Finding Abel (Rebel Hearts Book 1) Read online

  The door to my bedroom cracked open and Mom poked her head in, “If you don’t want Abel to see you in your dress before prom, you might want to take it off. He’s downstairs.”

  What? “He didn’t tell me he was coming over.” I scurried over to my bed and picked up my phone to see if I had missed a message. Nothing.

  “Can you unzip me?” I asked Mom.

  She pushed the door open wider and I gave her my back. She tugged the zipper down and said, “I’ll give you a few minutes before I send him up.”

  “Thanks.” I wiggled the dress over my hips.

  “Remember Abbs, door open.” Mom and Dad loved Abel, but they weren’t naïve.

  I slid the dress back onto the hanger and tucked it away in my closet before hurriedly pulling on a pair of shorts and my Panther’s Cheer t-shirt. A few moments later there was the rapping of knuckles against my door.

  “Come in!” I chirped and plopped down on the bed.

  The door scraped over the carpet and I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Whenever he was around I wore a dopey grin. Colton and Addie were always teasing me.

  “Hey you,” I said.

  “Hey.” There was an energy, an excitement, radiating off him. He took two quick strides toward me and bent down and crushed his lips to mine.

  “What was that for?” I asked breathlessly when he broke away.

  “Because I love you, and I wanted to.”

  “Carry on then.” I curled an arm around his neck and led his mouth back to mine. He stumbled and fell against me and we both crashed down to the mattress, laughing. He rolled to his side and swept my hair off my face. “I can see I’m not the only one in a good mood,” he grinned.

  “I have good reason to be.” I sat up. “Mom and I found the perfect dress for prom. It’s so perfect. Wait ‘til you see me in it. It’s dark teal on top and it fades into a light aqua at the bottom, and it’s really tight. You’ll love it. I was thinking you could get a silver bow tie and cummerbund, or vest if you don’t want a cummerbund. Or silver suspenders. You’d be hot in suspenders.”

  Abel grabbed my hand and I noticed he wasn’t smiling anymore. He looked nervous. “I actually wanted to talk to you about prom.”

  “What is it?”

  He took my hand and laced his fingers in mine. “A label exec my dad knows came by the house this morning. To see me. The label saw some of my videos online and they invited me to this huge showcase in New York in two weeks.”

  “Prom weekend?”

  He sat up with a grimace. “I know it sucks that it’s the same weekend, but this is a huge deal. There will be major recording artists, songwriters, producers, and all kinds of industry people there. It’s for new up and coming artists, and they don’t invite just anyone. Dad said just about every artist who gets invited comes away with a record deal. This is it, I just know it.”

  My heart sank as I saw how excited he was, how much this meant to him. Ashes and Embers rarely performed anymore except for the occasional charity concert, but Uncle Ky still wrote songs for some of the biggest names in music and he had all kinds of connections. He could get Abel a recording deal with the snap of his fingers, but Abel was determined to do it on his own. The videos he uploaded had millions of views. He was a viral sensation, and not just because he was Abel McCabe, son of Kyden McCabe. Abel was good. Just as good as his dad. And he deserved this.

  But why did it have to be prom weekend?

  “You’re disappointed,” he said.

  There was no use trying to hide it. I tugged my hand free and set it in my lap, tugging at the edge of my shorts. “I’m excited for you, I am, it’s just that . . .”

  “You were really looking forward to prom,” he sighed.

  I nodded.

  “You found the perfect dress,” he smiled softly.

  I nodded again.

  “And I know you’re going to be beautiful in it, but I’m not wearing a cummerbund. Vest or suspenders, you can pick.”

  “What?” I brightened.

  “Let’s go to prom. I’ll pass on the showcase. There will be other chances, but you only get one senior prom.”

  A huge grin stretched my lips. “You really mean it?”

  “Of course.” He cupped my cheek and I beamed, looking into his stunning green eyes, so full of love. He was my world, and I loved him more than felt like should have been possible, which is why my face fell.

