At War with Society; or, Tales of the Outcasts Read online

  The Pleasure-Party.

  No kind of literature can be more detrimental to morals than that ofwhich we have had some melancholy examples from the London press, wherethe colours that belong to romance are thrown over pictures of crimeotherwise revolting. Nor is much required for this kind of writing,--atouch of fate calling for sympathy, or a dash of cleverness extortingadmiration, will suffice. Shave the fellow's head, and put a canvasjacket on him, and you have your hero as he ought to be. See M'Phersonwith the fiddle out of his hands, and think of his beating the rump of apoor widow's cow which he had stolen, and was to feed on half raw, likea savage, as he was, and what comes of Burns' immortal song? Catchnature painting up those things with any other colours than those ofblood and mud. And yet I have been a little weak sometimes in this waymyself, when I have found boldness joined to dexterity. One needs aneffort to get quit of rather natural feelings in contemplating some fouryouths, male and female, well endowed in person and intellect, and withso much of that extraneous elegance derived from the tailor and awell-practised imitation of the great, set down to plan an invasion of aforeign country, strange to them in language and manners, and with noother weapons for spoil than their boldness and their wits. A littleattention enables us to disabuse ourselves, by pointing out that theboldness is impudence, and the invention deceit, and we come pleasantlyback to the huckaback--the rig and furrow, and the shaved head.

  In September 1856, I was in Princes Street on a general survey. It was afine day for the time of the year, and the street was crowded with thatmixed set of people, preponderating so much towards the grand and gay,for which that famous promenade has of late years become remarkable.Yes, there has been a change going on, and I have marked it:--a far moreexpensive style of dressing in the middle classes--a more perfectimitation of the gait and manners of the higher, so that I defy you totell a shopkeeper's son or daughter from a lord's--more of the grandees,too, and ten foreigners for one formerly seen--the only indelible markremaining being that of the female "unfortunates," destined to be forever distinguished, and something about my old friends which they cannotconceal from a practised eye. Between St David Street and St AndrewStreet, my attention was claimed by two ladies and a gentleman, whoappeared to me to be English. They were what we call "tops,"--that is,you could hardly suppose it possible for one to be more obliged to thesecretion of the silk-worm, or the ingenuity of the tailor or milliner.It was far more easy for me to mark them than to give you reasons whythey had an interest for me. What though I were to say that theyappeared a degree too curious about the dresses of the lady-promenaders,and verified too much the common saying, which really has no referenceto pocket-fanciers, that if you look in at a window, you will presentlyfind people at your back?

  At any rate, I thought I had some claims upon them, not that they were"old legs," as we call the regulars, for, as I have hinted, they wereentirely new to me, but that it appeared they thought they had claimsupon others,--the natural claims, you know, that are born with us. Anew-born infant will hang at any breast, or even fix to a glass nipple,and these people only retain their infantine nature. So I told Riley toshew deference, and keep off before them, always within eyeshot, while Ikept up my interesting observation. I soon noticed that they werehopeful, with all that fidgettiness which belongs to flatteringexpectation. They wanted something, and would doubtless have been gladto see an old lady or gentleman faint; but there were none in that way,and no runaway horse would strike against a lamp-post, and throw itsrider on the pavement. Neither did those clots of people at the windowsseem worthy of their attention, yet they flitted about them, parted tomeet again, and were as active as butterflies whirling in the air, andsucking no honey. With all this idle play, they kept up theircheerfulness, indulging in jokes, laughter, and other high jinks, sothat I was doubtful whether they were less happy than I.

  With the same fluttering levity, indulged in amidst what appeared to memight have been considered heavy expectations, they all three wenttripping gaily up St Andrew Street, at the top of the northern divisionof which they met a very little dapper dandy, not over five feet and aninch or two. A more exquisite miniature for the cabinet of a fine lady Ihad never seen before,--dressed, brushed, combed, studded, ringed, andanointed; and so nimble, that if Gulliver had put him into hiscoat-pocket, it wouldn't have been without danger to his silversnuff-box. He seemed to be the friend of the taller belle, and, as Iafterwards learned, bore the historical name of Beaumont, while shetravelled by the name of Miss Mary Grant; the other, Evans, was devotedto the lesser lady, Miss Mary Smith. The little man must have been moresuccessful than they, if I could judge from a united laugh whichfollowed a stealthy glimpse of something which he shewed cautiously, andwhich I naturally took for a purse. They seemed to have much inhand--one pointing one way--another, another--then a few minutes'deliberation, not without signs of impatience, as if they thought theywere losing time. At length Beaumont, who, though small, seemed to bethe leader, pointed north, drawing out the while a watch, and theyappeared decided, all setting off along St Andrew Square. I immediatelyconcluded they were for Scotland Street station, for I knew the northerntrain went about the time, and there is there often a convenientlycrowded platform.

