Diving In (Open Door Love Story) Read online

  That day at the Chandlers’ knees me in the gut and my body moves without hesitation. I’m down, underneath Gabe in an instant, looping my arm over his chest and under his chin. But this time he shrugs off my help and pushes himself to the surface with his arms.

  I come up smiling at him treading water, but he’s not smiling back.

  “What?” I ask, kind of knowing what but hoping I’m being extra sensitive.

  “Did we test for lifeguarding at the same time or something and I don’t remember it?”

  I should say yeah, that’s it.

  “No,” I answer, unable to stand one more lie. “Why?”

  Gabe shakes his head like he’s got water in his ears or he’s trying to jog his memory. “Weird. I just had some crazy déjà vu. Except the water was all murky and I could see your brown hair floating all around my head and feel your arm on my neck.”

  I run my hand over my head, my hair tucked neatly under my swimming cap. “That is weird.”

  “Wow,” he says, seeming to brush off the memory. “Treading water is a lot more tiring when you can’t use your legs.”

  “You gonna let me help you now?” I ask, lunging toward the kickboard floating a few feet away.

  “Yes, please.”

  “No problem.” I give him the board and then man his legs, pushing him back to the pool edge.

  “Maybe the stairs at the shallow end would work better for getting out?” he suggests.

  I steer him to the wide steps. “Good call.”

  Gabe ditches the kickboard a little more gracefully this time and then takes hold of the railing that halves the steps. He pulls his body out of the pool like this for as long as he can before switching to his hand walking, leg dragging method.

  “Grab my chair for me, will ya?”

  “Sure.” I walk past him and go to push his chair, but the brakes are on. “Uh, this thing no go.”

  He snorts and shakes his head. “I think it’s rad that you’re even less mechanically inclined than I am.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “I’m sure you do and I’m also sure you can sit over there for three hours or just tell me how to unlock the brakes.”

  “Jeez! Touchy subject?”

  “Obviously.”

  “Push in and then pull up.”

  I get them unlocked after a few tries and wheel the chair over to him.

  “Can you help me get in?” He holds his arms out to me and I straddle his legs, squat down, and wrap my arms around his chest.

  “Count of three?” I ask.

  “One, two, three,” he counts off.

  I hoist him up high enough for him to get his hands on the edge of his seat, but when I start to let go, the chair begins to roll backwards. Gabe’s eyes meet mine. “Brakes?” he says and then we’re falling and I’m sitting on top of him, his pelvis pushed right up against my crotch and things are decidedly working at this moment.

  Gabe looks down between my legs. “More, or less embarrassing than when you grabbed my junk?”

  I feel my nipples peak and make no effort to get off of him. Gabe’s gaze travels from where our bodies are touching to my mouth. I can feel the heat of his wanting me in that look and goosebumps break out all over me in a shiver of pleasure.

  This is what it means to desire someone.

  I forget all the rules I’m supposed to abide by, all the ‘no’s, all the why I ‘shouldn’t’s. I ignore the rough concrete of the pool deck digging into my knees. Gabe brushes the curled fingertips of his right hand lightly up my arm.

  “Brynn?” he asks.

  I lean over, placing my hands on either side of his head, and lower my mouth to his in answer.

  Chapter Eight

  “You’re telling him tonight? First thing?” Gabe asks as he plants soft kisses along my collarbone, the tip of his left index finger hooked over the top of my shirt, pulling it down to reveal the swell of my breasts. His mouth follows the path of his fingertip, exploring.

  “Uh huh,” I manage.

  “First thing?” Gabe repeats. “I don’t like the idea that I’m helping you be a cheater.”

  “And yet, here we are, huddled up in your chair in the back of your van, making out.”

  Gabe draws in a deep breath and stops his ministrations, leaning his forehead against mine. “Because you’re going to tell him tonight and then you can be mine, freely. Publicly.”

  “I’ll tell him and hopefully he won’t do something stupid like get my mom to try and help win me back.”

  “Your mom really likes him, huh?”