  “No.” I dragged his hand away from my face and held it. “You have to go to New York. That showcase is so much bigger than a silly prom.”

  “Abbi, it’s fine. I told you there will be other chances. I don’t mind, really.”

  “And I love you for that, but I do mind. You have to go and blow them away and become a big star and then you can make it up to me.”

  A hesitant smile crept over his face. “Are you one-hundred percent sure?”

  “Yes. I’m sure. I’ll still go to prom with the group, and I’ll send you lots of pictures and wish you were there, but you have to go to New York.”

  “God, I love you!” He smashed his mouth against mine again. I giggled against his lips and muttered, “Damn right you do.”

  He pulled away. “I really will make it up to you. I’m going to come back, and we’re going to finish out senior year, and we’ll make it the best last month of school ever. And after graduation, I’ll take you to New York. You can wear your dress, I’ll put on the tux, and we’ll have our own prom, and it will be just the beginning of the rest of our life together. It’s going to be amazing, Abbi, I promise.”

  He spoke with such passion and conviction, it was impossible not to be infected with it. I laughed and nodded, believing every word of it, because how could I not when he was telling me that all of our dreams were going to come true?

  It was just the first of many promises he broke.

  Three

  Abel

  Morning brought with it a fresh kind of hell. I was rudely jolted from sleep by something soft smacking me in the face. I woke with a groan and a throbbing inside my skull.

  Hangovers sucked.

  Being woken up by your fifteen-year-old kid brother at the crack of dawn after one of the shittiest night’s on record sucked more. Seeing the sympathy and mild disgust on his face was even worse. I could only imagine what I looked and smelled like. I’d crashed into bed in my old room the second I walked in the door last night after Mom and Dad rescued me from my very brief stint in one of Boston’s lovely jails.

  “You look like shit that’s been like stepped in.” Aiden hovered over my bed, still holding the pillow he’d smacked me with.

  “Thanks.” I turned over and pulled the blanket up over my face.

  “Mom and Dad are freaking out about you getting arrested. Drinking and driving, Abel?”

  I ripped the covers off my face and sat up. “I wasn’t drinking and driving.” I mean, I did, but I wasn’t over the legal limit. I barely even registered when I blew into the breathalyzer. “I got arrested for reckless driving because I was going thirty-five over the limit and because there was a bottle of whiskey in my passenger seat, but I wasn’t drunk, and I wasn’t drinking while driving.” Not that it’d made a lick of difference to the state patrolman who pulled me over. It certainly didn’t stop the guy from putting me in cuffs and having my car impounded.

  “Guess the cop wasn’t a Rebel Cry fan,” Aiden snickered.

  “Guess not.”

  “Well, you’re in deep shit. With Mom and Dad and probably your label too. Your arrest is all over online. Also something about a club last night.”

  Figured it would be.

  “But I’m glad you’re home.” Aiden threw the pillow at my face, but I batted it away. “I gotta get to school, but I have a game tonight. You’ll come right? You’re not leaving before then?”

  I raked a hand through my hair. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

  He grinned like he didn’t care about the kind of trouble I was in, or that I was a fucking mess, but
was just glad to have his big brother home to watch him play football. I didn’t deserve the kind of hero worship my brother had always shown me.

  My insides twisted up, leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

  Fuck, I had to do better for him.

  “Awesome.” He strode toward the door and then shot a smirk over his shoulder. “I’ll tell Ms. Cross you said hi.”

  “Abbi’s your teacher?” I asked, scrubbing a hand over my face.

  “Yeah, she is. Don’t worry, it’s not awkward at all.” He chuckled, and I couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

  “Bit of advice, I wouldn’t mention my name right now unless you want her to flunk you.”

  His brow wrinkled. “I thought you two were cool. Or does she think you’re stupid for marrying a chick we’ve never met too?”

  “Just trust me, I’m not her favorite person right now.”

  “Whatever.” He shrugged and then left. I slumped back into the bed.

