Fire & Shadows Read online

  Nanan continued in her warm, round voice. “Me and Jayla didn’t think much of it all... Momma just getting out her grief on one of her whims. But then... it happened.” Nanan’s nostrils flared as she gritted her teeth. “A man came into our home when Momma wasn’t there. He—” Nanan’s voice broke off. “He said Momma owed him for all the Voodoo. We found out she was selling herself for it. No wonder about all the whispering in town. All the terrible names we were called. That monster came into the house and raped my little sister...left her for dead.” She looked at me, desperation and outrage plain in her chocolate eyes. My heart hiccupped at her words. How could a past be so terrible? It got worse. “I. Wasn’t. There,” she said.

  “Nanan...I—” I started, but Nanan charged on.

  “Momma came home and didn’t even shed a tear. All she said was ‘I’ll fix it.’ She then pulled out a doll, chanted over it, and threw it into the fire. The next day...we found out that that man’s house had burned down...he died inside. So did his baby boy and wife.” She looked at me then. “Sins and responsibility touch everyone we love, Connor. You hear me?

  My eyes were wide and glassy. More secrets and darkness lurking in our town. “Wh—what happened? To your sister?” I thought I knew the answer, but I couldn’t stop the question.

  Nanan stared into her glass. “That precious child died right in my arms.” She made her arms as if she was holding someone and rocked back and forth; her eyes closed as if she could still feel her.

  “My sister was my whole world and the Dark Magic took her from me.” Nanan’s eyes snapped open, intense. “Your granddaddy had come to the house two nights before ranting and raving that my momma’s sins and wickedness would come and hurt us when the full moon came, and when the debts were due. He told her she had to stop. She screamed at him, called him terrible names, told us he was crazy and sent him off. And he was right. The full moon came and all my momma’s wickedness caught up with us.”

  Nanan was quiet. So was I. The breeze was too gentle; they sky too blue; the whole world too damned bright for all this pain spilling out of Nanan. I took in a shaky breath. Nanan’s soft voice was as gentle as the breeze as if she was whispering a secret and didn’t want anyone to hear. “My sister had big green eyes.”

  I looked back at her, trying to read her expression. Green eyes. I tried to imagine green eyes set within dark skin like hers. Immediately when I imagined it, Jade’s tanned face and startling green eyes came to mind. “Green eyes...like Jade’s.”

  “Yes, just like Jade’s. When I saw her, I wanted her close to me. She was my daily reminder of what I lost... of what I had missed. She filled this hole in my life. That’s why I always took in the kids who came through; because I wanted someone in my life who reminded me of the baby sister, I had lost. None of them did... they were all just nice, lost kids, so I helped them as much as I could. But Jade, Jade was different. She was more than lost. She was fractured and splintered, and broken−” Nanan’s voice broke. “Did she ever tell you how I found her?”

  I shook my head. In all of my time with Jade, not once had I asked her how she met Nanan. Once, she had told me that they simply ‘met’. I didn’t pry; I thought we had more time. Yet I was without her... not knowing.

  “She was on a dock off Riverside, heaped on the edge of it, curled into a ball. She was screaming.”

  “She was screaming?”

  “Yes, she was afraid. She was afraid of the water, you see. I held onto her and she clung to me, clung to me as if she had nothing else in the world to hold onto, like if I let her go, she would shatter. So I didn’t let her go. I held her until her screaming stopped. I held her until the desperation in her eyes was gone.”

  I remembered the way Jade looked on the bridge and that time I had her wade into the lake. She was terrified, but I couldn’t imagine Jade screaming in terror, couldn’t imagine her so fearful. It hit me that before I met her, she was even more broken, and Nanan had already started to fill in the pieces.

  “She looked at me like my sister looked at me before she died. Afraid... and so young. Jayla died in my arms looking up at me with those big green eyes, and then here was this other girl, this other terrified girl looking up at me, and all I thought was that I needed to protect her. So I brought her home... but then when I saw the two of you together, hearing her laugh, seeing her blush, seeing her stronger, I was so happy because I bet if my sister had lived, she would have had moments like that.” Nanan’s face changed. “It wasn’t until I saw her notebook that I knew... I knew she wasn’t just an average girl. It was then the pieces started to fall into place.”

