At War with Society; or, Tales of the Outcasts Read online

  The Orange Blossom.

  However assiduously I have plied my vocation, I have never thought thatI was doing the good which our masters expect of us in stopping thesliders on the slippery scale of criminal descent. They only commenceagain, and when they slide off altogether others rise to run the samecourse. If I have taken credit for a diminution, I suspect that DrGuthrie has had more to do with it than I. Sometimes I have had qualmsfrom a conviction that I have been hard on many who could scarcely besaid to be responsible. I have been, no doubt, often an unwelcomeintruder upon merry-makings and jollifications, but then it may be saidfor me that these merry-makers were merry at the expense of others.Well, "you have stopped marriages where one of the parties wasinnocent." True, but the innocent party was attracted by the glitter ofstolen gold, and why should a resetting bridegroom escape a loss anymore than a resetting pawnbroker? A dowried thief in stolen orangeblossom may be a pretty object to a loving snob--to me, however, she isnothing else but a thief, and if I am bound to tear her from his arms,I have just the satisfaction that I transfer her to the arms of justice,who will hug her a good deal closer.

  In 1842, our office was inundated with complaints of house enterings byfalse keys. There had been no fewer than sixteen in six weeks, and not atrace could be discovered.

  "Why, M'Levy," said the Lieutenant one day to me, "we will lose caste.Aberdeen will mock us, and Berwick hold up the finger at us. What's tobe done?"

  "There's a difficulty," replied I. "In the first place, I am satisfiedthere is only one thief; in the second place, there is only one place ofdeposit; in the third place, I am only one man; and, in the fourthplace, I am not an angel. Yet, notwithstanding, I have a hope."

  "What is it founded on?"

  "This little bit of swatch," replied I, shewing him a paring of printnot larger than two crown pieces.

  "Why do you place faith in a rag like that?"

  "I got it," replied I, "from Mrs ----, the proprietor of a house inRichmond Street, the last one operated on, and Mrs Thick, the broker inthe Cowgate, thinks she will be able to match it."

  "That promises something."

  "I think I have the sex too," said I, with an intention to be jocular.

  "Man or woman?"

  "Woman," replied I.

  "Oh, something peculiarly in the female line," said he. "I hope not anobject in the _greening_ way?"

  "No; something preparatory to, and going before that. Can't you guess?"

  "No--yes--let me see--orange blossom?"

  "Yes, orange blossom," said I. "The thief wants to be married. She haslaid in the dowry from the same house in Richmond Street, and finishedoff with the bride's badge."

  Our conversation terminated with a laugh, for, after all, we werescarcely serious, and I repaired to Mrs Thick, a fine specimen of herclass, who, rather than pocket a penny from stolen goods, would havesurrendered her whole stock, amounting to hundreds of pounds. As I wentalong I continued my former ruminations on this wonderful succession ofrobberies. That they were all done by one hand I had, as I have said,little doubt; but, considering the short period of time, the difficultyof watching and accomplishing even one house, the multiplied chances ofbeing seen, the obstructions of locks, the accidents so rife in pledgingor disposing by sale, the many inquiries and investigations that hadalready been made by sharp people, I could not help being filled withadmiration at a dexterity so unexampled in my experience. And then, if Iwas right in my whimsical conjecture as to sex, what a wonderfulcreature of a woman she must be!

  "She is worthy of me anyhow," I said to myself; and as we illiteratepeople are fond of a pun, I added, just for my own ear, "I will catchher through _thick_ or _thin_."

  Now, don't be angry at my wit; it is better than you think; for don'tyou remember of one of the name of Thin, with the three balls above hisdoor?

  And not insensible to the effect of my solitary effort at being cleverout of my sphere, I entered the shop of the broker.

  "Now, Mrs Thick," said I, "have you got a match for my swatch?"

  "Indeed I think I have," replied the good woman, although she knew shewould in all likelihood be a heavy loser by her honesty. "Here's thegown," and, taking the pattern out of my hand, "see, it's just thething--aye, just a bit o' the self-same. Whaur in a' the warld got yethe swatch? Surely it's no canny to meddle wi' you, you're an awfu' man;but, do ye ken, I canna think after a' that that gown was stown."

  "I never said it was, Mrs Thick."

  "Aye, but it's a sign o' dead hens when the farmer rins after the foxthat has loupit the yett."

  "And I never said it was not," replied I, for I had reasons to becautious.

  "Weel, to be honest, Mr M'Levy, I really dinna think it was."

  "And why?"

  "Just because it was brought to me by that industrious creature LizzyGorman."

  "That's the handsome hawker, as the young chaps call her?" said I.

  "Just the same."

  "And what makes you have so much faith in Elizabeth?"

  "Just because I have kent her for years; and naebody could look into herbonny face, sae simple and sweet, without being sure she's an honestcreature. Then she has hawked sae lang through Edinburgh, that had shebeen dishonest, she would hae been fund oot."

