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  Six-Word Memoirs on Love & Heartbreak

  by Writers Famous & Obscure

  From Smith Magazine

  Edited by Rachel Fershleiser and Larry Smith

  Contents

  Introduction

  Begin Reading

  About the Editors

  Other Books by Smith Magazine

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Introduction

  We launched SMITH Magazine (www.SMITHmag.net) in 2006 because we’ve always believed in the power of storytelling. Collecting six-word memoirs, as we’ve been doing for more than two years now, has taught us even more than we imagined. When Ernest Hemingway famously wrote “For Sale: baby shoes, never worn,” he proved that an entire story can be told using a half dozen words. When we first asked readers to submit six-word memoirs back in December 2006, we realized a whole, real life can be conveyed this way, too. We’ve learned about honesty and bravery and good writing, often from people who hadn’t considered themselves “writers.” We’ve witnessed how generous people can be in sharing their stories, and how much it means to them to be asked.

  People around the world told us of happiness and pain (“Found true love, married someone else”), success and failure (“Never really finished anything, except cake”), and how rarely the path we start on is the one we take to the completion of a journey (“After Harvard, had baby with crackhead”). Perhaps contributor Summer Grimes really did say it best—for most of us, life is “not quite what I was planning.” We used her memoir as the title of our first book, and it was a hit, even making the New York Times bestseller list—for six weeks, as luck would have it.

  The most exciting thing about the success of Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous & Obscure has been watching other people re-imagine the form. From kindergarten through graduate school, teachers brought the six-word storytelling exercise into their classrooms. A reverend in North Carolina preached six-word prayers to his congregation, and a young girl in California ended her eulogy for her poker-loving grandma with a six-word summation of her life (“Look, I have a royal flush!”). An exercise instructor used these mini-memoirs to keep his cycling students pumping, and an Alzheimer’s sufferer turned to our stories when longer ones proved too challenging to remember. A composer decided to begin a six-word song cycle, and after a blogger challenged her readers to write a six-word memoir and then “tag” five friends, a six-word memoir “meme” began racing across hundreds of thousands of personal blogs all over the world. It continues to grow as we write these words.

  Six-word memoirs still pour into SMITH every day. As we’ve sifted through piles of briefly encapsulated lives, we’ve seen themes emerge, from faith to hair to masturbation to French fries. By far the most common thread, however, is love. Passionate love, parental love, platonic love—it seemed to be the most universally life-changing factor for storytellers of every age, background, and worldview.

  This book celebrates life in all its shades of red—a valentine, if you will, to every kind of love. But it’s also a nod to love’s evil twin: heartache. So many of our favorite memoirs, from “Ex-wife and contractor now have house” to “Girlfriend is pregnant, my husband said,” reflect the other side of Cupid’s coin—the breakups and losses that make the hard-won magical moments that much more powerful.

  We’ve once again brought you a book that’s a grab bag of the famous and unknown. Both types of memoirist are inspiring, and often it won’t matter which you’re reading. You don’t have to be a fashionista to feel each and every one of designer Marc Ecko’s six words: “It never hurt as good again.” If you’ve read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Eat, Pray, Love, then her six words, “My life’s accomplishments? Sanity, and you,” carry extra-special meaning. If you haven’t, you still appreciate the sentiment.

  The oft-quoted Tolstoy line “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” seems to hold true for relationships as well. It was frequently the six-word stories of complications or even misery that we found most fascinating and deeply felt. Entire books lie beneath “Teen homewrecker. Still miss his kid,” “She got Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I bailed,” and “War destroyed his heart and mine.”

  Of course the happily-ever-afters have their own charm, and some of the most touching stories come from those who’ve found the secret of everlasting love. Late Yankees great Bobby Murcer and his wife, Kay, offer a pair of memoirs on Chapter 1. They met when he was eleven, she nine. “When Kay flashed those big brown eyes my way, I was a goner!” he told us just months before he passed away. “Been gazing into them for over fifty years!” Kay said, “We have opposing personality traits, but our daily dose of laughter is the key to marital bliss.”

