Her Secret Read online

  Startled that she was yet, again, thinking about the man she’d been trying so hard to extinguish from her life, Hannah felt her stomach clench. Remembering what she’d read about calming anxiety in a book from the library, she began taking slow, deep breaths in order to relax her body.

  Unfortunately, all that deep breathing seemed to do was cause her to inhale even more of the fragrant air and make those memories seem even more pronounced.

  It was a difficult cycle, proving once again that she might have made great strides by being out in the world, but she truly only ever felt at peace when she was in the safety of an enclosed room with a sturdy lock on the door.

  Irritated with herself, she picked up her pace. You are safe, Hannah, she chided herself. You are safe and have become your own worst problem. You don’t need to look for people to be scared of, you are practically afraid of your own shadow!

  Her irritation spurred her to walk even faster. She was close to running now. Each step pounding the hard asphalt underfoot, jarring her hips and knees. Causing a bit of discomfort.

  But at least that slight pain felt wholesome and pure. It wasn’t tainted by dark memories or shadowed by fears. Instead, it was easily brought on and all consuming.

  Little by little, she stopped thinking about anything but walking home. She stopped seeing birds and plants or noticing the greenery or how the flowers perfumed the air. All she could think about was getting back to her room and closing her door tightly against the world.

  That was why when she turned the corner and a twig snapped behind her, followed by a rustle of branches and leaves, she nearly screamed. Someone was behind her.

  Someone was following her and she hadn’t even been aware of it.

  She started to hyperventilate. The right, smart thing to do would be to turn around and alleviate her worries.

  But if she did that, then she would know without a doubt who it was. If she did, she would have to deal with it. And if her worst fears were realized, if the person was actually Trent, she knew she might very well freeze and be at his mercy.

  But she had to know. She had to. Feeling like a pair of wires were controlling the movement of her head, pushing and pulling her without any effort on her own, she looked behind her.

  And saw her sister.

  “Jenny, what are you doing here?” she asked.

  “Trying to catch up with you,” Jenny replied as she walked up. Looking irritated, she said, “Why were you walking so fast, anyway? It was like you were in a race or something.”

  “I don’t know. I guess I started getting panicked about being by myself.”

  “Why? We’re here in Kentucky. We’re nowhere near Trent.” Jenny crossed her arms in front of her chest, effectively putting up a barrier in between the two of them. And because there was already quite a wide figurative barrier, it seemed like her little sister had just taken two giant steps back from her.

  Leaving her feeling even more alone.

  She started walking again. “We don’t know that for sure. He could have discovered where I was.” She debated about whether or not to tell Jenny about the daisies appearing out of nowhere, and now the even more disturbing sight of the blooms scattered all about the ground. She didn’t want to scare Jenny.

  But as they continued to walk side by side, Hannah noticed that her little sister didn’t seem all that disturbed. Instead, she seemed to be doing her best to hold her tongue.

  By the time they reached their short driveway, Hannah was out of patience with Jenny’s attitude.

  “Jenny, I’m tired of watching you acting like you’re afraid to speak your mind. Just say whatever it is that you are thinking.”

  “You won’t like hearing it.”

  “I’m sure I won’t, but that doesn’t matter,” she replied as they started walking on the gravel. “I’d rather know what you are thinking than imagining it.”

  “All right.” Jenny pursed her lips, seemed to gather her courage, then blurted, “I think you are being ridiculous. You must think the whole world is revolving around you.”

  Hannah had expected Jenny to be blunt, but her vehemence took her off guard. “I don’t think that.”

  “Of course you do. You’re acting like you’re the prettiest girl around. As if Trent wasn’t going to be able to stand that you moved away and followed you here.”

  “He didn’t stalk me because he thought I was pretty, Jenny. I thought you understood what the police told Mamm and Daed and me. He was fixated on me for reasons of his own. It made no sense.”

  “You are what makes no sense.”

  “Because?”

  “Because you are still wandering around scared of your own shadow.” She waved a hand impatiently. “You act as if he is about to jump out at you from every corner.”

  “Of course I’ve been afraid,” Hannah retorted. “I keep imagining that someone is watching me. Maybe he isn’t. But I’m doing the best I can. Though it’s hard when things like this happen—” She waved to the chopped-up daisies.

  Jenny raised her eyebrows. “What things?”

  “These!” When Jenny still looked confused, Hannah said, “You know Trent gave me daisies all the time. Just a couple of days ago, someone put them here. And now, look what someone did.”

  “What did they do?”

  Hating that Jenny was not only sounding sarcastic but making her spell everything out, Hannah pointed to the daisy heads littering the ground. “This,” she said. “Look what he did. He cut them up.”

  Jenny laughed. It was a cruel, empty sound. “Trent didn’t do that, I did.”

  “You?” Hannah knew her voice was weak and thready. “I don’t understand. Why would you do something like that?”

  Jenny looked away. “You were so worked up about those daisies, I decided to get rid of the blooms. Then they would just look like plain old green plants.”

  “But you didn’t get rid of the blooms. Not really. They are scattered around on the ground.” An ugly thought occurred to her. “Did you want me to worry and get even more upset? Did you think that would be fun to see?”

