting them?”

  I gave her all of the particulars and hugged her tight. One thing I liked about Chandra was that she knew who she was. I’m not saying that I wanted to be a Beta because I needed an identity, but I loved the fact that she felt she was fine just the way she was. No clubs, no sororities—none of that stuff. I was almost there. There was just one more thing left that I needed to make myself complete ... Greek life.

  “So look, could you also tell Creed that I said goodbye? You remember him, he was my study partner last year.”

  “Yeah, I saw you talking to him. I’ll handle it. Go girl, and be careful.”

  I got to the Elks Club a couple of minutes late. Surely, that couldn’t be a big deal. I was really scared, yet I knew I wanted to do this. I was strong and I wasn’t going into the room alone. I’d take my Savior with me, and with Him by my side I knew I could do this.

  When I walked into the abandoned Elks Club, a spotlight shined on me. The room was freezing. I felt like my stomach was falling to the floor. What had I gotten myself into? This was eerier than a horror flick.

  One girl shouted, “You’re two minutes late, drop down and give me fifty push-ups.”

  I smirked, certain they were joking, right? Suddenly, ten girls surrounded me with Beta Gamma Pi gear on. I looked around and saw that big Keisha, the girl from the party, was looking right at me.

  As if I couldn’t hear, she shouted, “You hope that I am your big sister one day. But I’m not now. So, don’t look at any of us. You hold your head down. Stand on one leg and think about why you want to be a Beta.”

  Another girl said, “Penelope told us you were all over some guy at our party. If you want to be a member of our organization, we only take the best. We don’t accept girls with fast reputations.”

  Then another voice chimed in and said, “You don’t need to wear all of that makeup either. It’s natural beauty we’re interested in.”

  “GPA better not drop,” a girl yelled, as she jammed me in the side. “We already know it’s a 3.69. You can make it a 3.75.”

  I was so shocked. How did they have this kind of information on me? I hadn’t turned in an application packet. Maybe this hazing thing was going to be more than I ever imagined it would be. All this preliminary stuff, being underground as the Greeks called it, was supposed to be minimal, but they were practically stalkers.

  Someone else pushed me and said, “Make sure you are at all of our events, no chit-chatting in the hallways, just go to and from class, and take yourself home. And make sure not to wear any more clothes that make it look like you’re not wearing any. Can you do that?”

  Another echoed, “Can you do that? Do you want to be a Beta?”

  My leg was starting to buckle and the room was starting to spin, but I knew I had to give them an answer, so I shouted as loud as I could, “YES, I CAN DO IT. I WANT TO BE A BETA!”

  “That’s all we wanted to hear. Cool,” Keisha said, before they all left me standing there in the cold, dark room alone.

  I fell to the ground, really wondering if I had what it takes to make it.

  It had been two weeks since that crazy meeting in the Elks Club that left me feeling full of intimidation and fear. I hadn’t seen another Beta since that time, but I made sure I went home and followed the instructions they gave me that night.

  I’d go straight to class, not even stopping for a bite to eat on campus. I didn’t have time to waste. After class, I was in my room studying. It wasn’t like I didn’t care about what was going on with my roommates, but I knew if they needed me they would let me know.

  Creed was in my packed psychology class. I tried as much as I could not to let my eyes roam to his seat. I managed to get out of class quickly so he couldn’t stop me and say anything. But on this particular day I couldn’t find my keys. And I wasn’t one to get to my car and start looking for my keys—no, I was the type who needed to have everything ready.

  As I dug in my purse, his sexy voice said, “Okay, so are you avoiding me or what?”

  “Avoiding you?” I looked up at him and replied.

  “Oh, come on now, Hayden, since your girl told me you had to jet out of the party I haven’t even been able to find you. I don’t even have a phone number to call. I saw you in class twice last week, but before I could even say anything you were gone. I made sure I caught you this time. I just wanted to know, why can’t we talk? Let me know and I’ll back away.” He took his hand and touched my cheek. “It may kill me that I can’t make you my girl, but I’ll respect your decision. Just be woman enough to tell me to my face that it was over before it even began, you know?”

  I didn’t know how to react. Should I take the gamble? I hadn’t stopped thinking about him and now that I had an inkling that he just didn’t want a fling, maybe I needed to invest in him too.

  “I know this is going to sound completely crazy, but I’m hungry,” I said finally, giving us a try.

  Smiling, Creed said, “Yeah, let’s go to the café and get something to eat.”

  “Uh, no! Can you meet me at the Cracker Barrel off the interstate?”

  “Way out there? Are you serious?” he groaned.

  “Would I make such a crazy suggestion if I wasn’t serious?”

  “Fine, but can we ride together?”

  I shook my head. I wanted a bite to eat. I didn’t want to be obligated. What if our time alone didn’t feel right? And what if the Betas were watching? Nope, I needed to drive myself.

  “Alright, well I don’t have any more classes, do you?”

  “Nope, this is my last one too. I can meet you there in twenty minutes.”