  We also mined love stories from some more mismatched contributors. We’ve got memoirists gay, straight, single, married, divorced, and polyamorous, hailing from Australia to Vietnam. An entry by sex columnist Dan Savage sits alongside one by Pulitzer Prize–winning poet Robert Hass. Janice Dickinson dishes out six words of advice in the brazen spirit she’s known for, while Chip Rowe—a.k.a. The Playboy Advisor—reveals something we suspect he’s never told his millions of readers. And what has the world’s most famous divorce lawyer, Raoul Felder, learned about love? Heartbreaking, indeed.

  We hope this book will provide some laughs, some glimmers of recognition, and some moments of solace. Under the covers with your sweetheart, over cocktails with friends, or alone with a tube of cookie dough, you’ll find real life on every page. Ponder the stories, write your own, and tell them at sixwordmemoirs.com.

  Lastly, we offer this six-word suggestion: Share them with someone you love.

  The Editors of SMITH Magazine

  January 2009

  New York, NY

  Offered my heart; he embraced it.

  —Sue Kimber

  Should have read the

  pre-nup agreement.

  —Loranne Brown

  Not always perfect.

  But so worthwhile.

  —Lauren Anderson

  Lost my virginity to her husband.

  —Shawna Mayer

  Red-eye. Him window.

  Me aisle. Love.

  —Joanne Flynn Black

  Thought “great legs!”

  Said “great smile!”

  —Lionel Ancelet

  Coffee, my vice. So was he.

  —Alessandra Rizzotti

  If I get Chlamydia,

  blame MySpace.

  —Hanorah Slocum

  What once

  were two, are one.

  —George Saunders

  I never said “I love you.”

  —S. Lynn Taylor

  Don’t trust a man who waxes.

  —Noelle Hancock

  Waited for her

  to be legal.

  —Jonathan Lesser

  Lovesick. 1985.

  Suicide by Pop Rocks.

  —Jaynel Attolini

  She got back on the Vespa.

  —Josh McHugh

  Magnetic attraction

  fused two polar opposites.

  —Phil Sylvester

  He’s dumb but lifts

  heavy stuff.

  —Laura Fausset

  Will government ever let us marry?

  —Vicki Marsh

  I think it was the cassoulet.

  —Amy Ephron

  Never forget, I love you madly.

  —Alan Rader

  Love blooms like crocuses:

  dirty, brave.

  —Antay Bilgutay

  Feasted, fasted, festered, fostered.

  Fisted? Ewww.

  —Ben Ka
rlin

  I wasn’t supposed

  to meet you.

  —Deborah Greene

  Silently suffered

  his facial hair

  experiments.

  —Elizabeth Minkel

  War destroyed his heart and mine.

  —Dr. Maggie McClure

  Met him online.

  Blogged our divorce.

  —Kristy Sammis

  Erectile dysfunction doesn’t

  kill true love.

  —Karin Poklen

  No, you can’t have the

  toaster.

  —Diana Spechler

  Should have listened to

  the soothsayer.

  —Lisa Johnson

  While playing

  wingman, found

  my wife.

  —Scott Northrup

  Ten-year romance without

  your participation.

  —Amanda Pawesk

  Parents:

  “Mentioning homosexuality

  upsets your brother.”

  —Dean Morris

  Seeking Hell, finding Heaven.

  Very disappointed.

  —Richard Zacks

  He left his wife

  for me.

  —Selina Fire

  Westernized

  Indian

  +

  Sassy American

  =

  Doomed Pair

  —Nancy Salerno

  Tongue in her mouth. She gagged.

  —R. F. Marazas

  A kiss can write a secret.

  —Annmarie Howell

  He posted our

  sex tape online.

  —Lauran Strait

  It never hurt as

  good again.

  —Marc Ecko

  He makes me laugh

  every day.

  —Detta Owens

  Massage parlor breeds heir

  of adultery.

  —Lorri Scott

  Unrequited love is just

  another addiction.

  —Amanda Faith Moore

  Found Jewish princess.

  Good-bye succulent pork.

  —Leah Damski

  Love. Loss. Love lost.

  Stories gained.

