A Year to Clear Read online

  The space where I landed was . . .

  She told me . . .

  What surprised me about this experience . . .

  I promised to support this space in the coming week in these ways . . .

  DAY 82

  HOMES AS MIRRORS

  In yesterday's guided tour you had a chance to have a sit-down chat with a space in your home.

  In what ways do you think this space was reflecting back an unloved or neglected aspect in you? How is your space mirroring an unfulfilled yearning?

  Yes, the writing is on the walls. All you need to do is open your eyes.

  Explore

  The areas in my life that have been neglected and unloved are reflected back to me by my home in these ways . . .

  My home is a reflection of me because . . .

  DAY 83

  WHEN ROCK BOTTOM HITS HOME (MINDING FEAR)

  I've written scads on the subject of how our living spaces are affected by human emotions. Left unchecked, highly charged negative thoughts and feelings have a way of sticking around. Literally.

  So what do you do when a loved one hits rock bottom in your home? What do you do when a torrent of unconscious and unprocessed pain has made its way into the walls and crevices of your home, head, and heart?

  Let's look at an example from my friend, Albert:

  We just spent a rather harrowing weekend at our house helping an old friend detox from acute alcoholism, and we feel that the house has some really bad energy stuck in it. All the ugliness of addiction, blame, loss, heartbreak, and bitterness seem to still be in our beautiful home. What can we do to encourage it to move on? We want to open all the windows and let all the air out.

  Al was right to think that it isn't just us humans that are emotionally impacted by pain. Our homes get slammed, too. The impulse to open all the windows is a good one, but the most important thing to manage with clearing anything is fear. Being afraid of the disturbance, or acting out of worry, is like adding fuel to a fire.

  It's not possible to banish “bad” energy. There's no big hole in the sky where it can go. When a space is disturbed, it means that the energies are noisy, chaotic, and out of balance. Fear cannot exist in the light of pure compassionate awareness.

  Start with clearing the fears in you and the rest will follow. Revisiting the lessons in this book on the stories you tell yourself (Week 9) is a good place to shine light on your fears. The Simple Clearing Process from Day 61 will help to release them.

  What fear are you still holding on to that could use some compassionate awareness today?

  Explore

  A fear I am still holding on to is . . .

  This fear has made its way into my (our) home because . . .

  One thing I can do today to “love it up” is . . .

  DAY 84

  CHECK IN—CONNECTING WITH HOME

  This week we connected with home in a deeper way by mapping its unique weather patterns, receiving its wisdom, and exploring what it reveals about us.

  What does your home need more of? If you think of your home like the dear friend and loyal servant that it is, what is one thing you'd like to do to honor its unconditional service? It could be as simple as opening the windows and letting in some fresh air. Or it could be something more intentional, such as lighting a stick of incense, buying a bouquet of fresh flowers, or repeating your pledge of support.

  Explore

  My home needs more of . . .

  My home serves me (us) by . . .

  One way I can honor my home's service on a regular basis is to . . .

  WEEK 13

  BEING ENOUGH

  I'd been through so much, falling short again and again, and only recently had found a place where who I was, right now, was enough.

  —Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

  DAY 85

  STAY IN YOUR OWN LANE

  We all do it.

  In a dualistic world of better and worse, bigger and smaller, winners and losers, we all fall into an unconscious, unattractive habit of comparing ourselves to others.

  I've put people on a pedestal because, well, they were obviously “more interesting” or “smarter” than me. They got to be on Oprah, had a gazillion likes on Facebook, had more manageable hair. I've gone the other way plenty too, placing myself high on that pedestal of gloating smugness. Ugh, just naming the truth of that feels awful.

  Comparing is not just about putting people on a pedestal (or tearing them down) for their gifts and accomplishments. What interests me more is how we dishonor ourselves when we size up, measure, or take sides. When we make comparisons in this way, our true selves disappear. We separate and lose ourselves—especially when we're feeling vulnerable.

  What are some of the ways you fall into the rabbit hole of feeling better than or lesser than? This quote by research professor and author Brené Brown might help you pull yourself back to center next time it happens: “Stay in your own lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.”

  Explore

  I make myself better than or lesser than in these ways . . .

  Comparing myself to others makes me feel . . .

  DAY 86

  BREAK THE HABIT OF COMPARING

  How do we know that we are enough just the way we are? How do we unplug from the comparing machine that takes us away from our truth and our center?

  It's simple, really. Start by noticing when you compare, and then notice how you feel when you compare.

  Whether you're feeling small (or puffed up), noticing your mouth going dry, or experiencing a shame wave (or a gloating one), the work is to stay with the sensations with as much compassionate awareness as you can until they pass.