  “Her symbol?”

  Nanan nodded. “Yes, her symbol. The mark to ward off inner evil. Your granddaddy had marked it on our door... he said to help stave off the temptation of dark spirits with my momma. I used to have nightmares about that symbol. I used to hate your granddaddy because it obviously didn’t work. It didn’t save us. But I couldn’t hate him for long...no. When they put him away for dementia, I knew that wasn’t what ailed him. I knew he had some terrible, dark gift, one that he couldn’t control.” She looked at me, her eyes filled with sorrow. “I felt guilty for not telling the truth. I just let him go to that hospital. But I didn’t want anyone to know the secret. I didn’t want to bring up the past...I couldn’t.”

  The pieces quickly fell into place and a cold chill seeped into me. My grandfather had been put away from his madness; my father had nearly gone mad before dying, and now...I looked down at my hands with the small scars on my wrists. “What is going to happen to me?” I asked Nanan in a small, shaky voice.

  Her expression changed, pity etching itself deep into her features. “I don’t know, Connor. I don’t know.”

  7

  DESI

  DESI LOOKED OUT onto the porch. She tapped her fingertips against her coffee cup. Her nerves tapped against her bones, the whole of her on edge. The whole of her terrified.

  Connor had nearly died just a week ago.

  She sucked in a breath, so thankful to be able to watch her son rocking away and talking to Nanan on the porch. He’s alive. Alive. A tear escaped her. Then another. Her throat was still raw from the countless hours of crying. A tear escaped her. Then another. She wasn’t sure if the tears would ever stop. She felt too weak to lock them away and pretend, too weak to be strong and she was ashamed.

  She had nearly lost her son. The only thing in the world she had left. She had already lost the love of her life and now all she had was her boy, her miracle. It tore her apart to see him suffer. She saw him broken before when her husband died. He fell away from her, so out of reach and she had to stay standing when all she wanted to do was fall apart. Then Jade had come into their lives and changed everything. She saw how Connor brightened when Jade was at his side. How he grew into a young man, a man who looked out and could see, rather than look down and pretend. She loved Jade for reaching to him, for helping him, for loving him.

  But maybe she never did love him. Maybe she was just a cruel player in a game. Desi dashed that thought away, but it nagged at her. She flinched as she remembered the gashes on Connor’s arms in the hospital room. Cuts neat like blades.

  How could he have fallen so hard? How could she, his mother, have let him? How heartbroken had he been to think of himself, to try to leave her, abandon her.

  It was all too much. He was too proud to admit that he had tried to kill himself. He denied it so fervently, but Desi could see that there were secrets held within him, secrets he wouldn’t share and every time she tried to believe him, she would see the cuts and remember what it was like to watch a hospital heart monitor, in hopes that it would not stop beeping. It tore her apart knowing that Connor would rather suffer alone. Would lie to her. Would shut her out.

  She watched him on the porch. The stern expression on his face, the tear rolling down Nanan’s cheek made her heart constrict even more.

  Both Nanan and Connor were at the center of the heartache created by Ja
de had dragged Nanan into this too. She wondered how such a vulnerable sweet girl could create such chaos. Desi tried to remember Jade’s face. Her eyes looked so vulnerable, so open. Why hadn’t she tried to dig into her past, into who she was? Connor demanded that she did not contact the authorities to find her. Which only left Desi to believe that she left them all willingly. Desi had been convinced that Jade loved Connor, even with that other boy vying for her affection. She had seen Jade light up when she was with Connor.

  Desi set her cup down and rubbed her temples. She could feel a headache creeping in. She was so confused, and betrayed and alone. So alone. Desi sipped on her coffee, barely tasting it. She tucked her thoughts about Jade away and focused on her boy outside. Something had changed. Desi straightened, concerned. Both Connor and Nanan had stilled outside, a sadness pulling at their features. Desi walked to the door ready to open it, ready to intrude on this moment, this private moment, which she no longer wished to be shut out from.