  —Kristen Jones

  You wouldn’t litter,

  but cheated plenty.

  —Jennifer I. Curtis

  Sleeping, our foreheads touch.

  Fates mingle.

  —Sandhya Nankani

  Wanted a wife. Got a cat.

  —Anders Porter

  My mother warned

  me about you.

  —Angie Brown

  Teenage kiss. Misadventures.

  Five-day date. Matrimony.

  —Julie Oppenheimer

  Married for sex;

  divorced for politics.

  —Maryanne Stahl

  Neglect induced fatal

  condition. Heart

  amputated.

  —Pat Wahler

  I just wasn’t that into him.

  —Mia Lipsit

  Got the ring. Mailed it back.

  —Cindy Box

  My hypothalamus

  washed my wallet

  clean.

  —Dan Pulcrano

  Now married, kissing with eyes open.

  —Elissa Schappell

  I thought I had thick skin.

  —Tanja Cilia

  Boyfriend? In the

  nightstand with

  batteries.

  —David James

  He liked vodka more than me.

  —Lauren Mitchell

  Three marriages.

  Two divorces.

  BA .333.

  —Ron Carmean

  Leg man trapped inside

  breast man.

  —Fjord Fellraps

  Maybe some pots have no lids.

  —Melissa Gould

  Seven days turned

  into forty-six years.

  —Harriette Spanabel

  Drive-in movie was better

  than date.

  —Gail B. Burk

  Lucky me. I found the one.

  —Ellie Keen

  He died. I lived. You came.

  —Judi Kolenda

  Found myself a nerdy

  computer programmer.

  —Jennifer 8. Lee

  Manhattan presents countless

  options. It’s problematic.

  —John Godfrey

  Hearts never look both

  ways first.

  —Tanya Jarrett

  Don’t

  worry,

  I’ll make

  myself

  come.

  —Amy Sohn

  Lazy mornings.

  Sunday Times.

  Then: kids.

  —Marisa de los Santos

  I loved the idea of you.

  —Audrey Adu-Appiah

  Alone by chance,

  not by choice.

  —Catherine Lanser

  I couldn’t get on the plane.

  —Darcy Totten

  Her beautiful eyes…

  my guiding light!

  —Bobby Murcer

  He’s velcro, I’m teflon…

  Love endures!

  —Kay Murcer

  He asked me to abort.

  Dumbass.

  —Barbara Cromarty

  Became the other woman.

  Didn’t know.

  —Cameron Vest

  Strange relationship:

  we both wore dresses.

  —Dylan Fox

  When he left me, he cried.

  —Ella Cristina

  Jim slept here; so did Carlos.

  —Gloria Palazzo

  The one for me married him.

  —Francis McEvoy

  Waited out cancer;

  you said bye.

  —Joe Carlson

  Found my ex-husband on Craigslist. Twice.

  —Yin Shin

  Car went kaput. So did he.

  —Lori Romero

  My partner in sin

  found God.

  —Marie D’Avignon

  Moved in. No ring. Moved out.

  —Melissa Lafsky

  Will always follow you.

  On Twitter.

  —Mircea Lungu

  I never said I wanted this.

  —Melchor Sahagun

  He wrote songs for me. Sigh.

  —Pamela Des Barres

  He impregnated her instead.

  Bullet dodged.

  —Judith Edelman

  One diamond necklace later,

  I’m single.

  —Michael Collins

  Singles ad, double wide, triple bypass.

  —Ray Overfield

  Left my bed to marry her.

  —LoraMarie Mitchell

  Last encounter:

  crowded nightclub.

  Ran away.

  —Tom Dolby

  He’s off heroin and crack—

  yay!

  —Tricia Boczkowski

  The medication made him feel numb.

  —Tori Turner

  She said she

  liked my penis.

  —Chip Rowe

  Siren wooed.

  Sailor swooned.

  Man overboard!

  —Jim Ruland

  Stalked him until he

  married me!

  —Tiffany Mesquite

  Soulmate found in grade nine gym.

  —Amy Leask

  You holding my

  hair, me puking.

  —Diana Greiner

  I’m not marrying for