  I kiss Gabe hard on the mouth. “She likes the idea of him, the same way she liked the idea of Liam’s ex-girlfriend Ariana. My mom has no interest in what really makes her kids happy, she’s only concerned with how things appear.”

  He sighs. “And she thinks I appear to be a reckless and broken person, then?”

  “I think you appear to be a hottie,” I say, taking one of his hands in mine, forcing the fingers to straighten a bit before putting it on my boob. “And my opinion is the one that should really matter.”

  Gabe looks down at his hand. “You know we can’t have a rational, serious discussion when I’m holding your boob.” He smiles, like he’s got my number. I suppose he does.

  “Precisely. Now, do that happy thing you do with your thumbnail because it might be a few days before we get to see each other.”

  He does the thing and I moan a little, watching his eyes light up. The satisfaction he gets from making me feel good turns me on even more, which gives him more satisfaction and pushes him to find new creative ways to get me off.

  It’s the most awesome vicious cycle ever.

  And we haven’t even done it yet. Partly because it’s only been six days since I took the plunge and kissed him like I’d been wanting to, partly because he wears a catheter and we both aren’t ready to totally go there yet. But, if the making out is any indication of what the sex is going to be like, Gabe is more than worth the wait.

  I’ve sort of pushed Andy to the back of my mind, not wanting to deal with the feelings I have or had for him. There is some guilt, but also relief in knowing that the way I want Gabe is on a whole other level from how I ever wanted Andy. I’m not closed off, I’m not asexual, I just hadn’t found the right person yet. Which, considering I’m only nineteen, I feel pretty lucky to have discovered him. If I hadn’t met Gabe, who knows what would’ve happened? Would I have married Andy and settled in for a just fine life?

  That’s what my parents did – I think my mom found the first good looking guy who didn’t mind that she was a horrible person and thought, “This will be just fine,” and hitched him to her wagon.

  No wonder they were so miserable! But Liam and me, somehow we’d both managed to find someone who made us feel more than just fine. Someone who ignited us and who we ignited in return. After our first wonderful kiss, Gabe couldn’t stop talking about how great it felt to be in the water and we’ve been in the pool three times since. He’s getting something he loves back, something he’d almost made peace with losing without knowing what he was denying himself. That he was denying himself.

  The secret between us? I’ve decided it’s my burden to bear. It will only make him sad and surely set him back. What’s the point? I can hold onto it. I’ve been its keeper for such a long time, it hardly affects me anymore.

  The alarm on my phone goes off, dragging me back to reality. My lunch break is over and I probably won’t see Gabe again until tomorrow night at the earliest.

  He looks at me with sad eyes and sticks his bottom lip out in a pout.

  “Everything will be fine, I promise,” I say, poking at his lip with my index finger. “Now, kiss me quick.”

  Gabe kisses me, but not that quickly. I don’t mind.

  ~

  I’m about done with all of my closing duties when I see Andy pull up in his mom’s Jeep and park in what I’ve come to think of as Gabe’s spot. I may have told Gabe that everything is going to be fine,
and it probably will be, but I am feeling less than fine at the moment. Andy away at college and Andy right in front of me getting out of the Jeep are almost two different people. Right in front of me Andy pulls at my heartstrings a bit.

  I remind myself we’re both going to be better off without each other. That it’s not smart, or right, to stay with someone you’re not in love with. I’d loved Andy because he was dependable, because he put up with me, because he was a good person. Those weren’t reasons enough to spend a lifetime with someone.

  The sleighbells I put on the door in a crazy fit of festivity jingle when Andy walks into the store.

  “Ooh, jingly jangly. Me likey.” He winks at me. Andy is a winker in the way that most cocky and confident guys are – it’s their punctuation.

  “Hey,” I say, pulling out the cash drawer and closing the register with my hip. I motion with my head for him to follow me back to the office so I can put the drawer in the safe.

  He grabs my ass no less than four times in the twenty feet from the front to the office.

  “Junnuen, looking muy bonita as always.”

