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  “Your fault?”

  “You see, when Eliza Sue asked for Amelia, I told her I would have to speak with you first, of course, and seek your permission. I forgot, and I apologize, Aunt Eugenia, for such a thoughtless oversight.”

  His voice was smooth, and his hand gestures flowed in the air as if he were waving a magic wand before him. And perhaps there was some sort of invisible wand, for Eugenia’s glare slowly vanished, and a tight, unnatural smile came to her face.

  “I see. Well then, I accept your apology, Perry. However, please don’t allow such an oversight to happen again.”

  “Of course,” he replied and tipped his hat to go. “Until tomorrow, ladies.”

  He gallantly climbed up onto his horse and rode off, leaving me to face Eugenia alone.

  “Get washed up for supper. You can eat in your room while you make up for all the Bible studies you have forsaken today,” she snapped and went inside.

  When I was up in my room, I breathed a long sign of relief, plopped onto my bed, took out my journal, and wrote:

  Today, July 25th, 1859, Perry Montgomery was a true gentleman and apologized for his unseemly conduct. I am relieved he will now see me as the young girl I am, though he declared how beautiful I am. It is not easy to avoid falling madly for a man who is so fine looking, however I am certain someday a young, single gentleman will come into my life and sweep me off my feet. Then all the tingles that run through my body will be warranted. Then passion will be permitted, for the man I fall in love with will be sent to me as my true, unadulterated one and only.

  The morning of Eliza Sue’s party was warm and dewy; the heavy mist of a lingering evening storm had finally passed.

  Perry Montgomery wasn’t anywhere in sight as we pulled up before his plantation house. Children were scattered about, running and laughing as their mothers looked on while conversing with the hostess and lady of the house, Myrna Montgomery. I was hoping Perry Montgomery would stay indoors with the other men, including Daddy, in the library, and stay far from the women. But to my dismay, as I climbed out of the buggy, he appeared. Eugenia was at my side, and for the first time I felt she was a shield for me, a human shield to protect me from the long-lasting stares and eager gazes I often received from men, especially from one particular man.

  “Aunt Eugenia, Amelia, good to see you on this fine day,” Perry Montgomery greeted us, after welcoming Daddy with a hearty handshake and placing a simple kiss on his aunt’s gloved hand. I stayed a step back, hidden behind Eugenia. She was pleased with my reluctance to stray far from her side, though she encouraged me to greet him like a lady and retain my manners.

  “Amelia, say thank you to Perry for inviting you to such a nice party, then be on your way and play with the other children,” she said in a cool, unconcerned tone.

  I eased out from her tall shadow and extended my hand to Perry Montgomery, all the while keeping my eyes from locking with his.

  “Miss Amelia, don’t you look lovely today. Thank you for coming to my daughter’s birthday party. I hope you have a wonderful time,” he said, as he took hold of my hand to greet me with a kiss.

  My heart fluttered and my stomach sank all at the same time as I felt his warm lips go through my glove and right to the soft skin of my hand. With a quick jerk, I snatched my arm away and hurried off as instructed, joining the small group of children playing a game of hopscotch. Even the slave children were permitted to play, and to my delight, Hattie was there.

  “Oh, Hattie,” I cried, falling into her arms, “Daddy allowed you to share in Eliza Sue’s party!”

  “Momma insisted,” she whispered to me as she gazed around to make certain Eugenia wasn’t in earshot. “Daddy came to see her last night.”

  Hattie must have seen a worried look on my face.

  “Don’t worry, they don’t know I overheard them talking. They thought I was fast asleep.”

  I took Hattie and quickly led her away from the children and into the woods where no one could hear us.

  “Daddy isn’t supposed to be seeing Mammy anymore,” I said. “Eugenia would be furious if she found out. So much is not the same without you and Mammy.”

  “Things are different, but one thing that will never change is you and me being lifelong sisters,” she said with tear-filled eyes. “Now let’s go and play today, play like we used to, and for just one day forget that I have to go out and pick cotton tomorrow, and you have to be kept away in the big house. Just for one day,” she begged.

