The Orphanage Read online

  He nods to the driver, who tucks his head deeper into the collar of his leather coat, then walks through the empty bus and takes a seat on the left side. He sits for an instant, fidgets, then gets up and moves over to the right. The driver observes all this warily, as though he’s afraid of missing something important. Pasha locks eyes with him in the rearview mirror, which pushes him to look away, fire up the engine, and ease out the clutch. Disgruntled metal crunches, and the bus gets moving. The driver takes a victory lap in the empty fog, leaving the station behind. “They drive dead people to their funerals in buses like this,” Pasha thinks for some reason. “These same buses, just with a black ribbon running along the windows. I wonder if there’s any room for passengers? Or does the widow have to sit on top of the coffin? Where’s this hearse gonna take me, anyway?”

  The bus passes one empty street, then another. The market should be up ahead; old ladies are always selling some kind of frostbitten food there. They turn a corner—no old ladies, no pedestrians. Pasha’s starting to realize that something definitely is off, that something’s gone down, but he pretends everything is just fine. Come on, don’t freak out. The driver takes great pains to avoid making eye contact, goading the hearse through the fog and water. “Guess I should have checked the news,” Pasha thinks, his anxiety mounting. The thing is, there’s this silence—after all those days when the sky in the south, over the city, looked like scorched rebar. It’s quiet and empty, as if everyone just hopped on the night train and skipped town. Now Pasha and the driver are the only ones left. They pass two high-rises built on sand, then an auto repair shop, then they drive on out of the workers’ settlement. A long row of poplars leads out to the highway—the poplars peek out of the fog like children from behind their parents. The sun is moving somewhere up high, it’s already appeared somewhere up there, even though you can’t quite see it yet. You can feel it, though. You can’t feel anything else. Pasha’s watchful eyes consider the dampness all around him, trying to figure out what he’s missed and what that blood-drenched character was trying to communicate to him. The driver carefully dodges some cold potholes, reaches the highway, and turns right. The bus steals up to the stop, like usual. Generally, at least one person gets on here, but not today. The driver stays put, probably out of habit, without closing the doors, and then looks back at Pasha, as if asking for his permission to continue. The doors close. They get going, pick up speed—then there’s a checkpoint right in front of them.

  “Motherfucker,” the driver mutters.

  The place is packed with soldiers. They’re standing behind some cinder blocks, underneath some frayed national flags, wordlessly looking toward the city. Just how many times has he driven through this area over the past six months, since the government returned after brief, intense fighting? When he was heading into the city or coming back home to the Station, he had to wait for them to check his papers—wait for trouble, that is. But they always let Pasha through, without saying a word—he was a local, with the papers to prove it. The government didn’t have a bone to pick with him. Pasha had gotten used to the soldiers’ apathetic eyes, smooth, mechanical movements, and black fingernails, and to the fact that you had to hand over your papers and wait for your own country to verify your standing as a law-abiding citizen. The soldiers would give Pasha his papers back, and he’d stuff them in his pocket, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Rain had washed the color out of the national flags. It dissolved in the gray autumn air like snow in warm water.

  Pasha looks out the window and sees a jeep wrapped in dark metal armor streaking past them. Three men with assault rifles hop out of the jeep and run toward the pack of people clumped together up ahead, paying no mind to the express hearse. The soldiers are standing there, yelling back and forth, grabbing binoculars out of each other’s hands, scanning the highway, straining their eyes, red from smoke and sleepless nights, framed by deep wrinkles. But the highway is empty, so empty it’s unsettling. There’s generally always somebody driving through, even though the city’s been completely surrounded for a long period of time and the ring is tightening, someone or other is always making a run for the city or coming back along the only road. Mostly soldiers transporting ammunition or volunteers taking all sorts of useless crap like winter clothes or cold medicine from here, the north, where there isn’t any fighting, to the besieged city. Who needs cold medicine in a city getting pounded by heavy artillery, a city that’s going to fall any day now? But that wasn’t stopping anyone; every once in a while, a whole convoy would leave the mainland and make a run for the besieged area. Sometimes they’d come under fire, which was to be expected. It was obvious that the city would fall, the government troops would be forced to retreat and take the flags of Pasha’s country with them, and the front line would shift to the north, toward the station, and death would come a few miles closer. But did anyone actually care? Even civilians mustered up the courage to make a run for the city over the crumbling asphalt of the highway. The soldiers tried to talk them out of it, but nobody around here really trusted the soldiers. You just couldn’t tell people anything, they all thought they knew best. You’d see some old-timer hiking all the way into town in the middle of a mortar attack to file some paperwork for his pension. Well, if it comes down to death or bureaucracy, sometimes death is the right call. Sometimes the soldiers would get irritated enough to block off the crossings, but long lines would form at the checkpoints as soon as the shelling abated. Then they’d have to let people through.

