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  I didn’t know how this little father-son trip of my dad’s would go. The Grahams had just gone through a serious tragedy. Their oldest son, Drake, who was the starting linebacker for the Atlanta Falcons, got gunned down at a club in Athens. Dakari actually saw the whole thing. And from what my sister said, the brotha was still sorta messed up from it all.

  I didn’t talk to God as much as I needed to, but as we pulled into their driveway and my dad honked the horn, I silently talked to the Lord. “Oh, Lord. What am I supposed to say to these people? They gotta be hurt still. Not only was Drake a superstar around here, but he was family to them. How do you get over such pain? How, as a friend, can I say anything that will lift them up? Be with us in this car and even with me and my dad, because You know he’s trying my patience.”

  Actually, the ride down was real cool. Mr. Graham was laughing with my dad about this and that. Dakari was joking about crazy college life. It wasn’t until the conversation turned toward me that things got uncomfortable. Dakari had to ask the question that made my dad rattle off at the mouth. I hated that my father thought he knew what was best for me and that his decisions were the only ones that needed to be followed.

  Dakari said, “So, man, where you gon’ play college ball? I know those schools coming at you from every direction!”

  “Yeah, Junior, who you gon’ sign with?” Mr. Graham asked me from the front seat.

  “Aww, man, you know that boy don’t know,” my father cut in as if I was some baby not knowing my way home from nursery school.

  Shoot, I was practically a grown man! I’m ’bout to be out the crib, and he tryin’ to act. If I wanted to, I could get on MapQuest and find directions to any college I wanted to make a recruiting visit to. I could stroll into Duke, UGA or Miami solo. My pops wasn’t as needed as he thought he was, but I just let him ramble on.

  I looked at Dakari and said, “I narrowed it down to six schools.”

  “Georgia’s one of them, right?” Dakari chimed in as if he’d be happy to have me on his team again.

  We slapped hands, sorta feeling each other. Boy, he was cool. I was glad he still thought I was.

  “I wouldn’t mind him going up there so his sister could keep an eye on him and you too, Dakari,” my dad said, still thinking of me as incapable of standing on my own. “But his mom is thinking of a more academic school.”

  “Football and academics?” Dakari asked with a laugh. “You still gettin’ all them A’s without trying?”

  “Lay off him now, Dakari. There is nothing wrong with a smart guy that can ball,” Mr. Graham said as he turned and looked at me. “That’s good, man. Keep it up. Many of these young brothers got talent on the football field, but ain’t got nothing upstairs. If they’re fortunate enough to get in college, for most they can’t even keep up their grades to stay in there. There is enough pressure to worry about as a college athlete without grades coming into play. You’ll pick the right school.”

  “Oh, yeah. I’m going to help him and make sure he does that,” my dad once again responded. I looked out the window, hating that I was resenting him.

  At the game, Dakari and I walked to get some snacks. “Ooh, Atlanta is nice!” I said as the lights I saw from downtown impressed me.

  “Oh, no! Don’t tell me you’re thinking about Georgia Tech?” Dakari joked, as he punched me in the arm. “We’ll go from high school teammates to college rivals in a hurry, buddy! But yo smart tail, I should’ve known that’s where you was thinking ’bout going!”

  “Naw, naw, I ain’t made no decisions. I mean, I’ma go down to visit, but I never saw myself as an engineer.”

  Dakari touched my shoulder. “For real, though, I sensed you and your dad are not on the same page. You wanna talk about it?”

  “Naw, I’m straight,” I said, knowing that I wasn’t, but didn’t wanna burden Dakari with anything since the brotha was still grieving. “I don’t need to stress you out with my stuff, man.”

  We ordered eight hot dogs, four nachos, four large drinks and two candy bars. “Naw, man, you ain’t gon’ burden me. I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t wanna offer help. I understand crazy daddies, trust me. Mine’s fronting, or maybe he’s just turning the corner. He hasn’t really spoken to me since my brother’s been gone. I don’t know if he blames me that I couldn’t do more to save Drake, or if he secretly wishes that I would’ve been the one dead instead.”