  I don’t have to be looking at him to know he’s winking at her, too. I almost want to laugh. Andy is consistently Andy, which isn’t such a bad thing.

  Junnuen says nothing and I’m certain once we’re in the office she’ll respond to Andy with a few choice words en espanol.

  We go into the office and Andy shuts the door behind us. Oh God, he’s gonna try stuff. The last place I want to break things off with my boyfriend of three years is in my workplace. His mom’s car is a much better alternative.

  I can feel the heat of his hand about to grab my ass for a fifth time, so I sidestep, set the drawer on my desk and turn around. “Want to go for a drive?”

  Andy scrunches up his face. “Uh, no, not really.” He comes in for a quick peck on the mouth and I’m not fast enough to dodge it. I reflexively kiss him back.

  “Okay, well, how about we go up to my place? I think I have a beer or two in the fridge.” I turn my back on him and open the safe, shoving the drawer in. “I have something I need to talk to you about.”

  “No way,” he says, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me against his hard familiar body. “We can talk tomorrow when we’re all full of turkey and bored as shit watching some crap football game. Tonight,” he slides his hands from my waist up to my breasts and claps onto them, “we’re meeting some of the old swim team guys at Sunny’s.”

  Sunny’s is a pizza place that I’d managed to avoid the entirety of high school. Izzy Sundall’s dad owns the place and she’s worked there for probably as long as I’ve been working at the dry cleaners. “You know I don’t like the pizza at Sunny’s. They put too much garlic in the sauce.”

  “Well, Brynn, I love you, but you’re fucking nuts. And I know it has nothing to do with the sauce. You don’t like any pizza sauce unless it’s marshmallow fluff on a dessert pizza. High school’s done, time to get over whatever your deal with Izzy is.”

  “I don’t have a deal with Izzy.”

  He rolls his eyes at me. “Whatever.” Andy steps away and swats me on the butt. “Now, as much as I love a lady in uniform, you should probably go change so people don’t think you’re a server and ask you to bring them extra napkins and red pepper flakes.”

  ~

  The parking lot at Sunny’s is jam packed, so we park a few blocks away on a residential street.

  “Looks like you all weren’t the only ones who had the idea to meet up here, huh?” I say, flipping the hood on my coat up onto my head. “I hope someone got here early to get a table or we’re screwed.”

  Andy shoots me a look of annoyance. “Will you chill the hell out? So we have to wait ten minutes. No big deal.” His phone beeps and he checks it quickly. “Besides, I think Travis told that dude you’re friends with, the one in the wheelchair, to get there early ’cause who’s gonna keep a crippled guy waiting.” Andy shakes his head and grins. “Bet he got sweet parking too, right up front.”

  I nearly stop walking. It was bad enough knowing that Gabe was going to meet up with Travis Chandler at some point over Thanksgiving break, but now I’m going to have to sit at a table with the guy and pretend like I don’t think he’s the scum of the earth? And, oh yeah, while my current boyfriend and the guy I was cheating on him with lay compliments at Travis’s feet?

  This is going to be fucked, to say the least.

  The large front windows of the pizza place are tinted so that everyone inside can see out, but from the outside you can’t really see in. I remember in middle school we used to think it was hilarious to watch all the people check themselves out in the windows before coming in the door. Back when I was friends with Izzy and her dad would make us his special cinnamon sugar pizza crust drizzled in icing with extra on the side for dipping. It’s so weird to think of that now. That I was actually close to her, that we were good friends, neither one of us ending up with many friends as the years wore on, but not coming back to each other either.

  Izzy was in and out of rehab all through high school. Something I could’ve predicted even before that afternoon. We all deal with things differently, I guess. I still don’t have any hard feelings against her, she just brings up things I’d rather not deal with. Especially now that I’m becoming involved with Gabe and we’re almost through the tricky part – what we will look back on and refer to as our difficult times.

  Andy’s phone beeps again as he checks himself out in the window, much to the delight of the people inside, I’m sure, and then opens the door, going in first. He sort of drops it and doesn’t even hold it for me. I don’t need him to be chivalrous, but this isn’t really like him. Something’s up.