  Now the highway is completely empty. Seems like something’s happening over there, in the city, something scary enough it’s even deterring the taxi drivers and speculators. A pack of unshaven men, pissed off from sleepless nights and fighting without gaining or losing ground, are standing by cinder blocks and barbed wire, and they’re all yelling to vent their hatred. One tall soldier emerges from the group and heads toward their bus, frenzied eyes beneath his oversized helmet, frenzied and open, wide open with fear, probably. He thrusts his hand forward. Stop, don’t move. They aren’t moving, though—they’re standing still, holding their breath. Suddenly, there’s so much space inside the bus, and the air is so thin. Gulp down as much as you can, it still won’t be enough. The soldier walks over to the doors and smacks the metal with his hand. The bus echoes like a sunken submarine. The driver opens the door a bit too abruptly.

  “Where the fuck are you goin’?” the soldier shouts as he ducks into the bus. He’s forced to hunch over a bit, so his helmet slips down over his eyes, and Pasha senses something familiar about him. Where does he remember him from? “Where have I seen him before?” Pasha asks himself. The soldier gives him a dirty look, comes over, adjusts his helmet, rubs his eyes, and yells right in Pasha’s face.

  “Papers! Papers, for fuck’s sake!”

  Pasha rummages through his pockets and suddenly, there are pockets everywhere. He gets lost in them, can’t find anything except junk—the wet wipes he uses to clean the mud off his shoes when he gets to school, printed lesson plans, and a slip informing him that his package is ready for pickup at the post office. “Yep, yep,” Pasha thinks, looking into the soldier’s eyes in terror. “Gotta pick up that package, package, package. I completely forgot.” His skin is instantly cold and clammy, as if it’s him, all of him, getting scrubbed with a wet wipe.

  “Well?” the soldier yells, hovering over him.

  The thing is, Pasha can’t seem to figure out what language he’s speaking. The words are bursting out of him, choppy and broken—no intonation, no detectable accent—he’s just hollering, like he’s trying to cough up some mucus. “He must be speaking the official language.” Some unit from Zhytomyr was stationed here a month back. They were Ukrainian speakers, so they laughed at him for sliding back and forth between languages. “Are they those same guys? They’ve gotta be,” goes Pasha’s frenzied line of reasoning as he looks into the soldier’s enraged eyes that reflect his fear back at him.

  “Forgot ’em . . . ,” Pasha
says.

  “What?” The soldier doesn’t believe him.

  The driver leaps out of his seat, still unsure what to do with himself. Run for it or stay put? Pasha doesn’t know what to do with himself either. He’s thinking, “How could this be? Just how could this be?”