  Lots of practice clearing in this way can move mountains.

  Explore

  My body's signals when I feel small or lesser than are . . .

  My body's signals when I'm feeling better than or puffed up are . . .

  DAY 87

  THERE'S NO COMPARISON MEDITATION

  Today we're going to do a brief clearing practice that can help reduce the mind games of comparing.

  Close your eyes, and take a nice, easy breath in, then a slow, emptying breath out.

  When you feel centered, recall a time when you compared yourself to someone else. Perhaps it was a coworker, a sibling, or that “perfect” somebody who appears to have it all (or who you feel is beneath you).

  Ask yourself what this person has, does, or says that makes you feel small and less than (or better than).

  Observe where in your body you feel contracted, and allow any and all sensations of smallness (or grandeur) to arise without taking them personally. Notice your breathing.

  When you feel complete, tune in to a positive quality about this person. For example, it could be how he or she lights up a room, gives generously, or makes people laugh.

  Take another deep breath and reflect on how this person reminds you of you; how this person mirrors back an aspect, value, or deeper yearning that already exists in you (that you've been tamping down).

  When you feel complete, open your eyes and notice how you're feeling. Notice your breathing. Notice if you're feeling differently from when you started.

  Deepen your experience of the meditation by reflecting on the prompts that follow in your journal. And remember, the trick is to repeat the process until you've rewired the pattern. You'll know it's gone when the situation or person no longer elicits a charge.

  Explore

  A person who has made me feel “less than” or “better than” is . . .

  Comparing myself to him/her feels . . .

  A positive quality about this person is . . .

  This person reminds me of me in these ways . . .

  DAY 88

  YOU ARE ENOUGH

  Get this: You are perfect just as you are. There is nothing you need to do, or fix, or change about yourself.

  This doesn't mean that you won't be growing and evolving. What it means is simply t
hat you are whole and complete just as you are. Now.

  Take it in. It's yours.

  Explore

  In this moment there is nothing I need to do, fix, or change about myself because . . . (Embrace the squeamish part of you that doesn't quite own it yet.)

  One thing that can help me remember that I am whole and complete just as I am . . .

  DAY 89

  REFLECTIONS ON BEING ENOUGH

  What makes clearing so powerful is when people share their heartfelt experiences of the journey. Case in point, this eloquent posting from Laura T. describes making peace with what it means to be “good enough.” Personal stories like these help us all come out of hiding and lighten our collective loads:

  What's beginning to “bubble up” is that clutter is ANYthing that holds me back from my best self and best life (for me, my own idiosyncratic definition of “best”). In fact, oftentimes my definition of “best” is “good enough,” and that works well.

  But not always. My body wasn't in complete broken-down mode, so it was, although fat, “good enough” to get me around. But was it my “best” body that I could achieve realistically? No, not even close. And even if I wanted to put my metaphoric hands over my ears and sing la la la la la, I also knew that my middle-aged body was teetering on the brink of diabetes (thankfully not there yet), a knee replacement, and other fun stuff.

  So clearing my mental clutter is shifting this mindset from just good enough to better than that to some form of best for me.

  So how do we embrace the concept of enough—as in being enough, having enough, and knowing that there is enough to go around? These simple phrases might help: “I am enough. I have enough. There is enough.”

  Next time you find yourself getting snagged by comparison, desire, and/or attachment, close your eyes and repeat one or all three of these phrases out loud. Allow them to soften belief patterns of scarcity that cloud the truth of who you are.

  How do you feel now knowing that enough is enough?

  Explore

  I know that I am enough because . . .

  I know that I have enough because . . .

  I know there is always enough to go around because . . .

  DAY 90

  MIRROR NOT REQUIRED

  There's a quote that's been floating around the Internet for quite some time that says, “Many people would be scared if they saw in the mirror not their faces, but their character.” This got me thinking, What if people could also see the clutter that they carry in their personal energy field? That would be quite a mirror.

  Truth is, there is no hiding stress. Or stuckness. Or fear.

  It is visible.

  There is no mirror needed to reflect back our innate clarity, either.

  The shimmering, sparkly light that we are is unmistakable.

  Explore

  My stuck self looks and feels like . . .

  My shimmering, sparkly light looks and feels like . . .

  DAY 91

  CHECK IN—BEING ENOUGH

  This week you had an opportunity to shift the paradigm around being and having enough and rewire the part of the brain that is still attached to comparing and scarcity.

  What helps you remember to stay in your own lane and stop comparing yourself to others? What is something you can do today to celebrate the perfection that is your being, and the infinite abundance that is your life?