  Travis Chandler stands up from a table of guys I vaguely recognize and waves us over. Gabe is sitting next to him. There are two empty chairs across the table that have been saved for us. I catch Gabe’s eye and shake my head slightly, hoping he understands that I didn’t have time to talk to Andy yet and that he’s not just taking things extremely well.

  God, wouldn’t that have been ideal?

  Gabe’s eyes flick to Andy and his eyebrows draw in, like he’s not pleased. Andy makes the rounds, shaking hands and bro-hugging all the guys at the table. I notice Andy’s the only one who’s brought a girlfriend. Probably because he’s the only one who still has one at home … and I technically want to be with the guy sitting across the table from me giving me a frowny face and flipping his blond hair out of his eyes.

  I knew coming to Sunny’s was a mistake. Nothing like being wrapped in a cocoon of guilt and confusion, and oddly, sexual frustration.

  Andy reaches across the table, extending his hand to Gabe. “Don’t get up,” he jokes and I can’t help it, I elbow him in the side.

  “Ha ha,” Gabe says, shaking Andy’s hand. “Haven’t heard that one before.”

  Andy pointedly looks down at their joined hands and cringes. “Quite a grip you got there.”

  “Seriously?” I blurt. “Stop being such a fuckhead.”

  That gets a hearty round of oohs from all the guys at the table, except Gabe, who is glaring at me like he’d kick me underneath the table if he could.

  “C’mon, sweetie, Gabe knows I’m just messing with him. Since when are you so sensitive?” And then, in a stage whisper with his hand to the side of his mouth he says, “Must be the cross dressing brother that’s brought it out of her.”

  Additional hoots and hollers come up from the table, and I blush to match the burgundy café curtains.

  Mr. Sundall chooses that moment to save me from murdering my decidedly ex-boyfriend. “Brynn Garrett, I thought that was you.” He comes over and roughs up my hair like he used to when I was a thirteen. Izzy’s dad was always a good guy. Big, loud, friendly, and people pleasing. I thought she was lucky to have him. “I’ll bet you still want dessert for dinner.”

  I laugh and nod. “Guilty.”

  He talks to the guys like he’s imparting ancient wisdom. �
�People don’t change, boys. Everyone is who they are and it’s our expectations that cause all the problems. So, if Brynn is still on a mission to rot her teeth, who am I to judge?”

  “Thanks for having my back, Mr. Sundall.”

  “No problem, kiddo.” He claps his hands together. “Iz will be over to grab your food order in a sec. Let me get started on your drinks.”

  Everyone orders beers and pops depending on their actual age – Mr. Sundall is familiar with all the people at the table, so there’s no putting one over on him. Not that I ever would. I notice that Travis gets a Coke.

  Mini-conversations break out around the table, as it’s hard for the guys at one end to hear what’s being talked about at the other. Lucky for me, I’m stuck in the middle and can hear everything. Mostly the talk is about swimming and scholarships and the hotness levels of the girls in various sororities.

  Andy and Travis are chatting it up like the rest and I wonder when they got to be such good friends. Andy was barely a blip on Travis’s radar in high school and it’s not like their colleges are right next to each other. Gabe is listening in, his expression wistful, and I know he must hate having all that he’s missed out on thrown in his face.

  Travis finishes saying something to Andy, who’s checking his texts for the hundredth time, and then pointedly turns to me. “So, Gabe tells me you’ve got him in the pool, Brynn. How’d you manage that? I’ve been trying to get him back in the water for years.”

  I want to send a seething glare his rich, smug, disgusting direction, but I can feel Gabe’s eyes on me and I don’t want to give anything away.

  Before I can open my mouth to reply, Andy’s butting in. “Bro, are you in Brynn’s old folks class? Redic.” He starts cackling like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

  “No, bro,” Gabe says, his voice as fed up as the rest of him. “I’m not in her class. She’s giving me private lessons.”