  Hattie was right, absolutely right. Occasions such as these were fleeting, and I quickly put aside my inhibitions.

  “Come, let’s play hide and seek with the others,” I exclaimed and pulled her out of the trees and led her back to the mansion, where we gathered the others.

  “You’re it, Hattie,” I declared, then we all scattered. Every child, including the slave children, played along. I headed into the Montgomery’s plantation house along with Eliza Sue and her little sisters, Edna and Martha, not worrying about obtaining Eugenia’s permission. After all, I was supposed to be a child; that’s what she wanted me to be.

  “I will head this way,” I told Eliza Sue, pointing to the east wing of the second floor, “You take your sisters into the pantry. Hattie will never find you there.”

  The ladies were conversing in the comfort of the large shaded veranda, enjoying mint juleps and tasty hors d’oeuvres, while the gentleman stayed in the library smoking cigars, drinking expensive brandy, and discussing politics, as usual. As I scurried up the stairs seeking a suitable hiding place, I heard Daddy’s distinctive English accent flow out from the library, speaking of the next year’s presidential elections, something that was a regular topic in most southern households.

  We had played hide and seek many times in their home, but I’d never ventured into the east wing. Usually we gathered in Eliza Sue’s room, and that’s where we were always found. I didn’t want to be found first, I told myself, and I hurried down the hall to the first set of unlocked doors. I stepped inside and closed the door quietly, then pressed my ear up against the door to listen for footsteps. I was happy to be playing childish games, excited to stay hidden, waiting excitedly on edge to be called out. I listened attentively through the door, nervously nibbling on my nails, until I heard someone finally coming down the hall. I giggled under my breath and pressed up against the wall, so when the door eased open I would go undetected. I hadn’t paid attention to the room where I stayed hidden until I peeked out from the door to see if it was Hattie come looking for me.

  Perry Montgomery wandered into his bedroom alone, leaving a subtle scent of brandy trailing behind him. I closed my eyes and held my breath, wanting to stay invisible, praying not to be discovered. I hoped my trembling body didn’t shake the wall I was pressed up against or the floorboards pounding from each beat of my racing heart. I saw Eugenia’s face flash before me, her scowl livid, her stone-cold eyes filled with rage.

  He was whistling a familiar tune, which caused me to open my eyes as he went over to the long dresser near end of the room. He poured some water out of an elegant pitcher and into the matching bowl and rolled up his sleeves. I tilted my head slightly, just enough to watch him dip his hands into the water and then gently lower his head down to wash his face.

  Filled with guilt for still being intrigued, and fascinated by his handsome looks, I again closed my eyes and prayed to God that he understood that this was an accident and that I wasn’t intentionally standing in Perry Montgomery’s bedroom, the room he shared with his wife, and I promised to study my Bible the minute I returned home. I swore I would ask for forgiveness in church as well.

  I remained as calm and quiet as I possibly could, with my eyes slammed shut, waiting and waiting for him to leave and go back downstairs, and just when I heard him walk past, his heavy steps suddenly stopped. The door slammed shut and my eyes flew open.

  “Amelia? What are you doing in here?” he asked with subtle confusion. “Why aren’t you playing with the
others?”

  “I…I,” I stammered. I couldn’t speak. He stood staring at me with a quizzical gaze, waiting for an answer.

  “I should go,” I managed to say, after swallowing the heavy lump that had formed in my throat.

  “Wait,” he said, quickly grabbing hold of my arm. “Were you spying on me?”

  “No, sir, I was playing hide and seek. I didn’t realize this was your room, Mr. Montgomery,” I tried to explain.

  A subtle smile came over his face, and he released my arm.

  “Oh, I see. So you weren’t spying on me after all?”

  “I would never do such a thing,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t hear the breathlessness from my voice.

  He stepped forward and leaned into me as he had done before; but this time, I stepped back and awkwardly excused myself.

  “I should be going. I apologize for intruding.”

