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  “So why tell me now Mother? Why did you wait all this time to drop your bomb? “It isn’t even about me is it Mother. You didn’t tell me that I have a different father because you feel I should know. The possibility that I could be a donor for Roberta is that much slimmer isn’t it Mother. Roberta's illness is the catalyst for telling me the truth.”

  “Your blood test would surely reveal that you and Roberta are not full blood sisters. So your father and I think that you should hear about the circumstance of your birth from us and not the doctor.”

  Helen Dyers watches Clarissa's body language as she speaks to her mother. Helen understands that Clarissa’s pain stems from the memories of a child. “Rissa give her a chance to explain. Don’t shut the door on your mother.”

  Clarissa begins to cry. “How could you forgive her Aunt Helen? How can you stand to be in the same room with her?”

  Helen knows that she needs to be alone with Clarissa. She put her arms around Clarissa as she signals for everyone else to leave the room. Junior didn’t want to leave, but Raymond grabs him by the arm and pulls him out of the room. “Rissa, let’s sit down, you and I need to talk.”

  Clarissa sits on the sofa with her Aunt Helen. She wipes the tears from her face with her hands. “Roberta and mother are just a like Aunt Helen. I cannot believe that mother hurt you as much as Roberta hurt me. How can you be so forgiving?”

  “Henrietta was a silly eighteen year old girl who was doted on by everyone. The only one who genuinely cared about me was James Wilson. When Henrietta told me what she had done, I ran to the base to see James. It was too late, by the time I got to the base they had already shipped out. I was so upset that I fell on the ground and started crying. Someone helped me up; I looked into the eyes of Raymond Marks. I met Raymond and his brother Clarence earlier that year when I was on a date with James. Raymond had just seen his brother off, but he had a chance to talk to James, and James gave him a letter to give to me. Raymond had his father’s truck, so he gave me a ride home. Henrietta was sitting on the porch when we arrived. Raymond took one look at her and was lost.”

  “You and Mother are identical twins. What does he see in her that he didn’t see in you?”

  “Your mother had a way of making the most of her assets and I ignored mine. I left Raymond and Henrietta alone together, and I went to my room and locked the door. James told me everything that happened between him and Henrietta. He said that if I forgave him that he would still like to marry me.”

  “What happened to James Wilson? Was he killed overseas?”

  Tears came to Helen’s eyes as remembered the events that led up to James’s death. “His helicopter crashed two months after he arrived somewhere in North Africa. Raymond notified me as soon as soon as his parents got the news from the army, his brother Clarence was on the same helicopter.” Helen took Clarissa’s hands into hers; she noticed that Clarissa still wore the ring she had given her on her eighteenth birthday.

  “Aunt Helen, you okay?”

  Helen rubs her thumb across the mother of pearl ring on Clarissa’s finger. “James gave me this ring when he asked me to marry him. He told me that it took all of his savings, but he didn’t care, as long as I agreed to marry him. I was eighteen when I received the ring, so I thought it was befitting that James’s daughter received the ring when she turned eighteen.”

  “How can you stand to be around me Aunt Helen? I must remind you of all the things you can never have. Most of all, how can you be so forgiving towards Mother?”

  Helen smiles at Clarissa and kisses her cheek. “When I found out that your mother had married Raymond and that she was pregnant, I came back to town. Henrietta was well into six months of pregnancy. There was no way that Raymond was the father. James was the father of the child that Henrietta was carrying. You ask me how I forgave my sister. She had you, and you are the child that I never had. Every time I see you, I see my James, and it was the one thing that made me care about living.”

  “You’re a strong woman Aunt Helen. I don’t know if I can be that strong or that forgiving.”

  “You must forgive your mother and Roberta. Because of their betrayal, they have punished themselves far more than we ever could. When we let hate manifest, we become the exact thing that we dislike in others."

  "I'm not that strong Aunt Helen."

  "I knew that when you were born you would be a constant reminder to Henrietta of what she did to James and me. So I had to be there for you to make sure that you weren’t bogged down with your mother’s guilt.”

