Rodeo Regrets Read online

  “Please, Natalie. Value yourself.” Sincere caring shone in his eyes. “If you don’t, no one else will. Understand how special you are.”

  “Why are you being so nice to me?” Her voice quivered just like her insides.

  “You deserve to be treated like a queen.” Lane swallowed hard and cupped her cheek with a gentle palm.

  Kindness transferred through his soft touch. No man had ever touched Natalie so tenderly.

  Heaviness welled in her chest. Her insides twisted.

  He was for real. Lane had changed. For the better, and she’d tried to ruin it for him.

  She pushed his hand off the doorknob and opened the door. “You better go. You shouldn’t be here.”

  His gaze settled on her lips.

  Chapter 4

  Natalie gave him a little shove, propelling him out the door.

  “Sorry, my head says one thing, but I’m just a man.” His gaze rose from her mouth to her eyes, his hand fell to his side. “Think about church.”

  She nodded, shut the door and leaned against it. No man had ever resisted her in full seduction mode. No man had ever turned her down.

  She trudged to her bedroom, picked up the red dress from her canopy bed and shimmied into it. It fit perfectly. Her slender curves had survived Hannah and were still in all the right places. A flash of cleavage and expanse of thigh. What man wouldn’t appreciate this dress?

  A Christian man.

  Cheap. She looked cheap. Like she’d sleep with anyone she met. And she had a few years ago.

  But now, it was a false front. She’d slept alone since she learned she was pregnant over two years ago. Except she didn’t sleep, either.

  She slipped the dress off, flung it across the room, and turned the shower on. Dirty. She felt dirty and her plan hadn’t even worked. If Lane had fallen for her charms, would she have been able to go through with it? Probably not. Even though she still loved him. A tsunami brewed inside her.

  Along with her unease about Lane, thoughts of Wyatt and Hannah churned to the surface. Along with this Jesus stuff.

  The hot water soothed and she scrubbed her makeup off. She checked the hand mirror hanging on the shower wall to make sure she got it all. Dark circles sank in hollows under her eyes.

  She turned the water off, dried and dressed in a jogging suit. Besides warding off the chill that wouldn’t seem to go away, it provided good coverage for a change.

  Maybe popcorn and a movie. Something to occupy her mind. She trudged back into the great room. The red light on her answering machine blinked on and off. She pressed the button.

  “Hey, it’s Rayna. Welcome back to town. Clay and I are having a dinner party next week and we wondered if you could come. Just a few friends like Kendra and Stetson. Nothing formal. Let me know if you can make it.”

  Now why would she want to hang out with Clay and Stetson and their wives? Two men who’d resisted Natalie’s charms. Would Wyatt be there? Would Hannah?

  No, surely not, or Rayna wouldn’t invite her. But she did need to talk to Rayna and Kendra. She needed an experienced creative director and a photographer. Maybe she could convince them over dinner.

  * * *

  Lane knocked on the raw pine door of Clay’s house. Imagine. Him and Clay Warren back on track. He needed all the Christian influences he could get in his life. To keep him accountable. Especially with Natalie around.

  It had been a long, slow week since their dinner. He’d almost called her a dozen times. Or turned into her drive.

  The door swung open.

  Natalie. Her blue eyes went wide. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

  His smile froze. “Is that okay?”

  “It’s great.” Her tone didn’t hold any conviction.

  “Great.” Lane tried to breathe right. He hadn’t told Clay to call off matchmaking efforts because he never dreamed she’d accept. Especially after their date, she wouldn’t chance running into him. But maybe she’d wanted to.

  Clay and Stetson sat in the living room mesmerized by a rodeo on the television.

  “I don’t think they even know you’re here.”

  “Where are the women?”

  “In the kitchen.” She wore a dark gray pinstriped business suit with a lacy purple blouse underneath.

  Full coverage, but still feminine. What was he thinking? She could wear a burlap sack and turn heads. Had she taken his advice to heart?

  “You look beautiful.”

  “Thanks, but I think that’s laying it on a bit. I was going for business casual since I got here early and just hired Kendra and Rayna to work with me on the Stockyards project.”

  So she’d come because of business. Not on the chance of seeing him.

  “It’s a massive undertaking. I have to get all of the businesses encompassed in the Stockyards in top shape before I can begin to publicize. Rayna used to be a creative director and Kendra was a photographer at an ad agency in Dallas, so they’ll be definite assets.”

  The old self-sufficient, confident Natalie. Not the vulnerable, teary-eyed version. But both were hard-hearted toward him. And toward Jesus.

  “Guess I should join the guys and let you get back to the ladies.”

  “I’m dying to return to the kitchen.” She rolled her eyes.

  Probably didn’t feel comfortable with the other women.

  “Lane.” Rayna hurried toward him from the kitchen. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

  “Thanks for inviting me.”

  “Supper is on the table. I was just going to get the other men. Y’all go on in.”

  He mustered up a smile. “Great.”

  Great. An evening spent with a woman who didn’t want to spend time with him.

  * * *

  Natalie scanned the gathering at the table. Besides her hosts, the group included Kendra and Stetson and Lane and her. Rayna and Kendra used to work together and would soon work with her. The men were bonded by rodeo.

