Loving Alex (The Alexandra Drake Series) Read online

  “Can you drop me at the hotel before you take Alex home?” James asks.

  “Of course,” replies Archie from the front of the car.

  I frown at The Bossman sitting next to me in his jeans and customary white t-shirt, “I thought we would be both going home before you went to work? You said you were taking over from Robbie this evening.” I mutter sulkily.

  “I am, but I need a hand-over from him too! I can’t just rock up when he finishes later on and simply take over; I need to know what’s been going on, who’s booked in, if any rooms need special preparation. You don’t own a bed and breakfast Alex; you own one of London’s finest!” He explains whilst looking out of the window as we move along, our route now deviated towards the hotel.

  “I know that! But does it take a whole afternoon to do a hand-over? Surely nothing major will have gone wrong or changed?” I’m whining now, I know I am, I look out of the window, I know I’m sulking and to be totally frank, I don’t care! I’ve had the most wonderful few days with my lover which couldn’t have come at a better time and now he’s dumping me to go to work!

  Yes, the last few months have been horrendous, such a lot has happened, including relocating to London, and Lewis - my deranged soon to be ex who seems hell-bent on making this divorce as messy and protracted as possible, until some kind person broke both of his legs, now he’s laid up and I assume still being bloody awkward about everything imaginable. I also discovered that my Aunt, my benefactor, was in fact my birth mother and that her sister and brother-in-law adopted me when I was very young, raising me as their own. It’s been a maelstrom of events but the catalyst for change, the huge legacy allowing me to walk away from my twenty-two year abusive marriage to Lewis and begin what I hope will be a new life.

  We soon pull up outside of the hotel; James leans over and kisses me softly, “I’ll call you later. Remember I won’t be home tonight?” He says, his deep voice is hushed.

  I shrug my shoulders, I don’t want to speak to him, and I know that if I do I’ll probably break down. Inside I feel twisted, churned, there’s a lump in my throat that I can’t swallow. I take a deep breath, a huge breath. “I’ll miss you – lots. Please think about what I said…please.” I’m fighting back the tears and practically begging him to give this up. If we’re to have any future together I need him to be there at night, whatever happens to me in the future whether it's with James or anyone else I’m not going back to a life of being on my own day in and day out, to a life of being expected to keep house. My life is different now, with or without James. It’s so far removed from where I came from. The money’s great but it’s not just about that, it’s about being wanted for who I am, not just someone at home and certainly not as a punch bag.

  “I’ll think about it, but I’m telling you now, I will not be a kept man and besides which, I quite like my job,” He pauses “you’ll be okay tonight, won’t you? Make sure you lock the doors, front and back, and put the chain on the front door. Take your phone to bed with you, and the panic button.” He issues his instructions whilst looking at me with those intense eyes of his.

  “Okay, okay – I’ll make sure everything’s locked.” I huff, wishing him out of the car before I let the waterworks loose.

  He climbs out and looks back at me, “See you tomorrow morning Blossom, I’ll try and get back for ten’ish.”

  I watch James walk into the hotel, my heart feels so heavy watching him go, leaving me. I wring my hands and breathe deeply, doing my utmost to keep the tears at bay, I know I can do it, years and years of practise have taught me how. Doesn’t do me much good, holding it all in, I know that, but I can, I can do this!

  “Straight home?” Archie asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.

  “Please, thank you Archie.”

  We continue our journey in silence, we have truly had a wonderful few days and now I feel that it’s ended flatly, what an anti-climax! I’m returning to an empty home as Anna, my daughter, is still at the house in California for another week with her best friend, Katie. The house is one of the two holiday homes that were left to me by Maggie, the other being the villa in Tuscany that we have just returned from.

  Archie soon pulls up outside my large Chelsea home. I don’t wait for him to open the door, I can’t be bothered with the ceremony and anyway why do I have to have my car door opened for me? I’m perfectly capable of opening it and letting myself out, there is no reason whatsoever that Archie should do this for me, well not in front of my own home anyway! Or maybe it’s just me, am I just being totally awkward and obtuse?