  “Man, don’t say that.” I hated hearing Dakari talk that way.

  He was just expressing his feelings, and I didn’t even ask if I could help. I knew I had to say something so he wouldn’t think so negatively. Maybe the Lord would answer my prayers and help me say the right things to Dakari!

  Feeling words pour out of my heart, I said, “Grief is a hard thing to get over, man. Remember, my grandfather died around the same time as your brother did. Even though he was older than all of us, we still didn’t want him to go. Just imagine, your dad probably never thought about burying his son. And I’m sure that his losing Drake has nothing to do with loving you less. He’s probably making sure he can love you right.”

  Drake chuckled. “All right, I hear you, man. Don’t get all emotional on me, now. What’s up with you and your dad?”

  I went on to explain to Dakari that my father always thought he had all the answers. I also told him that my dad still treated me like a little boy. I admitted that my dad got on my nerves when he acted like that.

  As we walked back to our seats, Dakari said, “Let me tell you like this, even though you think you know everything, which you probably know more than what your dad is giving you credit for, just try not to shut him out. You gotta take him on recruiting visits. I seen the brothers who go with no dads and they get treated differently. The ones that go with concerned parents really get special treatment from the coaches and stuff. It seems crazy, but at least they know you have other options and a family that will help you make it without football. For the folks that come in there with nobody, the coaches do a half-spill! I’m not saying that your dad has to choose the college for you, but he should be a part of this. Some of those college coaches—trust me, all right? Find a way to tolerate your dad because you’ll need him around. He can help you keep everything straight.”

  I was going to have to remember what Dakari said. Maybe my dad could still hang with me some. However, it was what it was and if the relationship was going to get better, God was the only one that could do it. I wasn’t going to be no punk and kiss his behind. I did love him, though, and that had to count for something.

  The next day, I was ready to go shoot some hoops with my boys when my sister and Tad practically begged me to go with them on a double date.

  “Please say you’ll go!” Payton said. “When I was in high school, I used to do so many favors for you. When you couldn’t drive, I’d take you anywhere you wanted to go.”

  “A double date? I ain’t trying to get serious with nobody, Pay.”

  Tad Taylor, my sister’s boyfriend of two years, cut in and said, “Oh, trust me, partner, it’s my cousin and I don’t want her serious with nobody right now. Actually, that’s why I wanna introduce her to you. You know, show her some other options. This one dude she likes, I’m not feeling him.”

  “What you mean?” I probed.

  My sister looked at me with a smirk on her face, pointed to her skin and shook her head. “Not brown.”

  “Your cousin is dating a white boy?” I got very interested and asked, “She ugly, huh? The brothers don’t want her?”

  “No, she ain’t ugly, Perry. She is cute, for real. She doesn’t want the brothers.”

  “Where we going?” I asked, down to find out what kind of black girl wasn’t into the brothas.

  “We’ll go eat, maybe play Putt-Putt, or head to the park or something. So, you can keep on what you have on,” my sister said.

  “Cool. I’ll meet up with my boys tomorrow, then. How are you gon’ get her to meet up with me if she don’t like black gu
ys?” I inquired.

  Tad replied, “She thinks she is just gonna meet my girlfriend and hang out with us. So, you down with surprising her, or what?”

  “I ain’t trying to be conceited or nothing, but as long as y’all know I’m not trying to be serious. Girls get hooked on me quick!”

  “Oh, I see you done grown up,” Tad teased. “Trust me. If anything, you’ll be into her.”

  I joked, “What? ... All right. I got to meet her, then.”

  Later, as we left Augusta and went to Aiken, South Carolina, out in the country, I started having second thoughts. What was I doing going a blind date, anyways? I still had feelings for Tori. Yeah, I was trying to be all hard and suppress them, act like I didn’t care and all, but I did. I shook it off by telling myself, It’s not gonna matter, I’m just going out. Besides, me and Tori are over. I need to move on.