  “Alright, let me give you my number, just in case.”

  I opened my notebook and wrote down my cell phone number. Instead of just handing him the paper, I had to be discreet, so I looked around and was relieved that no one was watching. As I walked by him I said, “That’s for you.” And I left the piece of paper with my number on top of my desk and walked out of the classroom.

  Driving over there I didn’t know how to feel. On the one hand, Creed was fine. But on the other, dating him wasn’t my goal, becoming a Beta was. However, if a golden ticket falls into your lap, you can’t throw it away without opening it. I was giddy and open-minded. Ready for whatever Creed and I may turn out to be.

  When I entered the restaurant, Creed, who was seated at a booth, quickly got up, walked over to me and said, “Good to see you,” and then kissed me on the cheek.

  As we walked toward the booth, I was surprised to see a lily at my place setting.

  “This is for me?”

  “Yeah, don’t you need it for what’s going on now?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “The Betas are working you. I’m just giving you their sorority flower. Just so you know, just like a lily can sustain much, so can you.”

  “Aww, you just don’t know how good it feels that you know.” I reached over and gave him a big hug. “This is so much, I mean I’m not eve
n on line and I have to watch everything that I do.”

  “They don’t want you talking to guys, huh?”

  “No, they don’t, and I’m so paranoid. I don’t know if they have spies watching me or what, and I didn’t want to make time for you if we want two different things.”

  “What, you just thought I wanted to hit it and run?”

  “Well, let’s just be open and honest about these things with each other, why don’t we?” I said sarcastically. “But on the real, I’m not trying to rush into anything.”

  He stroked my hand and said, “Cool, tell me what’s on your mind. That is the only way we can have anything, by being honest with each other. So what’s up? You want to pledge, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, if pledging is something you want to do, then we can work around that. I like you a lot and I have liked you since last year. I know who you are, what you stand for, and I want to be with you however I can.”

  Trying to keep it together I said, “Did you ever think pledging would be so crazy that we would undergo this underground foolishness?”

  Before he could answer, my ex-boyfriend, Butch, walked up to the table. I could see on Creed’s face that he was intimidated and extremely uneasy. Though Creed had more muscle, Butch held the letters.

  “What’s up, lady?” He reached down and tried to kiss me.

  I immediately jerked away. First, we were not together anymore, and second, his breath stank.

  “Oh, so it’s like that?” Butch said.

  “It’s been like that for a long time, Butch. We’re eating, do you mind?”

  “Uh, dude, you might want to think about it. You can’t be my fraternity brother and take my lady. You might want to be a smart man, leave her alone and take heed to my guidance.”

  3

  PLEDGING

  I could see the sweat falling from Creed’s brow as Butch laughingly walked away. I knew he was pissed about being called out, but he knew he couldn’t have gone off on Butch.

  “Here, you need this napkin?” I said to him. I could see he was stressing.

  “Naw, naw, I’m straight,” he replied, trying to act as if Butch hadn’t bothered him at all.

  It was interesting because he’d been so nice until Butch showed up. Now, when he was faced with choosing his goal to pledge a fraternity over me, it wasn’t as easy as he thought.

  “Listen, just like I told you, seriously Butch and I are through. Way through. He’s a jerk, and he crossed a couple of lines. It’s over. You don’t have to worry about any of that.”

  “Really, I’m straight,” he responded.

  “I can see you’re not straight. You’re fidgeting. You’re acting weird. I’ve been around you for a long time and I’ve never seen you come apart at the seams like this.”

  “Wait, I’m together. What you trying to say?” Creed asked like he was offended.

  “No need to be defensive. I’m just calling a spade a spade. You said throw the cards out on the table and be truthful, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, calm down. Let’s talk about this. I know what you want. I’m feeling the same pressure. Pledging is hard, and if we gotta put whatever we have going on on the back burner, then I’m down to do that. You’re not gonna hurt my feelings.”

  “If y’all are through, Hayden, then forget him,” Creed said, looking to see if Butch had driven off.

  “I hear you talkin’, but your actions are singing a different tune.”

  He got up from his seat and came over to my side of the booth. Instinctively, I slid over. He put his arm around me and turned my jaw to his, looked me in my eyes and winked.

  Creed said, “It’s something about you. I gotta pursue this. Yeah, I’ve wanted to be a Pi for so long, but if I let you go I will probably regret it for the rest of my life. Why do I have to make a choice because some jerk, who’s mad that he let you go, tells me I have to? Yeah, he has something I want but I know I got something he wants too. I’d be an asset to his fraternity. All of the fraternities want me. I’m just keeping it real. Butch is a jerk, but he ain’t stupid. You gotta know your own worth too.”

  “How do you know people want you like that?” I asked, very intrigued to know if fraternities handled things differently.

  “They been coming at me trying to sell me on why they’re the best. What they stand for, like I haven’t done my homework. I don’t know. I want to be a Pi and I want to wear brown and green.”