  Somebody’s shouting outside, a sharp, prolonged shout that makes the soldier shudder. He turns around and bolts off the bus, shoving the driver, who falls down into his seat and then springs to his feet again and darts after the soldier. Pasha darts off the bus too, and all of them run over to the pack, which suddenly falls silent and makes way for them. Then men—one at a time, two abreast, large groups—start emerging into view from the south, the direction of the besieged city, like they’re pushing out of an invisible patch of turbulence. They’re coming this way, plodding away from the horizon and moving toward the pack that stands and waits wordlessly. Barely visible at first over there on the horizon, they grow gradually, like shadows in the afternoon. Nobody’s looking through binoculars anymore, and nobody’s yelling—it’s like they’re afraid of disturbing this procession as it slowly strings out to fill up three hundred yards of highway. The men are moving at a measured pace; at first they seem to be in no rush, but it soon becomes apparent that they simply cannot go any faster: they’re exhausted and this last stretch is taking too much out of them. But they have to keep going, so they do, forging on doggedly, moving toward their flag, out of the valley, toward the checkpoint, like people walking along the highway because they got kicked off the bus for trying to get a free ride. It’s as if time has sped up, and everything’s happening so quickly that nobody even has a chance to feel scared or happy. The first group is approaching the paint-stained cinder blocks, while more of them continue appearing on the horizon, descending the slope and then moving upward again, heading north to join their buddies. The closer they come, the more distinct their features become, and the quieter it gets, because you can see their eyes now, and there’s nothing good in those eyes—just exhaustion and frost. Their breath is so cold that you can’t even see it rising from their mouths. Faces black with dirt, the bright whites of their eyes. Helmets, torn black winter hats. Handkerchiefs, gray from brick dust, wrapped around their necks. Weapons, belts, empty pockets, bags hoisted over their shoulders, hands black with motor oil, shoes smeared with pulverized brick and soggy black earth. As they approach, the men in the first group glare at the ones standing and waiting for them, their eyes reproachful, mistrustful, like they’re the ones at fault. It’s as though everything should have played out differently—the men who’ve just arrived should’ve been standing under the low-hanging January sky, looking toward the south, at the horizon, where there’s nothing but dirt and death. The first guy to arrive walks over to the pack, thrusts his fist into the air, and starts yelling, like he’s berating the gods for their bad behavior, the fury of his curses and threats mounting. Tears trickle down his face, washing his skin. The pack makes room for the newcomers, who blend into it, like dirty river water blending into the clear ocean. The pack can no longer fit between the cold cinder blocks; the first guy keeps standing in the middle of the crew, clamoring about injustice and revenge, about surrendering the city, about abandoning it and everyone who lives there, just handing it to them, backing down, buckling under the pressure, retreating, and escaping from the trap. The ones who got out are doing fine. But what about the guys stuck back there on those blasted streets? What should we do about them? What about them? Who’s going to get them out of there?

  “So we just hung them out to dry? We just ran and gave up the city? How can you do a thing like that? Who’s going to answer for it?” he yells, without lowering his fist. “Olezha, my pal Olezha . . . I didn’t even have time to throw some dirt on his body or drag him into the snow. He’s still lying there, all burnt up, by the gas station. I just left him. Who’s gonna drag him out of there? Who’s gonna take care of him?” he yells, threatening a raincloud with his fist. He keeps carrying on until a newcomer squeezes past and knocks him upside the head. Shut your goddamn trap. We’re already hurting here without your bullshit. Then everyone starts talking at the same time—asking questions, answering, being led over to the bus to warm up, getting wrapped in old burnt blankets. Suddenly, yet another group pops out by the checkpoint, carrying a stretcher on their shoulders, and on the stretcher is a guy who’s so ripped up and bloody that Pasha just averts his eyes. Some officer type starts yelling that they need an ambulance. An ambulance—around here? The fresher soldiers from the checkpoint intercept the stretcher and take it over to the bus. “Take him to the Station. Come on, get a move on,” they yell at the driver. Pasha thinks that may be his best bet—heading back home—so he steps toward the bus, but there’s already a soldier standing by the doors. Without a glance, he shoves Pasha, who sees the stretcher being carefully carried into the bus; Pasha glimpses sticky hair, a sugary white bone, like someone sliced open a melon and dumped out its sweet insides—he glimpses a contorted hand latching on to the stretcher, clinging to it like only someone clinging to life can.

