Oswald, the Almost Famous Opossum Read online

  The rest of the animals stood at the front of the room.

  “I’m Tiny, and these are our colleagues. We’re here to demonstrate our tails for your project,” Tiny said. He raised a front paw in the air and all the animals waved, wiggled, or waggled their tails.

  A couple of students in the front row screamed and ran to the back of the room when they saw Simone put her tail straight up in the air and wave it.

  “Apologies for any undue alarm,” Tiny said. “Ms. Simone Skunk will not spray during the demonstration. We will start with our rat friends, Reggie and Tessa.”

  The animals demonstrated and explained about each of their tails, just like they had practiced. Joey, being the only other person in the school besides Ria who spoke Animal, translated for Ms. Tinderclaw and the other students. After a few minutes, Ms. Tinderclaw climbed down from her chair and sat on it. “There’s no harm in listening to their presentation. Everyone, just stay calm while we wait for Animal Control.”

  Oswald was in the middle of his explanation of prehensile tails with Esmeralda, who curled and uncurled her tail around a ruler, when the door opened and two uniformed Animal Control officers came in, a man and a woman.

  They were carrying transport cages. The woman interrupted Oswald.

  “Good morning, children. We’re Prince George’s County Animal Control officers, and we’ve come to, um . . . ,” the female officer said.

  “We’ve come to escort these animals out,” the male officer said.

  “Excuse me, but I was in the middle of my report to these children. I’m sure you don’t want to impede their education.” At least these people understand Animal. Oswald crossed his front paws and tapped a back one. No one said anything for a moment. The clock on the wall ticked.

  “Where’s Mr. Darnell Anderson? He is my liaison to Animal Control.”

  “Your liaison?” the man asked.

  The two officers looked at each other then the teacher, who shrugged indicating she didn’t understand Animal. Oswald was glad to see them taking him seriously. The man spoke again.

  “I’m afraid Mr. Anderson is not on duty today, but I assure you we can provide equally good service,” the woman said. Then the man continued.

  “We are very sorry to interrupt, but the school has a strict policy of no animal visitors without a human chaperone,” the man said.

  Oswald cleared his throat. “We are not leaving until we finish our presentation. This was an animal-human promise. And we keep our promises.”

  “What are they saying? What’s going on? Joey, tell us.” The kids asked for interpretation. The teacher looked curious, but didn’t say anything.

  “Later,” Joey whispered back to them.

  The woman officer spoke. “We talked to your principal, Mr. Grant, before coming up, and he said he would arrange an assembly where you could give your demonstration to a lot more children at once. That is, if you come with us now.”

  “I need to confer with my colleagues,” Oswald said. The animals huddled for a moment before Oswald gave their answer. “We believe we can meet your demands if you can guarantee press coverage.”

  The male officer spluttered. The female one jabbed her elbow into his ribs. “I think we can arrange that,” she said. “Let me step out into the hall and make a few calls.

  “That’s very decent of you,” Oswald said. He trotted over to Joey’s desk. The male officer eyeballed him but didn’t say anything.

  “Oh, Joey, this is terrific. It looks like it’s all working out. I’ll move back. Your mom will be delighted to have a celebrity living at her house,” Oswald whispered.

  Joey whispered back, “I don’t know. There’s lots going on at home right now, and then it’s my mom’s birthday on Sunday . . . ” Joey trailed off, looked like he was concerned about something, then continued. “Hey, thanks for all this stuff about tails, but I didn’t get a chance to tell you—I changed my topic to hybrid vigor—”

  The female officer came back in the room, beaming. “Mr. Opossum—”

  “Oswald. It’s Oswald.” He trotted back to the front of the room.

  “Sorry, Mr. Oswald. You will be delighted to know that the Washington Post will send a reporter and photographer to cover the assembly whenever it’s scheduled.”

  “That’s excellent,” Oswald said.

  The officers put the cages on the floor with the doors open and let the animals decide how to divide themselves up. Oswald wanted a cage to himself, as the director and soon-to-be star, but was convinced to let Reggie and Tessa join him, as there weren’t enough cages for him to have his own.