  Absentmindedly, I looked for my phone and then remembered I didn’t have one. It was somewhat of a relief to avoid the backlash from yesterday a little longer. I dozed off again and didn’t wake until it was nearing afternoon.

  Quiet greeted me when I finally ventured out of my room, and I made it to the kitchen unaccosted. It wasn’t until I had a cup of coffee in my hand that I went looking for Mom and Dad. Mom wasn’t hard to find. I spotted her through the big glass windows sitting out by the pool reading. Probably enjoying the last minutes of summer before fall swept into town.

  The sun was too bright when I stepped outside. The heavy French doors smacked closed behind me and Mom looked up from her book. I shielded my eyes with my hand and strolled over, dropping onto the lounger beside hers.

  Mom’s watchful gaze was a little too heavy and I looked away. “I’m sorry you guys had to pick me up from jail last night.”

  “Abel, I don’t care about that, but I’m concerned. What’s going on with you lately? Last time you were home, you said you were going to be making some big changes. You seemed more excited than I’d seen you in a while, and then . . .”

  Yeah, and then . . .

  “And then you got married, didn’t even tell your family about it, and now, you’re getting into fights with your wife at a club and getting arrested? That’s not you. That’s not my son, so what’s going on?”

  Yeah, it sounded pretty bad when she put it like that.

  I hung my head and stared at the pool deck between my feet. How did I tell her? I was no angel. My mother more than anyone knew that, but I still couldn’t stand disappointing her. It was bad enough that I’d blindsided my family with the marriage. I wasn’t sure what she was going to say when I told her what was really going on.

  “Mom, I have to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it.”

  She drew in a deep breath and I don’t think she let it out until I finished.

  “Oh, Abel,” she said sadly. “Why would you keep it a secret?” She grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

  “I just didn’t know how to tell you that I screwed up. I screwed up bad, and this is the only way I know how to fix it, but everything feels so wrong. Like no matter what I do it just keeps getting worse.”

  She was silent a minute, and then she said, “I wish I had some advice that would make it all better, but I don’t. We all get a little lost sometimes.”

  “I got more than a little lost. You would be so disappointed in the way I’ve been living my life. I really let you and Dad down.”

  “You haven’t let us down. It’s going to be okay, and you’re going to get through this. You’ve just got to have a little faith.”

  Faith.

  “I wish I did, but I just don’t see how it’s going to be okay.” No matter what, I would lose something I didn’t want to lose.

  “Sometimes the only way to find your faith is to get a little lost. Life’s most effective teacher is often pain, because it seems to be the only way we learn those hard lessons. But until you find your faith again, you can borrow mine. I’ve got enough for the both of us.”

  “That, I believe.”

  She squeezed my hand again and then let go. “Age is one of life’s other funny, and harsh teachers. With it comes wisdom. There have been so many times in my life I didn’t see how it was ever going to be okay again. When I lost your grandmother. The night I got my scars.” I swallowed hard. No kid should have to see his mother marred by the kinds of scars she wore. The kind put there by a knife and a sadistic bastard long before I was born. “When I ran away from home,” she continued, not shying away from her painful past. “When I came back. When I met your fool of a father who was so much like you it’s not even funny. When I got sick and wasn’t sure if I was going to be around to see you and your sister grow up.”

  Fuck, the thickness in her voice, made my throat tight and my chest heavy. I ducked my eyes. If she wasn’t going to cry, I wasn’t going to. Mom had been through so much, and I was pretty sure I didn’t even know everything. Some things she and Dad just didn’t talk about, but she was a lot stronger than I was.

  “But here we are.” I tipped my chin up to see her smiling. “We have your brother, and I just think back to what my mom always used to tell me; you don’t have to know how it’s going to get better, you just have to believe that it will.”

  “Sounds a lot like you.” Mom just had this way of making me feel like things were okay even when they weren’t.

  “Where do you think I learned to be so smart? I just wish you could have known her.”

  “Me too,” I said solemnly. We both stared at the still, glassy water.