  “Of course not. I was going to sweep them up, then Daed asked me to help in the kitchen. I forgot all about them.” She sighed. “Now that I know you got home safe, I’m going to go out for a while.”

  “Where are you going?”

  Jenny tossed her head. “That is none of your business. But Mamm and Daed think I’m home with you. If they come home before I do, make up something about where I’ve been, okay?”

  Hannah shook her head. “Of course I won’t do that. If you are sneaking around, this is a problem. It’s dangerous, too.”

  “Stop making up dangers where there aren’t any!”

  “I’m not—”

  “Stop,” Jenny interrupted. “You owe me, Hannah. I left everything I had for you. Now that I’m finally making friends, you are not going to take that away from me.”

  Hannah was so shocked, she simply gaped at Jenny as she walked back down the road, this time toward town.

  She’d hoped their lives would get easier when they moved to Kentucky, but so far it seemed like everything was just getting more mixed up and hard to understand.

  CHAPTER 10

  Monday, July 18

  On Monday morning, Isaac was still revisiting the last conversation he’d shared with Hannah. Working in his shop at the front of their property, he found himself analyzing each word they’d said and Hannah’s reactions to each.

  This was a rarity for him. For better or worse, he was mostly the type of man who only looked forward. It had helped him when he was recovering from his bout with meningitis. It had also aided him during other times of stress or worry.

  Again and again, he’d found that it had done no good to try to analyze why things happened or dwell on what-ifs. It was far better to simply leave the whys and why-nots up to the Lord and look toward each day in a positive way.

  But then again, he had never met anyone like Hannah. She was prickly a
nd tentative. Those qualities made him want to try harder to please her.

  Then, by turns, she would tease and joke and make him wonder if he’d simply exaggerated her tentativeness in his mind.

  Realizing that his head was drifting away from work yet again, Isaac gave up on refinishing the pine dining room table and pulled out his broom and dust mop. Since he couldn’t seem to make peace with his state of mind, it was probably best to simply clean.

  The last thing he wanted to do was ruin a piece of furniture that he was being paid good money to refurbish.

  “I’ve got your dinner, Isaac,” his mother called out as she walked through the doorway, Spot trotting inside by her side.

  “Danke,” he said as he leaned down to give his dog a pat on the head. “I could use a break, and some company.”

  “Spot was staring at the front door, pining for you. I figured you wouldn’t mind his company.”

  “Not at all.”

  While he knelt down to pet his dog again, Mamm looked around the room with obvious surprise. “You’re cleaning today?”

  “I am.” He picked up his broom again as Spot went to his favorite place in the back corner of his work space.

  A line formed between her brows as she scanned the area. “This isn’t like you. You are usually hard at work on new projects on Mondays. Are you expecting a visitor or a new client?”

  “Nee.” Leaning both hands on the top of his broom handle, he tried to give an explanation that she would easily accept. “It was time to get organized. You know how hard of a time I have working on pieces if there is clutter around me.”

  She smirked. “Um, no. I don’t think that’s it. You love to work on your furniture. Why, sometimes I think a storm could go through these hills and you wouldn’t even be aware of it until you walked outside.” Looking at him carefully, she said, “Nee, something is going on with you and it’s not a sudden desire for cleanliness.”

  Unable to refute his mother’s assessment, he laughed. “All right. You caught me. The truth is that I can’t seem to concentrate today. I decided it was safer to clean instead of risking the furniture.”

  “What has your mind in knots?”

  “Nothing I care to share.” He held out a hand. “Thank you for the lunch, though. I am thankful for it.”

  She waved off his thanks with an impatient hand. “Isaac, you know I am not going to leave you like this.” Walking over to his now spotlessly clean workbench, she set the basket on it and started setting out a plate filled with country fried steak, corn, and some pickled beets. “Here. You sit down and I’ll help you work through whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

  “It ain’t that easy, Mamm. I don’t have a problem I’m trying to solve. It’s just something that’s been occupying my brain.”

  “I have a feeling this ‘thing’ has hazel eyes and dark hair.”

  “Maybe.”

  “I thought you enjoyed your time with her on Saturday.”

  “I did.”

  “Then, what’s the problem?”

  “Hannah seemed like a completely different person yesterday. She took off for home directly after services. She didn’t even stay for the meal afterward.”

  “That’s too bad, but you shouldn’t bring anything into it. She probably just wanted to get home and do chores or something.”

  “I would have thought that, too, but she just seemed so distant. I think it was something else. Maybe something to do with the real reason they moved.”

  “You mean with the story her brother shared?”

  He nodded. “She’s so timid. I don’t want to scare her. And yet, I am not sure if I should be thinking about her in any way other than trying to be her friend.”

  “Isaac, there’s no reason for you to be rushing into a relationship. You always want to jump ahead and worry about things that are three or four steps away. You know that’s a difficult road. Things happen. Life happens. Perhaps you should simply just enjoy the moment.”

  “That’s good advice.” But it was also hard to take. “Do you think I should visit her again? We are supposed to go to another meeting soon. Should I wait until then?”

  “I’m not sure. She might not want to talk about something serious before the meeting. But if you don’t mention your concerns, she might think you don’t care.”

  “Exactly. That’s why I’ve been cleaning. I think this is all something that I need to figure out on my own.”

  “I’ll try to help if I can.”

  “And I’ll be glad for your help . . . unless it’s a problem of the heart.”

  She laughed. “You’ve got me there.”

  “Thank you for bringing me lunch, Mamm. I appreciate it.”

  “You are welcome.” Wagging a finger playfully, she added, “Now, don’t forget to eat.”

  “I won’t.” He picked up his fork for good measure. The moment she walked out, he put the utensil back down. There was no way he was going to be able to eat until he figured out how he was going to handle his feelings about that girl.

  It was simply too bad that neither choice seemed like the right choice to make.

  THE LOCAL LIBRARY had turned out to be a pretty good place for Jenny and Ben to work on their assignments. There were other people around, and sometimes other teenagers that she met at church.

  It was also close to A&L, so Jenny could say hello to Mr. or Mrs. Burns or meet some of their new friends.

  But even though the location for the studies had improved a lot, she and Ben were still stuck doing a bunch of work neither of them wanted to do.

  “It seems pretty dumb that we’re studying about countries that we’ll never see,” Ben grumbled under his breath. “Hannah gives us the dumbest assignments.”

  Looking up from the map she’d been attempting to color code, Jenny agreed. “We should have told Mamm and Daed that we wanted to go to the Amish school instead of letting Hannah tutor us. At least then we’d have friends to talk to about all this work.”

  Ben scratched his chin. “You’re right. Do you think it’s too late to do that?”

  “For me, it is. I’m almost done with school forever.”

  “I wish I was.” Ben groaned. “There’s no way I want to do school alone with Hannah next year.”

  Jenny knew she’d hate that. “It’s not too late for you. Tell Mamm and Daed that you want to attend the Amish school. They’d let you go.”

  Ben’s eyes lit up with hope. “You think?”

  “Oh, yeah. Mamm is working all the time. Nowadays, she don’t care what you do as long as she doesn’t have to deal with it. Just tell Daed.”

  “I’m going to.” Sounding much happier, he added, “I could be with Sam and all his friends. That would be much better than sitting here.”

  Jenny smiled at him. “Let me know if you want me to talk to Mamm and Daed for you.”

  “Danke.”

  “No problem. Anything has got to be better than working with Hannah all the time.”

  “That sounds kind of mean. She ain’t doing that bad of a job anymore.”

  “You’re right. She’s not,” Jenny grudgingly agreed. “But even so, lessons at the kitchen table can’t replace a real school.”

  Looking hesitant, Ben said, “Hey, Jenny, do you like Hannah at all anymore?”

  “I like her fine.” Of course, she felt her cheeks heating. “I guess I’ve been pretty mean to her lately.”

  “I realized how badly I was acting when I was talking to Sam’s family about Trent.” He blew out a gust of air. “When I said it all out loud and had seen their reactions, I realized I haven’t been very understanding to Hannah. I feel bad about that.”

  “I can’t believe you told them about Trent. Why did you, in the first place?”

  “Sam’s brother Isaac was acting like Hannah didn’t have a reason to be so skittish around other people. It made me mad. I mean, he shouldn’t talk that way about our sister! That’s when I told Sam and Isaac what happened.”

&nb
sp; “Wow.”

  He nodded. “Jah. Jenny, they both stared at me with shocked expressions. Horrified ones. That’s when I realized how inconsiderate I’ve been.” Moving closer to Jenny, he said, “For weeks, I didn’t even think about how she had to move away from all of her friends, too. I was only thinking about myself.”

  Jenny was starting to feel pretty guilty, too. “You shouldn’t feel bad. You can’t help how you feel.”

  “Maybe not, but I’m learning that I can help how I act. Ain’t so?”

  “I guess so.” Just as she was about to share what she’d told Hannah on the way home from church, she saw Cole walking toward them. “Hi,” she said with a smile.

  “You know Cole, too?”

  She was just going to ask how he knew Cole when he smiled at them both.

  “Hiya. What are you two doing at the library?”

  “Studying,” Ben said with a groan. “What about you?”

  “Returning a couple of my little brother’s books.” After adjusting the bridge of his rims up a bit, he added, “He really likes to read.”

  “That’s nice of you to take care of his books for him.”

  Cole shrugged. “He’s only seven. It ain’t like he can take care of things on his own now. Plus, he’s my brother.”

  His easy explanation shamed her. It was like looking in a mirror and suddenly seeing a flaw she hadn’t known existed. She’d been so sure all along that she was misunderstood—but it seemed she’d forgotten that everyone had responsibilities and obligations.

  That everything wasn’t just about her and what she wanted.

  Smiling at him, Jenny asked, “Do you want to sit with me for a while? Ben was going to go home soon.”

  Ben coughed. “I was?”

  She stared at him pointedly. “You just said you were. Don’t ya remember?”

  “Oh, yeah.” He started stacking his notebook and library books together. “I almost forgot that I had to hurry home.”