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“Hey, you wanna set up an evening next week to get together at Garrett’s studio?” Brant’s question snapped Tori out of it.
The prayer had ended.
“Sure. What day’s good for you?”
“Next Tuesday. Say around six?”
“I don’t get off work until six.”
“Seven? Eight?”
“Seven will be fine.” She scanned the table. Everyone stared at them.
“Tori plays the piano. We’re getting together to go over some hymns. She may agree to be our new church pianist.”
Aunt Loretta clapped her hands. “Oh that’s wonderful. Tori plays beautifully and I always dreamed she’d play for a church someday.”
Instead of playing for her dad at his rowdy, beer-splashed concerts. Or at a bar.
Church pianist? A far cry from anywhere she’d ever used her talent before. How had she gotten herself into this?
* * *
The sound studio was Nashville worthy, even though the state-of-the-art equipment was in a converted house on Garrett’s ranch. Who needed Nashville? But even with the impressive mixing console, massive amps and epic speakers, Brant was more interested in the nervous-looking redhead sitting at the piano.
“Just relax.” He shot her a grin. “This isn’t an audition. We’re two friends having a jam session.”
“A jam session?” She swiveled on the piano bench to face him. Her laugh came out harsh. “I’ve never played hymns in a jam session.”
“What have you played?” Maybe talking would relax those stiff shoulders of hers.
“When I was a kid, my mom gave me hymns to practice. But that was years ago. Since then, mostly country.” She picked at a loose thread on the corner of the piano bench. “After my mom died, my dad took me on the road with him. He...um...he had a band. I thought he wanted to spend time with me. But it turned out, his keyboardist had quit.” Her shoulders sagged. “He was using me.”
Her stiffness was gone, but defeat threatened.
“Sorry about your mom. I’m sure your dad enjoyed spending time with you while you were his keyboardist.”
“My dad is an alcoholic. He doesn’t care about anything except his next drink and his next woman.” Her eyes widened, as if she hadn’t meant to reveal so much. “Sorry. TMI alert.”
“TMI?”
“Too much information.”
“On the contrary, I like learning about you.” He just wished she had something good to reveal. Had her whole life been a disaster? “How old were you when you went on the road with him?”
“Sixteen. I only stayed six months. Aunt Loretta didn’t think it was a good environment for me, so once Dad found a new keyboardist, she got him to agree to let me stay with her.”
Sixteen and playing music with an alcoholic father and his band. Probably in bars and dives. Nowhere a sixteen-year-old girl should be.
“Well, you may not be used to playing hymns, but you read music. Just relax and enjoy playing.”
She nodded and turned back toward the piano. Stiff strains of “The Old Rugged Cross” began.
The intro ended and he began singing the words he knew by heart. But he stood behind her as if he needed the hymnal. Or maybe he wanted to be close to her. She’d obviously had it rough and he found himself wanting to sooth her hurts.
As she played the second verse, she visibly relaxed. Her body swayed with her hand movements over the keyboard.
Each note flowed from the piano. He finished the final chorus and applauded.
She turned to face him—as if she were stunned the song was over.
“That’s what I’m talking about. You’re great, Tori. It was like you became part of the piano. Such beautiful melodies flowed from your fingertips.”
“I haven’t played like that in years.”
“So what do you say, will you play at church?”
She blinked. “I guess. If the congregation is willing to have me.”
“We’ll have to vote, but I’m certain they’ll be as enamored with you as I am.”
She blushed and his face heated.
“I mean—enamored with your talent.”
But that wasn’t all he was enamored with.
* * *
Eight o’clock on Saturday night and Tori was in her jammies. Some exciting life she led. But for some reason, she was exhausted.
Smearing cleanser over her face, she wiped her makeup away, then picked up the packet of tiny pills. She poked a pink pill through the foil and popped it in her mouth.
Wait. A. Minute.
She was a Christian now. She’d spent enough time with her aunt and Jenna to know—unmarried Christians didn’t take birth control. Unmarried Christians weren’t supposed to have sex.
If she was gonna do this, she needed to do it right.
She spat the pill out and washed it down the sink, then punched the remaining two pills through the foil and down the sink.
Wait. A. Minute.
Only three pink pills left. Her breath caught.
She scurried into her bedroom, scanned the calendar and counted the days. When nothing in her life kept a schedule, her cycle did. Like clockwork. Especially when she was on the pill.
Only one other time had she been late. And she’d worried her body into the lapse because she’d forgotten a pill. That time she’d lucked out.
She. Could. Not. Be. Pregnant.
Not with Russ’s baby. She sank to the foot of her bed and covered her face in her hands.
“No, Lord. Please. Please, don’t let me be pregnant. Not now. Not just when I’m starting to get my life straightened out.”
Chapter 4
How long had she sat there staring at the stick? Perched on the side of her bed, Tori glanced at the clock. Eight twenty-seven.