  My conjecture was right. The party made direct for Scotland Street, andI signalled for Riley, who had kept his distance, without losing hisvision. We followed, keeping apart, and enjoyed as we went the frolicsof the party, who, coming from the heart of civilisation, probablyconsidered themselves among some savage people, who could not helpadmiring--and would not be difficult to rob. As for the police ofScotland, they need not be much considered, and they at least had notheard of so humble an individual as I. So new to the town were they,that one of them, taking me by surprise, came running back, and asked methe way to the station. It was Miss Mary Grant.

  "Very easy, ma'am--down to the end of the street, turn the railing onthe left, and go round till you come to Scotland Street on a line withthis."

  "Thank you, sir, and much obliged."

  Your _obligation_ may be increased by and by, said I to myself, as I sawher hopping on to join the party--not the first time I've been asked theway to the net.

  Miss Mary had understood my directions very well, for they neverhesitated or stopped till they got to the top of the stair leading tothe station-house. Being so utterly unknown to our English friends,there was no necessity for my usual caution; and accordingly, the momentthey disappeared, Riley and I went forward to the parapet overlookingthe stair and platform, and placing our elbows upon it, we put ourselvesin the position of lounging onlookers. Our point of observation wasexcellent. We could see the entire platform, and everything that wasgoing on there. A crowd of people were there, among whom a number oflikely ladies, with pockets far better filled than those of merepromenaders in Princes Street. A kindred feeling might suggest to our"party of pleasure," that people can't travel now-a-days without aconsiderable sum of money with them, and therefore wherever there was apocket there would also be money. And then the habit of purse-carrying,which brings all the money together--the notes in the one end, and thesilver or gold in the other--is a preparation just made for thieves, aconvenience for which, with little time to spare, they cannot be toograteful. My friends seemed to be delighted with the bustlingassemblage, but then it was to last only for a few minutes, when thetrain would be down, and the platform left in solitude. So they behovedto make hay while the sun shone, and they knew it. The first observationI made was to the effect that they took no tickets--just as Isuspected. My second, that they began play at once, though with care,and in that shy way preliminarily to the required boldness when thehurry-scurry would begin with the coming of the train. It rather seemedthat they only _marked_ victims in the meantime--keepingseparate--threading the crowd with alacrity and hope, picking upsuitabilities by rapid glances.

  Then came the rumble of the train down the tunnel, at the sound of whichthe passengers began to move, carrying their luggage to the edge of theplatform, and al
l on the tiptoe of expectation. But now I fairly admitthat I never more regretted so much the want of half-a-dozen of eyes.The nimble artistes were all at work at the same time--they were, inshort, in a hurry of pocket-picking; and though myself cool enough, Iwas for an instant or two under the embarrassment of a choice to directmy vision from one to another, or to fix upon one. Miss Mary Smith wasat the farther end--Evans busy helping a fat lady with her luggage--thelittle Beaumont deep among floating silks, and invisible. My mark wasMiss Grant, who was devoted to the first-class passengers, and thoughversatile in the extreme, had a main chance in her eye, a lady whoafterwards turned out to be Mrs C----n in Danube Street. From thislady, I saw her take a purse, just as the silk gown was being pulled inafter the body. The whistle blows, away goes the train, and our friendsare left all but alone on the platform.