  Joey was floating on air and adrenaline. He wasn’t used to all this attention. It felt good, but also made him uncomfortable. He squinted in the sharp afternoon sun as he left school. Usually hardly anyone talked to him. But today, everyone wanted to say hi.

  “Hey, Dr. Dolittle.”

  “Dude, that was really cool.”

  “I hear you can hypnotize animals. Can you show me?”

  “Yeah, can you hypnotize my little sister?”

  “Saw you come out of the principal’s office. You in trouble?”

  Joey answered everyone honestly, except for how much trouble he was in. He wasn’t in any, but he left it vague. If they guessed he’d gotten some big punishment, he didn’t want to “confuse them with the truth”—one of Mr. Edwards’s sayings.

  Mr. Grant believed Joey when he said he hadn’t asked the animals to come. Luckily, Joey had given his presentation on hybrid vigor a few minutes before the animals showed up. Ms. Tinderclaw confirmed all this. In fact, Mr. Grant had to ask Joey to stop explaining how it wasn’t his fault a few times before Joey would stop talking.

  “We have to call your mom, Joey. Because you had physical contact with a wild animal—”

  “That’s Oswald, he’s not wild, and if he wasn’t feeling well, believe me—I’d hear more about it than I’d want to,” Joey said before he could stop himself. Interrupting a grown-up was never a good idea, especially when it was your school principal. Joey gulped and gathered the courage to look at Mr. Grant to see how mad he was. But he wasn’t. He looked like he was trying to hide a smile.

  “Well, that may be, but we’ll still need to tell your mother. Let her decide if you need any shots.”

  “But, sir, I’m sure it’s Oswald. See, you can identify opossums by the patterns of black and white on their ears and forepaws—”

  Mr. Grant checked his watch and stood up. “Mr. Jones, that’s quite enough.” He didn’t look amused this time.

  “Sorry, Mr. Grant.” Joey suddenly realized he might have the same problem Oswald had—not quite knowing when to be quiet and listen.

  23

  WHAT’S NEXT?

  “OK, Barnard Hill Park next stop,” the male Animal Control officer said, more to himself than any of the animals in the transport cages, as he slid the van door closed.

  “How do they know where to take us?” Pixie said from her cage with Chuck.

  “That’s how Oz identified us to the security guard, remember?” Frank the crow said from his cage with Simone. The van rattled along with no one saying anything for a moment.

  Mo let out a big sigh. “Too bad we didn’t tell them we were from someplace really nice like Jamaica.”

  This started a chorus of places the animals would have liked to have gone and complaints about Oswald and his “big mouth.”

  “Come on, you guys, simmer down,” Tessa raised her voice to be heard. “You can’t blame Oswald—you can’t plan for things going wrong—”

  There was a loud raccoon chortle. “Yeah, who has to plan for things to go wrong when you’ve got Oswald along?” Mo said. Some of the animals told him off for his comment; others were quiet.

  Oswald shook his head. “It was my fault. I’ve ruined things again.”

  Queenie was in the same cage with Oswald and gave him a lick behind his ear. “Come on. None of us knew about those rules about needing a human along with
us to get in the school.”

  The van came to a stop and the door slid open. The two Animal Control officers swung the cages out and walked them onto the green before opening them.

  “OK, everyone. Last stop—all passengers must disembark!” The male officer chuckled. The female officer ticked off each animal from a list as they got out of the cages and sauntered off.

  Oswald stopped by the man and looked up. “Excuse me, sir, who do we contact to schedule the assembly Principal Grant spoke of? You know—the one the Washington Post was going to cover?”

  “What?” The man looked uncomfortable. “Um, I’m afraid that was a fib.”

  “The whole thing . . . a fib?”

  “Um, we just needed to get you guys out of there.”

  “Hold on a second,” the female Animal Control officer said. “This cat’s someone’s pet.” She swooped Queenie up and tugged at her pink collar. “But there’s no ID tag.”

  “I’m microchipped. And I live right here on Taylor Street. I can show you,” Queenie said.