  She made a sound in her throat after a minute, clearing away the scratchiness in her voice and shaking off the heaviness of the moment. “So, how long do we get you for?”

  I cleared my own throat of emotion. “You mentioned a birthday dinner.”

  She pursed her lips. “Yes, and it would have been nice if you’d texted me back, so I had time to plan it. Not that I’m complaining about the surprise visit.”

  “I’ll hang around here through the weekend, but I imagine the label and my publicist are going to want to see me back in New York first thing Monday. I should probably call and see how much trouble I’m in after last night.”

  “Talk to your dad. He might be able to help.”

  “Where’s he at?”

  “In his studio, writing. He’s been pretty excited about the new album.”

  “About time,” I managed a grin. “You don’t know how many times I get asked if Dad and the guys are going to start recording again. The world’s been waiting a long time for an Ashes and Embers reunion.”

  Mom smiled. “Aiden’s the last of the babies, and he’s hardly a baby anymore. I don’t think the guys know what to do with all the time to themselves.”

  The band took a backseat when Mom was sick, and over those years, while she was battling, and the others were getting married and having kids, Ashes and Embers only put out a few albums, and rarely toured. By the time Aiden was born, they were done altogether, despite their lasting popularity and chart-topping hits. Even now, with all my own fame, I was still Kyden McCabe’s son, and no matter how big of a name I made for myself, I didn’t see that changing. I’d be happy if I could just live up to the example my dad set. Right now, I was doing a poor job.

  “Oh, and Abel,” Mom stopped me halfway to the doors. “Don’t think it escaped my noticed where you were pulled over last night. If you came home for any other reason, maybe to see someone, I don’t think that’s the best idea. For either one of you.”

  I nodded but didn’t lie. Instead, I turned my head, unable to meet her eyes. How much would she see? I had a feeling more than I wanted her to.

  “She’ll be at the game tonight,” she added.

  I didn’t look back or say anything else and went in search of my dad.

  I found him right where my mom said, plucking out chords in his home studio, a pencil between hi
s teeth and one of his notebooks in front of him. He’d spent the last several years writing hits for other artists, but he hadn’t recorded anything himself in almost fifteen years. The whole band had moved on with their lives.

  Uncle Ace and Uncle Spade opened up a custom car shop together, while Uncle Chris and Aunt Mia ran a non-profit rec-center for youth. That’s when Aunt Mia wasn’t busy working on designing the latest video game, which was badass. I’d gotten the chance to voiceover on one of her games and it was by far one of the coolest things I’d ever done. So much better than when Mom had me model for her fashion line, but I wouldn’t tell her that. I preferred to leave the modeling to Addie.

  I pushed through the door and Dad looked up, pulling the pencil from between his teeth.

  “Rough night?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  “You talk to your mom?”

  I nodded again, jamming my hands in my pockets.

  “She help you get your head on straight?”

  Another nod.

  “Then have a seat.” He jerked his head toward the empty stool and the other acoustic guitar resting against it. I walked over and grabbed up the guitar and settled onto the stool. Dad started strumming a familiar song and I picked it up. He started humming the intro and I joined him at the chorus, letting the music take over.

  He transitioned from one song to the next and I kept up. I didn’t notice when my mom came to stand in the doorway, only that I looked up at one point to see her there, a tender smile on her face.

  My fingers paused as Dad started playing the next song. His and Mom’s eyes met, the spark that existed between them visible. He started singing the lyrics to the song he wrote for her right after she got sick. All I could do was watch as she blinked back the moisture in her eyes. He reached the bridge and I finally started plucking along but cast my eyes down. Watching the two of them felt like intruding on something.

  The song trailed off and Mom sauntered over, that look in her eye that said I wasn’t going to want to watch this, but I didn’t look away. Dad lowered his guitar and she bent and pressed her lips to his. Only then did I duck my eyes despite the grin that had me shaking my head. They’d been that way my whole life. You’d think I’d be used to their displays of affection, but Addie, Aiden, and I never stopped giving them crap. We were constantly ducking out of rooms every time they got like this.