  “No, wait,” he replied, taking hold of my arm again. “I don’t think my aunt would think kindly of you being up here like this. I have lied for you once before. What do you think I should say to her now?”

  “But…but…I didn’t know it was your room,” I cried, looking away from his intense stare, holding my breath so I wouldn’t smell the strong scent of brandy.

  “Now, Amelia, do you expect me to believe you? You have been coming over to my home for years now, playing with my girls. How wouldn’t you know this was my room, the room I share with my wife?” Perry Montgomery said in a low whisper. Then without warning, he pulled me into his arms.

  “I think it is a good thing. Please stop trembling. I promise I won’t tell your father or Eugenia, if you promise me something.”

  “What, Mr. Montgomery?” I asked innocently, while my mind screamed for him to release me. I didn’t want to be in his arms, and I trembled when he pressed against me and allowed his lips to brush against my neck.

  “Please stop,” I begged.

  “Amelia, I know I vowed to leave you be, but I just can’t help myself. Please let me kiss you and promise not to tell a soul.” He groaned between eager, lustful kisses. “I can’t stop thinking about you. If I weren’t married, I would take you and make you mine. I know you think so too. I see it when you look at me . . . I do,” he continued.

  For a brief moment, my body relaxed and responded to his warm kisses. I hadn’t been held or told I was wanted for so long. I savored his compliments and listened as he murmured in my ear how he dreamt of me day and night.

  It all seemed like a dream, a dream I’d experienced many nights before and written about often in my private journal - only I knew very well this was no dream, and with that thought, I quickly came to my senses. “Please let me go,” I choked nervously.

  He pulled away. His face was flushed, his eyes calm, his expression serene.

  “Kiss me one time and I will let you go without a word to anyone,” he whispered.

  I gazed up at him and into his dreamy eyes and somehow convinced myself it was all right, just one time and never again. As much as I feared what was about to happen, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like to be kissed by a grown man.

  I agreed with only an ounce of hesitation, closed my eyes, and stood on my toes to have him kiss me, when the bedroom door unexpectedly burst open.

  He abruptly pushed me back, and I barreled down to the hard floor. Eugenia stood frozen, desperately trying to comprehend what she had just witnessed. Then her face twisted with rage as she reached for me.

  “You little tramp, get up!” she ordered. “Perry, your wife is in labor. I have come looking for you.”

  He hurried out of the room without looking back, while Eugenia pulled me to my feet. Without another word, Eugenia shoved me out of the room and ordered me to go home.

  “And you stay in your room until I get there!”

  The sound of the doorknob turning woke me from a brief sleep. I had collapsed into my bed after running the entire way home.

  I bolted up and quickly shoved my journal under the covers just in time. Helen came in with a small tray of food, placed it down on the table, and motioned for me to come sit and eat. Apparently she was assigned to sit and watch me eat until I was finished.

  With all the commotion of the day, I decided to eat and not to make any fuss. I was still groggy from my short nap and simply longed to get the food and milk down so I could crawl back into bed. But Eugenia had other plans for me. As soon as I took my last bite of chicken, Eugenia came barging into my room, dismissed Helen, and ordered me to stand.

  “We are going to church. Get your wrap.”

  “Church, now?”

  Instead of waiting for me to get my wrap, she fetched it from my armoire and threw it over my shoulders, then shoved me along, down the dark hall of the mansion, and down the staircase until we were outside.

  The night was dark and dreary; a light rain misted the hot night air, and a heavy fog rolled in off the river. Curtis P. Boyd was seated on the buckboard, waiting to drive us into the night.

  “I don’t understand why we need to go to church,” I grumbled. “Where is Daddy?”

  “Your father has business to attend to this evening. You know not everything in his world is about you,” she said flatly, taking her place next to me in the buggy. “In fact, he is becoming more and more aware of the kind of girl you really are. Though I mentioned nothing of what I witnessed today, he knows. And you should be grateful I didn‘t reveal how you attempted to seduce Perry Montgomery, your own uncle. Even if he is only your uncle by marriage.