  Both other couples were married. With kids. Churchgoers. She stuck out like a mule in a room full of thoroughbreds.

  Even with Lane. He’d changed. He fit in better with these couples than he did with her. What had Rayna been thinking, inviting them? Pairing them off?

  The conversation went from rodeos and ranching to raising kids and church, to Kendra’s early stages of pregnancy and morning sickness.

  Natalie’s stomach took a dive. She tried to focus on the decor. Cowboy culture mixed with modern pieces—a blend of Clay and Rayna.

  “Awesome meal, Rayna.” Lane set his napkin by his plate. “Since Rayna cooked and the ladies helped set the table, the guys should clean up.”

  “Aw man—” Clay winced “—you come here to show me up, Gray?”

  “I like the way Lane thinks.” Rayna elbowed her husband. “Come on, ladies.”

  The women filed out of the room.

  Natalie lagged behind. Out of view of the men, she watched as the women headed toward the living room. She glanced toward the door and made a run for it.

  If she snuck to her car and drove home, would that be so rude Rayna would back out of their deal? She’d have to go back in and play nice. But not now. She couldn’t take another minute of happy-couple land, and she needed a breather or her face would crack from smiling.

  She settled on the porch swing, swaying back and forth. The creak of the chain mingled with the bird chorus in the live oaks surrounding the house. She leaned her head against the chain.

  The front door opened.

  Lane?

  Natalie straightened. Her hair snagged in a link and she tugged it free.

  Kendra stepped out. “You okay?”

  “Just enjoying the peace.”

  “Sorry for all the mom talk. I imagine
you’re uncomfortable.”

  With a lot more than that. “Why did Rayna invite me?”

  “Because she’s nice.” Kendra settled on the swing beside her.

  “And she wants to pair me off with Lane.”

  “I’ll admit Rayna is known for matchmaking and she’s pretty good at it. What’s up with you and Lane, anyway?”

  “We had a high school romance, back in the day.”

  “I’d say there’s still a spark there.”

  “We’re as mismatched now as we were back then. But on opposite ends of the spectrum now.”

  “Are you seeing someone?”

  “Not at the moment.” Natalie pushed off with her foot, setting the swing in motion. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Back when you—before you met Stetson—did you ever hit a dry spell?”

  “You mean—with men?”

  “Yes.”

  “No. Looking back, I wish I had.”

  Natalie closed her eyes. “I haven’t...”

  “What?”

  She shook her head. What was she thinking? She couldn’t tell Kendra. They’d talked exactly twice now.

  “I’m a great confidante. I figure if you want it told, you’ll tell it—so I don’t.” Kendra made a zipper motion across her lips just as Natalie and Caitlyn used to when they were kids. But Kendra locked the zipper and threw the imaginary key over her shoulder.

  Natalie laughed.

  “Really, I don’t repeat things. Not even to Stetson. And I’d like to be your friend.”

  A deep breath. “I haven’t been with anyone since Wyatt.”

  “Wow.”

  “When I found out I was pregnant, Wyatt and I had already ended it.” Her pent-up thoughts tumbled out with a rush of relief. “But I hadn’t been with anyone else. Then he talked me out of the abortion, the nausea hit and I got so fat nobody wanted me. After Hannah’s birth, I was depressed, along with being fat and ugly.”

  “I doubt that. You don’t look like you ever had a baby.”

  “I got back in shape a few months later and scouted the rodeos and bars. Several times, I took a cute cowboy to my apartment in Garland, but I couldn’t go through with it.” Natalie bit her lip. “This sounds crazy, but every time I’ve tried to drink or have sex since I got pregnant, I feel sick to my stomach.”

  Kendra smiled.

  “You think this is funny?” Natalie jabbed a finger at her. “If you tell anybody about this—”

  “I won’t. I promise. It’s just that this all happened about the time Rayna, her sister-in-law and I started earnestly praying for you. Maybe you’re convicted.”

  All the fire seeped out of her. “Convicted?”

  “Pricked by your own conscience. God doesn’t want that lifestyle for you. And maybe, deep inside, you don’t want it anymore, either.”

  “But I don’t want to be alone.”

  “Trust me, you can have a different cowboy in your bed every night and still be alone. Maybe it’s time for you to make a change, Natalie. Come to church with me tomorrow.”

  It was almost tempting.

  Natalie stood. “Could you tell Rayna I appreciate her inviting me tonight? And I look forward to working with both of you. But I think I’ll skip the rodeo tonight and go home.”

  “Sure. But think about what I said.”

  Oh, she would. Her brain would spin with it for hours. For another sleepless night.

  * * *

  Natalie went straight to her walk-in closet. Did she have anything suitable for church? Why was she even considering going?

  The red dress she’d worn to tempt Lane mocked her. She tugged it off the hanger. The black dress she’d worn to the bar in Denton and almost picked up the nameless cowboy was next. She flung both dresses on the bed, then jerked several scanty blouses and dresses from their hangers. Expensive clothes. Maybe she’d donate them to Goodwill.