  What if this chick is ugly and I can’t even look at her for five minutes? That’ll be wack. I can do this. Plus, I know my sister wouldn’t set me up with no ugly girl. Payton loves the world of style; she’s got that eye for fashion and stuff. If she says a girl is cute, then I can trust that.

  I couldn’t believe the chick lived off a dirt road. I ain’t ever been to Tad’s house, but Payton told me he lived in a trailer. I mean, there ain’t nothing wrong with that, but let me say that I’m just happy we wasn’t in my ride. Just then we turned down a long street that led to a gorgeous house set off by itself on a whole bunch of acres of land.

  “Dang!” I commented from the back.

  Tad said, “Yeah, my uncle got bread! He was some high vp at the Savannah River Plant. I hope my crazy cousin ain’t home,” Tad said before getting out of the passenger side.

  “Why you say that? I thought we were here to pick up your cousin? Don’t be leaving me out here in these boonies to wait for her!” I replied.

  “No, no, he meant his boy-cousin. She has a twin brother that is full of himself,” my sister said. She went on to tell me that she was surprised I hadn’t met the guy, being that he was highly recruited just like me.

  Before I could think through the A-list of South Carolina players, a familiar-looking girl began walking back to the car with Tad. Out of my mouth came the name. “Savoy!”

  “You know her?” my sister turned and asked me.

  “Sorta. I know her crazy brother, too. I’m glad he ain’t here. If he knew I was taking out his sister, he probably would’ve come out here with the shotgun even though I’m with his cousin!”

  Tad opened the door and said, “Savoy, this is Payton’s brother, Perry. Perry, meet my cousin, Savoy.”

  “Oh, my gosh, it’s you!” she said with a smile as she happily got in the car.

  The girl was fine with a capital F! I didn’t know how to guess sizes, but she sure had the best of everything. Curves in the right places, jet-black hair flowing halfway down her back. She had a cute style going on, too—Savoy was rockin’ with stilettos, jeans and a pink Baby Phat shirt. She was classy with it. Yeah, definitely a classy girl. Savoy had the prettiest sun-kissed brown skin, lookin’ like honey-coated chocolate!

  If Damarius was with me, he’d be all over her. Tad also introduced her to my sister. After the formalities, we drove back into town.

  “What’s up, lady?” I asked in a cool voice.

  “Y’all know each other?” Tad asked, all confused.

  My sister explained, “Apparently, it’s Perry and Saxon who know each other. They were just at the University of South Carolina together.”

  “I went on the trip, too,” Savoy said, “and I got to meet this guy here!”

  She nudged me in the arm, and I liked her touch. She wasn’t coming on to me, and she wasn’t shy, either. I couldn’t figure it out, but I was intrigued.

  “Well, we gon’ talk up here and y’all can talk back there,” Tad said.

  After a few moments of awkwardness, I began, “Savoy, I’m sorry we threw a blind date on you, but your cousin made me.”

  “I wasn’t okay with it when he told me as we were walking to the door, but I can deal with it now,” she said as she looked me up and down.

  Dinner at Chili’s was a lot of fun. The conversation was light. We didn’t talk about football. We didn’t talk about school. We didn’t even talk about the white boy. Actually, Payton and Tad dominated most of the conversation, filling us in on college life.

  The chemistry between my sister and her boyfriend was cool. Dakari was always my pick for her, but he tripped. Though I didn’t know how long this thing with Tad would last, I was for it. He was so into God. I really admired that. I wished I was there, but I knew in my heart that some distance had come between God and I over the last couple of years. Tad was a role model for me more than he knew. As a college running back at Georgia, he could have any girl. However, I couldn’t imagine him doing Payton wrong. I liked him.

  His eyes showed my sister meant the world to him. Knowing she had someone at college that really cared for her left me off the hook with the thought of attending University of Georgia. In the back of my mind, over the last year and a half, I knew I wanted to be up there just to make sure she was all right.