  “For all your efforts Mother still can’t bear to look at me. How could Daddy marry her knowing what a horrible person she is especially being pregnant with another man's child?”

  “People make mistakes, no one is perfect. Raymond loves your mother. Love is more than just a four letter word, when you love someone; you take on everything that is a part of that person."

  "I thought Lawrence would be that man."

  "Is there a chance that you can forgive him and marry him anyway? He seems so remorseful over the phone. He wants to come by and talk to you and your parents about reconciliation"

  "He's only sorry that he got caught. Lawrence isn't the man I thought, and I can't believe he has the audacity to come by my parents' house."

  "Helen thought Lawrence is a disaster, but she believes in keeping her opinions on affairs of the heart to herself. Well I can help you cancel the wedding arrangements. I can notify all guests if you handle the food and floral arrangements. What are you going to do with your wedding dress? Are you going to keep it and hopefully wear it when you're truly ready for marriage?"

  "Are you kidding me Aunt Helen? That wedding dress shares the taint of betrayal; the Good Will can find a use for the dress."

  "I'm sure that you're right. One person's trash is another's treasure."

  "Where do we go from here Aunt Helen? Can our family recover from this situation?”

  “It will take some time, but this family is too close to let the ghosts from the past take control. I didn’t let it destroy me, and you can’t let it destroy you.”

  “I love you Aunt Helen, I’ve always been closer to you than Mother. I thought Mother and Daddy were going to tell me that you were my real mother."

  "Where did you get that idea?"

  "Oh, it's a childhood fantasy of mine. You should have been my mother; you love me more than Mother ever could. I’ll never forget everything you’ve done for me.” Clarissa hugs her aunt and moves from the sofa. “I have too much on my mind to stay for lunch.”

  “If you ever want me to tell you about James let me know. His parents are still alive, and they would love to see you.”

  "Do they know about me?"

  "They know about you and I've sent them photos of you over the years. They respect your parents' wishes to keep the secret of your birth."

  This is more than Clarissa can deal with right now. She feels truly alone. “Why didn’t you and Daddy tell me sooner? I should have known all along about my parentage, family secrets have a way of blowing up in people's faces.”

  “Rissa, if this situation with Roberta didn't take place, there would be no need to tell you about your natural father. I don’t want you to hate your mother or disassociate yourself from Raymond. He has been the only father you’ve ever known, and he truly loves you. Please don’t hurt him because you’re angry and full of vengeance.”

  “I could never turn my back on Daddy, but right now I want to be alone. The results of my blood work should be available this week. There might be a slight chance that I could be a donor.” Clarissa put on her jacket and heads for the front door. She turns around when she hears her brother call out to her.

  “Where are you going Clarissa? I thought you were going to stay for lunch.”

  “I just need to be alone right now.”

  “You need to be with your family!”

  Clarissa’s eyes clouds with tears. “My family is causing all the problems.”


  Junior hugs Clarissa before she leaves. ”Rissa, please don’t shut me out.”

  “Junior I would never shut you out, but right now I need some space.”

  Junior watches her until she shuts the door behind her. He heads for the door when he hears Aunt Helen calling him back. “Let her go Junior, she’s has a lot of things on her shoulders.”

  “All of us have a lot on our shoulders. First, we find out Roberta has Leukemia and Clarissa doesn’t have the same father. She’s always been there for me, and I want to do the same for her. It doesn’t matter to me that we don’t have the same father.”

  “What’s your point baby? Clarissa is still the same whether you have the same father or not. Rissa has to deal with her feelings before she can move on. We have to give her the space she needs.”

  “You and I see that Aunt Helen, but how does Rissa view the situation. I’m afraid that if we give Rissa too much time to think about things, she’ll decide that she doesn’t need us at all.”