  I slowly walk up the steps that lead to my shiny black front door, stroking the paintwork as I put my key in the lock; it’s so very, very smooth. Before I’ve had chance to turn the key, Muriel – my newly employed housekeeper opens the door from inside, “Mrs. Drake, good to see you pet. How was Italy?” She gushes. I like Muriel, I liked her when I first met her only a couple of weeks ago. She reminded me a little of my mum although unlike my mum she’s very slim and very fair, the palest blonde hair and ice blue eyes.

  “It was good thank you. Has everything been okay here?” I ask as I follow her back to the kitchen and see that there’s a pot of tea made.

  “Everything’s been fine pet. I’ve just finished for today so I’ll sort myself out and then I’ll be off.” She removes her apron and starts to pull all of her things together, ready to go. “Your laundry’s all up to date, washed and pressed, I’ve hung the clothes that need to be hung on the outside of your wardrobe, I don’t like going in people’s cupboards and drawers, and everything else is folded on your beds. Mr. Aconi‘s things are in the room he’s using, at the back? I’ve cleaned through and I also did the windows, inside anyway; you’ll need to arrange a window cleaner for outside. I haven’t done a meal for you today because I didn’t know what you’d be wanting, I hope that’s okay?” She rambles off what she’s done and what hasn’t been done looking for reassurance. I nod, to be frank I really don’t care if she’s made something or not, the way I feel now I really couldn’t eat anyway and to top it all I’m going to be here in this bloody house on my own!

  “You’ve done a great job, thank you. Are you sure you won’t stay for a cup of tea?” Please, please, please stay I will her to say yes.

  “Sorry pet, I can’t this afternoon, I’m meeting my daughter,” she frowns “maybe we can have a catch up tomorrow?” She offers as she places a hand on my arm.

  “Not to worry.” I sigh.

  She gathers her things together and starts to leave, “See you tomorrow.” she calls as she walks along the hall and to the front door passing Archie as she goes.

  “Do you want these taking upstairs?” Archie calls as he stands in my hallway with two suitcases, he looks rooted to the spot, as if he won’t move inside my home until told to.

  “Please, if you don’t mind that is?” I call back, walking towards him, “The room on the front, to the left.” I indicate towards the location of our bedroom.

  He trudges off upstairs with the cases as I start about pouring a cup of tea from the pot that Muriel left. I’m standing at the island flicking through a free newspaper when Archie returns.

  “Will that be all Mrs. Drake?” He stands in the hall and asks.

  “Archie, please call me Alex!” I look at him firmly, he smiles clearly ignoring what I’ve just asked. “Do you want a cuppa, before you go?” I ask looking at the pot, I really don’t want to be on my own, not just yet anyway.

  “If you’re making. I’ve nothing planned for the rest of the afternoon.” He says as he walks into my kitchen.

  “Is Sam keeping you busy?” Sam, the concierge at the hotel was overjoyed when he learnt that we’d taken on a driver. I initially employed Archie to ferry me around as I have a fear of driving in the city but as the concept developed and blossomed James and I decided that it would be best if he were employed by the hotel rather than me, thus giving our guests an additional service of a chauffeur if they wanted to tap into i
t.

  “Yes, he is”.

  “Sit down Archie.” I flap my hand towards the stools dotted around the island.

  He pulls a stool out and sits resting his hands on the granite surface. “Tea or coffee?” I ask as I pull two mugs from the cupboard.

  “Tea please, milk and two sugars please.” He’s very softly spoken but I can imagine him being firm, if he had to be.

  I pass Archie a mug, “I’m glad you’ve settled in,” I smile as he takes the drink from me.

  “Was that your housekeeper that left as we arrived?” He asks as he takes a drink of his tea.

  “Yes, Muriel. She started at pretty much the same time as you.”