  The phone ringing jerked her to a halt. She looked back at the phone, then back to outside. With a heavy sigh, Desi turned and picked up the phone.

  8

  GIOVANNI

  I SHIFTED UNCOMFORTABLY when I realized that yet again, I was watching Jade sleep. It was pathetic really... as pathetic as that little human’s affection for her. I furrowed my brow thinking of the note in my pocket. Humans. Fragile creatures who were gone in a blink of an eye, in one short shallow breath. Jade’s pounding heartbeat reminded me that she was still somehow connected to them.

  She rolled over and faced the fire. Her face pinched with a pained expression. She arched her back and I gulped in a breath as I looked away, but when I heard her whimper and shake, I stood up abruptly, all my attention on her. She shuddered under her blanket, her face desperate and afraid. I took a step toward her, reluctant to get too close. I took another step. She started shaking, her head whipping back and forth, tears sliding out of her closed eyes. I closed the distance between us and kneeled beside her. I didn’t want to touch her, but then as I leaned in to shake her awake, she thrashed against me, convulsing. I grabbed at her wrists and hauled her up. I couldn’t watch her have another nightmare, not another night of tears.

  “Jade! Jade! Wake up!” I shook her hard and then noticed the mark on her arm, the mark to ward off inner evil, glowing. I gulped in a breath, just as her body went limp.

  I held her in my arms—her motionless body a dead weight against my chest—and I felt something stutter to life inside me. Panic.

  My body went rigid and my breath hitched before I looked down at her, afraid of dead glassy eyes staring back at me. I had seen those eyes before, but when I looked down, there weren’t dead eyes staring at me. Curled against my chest, Jade looked up at me, her eyes wide, round and full of questions.

  I tensed, searching for excuses while also cursing myself for still holding her, but I still didn’t let go. I didn’t want—

  “Why are you holding me?” Her eyes narrowed, and then glanced at my arms like a vice-grip around her. I blinked and let her go and stood up abruptly, leaving her to pitch forward and brace herself on her palms so she didn’t fall over.

  “I wasn’t holding you,” I said, my voice edging its way back to calm. “You were having a nightmare and started thrashing. I tried to restrain you.” Force the panic down. She’s fine. Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t let her see me shaking.

  I turned my back to her, waiting for a retort, for an accusation.

  She didn’t say anything for a moment.

  Then, with a voice as quiet as the crackling fire, she murmured, “Thank you.”

  My shoulders stiffened, but I didn’t turn around. Instead, I walked away from the camp, away from her, away from memories, and away from the feel of her soft hair against my cheek.

  9

  JADE

  I WATCHED GIOVANNI march off without saying a word. When I woke up against his warm chest, I had almost reached my arms around his neck to pull him closer. For a moment, I had forgotten where I was, and thought that it was Connor’s chest against my cheek, Connor’s arms holding me. I was both surprised and shocked to see Giovanni clutching me close.

  I laid back onto my blanket. It smelled like mildew and grass, my thoughts quickly turning to Connor. He had been stable when we had left the hospital and Giovanni had assured me he would pull through fine. I hoped my note was enough, although I knew it wasn’t. Nothing was a good enough excuse to leave your friend. I almost scoffed at the word. I had no idea what Connor was to me. Somehow, friend didn’t really cover it. We only had moments to kiss each other, and none of them were ones where I spared a breath to say I love you.

  I burrowed deeper into my cover. I missed him. I missed him so much.

  He would help me laugh about my bruises or comfort me during the lonely nights, or even fend off the stares that the angel gave me when he thought I was long asleep. I was afraid he resented taking me with him to find Lynx, resented his responsibility of training me. Sometimes, I thought that he was planning me to fend for myself.

