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  He was glad for the small flashlight he’d put in his pocket the other night. One never knew who or what you could come across in the dead of the night.

  The narrow pinpoint of light was all he needed. He continued to walk, enjoying the crisp night air and the pungent scent of new foliage. Most of all, he reveled in the feeling of freedom. He was so relieved to be away from his father’s constant monitoring.

  Walking aimlessly, he clambered over some rocks, and entered a field that had lay fallow for the past two years. Only then did he truly relax, and wonder what he was going to do with himself for the next few hours.

  He hadn’t thought of who he’d wanted to see or hang out with beyond the overwhelming desire to be free of his father’s eye.

  Then one thing led to another, and before he knew it, he was following the faint path toward Perry’s house.

  When they were still in school, Jacob had run down this path to pick up Perry so they could walk to school together.

  Of course, Perry had never been ready, and Jacob had never wanted to leave him. And Deborah? Deborah had been at Perry’s mercy. Her mother would never let her go to school without the two of them. So they’d had many a morning where they’d arrived at school late . . . and he remembered those mornings like it was yesterday.

  “Come on, Perry. Why aren’t you ever ready on time?”

  Perry laughed low. “There’s no reason. It’s just school.”

  Jacob felt his temper flare. Over and over Perry was making all three of them late. Not wanting to use himself as the reason, Perry used Deborah instead. “I’m surprised your sister doesn’t go on ahead.”

  “Mamm and Daed won’t let her.”

  “But doesn’t she get sick of waiting for you? And sick of losing her recess because we’re late?”

  Perry paused and looked back at Deborah, who was once again following them both. “You mad at me?” he asked. The words weren’t unkind but his tone was.

  After a pause, Deborah shook her head.

  “See?” Perry said with a laugh. “She’s fine.”

  That was the exact moment Jacob had realized that Perry was a bully. He’d enjoyed exerting power over his parents and his sister. Even his friends. And why shouldn’t he?

  Yet again, Jacob hadn’t said a thing. He had let Perry do whatever he wanted.

  Like usual.

  Little by little, instead of being bullied, Jacob began to be a lot more like Perry. He liked feeling powerful instead of victimized. Before long, both he and Perry had considered it a badge of honor being known as troublemakers. Growing up under his father’s thumb, Jacob had often looked for ways to act up a bit. Perhaps Perry had felt the same way?

  Only now did Jacob think about how unfair and selfish he and Perry had been to Deborah.

  Why had he never thought about how hard it had been on her, to always be in her brother’s shadow? And how he’d always just accepted that she would be there? To his embarrassment, he had never felt the slightest bit of guilt about ignoring her.

  He sure had never apologized to her about how he’d acted. Even after all this time, he’d never said he was sorry.

  His face flamed even though the night air was cool.

  Then the trail widened and the brush cleared. And in front of him lay the Borntragers’ home.

  As he expected, it was mostly dark, though he did see a faint glow in an upstairs bedroom. Deborah’s most likely.

  He stopped and looked up at it. Staring at the glow shining through her window shade. What was she doing? Reading by the light of that kerosene lantern?

  Sewing?

  Just sitting and remembering? It seemed that was all he did these days. Still staring blankly at the window, he noticed the shade twitch. With a start, he realized if she looked out, she’d most likely see his shadow standing underneath her home—looking at her window like some kind of Peeping Tom. Now that would be embarrassing, indeed!

  Jacob Schrock was wandering around in her yard. Deborah peered through the tiny crack between the shade and the window and wondered why he’d shown up.

  A sudden, fierce anger emanated through her. First he had to go out of his way to make sure she was miserable at the store. Then he gave her an awkward, stilted, most likely very insincere apology. Now he was standing in her yard, below her window.

  Could he never leave her alone?

  Quickly, she turned off the lamp, grabbed her cloak and black bonnet, and put on both while she went downstairs. For a moment, she thought about telling her parents that she was going out, but decided against it.

  Her mother had made an appearance for supper, but after eating only a few bites, had gone back to bed. Her father was closed up in his study, most likely reading a new book checked out from the library. Or staring at the blank walls, pretending he could go back in time.

  Either way, neither of them would care one way or the other what she did.

  Slipping on her boots, Deborah let her anger and frustration with their whole situation fall by the wayside and tromped outside.

  Jacob Schrock had really gone too far today.

  As she slipped down the porch steps, she wondered if he’d left, but then she saw his shadow. It looked like he was waiting for her. When she got closer, he stepped out into the clearing, letting the dim glow of a half-full moon illuminate him.

  “Hey,” he said.

  Deborah’s steps faltered. “Hello, Jacob. Care to tell me why you’re lurking outside my house?”

  He visibly winced, and she felt a twinge of remorse. But she had weeks of hurt to make up for. And she was terribly tired of turning the other cheek.

  “I don’t know why I’m here. I had to get out of my house—and next thing I knew, I was walking on this old path.”

  “The path you used to take to come get us for school.”

  Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he tilted his head to one side. “I was just remembering how Perry always made us late.” After a pause, he added, “You always ended up getting punished, too. Did you ever tell your parents that it was never your fault?”

  There in the yard, in the dark, where memories seemed to surface more clearly than they did in the daylight, she shook her head. That had all been a long time ago. However, the pain still felt fresh. “I think you know the answer to that,” she said.

  “Perry would’ve only gotten back at you if you’d told.”

  She opened her mouth to agree, but with a start, stopped herself. Would Perry have gotten back at her? Really?

  Or was she just remembering the Perry who’d been so cruel his last few months alive? “Perhaps.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. Not really.”

  “I never apologized to you. I should have.”

  “For what?” She shook her head. “Jacob, it was not your fault that Perry was never ready and that my parents wouldn’t let me go to school without him.”

  He stepped forward. “Then whose fault was it? If you don’t want to blame Perry or me . . . who do you blame for all those recesses you missed?”

  Back when they were younger, Deborah would’ve given money for him to accept at least part of the blame. But now?

  Now it was pointless to dwell on the past. “It was no one’s fault,” she said quietly. “It was just how it was.” She shrugged. “Besides, it was long ago. And I survived. We all did, jah?”

  Slowly, he nodded. “I guess we did. So, tonight, I saw a light on in your room. What were you doing?”

  For a moment, she thought about making up a story. Pretending that she’d been doing something valuable with her time. “Not much. Reading.” Actually, she’d been peeking through the crack in the shade out the window. And thinking about Perry.

  “Will your parents miss you if you go on a walk?”

  “Nee.” No, they wouldn’t miss her at all. The only thing they seemed to
want to keep them company was their depression. And Perry, of course.

  “Want to walk? Not far,” he said quickly. “Just somewhere close.”

  “How about we go to the old schoolhouse?”

  “It will be just like old times. Almost.”

  Deborah said nothing. Because they knew nothing was like it used to be—and it was more than not having Perry with them. It also had to do with the fact that before, she’d been the boys’ afterthought. She’d tagged along after them while Perry and Jacob had walked side-by-side.

  Laughing about jokes she didn’t understand.

  With only his tiny flashlight leading the way, they kept their pace slow. It was dark and the path hadn’t been used for years. Rocks and vines and broken branches littered what little they could see of it. Most of it was covered with thick brush.

  “I don’t know whether to be surprised this trail is so overgrown, or to be surprised it’s in existence at all,” Jacob mused.

  “I’m leaning toward being surprised it’s here. How many years has it been?” Deborah asked. “I certainly haven’t gone to the schoolhouse in a long time. Not since our eighth-grade graduation.”

  Jacob chuckled. “Me, neither.”

  When it narrowed, Jacob reached out and grasped her elbow, holding her steady when she stumbled on a tree root. The sudden brush of their bodies against each other felt like so much more than it was.

  “Sorry,” he blurted, when he seemed to realize that he was still holding her arm. He dropped his hand.

  “Nee. I, uh, was glad you steadied me. It would be awful if I twisted my ankle out here.”

  “You’re a little thing, though. I bet I could carry you home without a problem.”

  If he’d been anyone else, she would have teased him. Or claimed that while she was petite, she certainly wasn’t all that small. Much too big to be picked up like a child.

  At last, the glow of the white clapboard schoolhouse loomed in front of them. The white wood, combined with the reflectors that someone had nailed to a few trees in front of it, made it feel like they had stepped into the light.

  Jacob turned off his flashlight.

  As they got closer, Deborah noticed that an abandoned bike lay on its side next to the school’s front door. “Look at that,” she said.

  “Wonder whose it is?” Jacob asked. “It’s still in good condition.”

  “I’ve always wondered how a bike gets left here. I figure if a person needs to take it to get to school, he needs it to get home, too. Plus, if I had forgotten it, my mamm would have made me turn right back around and get it.”

  “Mine, too.” They shared a smile, then their smiles turned to wariness as they heard the rumble of a car’s engine approaching. “Guess we’re not the only people out tonight, huh?” he asked.

  Deborah felt strangely exposed, standing in the empty schoolyard. Making a sudden decision, she walked to the side of the building, then leaned against it. At the moment, she didn’t care if Jacob was going to tease her for hiding.

  But instead of teasing, he joined her. Pressing his back against the hard planks, too.

  As the car approached, they slid closer toward the back, deeper in the shadows. Their bodies touched. Jacob’s breathing quickened.

  Deborah, on the other hand, practically held her breath. Suddenly, she felt like they had been courting trouble, walking out in the dark together.

  But surely this was simply her imagination taking control?

  Jacob reached for her hand. Squeezed it once. Obviously in an attempt to reassure her as they waited for the vehicle to pass them.

  But then it slowed, turned slightly.

  And just like a spotlight had shone down from heaven, the car’s spotlights flashed their way.

  Illuminating them as clearly as if they were standing inside a metal cage—

  Waiting to be caught and inspected.

  Chapter 7

  “Perry always said I didn’t understand a lot of things because I wasn’t Amish. Now I wish I had asked what was so different about his life. Or at least what was so wrong.”

  WALKER ANDERSON

  Jacob recognized the newcomer. It was Walker Anderson; he would have recognized his dark green Explorer anywhere. Someone was in the passenger seat, too. Maybe it was his sister Abby?

  When he saw both passengers looking directly at them, Jacob suddenly became aware that he was still holding Deborah’s hand. Hastily, he dropped it.

  She must’ve felt self-conscious, too. The moment he released her, she stepped farther away. “Who is it, Jacob? Can you see?” she whispered.

  “It’s Walker.”

  “Walker? Out here? What do you think he wants?”

  “Ain’t no telling,” he answered flatly, feeling less than thrilled about Walker joining them. He and Deborah were finally talking about things that had lurked between them for years. If they didn’t clear the air, there was a good chance nothing between them would ever get resolved. And now that she was working at the store, well, that would mean a lot of awkward conversations.

  And he definitely didn’t want that. Sometime over the last few days, he realized that there was another connection besides past bringing them together. There was a spark between them, and it had far less to do with past regrets than the way he liked feeling her hand in his.

  But if they had to be interrupted, he was really glad it was only Walker. At least he could keep a secret.

  “Don’t worry, Deborah. I bet they only want to say hi.”

  As they walked toward the truck, she looked curiously over her shoulder at him. “What else would he want?” she asked before raising her voice. “Hello, Walker.”

  “Hey,” Walker called from the open truck window before sliding down from the truck. Gesturing toward his sister who got out as well, he said, “Abby and I were driving by when we saw the two of you standing out here. So . . . what are y’all doing?”

  “Just walking,” Deborah said.

  Walker looked from one to the other and smirked slightly. “Just walking in the dark, huh?”

  “What are you up to?” Jacob said instead of answering. “I never thought I’d see you driving around Amish schoolhouses at night.”

  “We were visiting our grandparents,” Abby said as she strode toward Deborah. With more than a bit of amusement in her voice, she added, “Then, of course, we had to go visit Lydia.”

  Jacob relaxed. That, he could deal with. Walker couldn’t seem to stay away from his girlfriend for more than a few hours at a time. “And how is Lydia tonight?”

  As Abby whispered something to Deborah, Walker replied. “Lydia is great. Plus her parents don’t even look at me like I’m the devil-boyfriend anymore.”

  Jacob laughed. “Devil-boyfriend, huh? I knew they were suspicious of you, but that’s taking things to a whole new level.”

  “They’re kind folks, they just haven’t been all that welcoming. I mean, it used to feel like they’d just about give their souls for Lydia not to fall in love with me. But some things just can’t be helped.”

  Folding her arms over her chest, Abby said, “Walker and Lydia have become almost annoying to be around.”

  “We are not annoying,” Walker countered.

  “Oh, yes you are. When you two are in the same room, you stand right next to each other and hardly talk to anyone else.” Looking at Jacob and Deborah, she tilted her head to one side. “Almost as close as the two of you were standing against the building.”

  Jacob was thankful for the dark so no one could see his face burn red. He had been standing awfully close to Deborah, and it wasn’t only because he’d been afraid they were about to get caught.

  “So now that I’ve told you my whole story, why don’t you tell me what you two are really doing,” Walker said. “I mean, no one goes walking in the dark to an Amish schoolhouse
without a reason.”

  “There’s no story here. Deborah and I had been talking about how I used to pick up her and Perry for school. We wanted to see if the trail was still there.”

  Walker folded his arms over his chest and nodded. “Ah. Yeah, I can see how you’d want to check out that trail in the dark. Makes perfect sense to me.”

  “We have to do something for amusement. Some of us work more than twenty hours a week, Walker,” Jacob said. “Not everyone here gets to go to college and sit around talking about history or stars.”

  Walker narrowed his eyes, looking for a moment like he was going to tell Jacob that he knew nothing about college, which would have been true, but then he seemed to decide to let Jacob’s comment go. “That’s true. Not everyone does get to go to school.”

  Now Jacob felt ashamed. What was wrong with him? Why was he always letting his mouth get the best of him? His life would be a whole lot better if he’d ever learn to think before speaking. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that how it sounded.”

  “I didn’t think you sounded any special way.” But despite what Walker said, Jacob thought he might’ve hit a sour chord because Walker readily turned to Deborah. “Deb, how are you doing?”

  “Me? I’m fine.”

  Jacob noticed that she looked like she would rather be anywhere else but answering Walker’s questions. “Deborah started working at the store.”

  “I know. I was there the other day. Remember?” Walker looked at Jacob strangely before focusing back on Deborah again. “I’ve been thinking about you and your parents, how hard it must be on you all, living without Perry. Abby drives me crazy, but I’d have a pretty hard time of it, if she wasn’t in my life anymore.”

  Jacob couldn’t believe that Walker was bringing up Perry’s death. “Walker—”

  But Deborah seemed relieved instead of annoyed. “It has been hard,” she said softly. “It’s my parents who are having a tough time. Actually, I don’t know if they’ll ever recover from losing their son.”

  Walker nodded, just like discussing death was something he did all the time. “I read somewhere that losing a child is the hardest experience a man or woman can have.”