  ***

  Chapter 5

  Clarissa spent most of Sunday morning in her guest bedroom. She replays the scene at her parents’ house constantly in her mind. Still emotionally numb from the betrayal of her sister and Lawrence. She wonders more than once how would she feel if Roberta was pregnant by Lawrence. Clarissa realizes that she doesn't love Lawrence, not enough to marry him after his indiscretions. Maybe Roberta did her a whopping favor. In her mind, it's her sister's betrayal causing her so much pain.

  It's noon, way past time for her to get out of bed. She doesn't miss church often, but she always has a good reason when she does. The only positive thing to come out of this weekend is Julian Ross's job offer. "Uhmm, Julian." Clarissa thought about the sexually intense, imposing, handsome, arrogant man. She concludes that he is responsible for sending the damaging photos of Lawrence to her office.

  To her chagrin, Julian can mesmerize her and not even be in the room. She thought about calling Julian several times this weekend and accepting his offer of a job in Chicago. If she accepts the job, she would have to make something clear to Julian. No matter how attractive the package she would not engage in an affair with her boss.

  Who knows, this position may be the exact thing she needs at an impossible time in her life. She has a few weeks to ensure that the transition went smoothly for her employees. With her skills in computer programming, architectural design, and hacking, she has viable skills in any industry.

  The doorbell starts ringing, pulling Clarissa out of her reverie. The last thing she wants is company. Both her cell phone and landline keep ringing incessantly until she turns them both off. She doesn't want to talk to Raymond, and she's never going to return Lawrence's phone calls. She sits there quietly hoping that her unwelcome visitor would go away. Whoever it is refuses to go away, he or she just keeps ringing the doorbell. Clarissa decides that the person on the other side of that door is going to be sorry.

  Clarissa yanks the door open only to find her father standing there. “Daddy! What are you doing here?” Her father, a tall man, with exquisite chocolate skin, and piercing brown eyes. He has always been her hero. With his help, she's been winning life's little battles. He's been her fail-safe in times when she couldn't see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. She looks at him with sorrowful eyes; instead of the larger than life father she’s known her whole life. He appears as a wounded soldier seeking refuge.

  Raymond Marks smiles at his oldest daughter. He wishes he could take the pain away from her mother’s admission yesterday. “Are you going to let me in or do I have to visit with you in the hallway?”

  Clarissa kisses her father on the cheek as she lets him into her condominium. “Where’s everyone else?”

  “I want to speak with you alone. I have a feeling that your mother and Aunt Helen didn’t answer all of your questions.” Raymond sits down on the sofa and waits for Clarissa who slowly makes her way into the living room.

  “I do have some questions for you,” Clarissa said as she sits on the sofa beside her father. “Why did you marry Mother? Especially after the horrible things she did to Aunt Helen.”

  Raymond picks up Clarissa’s hand and holds it gently. “I’m trying to find a way of explaining myself without sounding like the world’s biggest fool. When I first met your mother, my brother Clarence had just left for boot camp. When I saw Henrietta, she touched my heart. I was struck dumb by your mother’s loveliness and the way she carried herself. We started dating, and after a couple of months, she told me what she’d done to Helen and James. By that time, Helen had moved out of her parents’ house.

  It was around this time that we found out that James and Clarence’s helicopter crashed. My parents were told it was some kind of training accident. Losing my brother was a terrible burden for my family and me. Clarence meant the world to me, and no one could take his place. Helen went into decline upon hearing about James’s death, but knowing that her sister carried his child helped her through the rough times.”

  “Did you feel sorry for Mother? Did you actually love her?”

  “I’m not going to lie to you, at first I was put off by her pregnancy. A couple of weeks went by, and I realized that it didn’t matter because I loved her."

  Clarissa sighs. "Oh Daddy."

  "When you love someone, you accept her for what she is; by the time your mother and I married I wanted to be the father of her child."

  Clarissa frowns at him unable to grasp the situation. "I'm trying awful hard to understand the depth of your feelings for Mother. It takes a real man to raise another man's child."