  “I believe you, but we have to take you back to base, contact your owner, that sort of thing,” the woman said and put Queenie back in the transport cage. “Sorry, cat,” she said, and she sounded it. “Regulations.”

  “Oh, please let me out here. I’m so close.” Her meows were heartbreaking. With a click and swoosh of the van door, she could no longer be heard.

  I’m a complete failure. And I’m doing harm to others . . . again. Oswald wished he could disappear.

  The rest of the animals stretched, scratched, and chatted.

  “Did you see the look on her face when he—” Mo said.

  Tiny guffawed and wiped a tear from his eye.

  “Oh, I know! And then when the—” Reggie said. Frank flapped his wings as he laughed. Pixie did an imitation—of exactly who, Oswald wasn’t sure. Even the shy Esmeralda was giggling as they all retold what happened.

  I might as well miss the part when they start making fun of me. Oswald sighed, looked around for a bush, and started to crawl under it. I know I would, if the pad was on the other paw.

  “Ow!” Oswald said. Someone had pulled his tail. He turned around and saw Frank hopping up and down, his shiny black eyes aimed at him.

  “Come on, we’re going to the garbage buffet. It’s recycling tonight—lots of cans with stuff still in!” He turned and walked toward the others.

  Oswald poked his nose out from under the bush and looked at all these wonderful animals.

  “There you are!” Mo said and loped up to him. “What a day, eh?” He grinned. “You should see Pixie’s imitation of Ms. Tinderclaw.”

  Oswald stepped out and sniffed the air. “If you’re sure.”

  Hazel ran up and down a tree chattering, “Great time, great time, we had a great time!” She jumped off the tree and vaulted after Mo and the rest of the animals. Oswald waddled as fast as he could to catch up. Their laughter and storytelling pulled him closer. Tiny looked over his shoulder.

  “Hey, Oz, hurry up!”

  Oswald felt undeserving of their friendship and kindness. He was scurrying past boxes of recycling when something caught his eye; he stopped to look. There on the top page of a stack of newspapers was a photo of Joey and Naja, along with a story about some animal center.

  24

  NAJA ARRIVES

  It was Thursday afternoon, and Joey watched the clock over the classroom door. He mostly liked school, but Naja was supposed to be at his house by this time. His mom arranged to work an early shift so she could be there when Ms. Harris brought her. The people from the animal refuge had come twice already to set up the pool and to mend the fence around their yard. This was to protect her from dogs and other animals.

  Joey was surprised at how big the pool was—about twenty feet long and eight feet wide. It was shallow, one of those aboveground ones. They said it was important for her to be able to work her other muscles, given her wing injury. Ms. Harris would teach Joey and his mother how to help Naja exercise.

  The bell rang. Joey sprang from his seat and out the door.

  “Hi, Joey. Have you seen your animal friends again?” Valeria said as he rushed past her classroom.

  “What? Oh, no. Oswald, the possum who did a lot of the talking? He used to live in my yard. But . . . well, it’s a long story.”

  “Oh. Well, I’m coming with my mom on Sunday to your barbeque. Maybe I could meet him then?” Ria said.

  Joey blinked and looked at her. He never paid much attention to her. Not because she wasn’t nice. She was OK. But his mother seemed to think that just because she was friends with someone who had a kid close to his age, he and whoever that kid was should be friends. Of course, it didn’t work like that. He knew his mother knew that, really, but she didn’t always act like it.

  “I didn’t know you spoke Animal. You know, the day the animals came to the school, that was you who helped them find me, right?” he said.

  Ria slung her purple-and-yellow knapsack over her shoulder. “Oh, yeah. We used to have a dog and I could always talk to her, but she got old and died. My mom says we can get another one this summer.” A river of kids and teachers poured past them.

  “Our neighbors have a dog, Zola. She’ll be at the barbeque. You’ll like her. She’s great. But I’ve got to go. We have a goose coming to live with us today,” Joey said.

  “A goose? How’d you get a goose?”

  Joey was moving down the hall. “I’ll tell you Sunday.”

  Joey jogged down Thirty-Second Street, not stopping to say hello to the various pets as he usually did. He turned right on Perry Street and banged the gate open, then remembered to close it, now that Naja was here.

