Shadowblack Read online

  Eventually I got into the habit of going for a walk into the desert whenever I couldn’t sleep. The sand in this region was mostly blue in colour, which made it feel like wading out to sea. I liked it though – far enough from the fire, the breeze made the sand look like waves swirling all around me. If you stared long enough, you could almost imagine pictures in the sand: animals, ships, faces … they’d appear for a few seconds and then the wind would send them drifting away and a new image would emerge. Sometimes, when the breeze was soft enough, the shapes would remain and a face might almost seem to come alive, the eyes opening, the lips moving just a little.

  The face I saw most often on my walks was that of my sister, Shalla. Sometimes if I squinted down at the sand just so, I could picture her, as if a western wind had come all the way here from the Jan’Tep territories to blow a million particles into the shape of her face, eyes deep in concentration, her customary frown letting me know I’d disappointed her once again. It was all just a trick of the mind of course: the dim light from the stars and the moon glinting on the sand could fool you into imagining you were seeing just about anything or anyone if you were tired enough. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what my sister would say to me if she were here.

  Turned out there was no need to speculate.

  ‘Finally,’ said the image of Shalla swirling in the sand beneath me. ‘I thought you’d never figure it out.’

  12

  The Messenger

  I quickly ran through a series of possible explanations for my vision: another silk mage? Unlikely – there couldn’t be that many of them wandering around the borderlands. Besides, now that I’d experienced what it was like when they got in your head, I was pretty sure I’d recognise the sensation. I could be crazy of course – that seemed like a pretty natural reaction to having people try to kill you over and over again. But somehow that felt too easy.

  There was a third possibility of course, though that was even more troubling.

  ‘It’s me, dummy,’ Shalla said, the particles of sand shifting to make her mouth assume a slight smirk.

  ‘How …? How are you doing this, Shalla?’

  The smile shifted to become even more self-satisfied. ‘Do you like it? I devised the spell myself. Well, I mean, there are precedents of course, but I’m fairly sure I’m the first mage to successfully project my image across this kind of distance.’

  I’d been a pretty good student of magical theory, back when I was an initiate, so I couldn’t help but try to figure out how she was doing it. At first I thought the fact that I was hearing her voice meant she was using silk magic to make the words appear in my mind, but silk spells don’t travel well, and besides, Shalla sounded like she was whispering to me. ‘Breath magic,’ I said at last. ‘You’re using the wind to carry your image and voice to me.’

  The face in the sand nodded. ‘Breath and a touch of sand magic to deal with time of course. Otherwise there would be a delay whenever we spoke, and that would be annoying. Locating you was the hard part. Fortunately I found a bit of your dried blood on father’s worktable, which meant I could key the spell to you.’

  The casual way she spoke about the time my own parents had strapped me down to a table and permanently counter-banded me – forever denying me access to five of the six forms of magic – reminded me of one of the reasons why I’d left home in the first place. ‘What is it you want, Shalla?’

  ‘Don’t be like that. It took me ages to make this spell work. It turns out the winds have to be moving just right, so I’m not sure how often I can do this.’

  ‘Then why go to all the trouble?’

  The sand shifted again, making my sister’s image look oddly hurt by my words. ‘I’m worried about you, Kellen. I need to know that you’re okay.’

  ‘I’m fine.’

  Suddenly the wind picked up, and Shalla’s voice became angry. ‘You’re not! Mother’s been dosing herself with potions so that she can look for you with scrying spells – did you know that? She watched you getting beaten up by that boy. She cried for hours, threatening to leave if Father didn’t go find you and bring you home.’

  ‘And what did the great and noble Ke’heops say to that?’

  A pause, and a shift in the breeze that made the image start to fade. I thought the spell was broken, but a moment later the sands came together again. ‘You know he can’t risk leaving right now, Kellen. The council hasn’t made him clan prince yet. He needs to be careful, bide his time until the other lords magi finally give our house the prestige and power it deserves.’

  ‘Well, I wish him luck,’ I said, knowing it would annoy Shalla. My people don’t believe in luck.

  The sand forming her eyebrows arched. ‘Don’t you care about us any more? You haven’t asked how any of us are doing. Ra’meth is still alive, you know. He’s weak, but he’s still got friends on the council. Tennat and his brothers have sworn to destroy you and everyone who helped you.’

  ‘Nephenia …’ I hadn’t meant to say her name aloud, but now I needed to ask, ‘Is she all right?’

  Shalla hesitated for a long while, and I knew she was contemplating what she might be able to make me do by threatening to withhold the information. But my sister is not nearly so cruel as she likes to pretend. ‘Mouse girl is fine. Her name is Neph’aria now, remember?’

  Neph’aria. I’d forgotten that she’d received her mage’s name when she passed her trials. Now she could start her life, take care of her mother and be free of her father’s rule.

  I hope you find happiness, Neph, even if it’ll never be with me.

  Shalla must have sensed my weakness. ‘She’s seeing Pan’erath now, you know.’

  ‘Pan?’ Panahsi had been my best friend – my only friend really. But all that had changed when I’d sided with Ferius and uncovered the truth about our people. The Jan’Tep don’t take betrayal lightly. Panhasi had been almost like a brother to me, but now he was Pan’erath: a loyal Jan’Tep mage, and I was a traitor.

  ‘His family is more powerful than they were, and his grandmother has offered … protection to Neph’aria and her mother in exchange for a uniting of their two houses.’

  ‘You’re saying Nephenia’s going to marry Pan?’

  The image in the sand nodded. ‘In a year’s time … unless you do something about it.’ The soft whisper of her voice became almost pleading. ‘Come home, Kellen. It’s not safe for you out there in the borderlands. Come back and serve your own people so we can protect you.’

  That almost made me laugh. ‘Protect me? How exactly are “my people” going to protect me when someone on the council of lords magi invoked a spell warrant on me?’

  ‘What? That’s not possible. No one would—’

  ‘I saw the warrant myself, Shalla.’

  ‘That …’ The image in the sand seemed to waver. ‘I’m going to find out what’s going on, Kellen, I promise. If Ra’meth or one of his allies did this, then he’s in violation of the council’s edict against our two houses feuding. He’ll be dismissed from the council.’ A faint smile started to appear. ‘In fact, if I can prove it, his entire family will be exiled from the Jan’Tep territories.’

  ‘Shalla, don’t do anything stupid. Ra’meth is dangerous. If he finds out you’re looking into his affairs he might—’

  She gave a faint snort, and grains of sand rose up from the ground as though carried on the breeze. ‘I’m not afraid of Ra’meth, Kellen. After all, you beat him, didn’t you?’

  Without waiting for a reply, Shalla’s image disappeared, leaving me standing alone like an idiot talking to the empty desert.

  13

  The Voices

  Ferius and Rosie were still engrossed in their card games when I got back to our campsite. Reichis was off hunting – or murdering, as he liked to call it. Seneira was gone.

  ‘Where is she?’ I asked the two Argosi.

  Ferius looked up from her cards. ‘She ain’t here?’

  She started to get up but Rosie put a
hand on her shoulder. ‘The child sometimes prefers to be alone when the attacks come, as they inevitably do at night.’

  ‘Attacks?’ I asked. ‘What attacks?’

  Rosie tilted her head as she looked up at me. ‘Do you not suffer symptoms from the shadowblack?’

  I did of course, but once in a while, maybe every month or if I let myself get too angry – certainly not every night!

  ‘Leave her be,’ Rosie warned. ‘This is something she must endure alone.’

  The Argosi made suffering in solitude sound so obvious, so noble, but I hated having the shadowblack. The pain and the horrible visions I would suddenly see before me … The last thing I wanted when I was affected was to be by myself.

  ‘Go on, kid,’ Ferius said, staring down Rosie before she could stop me. ‘Do what you think is best.’

  I ran back to the campfire and traced Seneira’s steps, following them into a copse of straggly desert trees until I could hear her breathing in the shadows. ‘Seneira?’

  ‘Go away,’ she said, her voice rough, as though she’d been screaming for hours, though I would have heard her if she had.

  ‘I just want to help.’

  ‘How?’ she asked. ‘Can you make the episodes stop? Can you make the shadowblack go away? Can you make the markings stop hurting, even a little?’

  I could make out her silhouette now, huddled by a tree. Very slowly I walked towards her. ‘I’ll go if you want, but you don’t need to suffer through this alone. Why don’t you come back to the fire where it’s warm?’

  ‘I don’t want the others to see it,’ she said.

  ‘See what?’

  I was close enough now that when she turned to me I could see her face in the dim light of the moon. The shadowblack markings around her eyes were swirling, shifting as if they had come alive.

  Despite all my good intentions, I very nearly backed away. I’d had the condition longer than Seneira, but even during my worst episodes I’d never felt the markings twisting and turning like that. Worse, I could see that hers had grown, become a fraction longer, winding their way even further around her right eye. She’d told us that the shadowblack had first appeared a month ago, and yet it was progressing so much faster on her than on me.

  ‘It hurts, Kellen,’ she said. ‘Why does it hurt so much?’

  I swallowed my discomfort and knelt down next to her. She was holding a small oval object attached to a thin silver chain between her hands. ‘Is that a charm?’

  She shook her head and handed it to me, pressing a small button on the top that made it pop open into two halves. I had to hold it up to the moonlight to see that it held a tiny painting of a young boy. His features had enough in common with Seneira’s that I guessed he must be her younger brother. ‘Tyne saved up every penny he had for a year to get that made,’ she said. ‘He’ll have turned seven since I’ve been gone. I’d promised him that for his birthday this year I’d make him one of me, so we could … It doesn’t matter now.’

  I gave her the locket and sat down beside her. ‘How long does the pain last?’

  She slid the chain back over her head. ‘It’s different each time. Sometimes just a few seconds, other times for hours.’

  ‘A stabbing pain?’ I asked. ‘Like something burning inside your eye.’

  She nodded, but then looked unsure. ‘It’s … It’s hard to describe. It feels like someone’s dripping acid on my skin, but it’s what I feel inside that hurts the most.’

  ‘The visions?’ The worst part for me was the nightmarish images that came to me whenever the episodes took over – the way the whole world and everyone in it turned ugly. Cruel. It was as if all I could see was the very worst in people.

  ‘I hear voices,’ Seneira said. ‘They say these awful things to me, Kellen. I can hear them laughing at me, taunting me, telling me they can make me do anything they want. It’s like … It’s like …’

  ‘Like the demon wants you to know that one day it’s going to take control of you?’

  She nodded and looked at me as though she was waiting for me to say something that would make it better. When I didn’t, she started to cry.

  Not knowing what else to do, I took her hand. ‘It’s going to be—’

  ‘Please don’t,’ she said. ‘Don’t lie to me.’ She looked past the trees to where the campfire glimmered in the distance, a tiny speck of light in the dark. ‘The Argosi, they act like everything is just … the way it is, like I need to make peace with whatever is happening to me. I can’t. I can’t pretend it’s okay when I can feel in my soul that it’s not. Whatever this is, I need to face it head on.’

  There was a determination in Seneira that I couldn’t help but admire. I leaned back against the tree, still holding her hand in mine. ‘The shadowblack is awful,’ I admitted. ‘When the episodes come … it’s pretty much the worst thing in the world. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.’

  ‘What do you do when the attacks come?’

  I shrugged. ‘Do my best to ignore the visions and wait for the pain to pass.’

  She opened her mouth to speak, then suddenly doubled over as though someone had punched her in the stomach. ‘Oh gods of sand and sky, it’s back again! Make it stop!’

  ‘Seneira,’ I said, trying to make my voice as soothing as I could, ‘just look at me, all right? Look at me.’

  She looked up and I watched in horror as the markings began moving again. The green in her eyes disappeared as they filled with black. ‘I hear them, Kellen. The things they’re saying to me … the laughing … Please, make them stop!’

  ‘Ignore them, all right? They aren’t real. Try to think about good things. Think about your brother, about all the people you love or the places you enjoy the most.’

  She squeezed her eyes shut and I could almost hear her teeth grinding. Soft moans escaped her lips, becoming names. ‘Tyne … Father … Revian … the Academy …’

  She repeated the names over and over again, squeezing my hand so hard I could feel the bones pushing together, her nails biting into the flesh of my palm. I forced myself not to let go. ‘I’m here,’ I said, which sounded particularly useless, but somehow it must have made a difference because after a few seconds Seneira looked up at me. The markings around her eyes had stopped moving and the irises were green once again.

  ‘Thank you … Kellen.’

  The pain and the voices seemed to ease after another minute, then resumed again. It went on like that for an hour or so. Somewhere in there she asked, ‘Will you wait with me? Just a little longer?’

  The way she spoke … it was as if all her strength was slowly sinking away beneath the onslaught of pain and confusion, her resolve being drowned out by the terrifying voices taunting her. I felt her stiffen again as another attack began, and I looked out at the desert to the east of us, hoping to see the first sliver of morning appear over the horizon, but finding only darkness. Dawn was still hours away.

  ‘I’ll wait with you,’ I said. ‘As long as it takes.’

  Seneira fell asleep after a while and lay against me, shivering from the cold, so exhausted that I wasn’t able to rouse her to walk back to camp. I ended up carrying her, which wasn’t easy – she wasn’t especially heavy, but a lifetime of training to be a mage hadn’t exactly made me particularly strong either. I was grateful when Rosie saw us approaching and came to carry her the rest of the way.

  ‘Her skin is cold,’ the Argosi said, setting her down on a bedroll by the fire. ‘I take it the episode was somewhat pronounced?’

  ‘“Pronounced”?’ I repeated incredulously. ‘That’s what you call it? The shadowblack is torturing her!’

  ‘Rosie doesn’t mean to sound callous,’ Ferius said, kneeling down to examine Seneira. ‘She just can’t help it. The Path of Thorns and Roses isn’t big on sentiment.’

  The other Argosi’s eyes narrowed. ‘I doubt her illness pays heed to sentimentality either. Or do you think bedtime stories and lullabies will ease the girl’s suffering?’
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  Ferius stroked the damp, matted hair from Seneira’s face. ‘Couldn’t hurt.’

  ‘The Red Scream was not swayed by your soft words or kind heart, sister. Those afflicted by the plague would have been better served by a clean death than by your futile efforts to comfort them.’

  The firelight reflected ominously on the skin of Ferius’s cheeks as she locked eyes with the other Argosi. ‘This isn’t the Red Scream, Rosie, so just back off.’

  The other woman showed no signs of being cowed. ‘You dishonour my charge’s courage with your coddling. If what she carries is some new form of magical plague, then we must prepare ourselves for the inevitable, and I fear you lack the –’

  Reichis came padding out of the darkness. He sniffed at Seneira, then looked up at the two Argosi and hissed at them.

  ‘Reichis?’ I asked.

  ‘The girl’s only pretending to be asleep,’ he growled. ‘She’s terrified and these two are just making it worse.’

  No one but me knew what he was saying, but Ferius caught my expression and soon figured it out. ‘Morning’s on its way. Best we all get some sleep and see where tomorrow takes us.’

  Rosie nodded, conceding the point, but as she turned to move off she said, ‘An Argosi follows the winds wherever they lead, sister, but never forget that the way of thunder follows close behind.’

  Reichis glared after her. ‘I am totally going to steal her stuff when she’s not looking.’

  I glanced down at Seneira. Her eyes were still closed but I could see the tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks. I was trying to think of something comforting to say when Reichis surprised me by nestling himself up against her neck, sharing his warmth with her.

  I’d never known Reichis to be protective of another human being … well, any human being, really, since most of the time he wasn’t all that concerned with protecting me. But I didn’t resent his instinct – if anything, I shared it. Seneira wasn’t a mage or even one of my people, and yet the shadowblack was hurting her even more than it did me.