  "The day you were born, I couldn’t have been any prouder if you were my own child. You’re my little girl, and you’ll always be my little girl. I know you’re hurting, that's why I came to talk with you. I love you Rissa, and I don’t want our relationship to change because I’m not your real father.”

  Clarissa hugs her father as unshed tears fill her eyes. “Daddy, I don’t think there’s anything you could do that could ruin our relationship.”

  Raymond has tears in his own eyes as he returns Clarissa’s embrace. “I thought that you should have known about James Wilson all along; however, Henrietta was too ashamed to tell you the truth about the past. Instead of putting my foot down, I let her have her way. I knew that one day you would find out. Secrets have a way of coming to head no matter how hard we try to keep them hidden."

  "Daddy, James Wilson is just a name to me, you're my father."

  "It feels as if a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. It's good to know that I cannot lose your love.”

  “I have known for years that there is something about me that's different from everyone else. I now understand why it's so difficult for Mother to love me.”

  “Your mother doesn’t hate you. You’re a constant reminder of what she did to Helen and James. I think that you should go talk to your mother about how you feel. Hopefully it will free both of you from a painful past.”

  “I don’t know Daddy there are just some things that should be left alone. I'll talk to mother if you want me to. I would do that for you."

  "Don't do it for me, talk to your mother for your own peace of mind. Don’t let yourself be bogged down by the unhappiness of yesterday. That’s what’s wrong with people today; they spend more time in the past than they do in the present. I’ll see you soon baby girl. Raymond kisses Clarissa before heading for the door.”

  Clarissa walks her father to the door and hugs him, as far as her family knows she's still moving to Atlanta. “See you soon Daddy.”

  Raymond pauses at the door before leaving, “I wish I could say that I'm sorry you ended your engagement to Lawrence. He isn't the man for you; a man who truly loves wouldn't have given Roberta a second glance."

  Clarissa gives her father a little smile, "Daddy I don't think I could meet a better man than you."

  He hugs her once again before opening the door. "I know that everything seems out of place, and you feel uprooted. In time
, you realize that things work out for the best. Hopefully the family will get together for the holidays.”

  Clarissa watches her father leave. Who knows by the time Christmas comes around she might be working in Chicago. Clarissa goes back into her bedroom, digging in her purse for Julian Ross's business card. She calls the number and Julian picked up on the second ring. "Hello Julian this is Clarissa Marks, my situation has changed, and I want to hear more about the position in Chicago."

  When he hears Clarissa's voice, Julian feels heat surge through his body. He expected to hear from her sooner, but sometimes everything doesn't go according to plan. "As luck would have it, I don't leave for Chicago until tomorrow morning. Why don't you meet me for dinner at the Ritz, say around five o'clock."

  "I'll be there Julian, and I also expect you to tell me why you were so convinced that my engagement to Lawrence would end. I'm not stupid Julian I know that you sent me photos of my fiancé and his women. What troubles me is how accurately you gauged my reaction."

  Julian smiles; not surprised that Clarissa could sense his involvement regarding the photos. "If you thought you could make me ashamed of my actions, you don't know me that well. I will tell you everything you want to know at dinner. Be on time Clarissa, don't make me look for you, you wouldn't like the consequences."

  Clarissa couldn't believe Julian's arrogance; he takes immense pleasure from her knowledge of his duplicitous actions. "What an asshole!" She would meet him for dinner; question him regarding the job and his intentions involving her.

  ***

  Julian has reservations at one of restaurant's at the Ritz; from all accounts the restaurant is good. He plans to discover information about Clarissa that isn't covered in his detective's report. He wants to know about her hobbies, what she does for fun, and her tastes in music. He already knows that she has horrid taste in men.

  Clarissa's attracted to him, but he needs a timeframe for her to get over her debacled engagement. He doesn't want to be the rebound man those relationships never work. "Hell!" Where did the word relationship come from? He doesn't like feeling possessive of Clarissa. He has to get a hold of himself; all he can give her is a short, but memorable fling. He isn't a relationship kind of man.