The test she’d bought promised over 99 percent accuracy. Especially if taken first thing in the morning. She’d barely slept last night.
As the dim glow of daylight pierced her curtains, she’d followed the instructions to the letter. Definitely blue. Could it be possible she was the less than 1 percent and the test was wrong?
Of course not. She was Tori Eaton—nothing ever went right in her world.
She dropped the stick and covered her face with both hands.
Why had she thought she could turn her life around? People like her didn’t turn their lives around. They just existed between disappointments, delays and defeats.
But she couldn’t do this alone. She dialed Jenna’s number. Even though they’d been through this last year, Jenna would do it again. And she wouldn’t dis Tori in the process.
Garrett Steele crooned a love song in Tori’s ear as she waited for Jenna to pick up. Must be nice to have the song your husband wrote for you as your ringtone. At the rate Tori was going, she’d never have a man in her life like that. If she was pregnant Brant would run the other way. Why had she ever dreamed she could have any kind of future with him?
“Hello?” Jenna’s voice was husky.
“Did I wake you?”
“No. I’m getting ready for church. Just haven’t had my coffee yet.”
“I wouldn’t bother you, but—”
“What’s wrong?”
“You don’t need to pick me up for church. I’m not feeling well.”
“Are you sick?” Despite her sleepiness, the worry rang clear in Jenna’s tone.
“I’ve been really tired.” Tori closed her eyes. “And I’m late—so I took a home pregnancy test. It’s blue.”
“I’ll be over in a few minutes.” No sighing—no judgment. Just Jenna always having her back.
“I can’t go, Jenna. I can’t face all those people.”
“Those people are your church family an
d all they want is to love you.” Stubborn resolve resonated in Jenna’s voice. “When you don’t feel like going to church, that’s when you really need to go. And tomorrow, we’ll get you a doctor appointment.”
“Do you really think it’ll change anything?” Tori stood and paced her bedroom. “It’s really blue.”
“A professional test never hurts. And if you are pregnant, you’ll need prenatal care.”
Prenatal care. How could this have happened? An ironic laugh escaped her. She knew how it had happened. If she was pregnant, would the booze and the birth control pills she’d remembered to take hurt the baby?
“Tori, you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“We’ll get through this. No matter what the test says.”
Tori’s eyes burned. “Jenna...”
“Hmm?”
“Thanks.”
“No thanks required. Just hang tight—I’ll be over as soon as I’m halfway fit to be seen.”
What had she ever done to deserve a friend like Jenna? Nothing.
* * *
Spiky blue flowers danced in the spring breeze across the church lot as Brant parked his truck. The phone rang on the seat beside him. He glanced at the caller ID. Raquel?
He grabbed the phone. “You okay?”
“Why do you always think something’s wrong when I call?”
“Because you’re my little sister and I worry about you.”
“Well, I have good news.”
“Bring it on.” He unbuckled his seatbelt.
“The nurse at Aubrey elementary found out she’s pregnant and she’s not coming back next year.”
“You got the job.”
“They called last night. I start in August when the new school year begins.”
“That’s awesome.”
“Do you still think you can get your friend’s house?”
“Probably.” He gathered his Bible and got out of his truck. “He asked me about it the other day. I’ll ask him when I see him this morning at church.”
“Well, tell him we’ll take it, if you’re still in with me. I’m thinking we’ll move as soon as Hunter’s school wraps up. Mayish?”
“What does Hunter think about moving?” He leaned against the side of his truck bed, enjoying the fresh air.
“He’s excited and can’t wait to live with his uncle Brant. You sure we won’t cramp your bachelor pad?”
“Shoot.” He chuckled. “I’m looking forward to having my own personal cook.”
“How’s it going with the girl you won’t tell me about? Does she cook?”
“I honestly don’t know. That’s how slow it’s going. But I think I’m making progress.” Several cars pulled in and he checked his watch. “I’ll let you know about the house, but I need to get to church now.”
“Me, too, we just pulled in. I can’t believe how this is falling into place. Dylan and I so wanted to raise Hunter in a small town and give him an upbringing like ours. I wish—”
“He was here.” His heart turned over. “Me, too. But you’re following his dream and I’ll be there. For you and Hunter.”
“I know.” She sniffed. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“You okay?”
“Just miss him.”
“Me, too.”
“I’ll talk to you later.”
A car parked next to him. He ended the call and peered at the vehicle. Jenna’s car. Someone with her. Tori.
He climbed out of his truck. “Morning, ladies.”
Tori’s eyes were red.
His grin slid from his face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Something unspoken dwelled in Jenna’s worried eyes.
“I thought Tori and I might get together at the sound studio again sometime soon since Kate only has a few Sundays left with us.”
The breeze caught Tori’s hair and she looked like one of those country girls in a music video. She smoothed it in place and hurried ahead of him toward the church.
“Is everything all right?” He gestured toward Tori.
“It will be.” Jenna bit her lip.