  Explore

  What helps me remember to stay in my own lane . . .

  One thing I can do today to celebrate and honor myself is . . .

  WEEK 14

  MOVING THINGS, MOVING ON

  I want to shed my waste with quiet reverence like the pine . . .

  Keep me mindful of what I take into my home, the items bought to substitute for real living . . . Help me slowly to surrender all excess.

  —Gunilla Norris, Being Home

  DAY 92

  PRESS THE REFRESH BUTTON

  No sooner had my husband and I returned from a six-month sabbatical in Mexico than we went on a top-to-bottom tear of reorganizing our entire home. We had barely unpacked our bags.

  What prompted the sudden and unexpected musical-chairs makeover became very clear: Spending time away from home has a way of changing your perspective. Big time. Things just didn't feel right. Energetically we had expanded, while the house and its contents had not budged an inch.

  Many of our clothes looked tired. Art and furniture felt stagnant in places. My north-facing home office was too cave-like to inspire any writing about lightening up. Our TV had not caught up with the twenty-first century.

  It wasn't just things that needed changing up. Moving things also meant moving on, which in our case meant embracing a new chapter as empty nesters. There is no getting around the past when everything in the home points to it.

  What is one thing you can move for one minute today? Use this simple task of moving one thing to anchor the sense that you can move on from whatever it is that's holding you back.

  Yes, moving things to move things forward can be as simple as that.

  Explore

  I'm ready to move on without these things in my life . . .

  One thing I can move today to get things going is . . .

  DAY 93

  MAKEOVER REVEALS

  When my husband and I decided to move our entire house around, we had no big game plan. It evolved organically.

  Clothing and household items went first. Sentimental attachments, like the shoes I wore only once at my wedding, made their way into piles without a second thought.

  We rehung artwork that elevated us, replaced pieces that we no longer loved.

  We upgraded our TV with a super sleek model that does just about everything but cook your meals. In the spirit of “one thing in, one thing out,” I cleaned up the small TV, put it out on the curb, and sold it for forty bucks the same day.

  We were on a roll. Moving things out of the house gave us the umph to keep moving forward onto bigger ideas that proved to be even more radical, like repurposing some of our rooms. We moved my entire home office—desks, file cabinets, shelves, books—into our daughter's childhood bedroom and put her things into my former workspace. Turns out the north-facing orientation makes it perfect for sleeping. Who knew?

  You never know what might be revealed when you move things around. It might lead to a nurturing nook of a space you didn't realize you needed (and always wanted), or fresh uses for things that you already own (and never used).

  You may just feel like you've moved into a new home without ever actually having to.

  Explore

  Something I can move around today to see what might be revealed is . . .

  One thing I didn't know I needed until I began this journey is . . .

  DAY 94

  BRING FRESH EYES

  There are a couple ways to bring fresh eyes to an old situation before you begin moving things around.

  First, you can repeat the Tour of the Home meditations (see Days 80 and 81) with the specific intention of seeing something in your home or life with fresh eyes.

  Second, you can go away for a few days with the intention of having fresh eyes when you return.

  Either way, ask yourself:

  What doesn't feel right? What seems off?

  What can I change about my space right now?

  What am I ready to let go of today?

  Who can help me?

  Allow the answers to these questions to reveal themselves as you move about your home. Don't think too much. Use your six senses to inform and illuminate.

  Once you've identified an area that needs attention (and lined up some support if necessary), ask to be shown the first step you can take to address the situation. What does your first step look like?

  Explore

  When I bring fresh eyes to an area of my home, I notice . . .

  My first step in making a change is looking like . . .

  DAY 95

  YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A MINIMALISTr />
  Here is a short list of basic truths about having and managing our possessions (in no particular order):

  Things look a lot worse when they're spread out all over the place and haven't yet been put away.

  You don't have to be a minimalist for your space to feel clear.

  A space feels good when your things make your heart sing, add value, and are placed with intention.

  Things without a home are clutter.

  If you're wondering why I'd bother stating the obvious, here's why: To a clear and rational mind, things make perfect sense. But to a stressed-out mind, I might as well be speaking in tongues. Taking a step back and looking at your living situation and your life dispassionately can lead to fresh insights.

  Explore

  The truth that speaks to me the most is . . . (because . . .)

  The truth that challenges me the most is . . . (because . . .)

  DAY 96

  SIXTY-SECOND ROUND UP

  If you want a clearing exercise that delivers a big bang for your buck, I invite you to try one of my favorites. It's called the Sixty-Second Round Up: