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  Everything inside of him wanted to tell Andrew no. His brother was what was important. Being the man he wanted to be was important.

  But, as he thought about Alice and how he’d felt around her, he started thinking that it would maybe be for the best. Keeping some distance from the temptations here would be a good thing.

  Then there was Mark and Waneta. He needed to keep them off the gang’s radar. If West thought that Calvin’s loyalty was in question, he could send someone to Horse Cave to check on him. Calvin knew that could happen because he’d spied on other members for West before.

  And if a member of the Kings came to Horse Cave and started asking questions, it could inadvertently hurt Mark or Waneta. Maybe even Alice.

  Coming back regularly could keep his head on straight.

  It was also his job. Andrew had stuck his neck out when they’d hired him. It was also because of the DEA that Calvin was alive. He’d owed way too much money to the Kings before Andrew had helped him pay them off—and helped to cement his reputation as a ruthless man.

  Then there were the Kings. They trusted him now, and that didn’t come easy. There was even a part of him that felt good about it. Earning respect from that quadrant made him feel more worthy than he had during most of his life.

  “Thanks, Andrew. Yeah, I’ll take the truck. And I’ll go back to Louisville tomorrow morning, but I’m coming back on Sunday. I need to be here for the surgery.”

  “And then?” he pressed.

  “And then I’ll go back and forth as much as I can.”

  “Thank you, Calvin. We’ll have your new vehicle in the parking lot of the Hart Motel by six tomorrow morning. The key will be taped under the fender of the back right tire. A new phone will be in the glove box. When you receive it, destroy this one.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “We’re glad you made the right decision. Oh. And best wishes for your brother’s recovery.”

  Before Calvin could reply to that, there was dead silence.

  For some reason, it felt fitting.

  Chapter 4

  Thursday, February 1

  It took a minute, but by the time Calvin went back into the house, he had his emotions firmly locked back down.

  “Sorry,” he said to Waneta and Mark after petting Brandi, their shepherd mix, which they’d gotten from the shelter soon after they married. “I had a phone call I couldn’t put off.”

  “No apologies needed,” his brother said, but sounded surprised. “I know you left work to come see me, though it wasn’t really needed. I’ll be fine. There was no reason for you to disrupt your whole life just to sit around here and worry about me.”

  “Mark, don’t say things like that,” Waneta chided.

  While Mark leaned closer to his wife and whispered to her, Calvin used the time to gather his thoughts.

  His brother’s unreserved belief in him was both humbling and unwarranted. Calvin couldn’t think of anything that he’d ever done that would deserve his brother championing him.

  Or, maybe it wasn’t that Mark was championing him. Maybe it was more to the fact that his older brother didn’t expect anything from him. That was more likely. Calvin made another promise to himself that he would one day raise Mark’s expectations.

  For the moment, he kept his silence, preferring to concentrate on his brother. He eyed him carefully, hoping to determine how he was feeling without being too obvious. Mark was sitting in the overstuffed easy chair in the corner of the room. Maybe he was pale? Maybe his eyes seemed to be a little duller than usual? In the dim room, lit only by natural sunlight from the windows, it was hard to tell.

  Waneta had brought over a small table and put a plate with a sandwich and soup on it. It looked delicious. Now would be the perfect time to tell Mark how worried he was about him. How he wanted to be there for him no matter what. But though the words were in his head, they felt jumbled. Everything felt stuck on his tongue.

  “I think my being here was needed,” he said at last. “I’m glad Waneta gave me a call.”

  But instead of looking reassured, Mark looked irritated. “Calvin, I told ya. I ain’t—”

  “How about this, then?” he asked, cutting him off. “Maybe it wasn’t needed for you, but it was for me.” There. It wasn’t what he wanted to say but was pretty close.

  “Are you hungry, Calvin?” Waneta interrupted. “I made you a sandwich, too. It’s in the kitchen.”

  “Thanks. That would be great.” Turning toward the kitchen, he said, “I’ll go get it.”

  “No need to do that. Sit down.”