  There were small moments, though, that I saw a subtle vulnerability about his staunch features and I wondered if he didn’t hate me so much because of who I am, but because I was useless without my memory. I knew that he had protected me once with Lynx a long time ago...

  Every now and then, I would sense anger emanating from him. I mulled over his anger, the reasons why. Perhaps, he was angry that he had to do everything over again? Or maybe, he was angry to be away from his home with a babysitting charge for me—a strange, and new thing.

  He puzzled me, and I couldn’t help but be curious about him. I wondered how long had he been away from home? Did he miss it? Did he brood and sulk because he was just as lonely as me? I sat up straight and looked into the woods. If I closed my eyes, I could smell him. He smelt like wine and ashes... something deep and sweet tinged with smoke. I slowly stood up and made my way towards him. He wasn’t too far... just beyond the first scatter of trees, just beyond what I could see. I tried my best to stay silent. To walk on only the mossy patches of earth so that I could see him without him noticing. I paused for only a brief moment to consider if it would be wrong to invade his privacy. I caught the huff that I almost released when I considered he sat up watching me nearly every night. My foot shifted and there was a stark snap in the darkness. I winced at the sound, knowing there was no chance it would have blended in with the fire crackling.

  Strong arms yanked me back and my own arms were crossed in front of me, immobilizing me. Giovanni’s heat warmed my back and his breath nearly felt like steam against my cheek. “Why are you following me?”

  I shifted and tried to loosen his hold on me. “I wasn’t.”

  “Yes, you were.”

  I kept my face blank for a moment and then exhaled loudly. “Okay, fine. I was following you.” I clawed at his hands around me. “Let go.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you are going to squeeze me to death or burn off my ass.”

  His arms remained firmly around me. “No. Why were you following me?”

  “Why did you just march off?”

  He let go of me then and stepped back. “I had nothing to say. I didn’t think I needed permission from you to take a walk.”

  “No, but have you ever heard the term ‘rude’ because you are practically its poster child.”

  “I know what rude is,” he retorted harshly.

  “Then you know that it is rude to just grab hold of someone and then stomp off,” I said, practically hissing at him while still wriggling within his arms.

  He lowered his cheek to mine so that I could feel the roughness of it. “What? Did you want me to keep holding you?”

  Color flooded my cheeks and I stopped moving, shocked. “No, I didn’t want you to keep holding me,” I said, the words spilling out of me. “But I would appreciate not being tossed aside and ignored.”

  “Listen, girl...”

  “You know my name,” I
said. “Why don’t you use my name?”

  He looked ready to explode, lash out in fury and I wasn’t sure why. “Jade,” he spat the word out as if it left a sour taste in his mouth, “I am here to do a job. I need to train you and we need to bring Lynx back to Heaven. Everything else is irrelevant. That includes your feelings. That includes...” His voice broke off.

  “But aren’t you—”

  Giovanni pressed his hand to my mouth, silencing me. His alert eyes jerked upright and stared up into the sky. In a swift motion, he ducked into the shadows and dragged me with him. “Be very quiet,” he breathed.

  My eyes searched the sky as I held my breath. I could hear the whoosh of something in the sky. I stared. Massive wings, several pairs of them, flapped against the stars sending a wave of air towards us. I couldn’t make out their bodies. I looked at Giovanni and mouthed “Demons?”

  His lips went into a rigid, thin line. He didn’t look back at me; his eyes stayed trained on the sky. When the wing-beats were far away, he loosened his grip on me. It was then that I realized that the flames of the fire pit were snuffed out. “Did you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “Turn off the fire.”

  “Of course.”

  I forgot how powerful he was over his element of fire and lightning. Sometimes when we fought and he would get especially frustrated, a bolt of lightning would flash out of the sky and scorch the ground.

  “We have to get going.”

  “What? But we just stopped to rest an hour ago.”

  “Listen, princess—”

  “Don’t ever call me that.” My body went rigid. Weeks ago, Dominic had had his spell on me and would call me princess affectionately. The word only reminded me that part of me was from Hell, and that in some cruel twist of fate, I was its heir.