  It was now our time. Moving slowly--for though they had been in a greathurry, that was no reason for my being so too--accompanied by Riley, Ientered the door at the top of the gangway, where we met the partycoming up. Miss Mary Grant had not had time even to deposit her purse inher pocket, and Riley seizing her hand took it from her. They saw atonce that they had been watched, and the face of the Miss Mary, whom Ihad directed to the scene, paled under my eye. A sign to the portersbehind me brought them ready to help, and the station-master comingforward, with his assistance we bundled the whole four into thestation-house. A telegraphic message was instantly sent to Burntisland,calling for the lady who had been robbed to return, and I then proceededto search my "party of pleasure." The purse captured contained only 9s.6d., but from their pockets altogether I took notes to the amount ofL50. And next came an evidence of the strength of that friendship whichexists among this class of people, and which in those four, inparticular, appeared to be so strong and heartfelt only a short timebefore. They swore beautiful English oaths that no one of them was knownto the other; and as to the unfortunate Mary, who had the purse, theyall repudiated her, even the dapper Beaumont, who swore that he was anEnglish gentleman of family, connected distantly--how far, a point ofhonour prevented him from condescending on--with the noble family ofthat name. But if the unhappy Mary was thus disowned, she could be aself-sacrifice, for she acknowledged that she did not know them, andthat she had angled on her own hook. We had thus, like a bomb thrownamong combustibles, severed a very close connexion; but then I had theconsolation to think that we would be able to bring them together againat the bar of the court, where, if they should be once more separated,they might celebrate the occasion with tears.

  It was, I admit, rather an occasion that, on which, helped by thestation-master and the gallant porters, and escorted by an admiringcrowd who wondered at such fine gentry being in the hands of the police,I conducted my swells to my place of deposit. I'm not sure if we had notsome hurras, though I did not court notoriety of this kind; but themoment the people got an inkling they were English thieves, the oldfeelings between the nations seemed to rise up again--at least I couldsee nothing but satisfaction in the faces around us; nor was mysatisfaction less when I introduced my friends to my superior, whodoubtless did not expect the honour of receiving in his chambers fourpersons so distinguished, one being no less than a Beaumont--by Jupiter,5 feet 2 inches, by the line!

  The great Jack Cade, after swaying thousands of people, at last fellinto the hands of a very simple clown. So here, as we soon understood, Ihad had the good fortune, in a very accidental way, of catching, at thevery commencement of their Scotch career, four of the most celebrated ofthe English swells. They were quite well known to the authorities ofLondon, Liverpool, and Manchester, where they had exercised their skillwith so much adroitness that they had slipt through many well-drawnloops of the law; and having escaped so often there, where thedetectives are supposed to be so much cleverer than ours, they had somegrounds for the hope, so well expressed by their hilarity, short-livedas it was, that they would again cross the borders well loaded withScotch booty.

  Next day Mrs C----n obeyed the telegraph--an instrument, by the by,which seems to have more command at the end of the wire than spoken orwritten words, the more by token, perhaps, that it speaks like old Jove,through lightning. She at once identified the purse with the 9s.6d.--yes, that 9s. 6d. which condemned parties who had ravished Englandof hundreds, and brought down a pillar of the house of Beaumont. Thetrial was just as easy an affair as the capture. Sheriff Hallard, thatjudge so steeled against all difference between rich and poor, genteelor ungenteel, tried them. I figured more than I desired or merited inhis speech--which, by the by, I would like to reproduce, but I fear toaffront the honourable judge's eloquence. There is no harm in an attemptat shewing my powers of memory, when I give warning that they are feeblein forensic display, whatever they may be in retaining the faces ofthieves.

  "Prisoners, you have been found guilty of robbing from the person. It isnot often that I have to pass sentence on people of your descriptionfrom England, but I hope the circumstance of my being a Scottish judgewill not be held to sway me in the discharge of my duty. Yet I am notsure if the circumstance of your being English men and women is not aconsiderable aggravation of your crime. What did Scotland ever do to youthat you should come here, hundreds of miles, to prey upon her unwarysubjects? Was it not rather that you thought her honest and simplepeople would become easy victims in hands made expert by efforts toelude the grasp of English authorities? You forgot, too, that incomparison of England we are poor, and less able to lose what we earn byhard labour. But such considerations have small weight with persons ofyour description, who, if you can get money to be spent in debauchery,care little whether it come from the rich or the poor. Now the issue hasproved that you had made a wrong calculation, not only as to theintelligence and sharpness of our people, but the boldness andadroitness of our detectives; and I hope you will bear in mind, and tellyour compeers in England, what we fear they sometimes forget, that wehave not renounced our emblem of a thistle--the pricks of which you mayexpect to feel, when I now sentence you to sixty days' hard labour. Iam only sorry it cannot be made months,--a period more suited to youroffence. For the advantage you thus gain, you are indebted to thatcleverness in Mr M'Levy and his assistant by which you were so sooncaught; for if you had been allowed to go on, you would have earned theattention of the High Court, and the privilege of being transported. Ihope you may profit by the lesson he has taught you."