  I had gone to the same school with my sister all my life. Dakari, too, for that matter. Going to a different college from them would give me the chance to step out of their shadow and have my own light going on. The thought of not being anybody’s little brother and making my own mark was real appealing.

  As we played a game of Putt-Putt behind Tad and Payton, Savoy and I started talking about that very thing.

  “I know it has to be stressful for you. All those schools wanting you, and hoping you make the right decision. My brother won’t admit it, but he’s terrified of choosing the wrong one. Why does Saxon have to be so cocky? He’s got the skills, but why flaunt like that?”

  Trying to gain brownie points, I said, “I don’t know. He’s your brother, so I want to say he can’t be all that bad. But the brief few times we’d talked ... I admit he is crazy!”

  “I know, I know. I guess the saying ‘You can’t live with him, can’t live without him’ definitely applies to how I feel about my brother. He didn’t actually start becoming all great until recently. My parents, well, really, my dad, who’s sorta like a father to Tad, were getting close. When Saxon started to see that, he applied his attention to football, and diverted my dad’s attention back to where he wanted. I don’t know why my brother’s like that. We get everything we need, so we should be secure. We only moved to the country so my dad could be close to his mom, who lives in a sweet little house you passed before you got to our house.”

  “Oh, yeah, I remember.”

  As we came to the eleventh hole, I knew I wanted to talk deep with Savoy. She’d asked me about my world. We’d talked about football and her brother and all that, but I had some questions of my own.

  “What is it that you want to ask me? You keep staring and nothing is coming out your mouth. What? Tad wanted you to meet me because he hates my boyfriend, right?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Oh, yeah, I know that’s the reason. That’s the only thing he and Saxon have in common besides football.”

  “So, is it that you like this particular white boy, or you just like white boys, period? I just gotta know ’cause I never heard of such a thing if the latter is true.”

  Savoy said, “Well, the latter is true in this case, okay? I’m through with brothas. My cousin Tad is a rare exception. He loves Jesus way too much to mess up. And now that he’s so in love with your sister, he definitely ain’t gon’ mess up! But that is the complete opposite with my brother. He has ten black books full of numbers and he can’t even keep girls’ names straight! And his friends, the pack he runs with, they are all dogs. They show no respect, and they’re full of bad intentions. I’m tired of dealing with it, so I choose not to.”

  If she was saying all black guys were bad, I couldn’t agree with that. Yeah, some of us didn’t treat girls the best. Some of us did,
though. My face reflected my disagreement.

  She continued, “And don’t be looking at me like I’m full of it, ’cause I’m sure your boys are the same way. I met them in Columbia, remember. Most black guys have no respect for girls, not even trying to court and go the extra mile to keep us happy. So, if a white boy is what it takes, then a white boy is what I’ll get. Now, don’t hate me because I said that. If a blonde-haired, blue-eyed doll was flinging her hair at you, trust me, you’ll take the bait and forget all about the sisters, too. You don’t seem to be as crazy as my brother. I know you don’t have just one girlfriend. What do you have, about five?”

  “Now, why would you think that of me? Actually, I had a girlfriend. I don’t know if you could say that I was a Tad, because Tad ain’t trying to have no sex. That’s why me and my girl broke up. In reality, I got needs, you know? But I was faithful to her. I still care about her. Even though it’s time for me to move on, that doesn’t mean I’m gon’ be a dog.”

  “But listen to what you’re saying ... There’s somebody that you still care for and yet you’re not willing to fight for her. Ugh! Brothers don’t wanna work at a relationship. And because there are so many women that outnumber y’all, you guys get to play it like that. I just don’t respect that way of thinking.”

  “You can’t respect me?” I asked. “I am disappointed that you can’t understand where I was coming from.”

  “I’m not judging you, Perry. I mean, you’re a cool guy. But how can I be feeling like you’re the world’s greatest when you had this girl, and she wasn’t giving it up when you wanted, so you just bailed? It’s like you don’t care about her feelings enough to wait. Do you think that’s right?”