  “Well, at least you know a lot of people want you. I’m starting to doubt now if even the Betas want me,” I told him as a waitress came with our sandwiches.

  “Naw, that can’t be true. I hear girls talking all the time. I’m in different circles, and if they haven’t stepped to you yet, you just wait. They all gonna make their claim. This is rush time. They’re going after the hottest sophomores and juniors who aren’t in a fraternity or sorority. Everybody’s gonna be staking their claim. You just gotta know how to play your cards when they step to you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I mean you don’t want to show your hand too early. You got to keep everybody guessing.”

  “I went to see the Betas the other night.”

  “Oh, so that’s where you went.”

  “No, I didn’t mean I really went to see them.”

  “No need to cover it up. You sorta gave it away earlier. You’re just confirming it. When other sororities come to you, if you know you want to pledge Beta, then you got to respectfully decline. Not tick them off or make them upset. If you do, they’ll blackball you and even the Betas won’t want you. You got to make everyone think you respect their sorority, but not be so interested. Make them intrigued to find out who you are. Just don’t go over the top to please them.”

  “And if a Beta catches me in one of those conversations?”

  “You just got to pretend that they’re watching at all times. Be politically correct. Sometimes these Greeks work together to solidify candidates. They go way back, and work together to help the community.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If they know you have been to their event, they’re gonna have somebody else come to you trying to see if you’re really solid,” Creed said, very knowledgeable about the whole Greek game.

  “If we want to pledge ’cause we want to do good for the community, be in a Christian organization, have a common bond with folks, try to be the best we can be with a bunch of smart folks, then why does there have to be all these crazy standards that are not even at all a part of the equation? You and I are in psychology class together and even the best case studies don’t have folks going through stuff like this to find out if they are loyal.”

  He chuckled. “I know you didn’t think pledging was gonna be easy, did you?”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Well, get ready for the ride. I think it’s going to be worth it though. You can’t change the game from the start, but once we’re in it, we can make all the rules.”

  Impressed by his knowledge and philosophy of Greek life, I said, “So, then, are we going to try this dating thing? You’re not goin’ to get intimidated?”

  “We might have to sneak around so I don’t offend your ex, but I’m calling the shots. If you’re in it, I’m in it.”

  He didn’t take his eyes off me as he leaned in and kissed me. It felt good that we agreed to try.

  Leaving psychology class the next week, I was having the toughest time catching up to Creed. We said we would play it low so that no one would know we had something going on. We had our discreet ways of walking a couple steps behind one another or walking side by side. We would text each other—at least when we had distance between us—but this day the brother was gone. Of course that baffled me. Where was he off to so fast that he couldn’t even say hello? And why was he sitting in class all day wearing ridiculous shades when it was dreary out? When we got outside of the building, I didn’t even care if anyone was watching me. I spr
ang toward him and touched his shoulders.

  When he turned around I said, “Okay, so why are you dodging me and why are you in class wearing shades?”

  As he quickly began to turn away, I grabbed the glasses. I needed his attention.

  “Don’t do that!” he screamed out.

  It was actually scaring me that he was being so defiant. Even worse, though, I was horrified when I saw the bruise around his eye.

  “Okay, so what’s goin’ on? What’s up with that?”

  “I gotta go. I can’t talk to you right now. Please just give me the glasses.”

  I stepped back. There should be no marks on anyone’s body because of some pledge bull. I wasn’t having it and if I had to tell my Uncle Wade to get justice, I would.

  I demanded, “No, you’re not getting them until you tell me what’s going on.”

  “Hayden, I appreciate your concern, but I’m not a lil’ baby, okay. You can keep the shades, do what you gotta do, but I gotta go.”

  “No!” I said grabbing his arm. “Wait, please, I care about you. You know I do, talk to me. Who did this?”

  He saw in my eyes that I knew he received the bruise from pledging. What were we signing up for?

  “Don’t look like you don’t understand why I’m enduring all of this. Butch told me he’s got guys everywhere.”

  To heck with Butch. I went over and put my hand on his cheek, trying desperately to reach his eye. Creed jerked his head back.

  “I’m a tough boy. I got this, for real.”

  “Creed, I’m not saying you don’t, but that’s not what this is supposed to be about. We’re not trying to join an organization whose main purpose is brutality. I’m gonna tell the school’s president. This isn’t some gang initiation here. You’ve got something to offer. I want to be a Beta more than I want all A’s this semester, but I will not let them hit ...”

  Before I could finish my statement, he said, “Hayden, you’ll tell nobody. Plus, you are talking a lil’ too fast, a lil’ too early, a lil’ too soon. You don’t know what you’ll do until you are in that room. All that pressure coming at you from all different sides will have you crazy. Your head is gonna be spinning and your line sisters are gonna be depending on you to stay strong. If you’re not in it, if you’re not ready, if you don’t think you can take a lil’ something, then you better get out from the fire cause they certainly turn the heat up.”