  "Well, she does look like an honest girl," said I. "Have you had manyarticles from her besides the gown?"

  "Just a heap," replied she. "But ken ye what, Mr M'Levy?"

  "If I knew the what, I could perhaps tell," said I, keeping my friend inhumour.

  "This is Elizabeth's marriage-day," she whispered in my ear.

  "Orange blossom!" muttered I.

  "Aye, orange blossom," repeated Mrs Thick; "Lizzy's as far up as eventhat."

  Now I had no wish that Mrs Thick should have heard my muttering, but theanswer satisfied me I had muttered to some purpose.

  "And who is the happy man?" inquired I; though I would not have giventhe sprig of orange blossom for the other sprig.

  "Just a snab," replied she; "but then Elizabeth has money, and a fullhouse, a' by her ain industry, and she says she'll set him up."

  "Well, the affair looks promising," said I, adding, as I meditated alittle, "unless the swine runs through it."

  "Oh, it's ower near now for the sow; you're no Scotch, and maybe dinnaken the auld rhyme--

  'Lang to woo, and then to marry, That's the way to mak' things miscarry; But first to marry, and then to woo, Is the surest way to keep out the sow.'

  Aye, the beast seldom comes on the marriage-day to scatter the ribbonsand the orange blossom."

  "Not sure," said I, somewhat absent. "But letting the marriage of thismost industrious girl alone, I have a favour to ask of you. Will youtake care of this gown, and all the other articles Elizabeth has broughtto you?"

  "I will," replied she; "but the Lord kens how I'm to get them a'collected. There's a cart-load o' them; but I hae nae fear they're a'honestly come by."

  "I hope so," said I, as I left the shop, with the intention of returningto the Office for a list of the property stolen from the sixteen houses,and then perhaps to call and see the bonny bride.

  And as I went along, I began to gather up the fragments of my priorknowledge of my handsome hawker. She was pretty well known for severalpeculiarities. Her face was that of a gipsy, with the demureness of therace mixed with a simplicity which they seldom exhibit; and her dress,plain almost to Quakerism, had all that dandyism which extreme care andan excellent taste can bestow on very plain things. Quite an exceptionto the crowd of town-hawkers, she was far above their baskets andbundles of troggan. We see these every day. Some are enveloped in amountain of shining articles of tin,--others are surrounded with a wholeforest of wicker-work in the shape of baskets and reticules,--othersrejoice in a heap of black tin shovels,--many are devoted to kitchens,where they shew their white caps to the servants out of a basket neatlycovered with a white towel,--the apple and orange troggars areeverywhere, the red-herring female merchants being prob
ably at the footof the tree. Despising all these, Elizabeth was seldom burdened withmore than a neat paper parcel. Even that she was often without, andindeed I had heard it often remarked that no one knew what she hawked.Yet the readiness with which she was admitted at pretty high doors wasremarkable, and once in, the secret article, probably drawn from underher gown, was an easy sale--at to her, no doubt, a remuneratingprice--under the charm of a winning simplicity, aided by the ready taleof the interesting orphan. A little consideration of these things soonbrought me to the conclusion that it was only by such an adept,thoroughly acquainted with the inside of so many houses, by means of adaring eye and a quick ear, that all these sixteen entries in six weekscould have been effected. Nor would it be too much to say that theorange blossom was not accidental, if it was an object which she hadknown to be in the house where a marriage was on the _tapis_, and ofwhich she had obtained the knowledge by a prior visit.

  I had now got thoroughly interested in my pretty hawker. Her movement onthe scale was now upwards. It is seldom that thieves slide up to Hymen'sbower; and if I had had no other motive than simply to see the youngwoman who could perform such miracles, I would have gone twenty miles tosee her in her marriage dress, orange blossom, and all. I soon got mylist completed; indeed, I was now somewhat in a hurry. The apathy withwhich the Lieutenant had charged me was changed into enthusiasm. Strangeperversity of the human heart! I felt a jealousy of the snab. He wasunworthy of such perfection. The bride must be mine at all hazards, evenif I should be obliged to renounce my beauty to the superior claims ofthe Colonial Secretary.

  Having got my list, I made again for the Cowgate, where, as I passed thestair-foot leading to the room of the intended, I saw the beginnings ofthe crowd which was to honour this match between the son of Crispin andthe daughter surely of that famous goddess who got her skeleton keysfrom Vulcan for a kiss. I would pay due attention to the crowd by andby, and gratify it perhaps more than by the raree-show it was gaping tosee. It was Mrs Thick I was now after; and having again found her at herold post, I went over with her as quickly as I could the long list, andbecame quite satisfied that her estimate of a cart-load was not muchbelow the mark.

  "Now, you are upon your honour," said I to her. "You must be careful toretain all those articles for an hour or so, for I am sorry to informyou I must take them from you."

  "And can it be possible!" she exclaimed, no doubt with reference to theguilt of her industrious protege; and then relaxing into a kind ofsmile, "Surely, surely you're no to act the animal we were speaking of.The bride's dressed, the bridegroom is up, the minister is waited for,and the crowd is at the door. Poor Lizzy, poor Lizzy, could ever I havethought this of you!"

  "Well, I admit that I intend to be at the marriage anyhow," said I."They have not had the grace to invite me; but I am often obliged tooverlook slights from my friends."

  And leaving my honest broker in the very height of her wonder--if notwith uplifted hands and open mouth--I made my way to the house ofrejoicing, shaded as all such are with that quiet decorum, if notsolemnity, which the black coat and white cravat have such a power ofcasting over leaping hearts and winged hopes. The crowd had by this timeincreased; and among the rest was my assistant waiting for me--thoughostensibly there to overawe the noisy assemblage. The Irish boys andgirls were predominant, shouting their cries, among which "The snab andthe hawker, hurra," would not sound as an honour up-stairs. When I sayIrish boys and girls, I mean to include adults of sixty, grim andshrivelled enough in all save the heart, which is ever as young andgreen as an urchin's. Then who does not feel an interest in theevergreen of marriage, albeit its red berries are often full ofbitterness and death? The young look forward to it, and the old backupon it--the one with a laugh, the other with a sigh; but the interestis ever the same. Nay, I'm not sure if the sigh has not a little hope init, even to that last dripping of the sands, when even all other"pleasure has ceased to please." Excuse me, it is not often I have tosermonise on marriage, except those between the law and vice, where theyoke is not a pleasant one, and yet perhaps less unpleasant than many ofthose beginning with love on the one side, and affection on the other.And now I am the detective again.

  "Are the constables ready?" I whispered to my assistant.

  "Yes; they're in the stair-foot beyond the meal-shop on the otherside."

  "Then keep your post, and have an eye to the window."

  "For _ha'pennies_?" said he, with a laugh.

  "I'm just afraid I may reduce the _happiness_," replied I, not to beoutdone in Irish wit on a marriage occasion, however bad at it.

  And pushing my way among the noisy crowd, whose cry was now "M'Levy!""He's to run awa' wi' the bride!" "The snab has stown his varnishedboots!" "The bride is to sleep in a police cell!" and so forth, Imounted the stair till I came to the marriage-hall. Uninvited as I was,I made "no gobs," as they say, at entering, but, opening the door, stoodthere among the best of them. A more mysterious guest perhaps neverappeared at a marriage before since the time of the famous visitor atJedburgh, where the king danced; but I had no attention to bestow onexpressions of wonder. The scene was of a character to be interestingenough to any one. To me the chief object of attention was the head ofthe bride, where the orange blossom ought to be; and there to be sure itwas, set off, as it ought to have been, with green myrtle. With this Iwas so much occupied, that I cannot say it was just then that I scannedElizabeth's dress--a fine lavender glace silk, adorned with as manyknots as would have bound all the lovers in the room in silken bands;collar and sleeve of lace, of what kind goes beyond my knowledge; greyboots, necklace, and armlets; white kid gloves, with no doubt a goodmany rings under them. These notices came rather afterwards, mypractical eye ranging meanwhile--the party being dead silent asyet--round the room, where, according to my recollection of my list, Isaw a perfect heaping up of all manner of things collected from thesixteen opened houses, which the pretty bride had so industriouslyentered.

  My survey was the result of a few rapid glances, and I recurred to theparties. The amazement was just at its height, yet strange to say theonly one who stood there unmoved, and with no greater indication ofinternal disturbance than a cast-down eye, overshaded by its longlashes, was Elizabeth Gorman. That she understood the object of myvisit, I had no doubt; nor was I surprised that a creature of her nerve,capable of what she had done, should stand before me in the midst of allher friends, and in the presence of her intended husband, as immoveableas a lump of white marble--no additional paleness, no quiver of the lip,no hairbrained glances of fear.

  "And who are you?" at last cried the souter _futur_; "you are notinvited."

  "No; I have taken the liberty to come uninvited," replied I, as I threwmy eye over the body of the young snab arrayed in absolute perfection,from the glossy cravat to the shining boots, so spruce and smart thatthe taste of Elizabeth must have been at the work of preparation. Norwas he without some right, if one might judge of the number of houseslaid under contribution for a dowry which was to be his, and by the helpof which he was to become a master.

  Whereupon there arose a perfect Babel of voices--"No right;" "M'Levy hasno right here;" "Turn him out." To all this I paid little attention; Iwas more curious about a movement on the part of Elizabeth, whose righthand was apparently fumbling about her pocket. A pocket in a bride'sdress!--ay, just so. Elizabeth Gorman was a bride of a peculiar kind;she had a _pocket_ even as a part of her bridal apparel, and there wasmore there than a cambric handkerchief.