  “I don’t want you to wait on me.”

  “Now is a gut time to sit with your bruder, jah?”

  There was iron in her tone. With her, at least, he knew it was the time to listen.

  When she hurried back to the kitchen, Brandi on her heels, he sat down.

  Mark chuckled. “Mei Waneta is a force of nature. Ain’t so?”

  Calvin smiled. “Absolutely.”

  After Waneta brought him his sandwich, along with a dish of sliced pickles that she’d obviously canned, he dug in.

  The sandwich was roast beef and white cheddar on thick homemade bread. She’d added tomatoes, pickled onions and lettuce, and finally a generous swipe of horseradish sauce. It was so much better than anything he ever had in Louisville, and such a symbol of the love and care she had for his brother that he closed his eyes and gave a prayer of thanks to the Lord for the first time in ages. Even if nothing ever changed in his life, he was thankful that his brother was now the recipient of such love and care.

  After he took his first bite, savoring the flavors, Waneta spoke again.

  “You know, Calvin, when I heard you park your truck out front, I got everything all ready for you. But then I had to put it all back on the counter when you didn’t come inside right away.”

  “Sorry. I, ah, had to take a phone call.”

  “Nee. I saw you were speaking with the woman sitting on the Yoders’ front porch.”

  Mark shook his head at his wife, who was now sitting by his side. “Waneta, there’s no need to bring this up.”

  “I don’t care,” Calvin said after he swallowed his second bite. “So you saw that, did you?” he teased.

  “I couldn’t help myself, what with you sitting up on the porch with her.”

  “At least you are being honest about your interest,” Mark murmured.

  Waneta ignored him. “Calvin, do you care to share with me who that was?”

  He was tempted to tell her that he actually did not care to share that, just to tease her. But he was quickly discovering that, like his brother, he was helpless around Waneta’s charms. “The woman is Alice Yoder, and I’m beginning to see that there aren’t going to be a lot of secrets while I’m here.”

  Mark laughed. “You can keep all the secrets you want. But be warned, she’s going to wheedle them out of you. Slowly but surely, I think my Waneta’s turning into her mother.”

  “Mark, that ain’t true!” Waneta exclaimed.

  “It ain’t a lie, neither,” he retorted with a smile. While Waneta obviously attempted, and failed, to come up with a fitting remark, Mark continued. “Calvin, what I’m trying to tell ya is that just because she or I ask you questions, it don’t mean you have to answer them. You don’t owe us anything.”

  Even from across the room, Calvin could see that his sister-in-law was blushing. “If you’ve started peeking out your windows, I don’t think I’m going to stand a chance to keep my secrets intact.”

  “I’m not that bad!” she protested. “Am I?”

  “Not yet, Neeta,” Mark replied.

  Now that his plate was empty, Calvin stood up. He felt restless and edgy. He couldn’t help grinning when he walked over to join them. “Alice is Edward Yoder’s sister. She’s house- and pet-sitting while they’re on vacation. She’s a nursery school teacher.”

  “Ah, yes. I had forgotten she was going to be there. She’s a nice woman, Calvin,” Wan
eta said. “Her parents are a bit of worrywarts and watch her like a hawk.”

  Mark nodded. “Edward told me once that he and his brother felt a little sorry for her, so they try to give her breaks every couple of weeks.”

  “Wow. If they’re that protective, I’m surprised they let her work at the preschool,” Calvin commented.

  “I think she did it without asking them,” Mark said. “You probably didn’t get to talk to her long enough to discover this, but Alice ain’t a pushover. She might look like a sweet young girl, but she’s got a bit of a backbone.”

  Calvin chuckled. “I think I figured that out within the first two minutes of meeting her.”

  “Do you like her?” Waneta asked. Her expression brightened. “Maybe you two could get to know each other while you are here.”

  “I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Even though he certainly had just been thinking that same thing.

  Waneta raised her eyebrows. “But—”

  “I went over there to see who she was. That’s all.”

  “Our street is real quiet now, Cal,” Mark said. “I can’t think of anyone you should be concerned about.”

  There it was, spoken bold and almost as plain as day. Mark knew that Cal was not just a manager of an apartment building. Mark knew he watched everything with a wary expression.

  “I’m not expecting any. It’s just habit, I suppose.”

  “Like I said earlier, you don’t need to explain yourself to us.”

  Realizing that he needed to tell them about his upcoming trip, Calvin said, “My boss called me when I was outside. I need to go to Louisville for some meetings. I’ll be back on Sunday, though. I’m going to be here for the surgery, I promise.”

  Mark shrugged. “Don’t worry on my account. We’re fine here. All we’re gonna be doing is getting ready to go to the hospital.”

  Mark’s resigned tone of voice gave Calvin pause. “Are you worried about the surgery?”

  Mark nodded. “Jah. Even though the doctors said it’s the best way to get rid of the cancer for good, I don’t like the idea of them taking out an organ. I can’t help but think our good Lord intended for me to have two kidneys.”

  “He gave you doctors, too, Mark,” Waneta chided. “And those doctors said that one of those kidneys is hurting you instead of helping.”

  Gazing at her, his voice softened. “I hear you, Waneta.”

  Calvin knew there were other worries, too. Such as Mark waking up after the operation to discover that the cancer had spread. Or that there would be complications during the surgery. Or even that Mark wouldn’t survive it.

  A lump formed in his throat, threatening to choke him. It simply wouldn’t be fair for the Lord to take his brother when he’d done everything right all his life. But they’d learned at a young age that life isn’t fair.

  “I’m glad you will be at the hospital with Waneta,” Mark said, looking at Calvin intently. “She’s going to need someone to lean on and look after her.”

  “There’s no need for Calvin to babysit me. I’ll be fine,” she said. “Then, of course, I know my parents will be there if I need anything.” Looking down at the dog, who had just curled in a ball by her feet, she said, “Brandi will be here with me, too.”

  Ignoring her protests—and the idea of that shepherd helping much—Calvin stared right back at his brother. “I won’t let you down.”

  Mark released a deep breath. “I know you won’t.”

  Forcing a smile, he turned to his sister-in-law. “Get ready! You’re going to have to put up with me for days.”

  “You really are planning to stay with us for the whole time?”

  “I won’t leave your side until you ask me to leave,” Calvin promised.

  Waneta opened her mouth, but closed it. “Danke.”

  “Don’t thank me for being a part of the family, Neeta. I’m glad Mark and I are better.”

  “Me, too.” Reaching out, she clasped Mark’s hand. “We are simply going to have to put our burdens in the Lord’s hands and pray.”

  “That’s right. That’s all you can do. We don’t have to understand why I got kidney cancer; and we don’t have to understand how or when the Lord will heal me. We just have to believe that He knows best.”

  Hesitantly, Waneta nodded. But as she met Calvin’s gaze, he knew they were of the same mind. Even having such a strong and steady faith didn’t guarantee that things would be easier.

  The fear of the unknown was too great.

  LATER THAT NIGHT, the old ghosts that used to haunt him returned. Again and again, long-forgotten moments of being hungry, dodging their father, and clinging to his brother flashed in his mind, making him feel just as dirty and unwanted as he’d felt back when he was five.

  After drawing himself out of the nightmare, Calvin pulled off his sweaty T-shirt and got out of bed. Wished he could sleep somewhere else. Being back in this house, in his old room, dredged up too many feelings that he’d carefully hidden away during the last ten years or so.

  He’d gotten real good at glossing over his childhood in his mind. Their mother had left because she’d been depressed, not because she had an alcohol problem and didn’t actually like being a mother, as their father had told them repeatedly.

  Their father had been discouraged because he’d never been able to hold down a decent job. Actually, he’d been violent and angry. He’d belittled all of them and had taken comfort in drugs. Mark had done his best to shield Calvin from the worst of it.

  And his brother? Mark had given up most of his childhood in order to protect him. Even getting hit so he would be safe. Calvin left because of the guilt.

  But since that was far too painful on many levels, he had gotten good at simply saying that they’d drifted apart.

  Calvin walked across the room, took a fresh T-shirt and put it on. Yeah, he had gotten real good at lying about his family, his roots, and himself. It had enabled him to survive on the streets. It had helped him find a place in the Kings, too.

  And now? Well, it was no wonder he’d been able to become an informant for the DEA. He could lie so well he was able to almost make himself believe the lies.

  But none of his acquired skills helped him when it came to being back in the room where he used to live. Even though Mark and Neeta had painted the room and bought a fresh mattress and dresser, Calvin felt as if he was being plagued by all the truths. They were playing games with his mind, venturing in at night when his defenses were at their lowest point.

  Now he felt bare and vulnerable.

  Doubts set in. What if he really had brought danger to Mark? Or what if he hadn’t been as careful as he should with his phone calls to Andrew? What if one of West’s men was watching him even more closely? What would West do if he found out he’d been snitching on their business and plans?

  Almost worse were his fears concerning his job. If he couldn’t do everything Andrew and the DEA asked him to do, Calvin knew they’d demand he pay back the money they gave him. Sometimes he thought they’d even “accidentally” blow his cover. If that happened, Calvin knew he’d die a very quick—and very painful—death.

  And just like that, sweat started pouring off his body again.

  He walked over to his window and pulled it open. Closed his eyes as the bitter cold breeze hit his skin.

  He knew he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep anytime soon.

  If he was alone in the house, he would have slept in a different room. Maybe on the couch in the living room. Maybe he would have even gone into Mark’s room. He’d spent plenty of nights in there when he was small, needing his older brother’s reassurance that everything was going to be better in the morning.

  But it never was.

  Feeling like he was being suffocated, he padded through the dark, quiet house and grabbed his coat. When he got to the front door, he let himself out. Ignoring the pair of chairs on the porch, he sat down on the steps and was able to exhale at last.

  He was okay. He
wasn’t trapped in the house, waiting with dread for whatever came next. Instead, his bare feet were on the cool wood slightly damp from the night’s mist.

  He tried to clear his mind.

  And found the perfect thing to keep his thoughts off his problems—the house across the street.

  Where Alice was.

  Staring at it, he was relieved to see that all the windows were dark. She was asleep. She probably slept through the night every night. Enjoying cheerful dreams about puppies or her preschoolers, or whatever women like her dreamed about.

  At last he relaxed.

  Leaning his head against the stair railing, he allowed himself to sit and think about Alice’s dreams and how safe and secure she was in her bed.

  Free from gangs and guns and drugs and fear.

  Free from men like him.

  Chapter 5

  Saturday, February 3

  Thanks for meeting me here tonight,” Alice’s best friend, Irene Keim, said as she placed a garden salad and bowl of potato chowder in front of her. “I know it wasn’t what we hoped to do, but I couldn’t get off schedule.”

  Alice looked around the busy diner, then noticed that Irene’s pale skin was flushed and her pale-blue eyes looked wary. With some dismay, she realized that her friend was upset. “Don’t be silly,” she replied in a rush. “I needed to eat and you need to work. Coming to Bill’s works out perfectly. I can eat while you finish your shift, then we can walk home together.”

  Looking relieved, Irene smiled her thanks before going to help the customers at her other tables.

  After praying briefly over her food, Alice placed her napkin in her lap. Then, just as she lifted her spoon, she noticed who was at the table next to her. Calvin Fisher! There in the flesh, looking completely at ease in a light-blue T-shirt and jeans, even though it was close to thirty degrees outside.

  Once again, she was struck by his beautiful eyes. They were an unusual shade, lingering somewhere between blue and green. His dark hair seemed a little shorter, and he was freshly shaved. She wondered if all that was his attempt at dressing up. If it was, he’d done a real good job. The new haircut emphasized his cheeks and jaw. She didn’t know if she’d ever met a man with such striking features before.