  No. No one should wear these. Except a hooker. For most of her adult life, she’d paraded around looking like a hooker. On purpose. No wonder the quality of men in her life had been so low.

  Natalie dumped the dresses in the trash, sank to the bed and covered her face with both hands. What is wrong with me? Help me.

  Who was she talking to? God? Was He listening?

  “Okay, I’ll go to church.”

  She tugged her pajamas on and sprawled across her leopard-print comforter. For the first time in years, her mind was at ease. Cottony, floating, at peace.

  * * *

  Lane stepped inside the deserted church lobby.

  Deserted except for a woman who looked like Natalie from behind.

  He did a double take. His steps stalled.

  The soft dark hair, the curves were familiar. But the dress was all wrong. Turquoise. Short sleeves. Barely below the knee. Proper. Nothing Natalie would wear, though she’d shocked him with her business suit last night. But she wouldn’t just show up at church. And her carriage was all wrong. No confidence. This woman fidgeted, shifting her slight weight from one foot to the other.

  She turned as he approached. It was Natalie.

  His steps stalled again.

  “Hi.” A shy smile.

  Shy?

  His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth. “Hi.”

  “Aren’t you going to say something cheesy, like how glad you are that I came?”

  “I am. Totally glad. You look beautiful.”

  “Where is everyone?”

  “Probably the fellowship hall. We gather there for coffee before class.”

  “Oh.”

  “Want some?”

  “I could use a cup for courage. But I’d be uncomfortable with a bunch of people I don’t know.”

  “You don’t need courage. I think you know a lot of them. Clay, Rayna, Stetson and Kendra all attend here.”

  She looked like she might get sick.

  “You okay?”

  “I only went to church for a few years when I was a teenager. Not since then and never to this one.”

  “Well, I haven’t been here long, so I can’t promise you anything. From what I’ve seen, you might get a few hugs, but nobody bites.”

  She shifted her weight again.

  “Ease up. Relax. Everybody’s nice.”

  “They might worry the roof will cave in when they see me.”

  “I don’t think so. They’ll love you, if you let them. That’s what Christians do.”

  “Don’t you want to know what made me decide to come?”

  “That’s your business. I’m just glad you did.”

  She shrugged. “I’m so confused. I was hoping I could talk to the pastor. Wyatt tried to get me to meet with him a few years ago. Said he was easy to talk to.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be happy to talk to you, during Sunday school or after services. And after that, I’d love to take you to lunch.”

  She smiled. “I’d like that.”

  The windowed door leading to the fellowship hall and classrooms opened. Kendra burst through, followed by Lacie.

  Kendra hugged Natalie. “I thought that was you. I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “Thanks.” A hesitant smile.

  “And Lane, you came back.” Kendra gestured to Lacie and Quinn. “You know Lacie Gentry. Oops, I mean Lacie Remington.”

  A knot formed in Lane’s throat.

  “Of course.” Lacie smiled. “We invited him to our wedding. Lane was the pickup man the night Mel—”

  He swallowed the knot. “I always wondered if I could have...”

  She patted his arm. “You did all you could. I was there. And Mel thought the world of you.”

  At least she’d managed to mov
e on. Quinn was a good man. “Congrats again on your new marriage. How’s your son?”

  “Just left him in the nursery.” She smiled. “Well-adjusted and happy.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “Um, sorry to interrupt, but could I speak with Lacie and Kendra alone?” Natalie’s voice shook.

  “Sure.” Lane deflated. Why couldn’t she talk to him? “Ladies, could you make sure Brother Timothy knows Nat would like to speak to him? And Nat, don’t forget about lunch.”

  “I won’t.”

  He headed for the fellowship hall. Alone. Did she care two hoots about him or not? At least she didn’t complain when he called her Nat. And she’d agreed to lunch. Surely that meant something.

  * * *

  Natalie wrung her hands. “Do Wyatt and Star still attend here?”

  “Yes.” Lacie looked at the door she and Kendra had come through. “They should be along any minute.”

  “With Hannah?”

  Kendra blinked, as if she’d just now thought of that complication. “She’ll probably be in the nursery.”

  “I should leave.” Natalie’s eyes stung. “I don’t want to cause them any problems.”

  “Star wanted to talk to you about Hannah.” Lacie laid a hand on her arm. “Wyatt’s all worried you might try to take her away, but maybe y’all can have a civilized conversation about it sometime.”

  “To be honest—” Natalie swallowed hard “—I’m not sure what I want. Concerning Hannah. I just know that I haven’t been the same since Wyatt talked me into having her.”

  “You’re a mama.” Lacie gave her arm a gentle squeeze. “That changes everything.”

  “Don’t leave.” Kendra glanced down the hall. “Let me show you to Brother Timothy’s office. Maybe you can talk to him during Sunday school. Lacie can prepare Wyatt for seeing you here.”

  “Great idea.” Lacie nodded. “I’m on it.”

  Kendra linked arms with Natalie, led her to a door at the end of the lobby and knocked.

  “Come in.”

  Kendra opened the door to reveal a man in his late forties or early fifties sitting at a desk.

  The nameplate read Brother Timothy Andrews. Natalie had expected an older man. Didn’t preachers have to be at least seventy?