“Hey is your house still available?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Great. My sister and I are interested after all. I’ll get with y’all about it soon.”
“Sure.” Jenna hurried to catch up with Tori.
What was that all about? Just last week, he and Tori had a friendly music session. What had changed since then? Why had she been crying and what kept her from even looking at him now?
Had something happened with Russ?
* * *
Tori sat on the white-paper-covered table in the doctor’s office. Every fidget resulted in a crinkle and scrunch. Jenna sat in a chair beside her. A repeat. But Jenna hadn’t reminded her of last time, she just drove Tori to the doctor. Again.
The waiting was worse than last time. Tori’s insides tumbled. “Thanks for coming with me.”
“You know, I don’t mind.” Jenna squeezed her hand.
“I’m sorry.” Tori’s voice caught.
“Don’t, Tori. Like I said, no matter the results, we’ll get through this.”
“You must be so disappointed.” A year ago, they’d been right here. “I didn’t learn a thing.”
“Yes you did. That happened before. You’re different now.”
“Am I?”
“Have you gotten drunk since you got saved?”
“No.” But it’s not like she hadn’t thought about it.
“Slept with anyone?”
“No. But give me time. It’s only been a few weeks.” She moaned. “Why did I think I could turn things around?”
“Because you can. With God’s help, you can. Even if you’re pregnant.”
A tap sounded on the door.
Tori wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Come in.”
“Ms. Eaton, I have your results.” The nurse checked her laptop. “Congratulations, your results came back positive. You’re definitely pregnant.”
Her breath froze in her lungs.
“Probably right around four weeks.”
She must have gotten pregnant the last week they were together. Maybe even Valentine’s Day—the night before she told Russ it was over. The night before that last beating.
Jenna hugged her. “This is wonderful news. A baby. Tori, you’re bringing a new life into the world.”
“The front desk will give you a schedule of future visits to monitor your pregnancy.”
But would the baby be healthy? After so much trauma and mistreatment? “Could I speak with the doctor again? I have a few questions.”
“Of course.” The nurse slipped out.
“You okay?” Jenna squeezed her hand.
“I’m kind of numb at the moment. And scared.”
“You know Garrett and I will support you however we can.”
“Yes.” Her gaze sank to the floor. “But I’m worried the baby might be hurt.”
“Hurt?”
“The last few times I was with Russ—” He’d made her skin crawl. She trembled. “I only slept with him to appease him.” Her voice cracked. “To keep him from hurting me. I drank to get through...being with him. I took birth control pills when I wasn’t too drunk to remember. And during that last beating, I was already pregnant.”
“Oh dear.”
Tori picked at the white paper covering the table between her knees until it tore. “Do you think the baby’s okay?”
“You need to tell the doctor everything you told me. He’ll probably run some tests. But you’re a very strong person, Tori. I imagine your baby gets strength from you. And if anything is wrong, Garrett and I will suppo
rt you in every way.”
Hot tears burned her cheeks. She’d made such a mess of her life. Yet Jenna was willing to help her clean it up.
“Tori?”
“Hmmm.”
“Please tell me you plan to continue the pregnancy.”
Nausea seized her.
* * *
Aunt Loretta’s kitchen table—where she’d sought comfort for as long as she could remember. Tori cupped her hands around her coffee mug—hoping the warmth would seep into her bones. Aunt Loretta’s tidy house was warm and cozy as usual. But Tori couldn’t seem to get warm.
A week spent as an automaton—going through the motions—eating, sleeping, working. Needing to come clean, Tori had stayed here last night. Though she’d worked hard to spare her aunt the ugliness of her life, and often called Jenna when she got herself in a scrape, she’d bared her soul last night. And her aunt had been sympathetic and supportive.
She always felt closer to her mom at Aunt Loretta’s. Many times, she and her mom had spent their afternoons here. Her mom bruised and battered with Tori sworn to secrecy and Aunt Loretta clueless to the nightmare they’d lived.
“You better get ready.” Aunt Loretta scanned Tori’s jammies. “You’re up for playing the piano next week. Might look bad if you miss today.”
“I don’t think I should play the piano at church.” Her hands trembled and she almost spilled her coffee. “When I made these plans, I didn’t realize I was pregnant.”
“Child, this pregnancy happened before you got saved.” Aunt Loretta propped her hands on her hips. “And even if it hadn’t, Christians are still human.”
“So you think I should play for them?”
“I do.”
“Do you think I should tell my pastor?”
“For now, you’re only filling in. If you feel like you need to, you should tell him. But are you sure you want to let him into a very personal area of your life?”
“I want to come clean.” Tori shook her head. No more hiding. Hiding the truth had cost her mom’s life. “And eventually, everyone will know anyway.”
“I doubt it will make a difference to him. If it does, I’m not sure you’ve found the right church.” Aunt Loretta patted her hand. “Speaking of coming clean—there’s one thing you didn’t mention last night. What about the father?”