  “I have seen this coming for some time . . . actually since the moment I laid eyes on you. I have watched you flirting with him, my married nephew, and I will not tolerate that sinful behavior any longer!”

  Before I could respond, before I could ask what she meant, Curtis P. Boyd urged the horse on, and we headed off into the gloomy night.

  It was too dark in the buggy to see Eugenia’s expression, but I had no doubt that her face was painted with a smug, satisfied smile, or at the very least a contented grin.

  I agreed that Daddy no longer saw me as the same little girl I once was. But that was no fault of my own. I was growing, changing, like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, and it was nature’s doing. I didn’t ask Perry Montgomery to chase after me, although of course I regretted being so intrigued by his charm and handsome good looks. I wished I hadn’t been so enamored, and I felt ashamed. For some reason, I was the only one being punished, and I knew the punishment was coming long before I stepped into the church and stood before Reverend Carter.

  I had never been to church at night. The stained-glass windows didn’t cast prisms of color over the pews as I was used to, and there wasn’t the powerful inspirational music coming from the pipe organ. But the determined, distraught expression on the reverend’s face was enough to pull me in and capture all of my attention. There were what seemed like hundreds of candles lit; they flickered madly, casting all kinds of spooky shadows on the walls and high up onto the dark cathedral ceiling.

  Shaking from my nerves as well as from the dampness that had settled on the church, I waited with a sickening feeling for him to speak, while Eugenia eased back into a pew to wait, watch, and anticipate what was about to happen next.

  “Dear Lord,” the reverend began as he drew his intense gaze from me and shifted his stare up to the heavens. “Amelia has been brought before you by her own mother, in hopes that I will be able to chase the devil out of this young girl.”

  Above the church, the skies began to rumble with thunder, shaking the ground beneath us. I gulped hard as Reverend Carter ordered me on my knees.

  “I pray to you, Lord, and ask you, Father Almighty, to strip the devil out of Amelia’s soul tonight, save her from the gates of hell, and protect her from the evil that filled her being from the moment she was conceived.

  “Stand up girl,” he then ordered. “Stand before God and ask to be saved!”

  I turned back to Eugenia for a moment then stared up at the re
verend. His eyes were fiery, as if he himself were possessed by the devil. When I couldn’t speak because I was trying so desperately not to bawl, Reverend Carter grabbed me, shook me, and demanded that I ask God to be saved.

  “SAY IT, AMELIA! SAY IT!” he commanded.

  Finally I found the courage to speak.

  “I don’t have the devil in me,” I uttered. “I am not full of sin.”

  Stunned by my retort, Reverend Carter took hold of my shoulders and began shaking me violently, so much that my hair came undone.

  “Devil leave her, devil leave her, devil leave her,” he chanted over and over.

  I quickly became dizzy and frightened and couldn’t focus on him. The storm outside grew more intense, the lightning snapped from the black skies outside, all the way down to the wet ground, as the rain violently pelted against the tall stained-glass windows. Then, just when I thought he was finished desperately shaking the devil out of me, before I could catch my breath, I felt my clothing being violently being torn off me.

  “As the servant of God, I will personally strip the devil from you,” he bellowed as he quickly peeled one piece of clothing off at a time, until I stood in front of him at the altar, exposed, humiliated, and drained.

  “Fall to your knees and thank God for saving you!” he demanded. “Thank God for saving you!”

  “SAY IT!” Eugenia raged from behind me. She had come forward and appeared out of the shadows of the pew.

  “Thank God for saving you here and now!” Reverend Carter cried.

  Above the thunder, I shouted as commanded, willing the torment to end.

  “Say it again!” Eugenia ordered.

  I had to say it over and over, on my knees, naked, shaking, with my head bowed, hiding the hot tears that wouldn’t stop flowing.

  Finally the storm settled, and the heavy, angry rain lightened to a gentle drizzle. I was told to rise.

  I couldn’t look at Eugenia or the reverend or Curtis P. Boyd, who was standing at the entrance to the church. He had apparently witnessed everything.