  "I will help you to get out your napkin, Elizabeth," said I.

  And putting my hand into the sacred deposit, I pulled out twocheck-keys.

  With these two keys, she had opened (I speak in anticipation) the wholesixteen houses. I managed this movement in such a manner that I believeno one could know what I abstracted except Elizabeth herself, who seemedto care no more for the discovery than she had as yet done for any partof the ceremony.

  "And the orange blossom," said I, "I have a fancy for this too," I said,as I, very g
ently I hope, took off the wreath, and, in spite of thenecessary crumpling of so expressive an emblem of bliss, put it in mypocket.

  The hubbub was now general, and Crispin thinking that his honour wastouched, waxed magniloquent. He even put himself into a fightingattitude, and sparred away with all the valour of a gentleman calledupon to protect injured innocence. Nor Dowsabell, nor Dulcinea, nor anyother heroine of romance, had ever so formidable a champion; but then Idid not choose to take up the snab's gage. I contented myself withstepping between one or two of the guests to the window, gave two orthree knocks, and then took up my station by the side of Elizabeth. Thedoor opened, and in came my assistant.

  "I choose to claim this young woman for my bride," I said, with a littleof an inward chuckle. "I will dispose of her property; meanwhile, all ofyou leave the room. Clear-out, officer," I added, as they seemed toloiter and murmur.

  And so to be sure, my assistant, to make short work of emptying theroom, hurried them off, the last loiterer being the snab, whose look atElizabeth carried as much of what is called sentiment as might havetouched even her, who, however, received the appeal with the same coldindifference she had exhibited all through the strange scene. I do notsay she did not feel. It is hardly possible to suppose that a youngwoman dressed for marriage, and in the hands of the police, withbanishment before and shame behind, could be unmoved; but the mind ofthese creatures is so peculiarly formed that they make none of nature'ssigns, and are utterly beyond our knowledge. That something goes onwithin, deep and far away from even conjecture, we cannot doubt; but itis something that never has been known, and never will be, because theythemselves have no words and no symbols to tell what it is. When thusleft alone with her, it might have been expected that she would give mesome token that she was _human_, but no; there she stood in all herfinery, unmoved and immoveable, her gipsy face calm, if not placid, hereye steady, and without uttering a single word. "And now, Elizabeth," Isaid, "I daresay you know the reason of this intrusion; you are accusedof having entered no fewer than sixteen dwelling-houses, and stealingtherefrom many valuables, and I must apprehend you."

  "Very well."

  "Have you any more keys than those I have got?"

  "No more."

  "Were these all you used?"

  "You can find that out; I confess nothing."

  "Well, then, make yourself ready to go with me; get your shawl andbonnet."

  And without further sign of being even touched with any feeling ofremorse or shame, she proceeded calmly to put on these articles ofdress.

  "I am ready."

  "Too serious," thought I, as I looked to a side-table and saw the wineand the cake. I wanted to give things a more cheerful look.

  Was ever bride taken away without the "stirrup-cup," even a glass of herown wine?

  But no, it wouldn't do. Elizabeth would neither take nor give, and so I,too, went without my glass.

  "Keep the house," said I to my assistant, "till I return. I will postthe constables at the foot of the stairs."

  And, taking Elizabeth by the arm, I sallied forth amidst a noise thatroused the whole Cowgate; and no wonder, perhaps such a scene was neverwitnessed there before, certainly not since. Mrs Thick's hands wereuplifted as we passed; nor was the wonder less among the otherneighbours, who looked upon Elizabeth as a pattern of industry andstrict behaviour.

  After depositing my bride I got arrangements made for clearing the houseof the stolen property. Every thing was removed except the table,chairs, and frame of the bed, and pages would not contain a catalogue ofthe fruits of this young woman's industry. But the recovery from MrsThick was a different process. I was up till four in the morning gettingout and identifying the numerous articles of all kinds stored away inher premises.

  By and by, my bride was tried before the High Court; and here I may beallowed a remark on the apparent calosity of people of her stamp. I haveoften noticed that these dumb, impassable victims are more ready at theend to give way than your loquacious asserters of innocence. I take thispeculiarity for a proof that they bleed inwardly, and that while we areangry with them for being what we call unnatural, they are paying theforfeit in another shape. This extraordinary girl, after all her silenceand apparent indifference, pled guilty to ten different cases ofhouse-entering, and they were all effected by the two keys I took out ofher pocket at the scene of the contemplated marriage. Fourteen years'transportation was her punishment, and she heard the sentence without asigh or a tear.

  I need scarcely add, that this was the only thief I ever discoveredthrough the means of orange blossom.