  Ms. Harris, his mom, and Naja were in the yard by the pool. Mr. and Mrs. Edwards were there too, but not Zola. Melvin sat on the back deck watching the proceedings, tail swishing. Naja was walking around the yard, looking under bushes, waddling along the fence line, poking her beak at the bottom as though she was testing it. Her walk was awkward.

  “Hi, Joey,” Ms. Harris said and ruffled his hair. Joey hated when people did that, but tolerated it with Ms. Harris, not knowing her well enough to tell her.

  “Hi, Ms. Harris. Hey, Mom, Mr. Edwards, Mrs. Edwards. What’s Naja doing? Is she trying to get out?”

  His mom gave him something between a hug and a wrestling hold around his shoulders. “No, don’t worry. She’s checking out her new territory. It’s natural. She explained it all to me,” his mother said.

  “Ms. Harris explained it?” Joey said.

  “No, Naja.” His mother beamed. “I’m starting to understand her. Getting a little taste of your world.”

  25

  A BUNCH OF HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE

  Thursday afternoon in the park, Oswald lay spread-eagled on the hot grass. He was feeling very low after seeing that picture of Naja with Joey in the newspaper the day before. That was after Animal Control had brought them back to the park after their school visit.

  “My life is here now, with all of you fine beings,” Oswald told his fellow animals, as a means of trying to raise his own spirits. But when he looked up, he saw they had all moseyed on toward a road known for its excellent garbage buffet.

  “Omigod, your face is longer than your tail!” Mo moaned, when Oswald caught up with them. Mo was sitting on the sidewalk, reaching up to his shoulder into a jar with a few pickles at the bottom.

  “That’s not helpful,” Tessa said then climbed into a potato chip bag.

  Pixie was munching on grass she brought to the dinner, not liking much else when it came to food. “I’m sorry, Oswald. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

  “But Joey’s not lost—he’s just a few blocks away. We can’t give up yet!” Chuck exclaimed.

  “Oh,” Oswald said, but it sounded more like a sigh. His tail wrapped and unwrapped itself around his front leg. “I knew there was more to it when Joey said there was a lot going on at home. They don’t want me and they d
on’t need me anymore. Joey has Naja now—”

  “Oh, for goodness’ sake, can’t a guy have more than one friend?” Mo huffed.

  “Well, why don’t we do something about it, besides yakking?” Tiny said.

  “You think? You think it’s worth trying again?” Oswald said.

  They all shouted out ideas: Chuck suggested giving Joey a cardboard box he’d seen in the alley; Reggie offered his tinfoil collection; Pixie suggested she redecorate Miss Ann’s house; and Hazel and Tessa volunteered to gnaw through anything that Joey might need disposing of. But, one by one, they realized the ideas were no good. It was late, and their ideas were only getting worse, so they agreed to all meet up again the next day and think some more.

  But as they all started off toward their respective nests, the sound of a ringing bell made them stop. It was Queenie. She ran up to them with a big cat grin, ears perked forward, and eyes large and round.

  “Hey, good to be back. I’ll tell you that for free! My humans wouldn’t let me out for a whole day—afraid I’d ‘get lost’ again.” She plopped down among them and gave a good shake.

  “And then they got the bright idea for this stupid bell.” The animals shook their heads and made sympathetic noises.

  “Queenie—lovely to see you. I am ever so sorry for any problems I may have inadvertently caused,” Oswald said.

  “Don’t be silly. I loved going with you guys to Joey’s school. That was the best adventure I’ve had for a long time. So, what did I miss? Any good parties?” Queenie asked.

  And that gave Oswald exactly the idea they’d been looking for. But they only had two days to prepare.

  26

  OLD TRUSTY RUSTY

  Friday afternoon after school, Joey sat on the Edwardses’ porch. He watched the scene at his house. His mom sat on their front porch. Naja was in the blue laundry basket with one side cut away, for easier entrance and exit. Melvin sat on the table, sniffing Miss Ann’s mug of herbal tea.

  “You don’t like my tea, remember?”