  “She’s very familiar, although I don’t think I know her, just something about her, her eyes and her hair, so very fair. Oh, ignore me; she must have one of those faces.” He frowns, I can see that he’s thinking deeply, he stands as he finishes his tea, “I’d best be off then Mrs. Drake unless there’s anything else you need me for?”

  “No, you’re fine Archie, you get yourself off,” I I stand to show him out, “and please, it’s Alex.” I reiterate yet again.

  He smiles as I walk him to the door and wave him off. I’m on my own….

  Chapter 2

  Not one for sitting around I wander upstairs to unpack our cases, laughing at Muriel’s comment that she had put James’ laundry in his room, surely she must know, she can’t be that naive to not know that we share my room. Oh well, maybe she’s just old fashioned, nothing wrong with that, it’s just that, well she must only be a few years older than me. Anyway, I move the clothes that she put in the other room into the bedroom that we share and into the drawers and wardrobe space that I have created for The Bossman, not that I needed to make much room as James doesn’t seem to have an extensive wardrobe, but then neither do I, yet! I sort out the cases and generally tidy around starting off a load of laundry, pointless waiting for Muriel tomorrow when I’m here doing nothing!

  I check the clock - 2pm and decide to give Anna a call although I know it will be early in California, after an initial slow connection her phone rings and she answers quickly.

  “Hello.” She says on answering, she sounds sleepy. Shit, I’ve woken her.

  “Hi Anna, it’s mum. I just thought I’d check up on you. Are you having a good time?” I ask.

  “I was until you woke me mum – but yes, it’s great, really, really great. Katie seems to love it too. The house is really close to the beach.”

  “I’m pleased you’re having a good time, and I’m sorry I woke you!” I cringe.

  “Don’t worry. We’ve been waking early anyway. How are you? How are you feeling now?” Her tone becomes serious, she is of course referring to the miscarriage of two weeks ago. I felt rough for a couple of days but then, well I suppose mother nature took over and mended me, physically anyway. Mentally, well as I didn’t know I was even pregnant I hadn’t become attached to anything, but non-the-less a baby has been lost and that is very, very sad. James was absolutely gutted confessing that he’d love a child of his own.

  “I’m fine thanks, much better. What are you two up to today?” I wander around the kitchen as I talk to her.

  “Not much really, a day on the beach I think with some people we’ve met.” I can hear her moving around, presumably in bed.

  “Who’s that?” I ask.

  “Oh, some really nice boys, you’d like them. Katie and I met them when we went for something to eat when we were shopping at a mall, they live around here…they’re really cool.” She tells me.

  “Well you just make sure you’re careful, very careful.” I pause, taking a deep breath, “please Anna.”

  “I will mum, don’t worry, we’ll be fine. Look, I need to go, Katie’s awake now, we’re going along the beach before breakfast. We’ll talk towards the end of the week before we come home, okay?”

  “Fine, but please, you and Katie look after yourselves look after the house - just take care of yourselves. I love you.” I feel quite emotional speaking to my darling daughter, yes she’s eighteen and will soon be flying the nest, but she’s still my baby and always will be.

  “Love you too mum and say “hi” to James for me.” She laughs, I am so pleased that she likes James, that they seem to get along so well together.

  I end the call and make myself another cup of tea. The rest of the afternoon passes slowly; I relax with a magazine, day dreaming about the last few days with James.

  With the August nights drawing in surprisingly quickly I close the back of the house up and try to push the feelings of loneliness aside. I root through my cupboards and freezer for something to eat and settle on a Weight Watchers curry from the freezer, once it’s been processed by the microwave and blasted into something that resembles curry I take refuge in my living room with the my curry and the television for company.

  Once I’ve eaten I take my used plate and cutlery back to my kitchen I pick up my unopened mail and return to the TV with a glass of wine. There’s the usual junk mail, companies trying to sell me made to measure sofa covers and insurance, a bank statement, that makes me feel good, a couple of utility bills and a letter from Shauna, the solicitor dealing with my divorce. She confirms the news she telephoned through the day before yesterday, my Decree Nisi has been granted and that we can look forward to the dissolution of my marriage to Lewis in around six weeks time, this is good news but I just can’t help but feel that Lewis will make life awkward, it’s the sort of character he is, I’ll just have to hope and pray that he’s changed and realises that I’ve gone, for good.

  There’s a note from my new GP’s surgery welcoming me to their practice and a large padded envelope. I’m not waiting for any parcels or packages and on checking the label it’s definitely addressed to me. I carefully open the padded bag and look inside, photographs?….I turn the envelope out onto the floor in front of me, there must be twenty photo’s, all of me with Anna, with James and on my own. They are taken in the hotel, out shopping and at the airport, there’s no note. I turn the envelope over, regular stamps and a printed label. The postmark is a standard London mark and from the smudged ink I just work out that it was posted on the day we went to Italy, which would explain why someone was taking photographs of me at the airport.

  I feel very uneasy, if someone has all of these pictures, then are they watching me now, do they…does Lewis know that I’m here on my own, because it’s not rocket science to work out that it’s probably Lewis behind this!

  Feeling uneasy and to be frank a bit scared, I call James. I told him I didn’t want to be home on my own. My phone’s in my bag, which is in the kitchen. Dumping the photographs I firstly draw the curtains in the living room, paranoid that someone is watching me now, then go through to get my bag. I pull the blind down in kitchen too, although it isn’t over looked. I root through my bag and find my phone at the bottom of the seemingly never ending bottomless leather bag. I really do need to get a new one, one that isn’t an abyss.

  Taking my phone back to the living room I scroll down my contacts list I find James number and tap it, he answers quickly, as if he’s holding his phone.

  “Hi Blossom,” He laughs “What’s up?”

  “Don’t call me that! James, I have a problem!” I blurt out.

  “What’s that?”

  “I’ve just opened my post and I’ve a parcel of photographs, all of me, me and Anna and you and me.” As I talk to him I pick up some of the photographs and flick through them.

  “Any note with it?” He sounds concerned clearly stopping whatever he was doing.

  “No, nothing. Whoever took them has watched us at the hotel, at the airport and when I’ve been shopping. It’s got to be Lewis! Who else would do this?” I’m starting to feel panicky again, I thought I was over the panic attacks, I thought that I’d learnt to control them, “James I feel sick….I can’t breathe, what if he’s out there now. I…I.” He cuts me off mid-sentence.

  “I’m on my way, hold
on Alex. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He hangs up as the tears flow again, shit! Why can’t I get a grip on myself, why can’t Lewis just leave me alone? I feel as though my heart is pounding although I’m sure it’s not. I try to concentrate on my breathing, thinking about my happy place, I need to get over this. Alex! Pull yourself together I mentally yell at myself.

  I grip the photographs and sink to the floor leaning against the sofa, tears more bloody tears roll down my cheeks. I keep telling myself that he can’t do anything, I’m locked in and the house is secure but the thought that he, or someone, has been watching me I find incredibly disturbing and so very scary.

  I try again to talk myself through the strategies that my therapist suggested, we’ve only met once but we discussed the panic attacks and what I can do to calm myself. I breathe deeply counting the seconds that I breathe in and out, I count from one hundred backwards and think of my time with James in Tuscany, the times we spent on our own wandering through the streets of Florence but despite her assurances that these would help I still feel more than a little panicky.

  I hear James’ key in the front door, he pushes it open but it halted by the security chain, the chain that he insisted I use. “Alex, baby,” He calls, “take the chain off the door. Alex, it’s me. Take the chain off the door.” He speaks slowly and firmly.

  I push the photographs to one side and pull myself up using the sofa for support. Holding onto the walls I walk slowly towards the front door and slide the chain out of its bracket letting it swing against the door frame. James pushes the door open and pulls me into him, “I’m here,” He whispers, “I’m here,” I grab hold of him, refusing to let go. He guides me to his side holding me around the waist he guides me back to the living room where we both sit on the sofa. He just holds me gently, not saying a word as I weep into his shoulder.