  The driver tries to turn around, but the pack is swaying back and forth; everyone’s yelling and getting in the way, getting in the way and yelling, and mostly yelling at others for getting in the way. Eventually, somebody issues a command; the pack shifts and creeps off to the side. The bus turns around and disappears. Pasha’s jostled to the side of the road; he’s trying, fecklessly, to break out of the pack when somebody standing behind him says, “Gimme a light.” It’s a soldier with no helmet and dirty silvery hair.

  “Don’t have one,” Pasha replies.

  “What do ya got?” The soldier’s not letting him go. Pasha automatically reaches into his pocket and produces his papers.

  Pasha stands on the shoulder, the dirt torn up by truck tires and tank treads, and tries to recall where he’s seen those fingers before. Contorted, lifeless, but clinging to life. He remembers immediately—a week ago, on the last day of classes. It was just a week ago. Everything was the same as it is now—brisk wind, pale January sun. Somebody is calling him into the hallway. He steps out. Teachers are herding their students back into their classrooms. The kids bolt toward the windows to see what’s going on. He glances back at his kids.

  “All right now, keep it down. I’ll be right back,” he yells. But nobody’s listening to him. The principal, her sickly body swaying laboriously, rushes past Pasha. He runs after her; they go out onto the front steps and stop. A jeep full of soldiers is parked by the school. No license plates. Just a military motto, painted white on black. Pasha’s no expert on military mottoes, so he doesn’t really know who these guys are. They could be with one of the volunteer battalions, or maybe the National Guard. The flag on the jeep is the same as the one on their school. The town hasn’t changed hands.

  The feverish soldiers are running around and making some calls; the man in charge walks over to the principal, takes her firmly by the arm, leads her away from the entrance, and starts talking, his voice cold. Pasha catches fragments of their conversation. The soldier’s laying out his terms, not asking for permission.

  “No. Can’t go anywhere else . . . has to be here . . . where you are . . . it’s you we’re here to protect . . . call whoever you want . . . get Kyiv on the line for all I care.” The principal slumps in her black suit, and her face goes gray, which makes her look even older. She’d like to object, but she just can’t do it. She turns toward Pasha, seemingly expecting him to back her up. The soldier pats Pasha on the shoulder as he passes, and school chalk dust rises from his scholastic blazer.

  Then an old army ambulance, brown like a soggy meatloaf, pulls up to the school. Soldiers start unloading the wounded, heave them over their shoulders like merchants handling bags of goods—apparently, there aren’t any stretchers—trudge up the steps and down the empty, echoing hallway. They turn left, and their clay-smeared combat boots kick open the first classroom. The Ukrainian language classroom. Pasha’s classroom. The classroom
where Pasha teaches kids. The wounded are placed right on the floor, in between the desks. Shortly thereafter, Pasha sprints in after them and dismisses the class. The scared kids step over fresh blood and then jostle in the hallway. Pasha steps out, too.

  “Go home, quit standing around.” He’s speaking Russian, as he always does in the hallway, outside of class. Then he opens the door apprehensively. The classroom smells of mud and blood, snow and earth. Soldiers bring in blankets and warm things, shove the desks into the middle of the room and the wounded toward the walls.

  Another soldier walks into the classroom, a machine gun on his shoulder, lips clamped around a cigarette. Black hair, eyes dark, which makes them look mistrustful, dust eating into the wrinkles on his face; the only other guys Pasha has seen that looked like that were coal miners coming up to the surface. He casually surveys the wounded, notices Pasha, nods, and says hello. He speaks with a thick Caucasian accent and mixes up Ukrainian and Russian, but he tries to be friendly, as if he really cares whether Pasha believes him. He translates some words from Russian to Ukrainian as soon as he gets them out, trying his best, like he’s taking a language exam. Hey, Teach, don’t be scared. We won’t let ’em take your school. We’ll protect you, so you can keep teaching your kids.

  “Who are those guys?” The machine gunner nods at the portraits on the classroom wall.

  “Poets,” Pasha answers, tentatively.

  “Poets, huh? Well there you go. They any good?” The machine gunner asks in a doubtful tone.

  “They’re dead,” Pasha answers.