Fatal Secrets Read online

  Fatal Secrets

  Richie Tankersley Cusick

  for Mom and Dad

  on your 50th anniversary

  for all your love and faith

  Prologue

  If I die out here in the cold, it’ll be all your fault,” Marissa snapped, burrowing deeper into her jacket. She glanced up at the sky and tugged impatiently on her necklace. “Look—it’s snowing harder, and we’re miles from anywhere. I could be home smelling the turkey bake, instead of out here in the woods with you, looking for stuff to make stupid garlands with and—what was that? Did you hear something?”

  “Hear what?” Ryan McCauley frowned over at her older sister, then redirected her gaze to the softly piling drifts around them. In the darkening maze of gnarled trees, her voice sounded almost eerie. “What’s the matter with you? You’ve been jumpy ever since you drove in from school last night.”

  Marissa carefully avoided Ryan’s eyes. “The trip upset me, that’s all. Some jerk stayed on my tail practically the whole way home.”

  “Oh, right. A half-hour drive, and you’re nervous. Maybe you wouldn’t be so nervous if you drove it a little more often and came home to see Mom. If Steve didn’t teach there at the same college, we wouldn’t even know you’re alive. At least he sees you on campus once in a while.”

  Marissa pressed her lips together and ducked her head. Ryan had the distinct feeling that her sister was about to say something but changed her mind.

  “Anyway, I thought you’d like coming along with me—we’ve never been all the way up here to North Woods before, and I thought it’d be fun to get out of the house awhile and do some exploring.” She waited for a reply, but when none came, she sighed and turned away. “Come on … I need some more pinecones.”

  “Your boss said a few, didn’t he? I’m sure he didn’t mean to clean up the whole forest—hey, where are you going?” Marissa cast an uneasy glance behind them but followed as Ryan ducked beneath some tangled limbs and came out into a snow-covered clearing. “And it’s just the perfect job for you, too, isn’t it?” she muttered. “Working in a toyshop, for God’s sake.”

  “It’s not just a toyshop,” Ryan said indignantly. “Mr. Partini is a dear, sweet man, and he makes practically all the toys himself.”

  “Then if he’s so sweet, let him come out here and freeze his butt off—”

  “Marissa, he’s old! He can barely walk around as it is! We’ve been making store decorations for weeks now—Mr. Partini’s even been working on them at night! You know how busy shopping will be tomorrow—the day after Thanksgiving! I told him to be sure and call me if he needed more greenery or anything, so—” Ryan broke off and stared at Marissa, whose eyes were fixed on the surrounding trees.

  “Ryan … I know I heard something move—do you see anything?” Ryan followed her sister’s gaze and tried to shake off a sudden chill that had nothing to do with the weather. “How could you see through all this snow anyway? It’s probably just the wind. Or a deer or something.”

  “I want to leave, Ryan. I want to leave now.” Marissa jerked one hand through her hair, red ribbons tangling in her long blond curls. “We need to drop that film off before the drugstore closes.”

  “Film?” Ryan stopped and brushed snow from her mittens, her face puzzled. “Did you give it to me already?”

  “You put it in your purse!” Marissa’s voice sharpened. “Ryan, I mean it. We have to get that film developed—”

  “Okay, okay, just a few more branches, and then we’ll go. And if we’d just split up, like Mom suggested in the first place, instead of you following me everywhere, we’d be done a whole lot faster! I don’t know what your big fat hurry is anyway—they won’t even pick the film up till tomorrow—”

  “I told you—I have to get those pictures before I go back to school—Ryan, what was that?”

  This time Ryan stood and looked where Marissa was pointing. Between the swirling snow and the fading light of late afternoon, the woods and shadows ran together in one ghostly blur. Marissa, poised statuelike, was clutching a tree trunk and trying to peer deeper into the gloom. Ryan walked up behind her and stopped. She listened for a long time, then finally gave an exasperated sigh.

  “Marissa, I don’t hear anything—what is—ouch!”

  To her surprise, Marissa suddenly whirled and grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her, staring wide into her eyes.

  “Ryan,” she said, her face grave, “if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell a soul? Not a single soul? You swear?”

  “Well … yeah, I guess so—”

  “Don’t guess so!” Marissa’s vehemence startled her. “Ryan, I’m not kidding around—swear!”

  For a long moment Ryan looked back at her sister. She could feel her own heart racing, and there was a knot tightening in her stomach. “I swear,” she whispered.

  “I think I’m in trouble,” Marissa said. “Serious trouble.”

  It took a few seconds to register. “What … kind of trouble?”

  As Ryan watched, Marissa gazed off into the woods again, twisting her necklace distractedly. “It’s a long story, and I don’t want to go into all of it right now.”

  “Wait a minute. Is this something you should tell Mom—”

  “No!” Marissa’s voice raised, and she tightened her grip. “Especially not Mom! Not yet!”

  “Okay, okay, don’t get so upset—I won’t tell her!” Ryan was growing more alarmed by the second, and she tried to pull away. “Marissa … you’re really scaring me. What’s wrong?”

  “I’m not sure—not a hundred percent anyway—but I’m pretty sure.” As Ryan squirmed free, Marissa put her hands to her head, then let them drop. She leaned back against a tree and closed her eyes.

  “Sure about what?” Ryan stepped closer. “When will you know?”

  “In a few days. Then I’ll have to decide what to do. Oh, Ryan, it’s just too complicated, I don’t even know where to start!” For a minute Marissa looked as if she might cry. “I just never thought he’d do something like this—”

  “Oh, God. Oh, God, Marissa, it’s some guy, isn’t it? What have you done now?” Ryan was fighting to stay calm, and she took another step closer. “I mean it, this better not be a joke—”

  “I swear it’s no joke!”

  “Then who’s ‘he’? Have you told him about your … problem?”

  Marissa shook her head. “I think he might suspect something—but sooner or later I’ll have to go to him with the truth—”

  “Oh, Marissa …”

  “That’s why I had to talk to you—and why you have to promise! This has to be our secret till—oh, God, what was that?”

  Ryan nearly jumped out of her skin as Marissa grabbed her again. “What is wrong? What are you—”

  “Was that something moving? I thought I saw—”

  “This is a joke, isn’t it? You’re just trying to scare me into leaving! I hate when you do stuff like this!” Angrily Ryan plowed into the woods again, only half conscious of Marissa’s rapid breathing as her sister tried to keep up. “Okay—I’m going right over here up this hill—and you go straight ahead over there—see—there’s another clearing way off through those trees—and finish getting the pinecones! I’ll meet you back at the car!”

  “Ryan—wait!”

  “No!”

  “You’re such a brat, Ryan! Come back here!”

  “No! I’m sick of your stupid games, Marissa! Now, just hurry up so we can go home!” She watched as Marissa threw her a hateful glare and flounced off into the woods.

  Grumbling, Ryan turned and went in the opposite direction.

  She was on her knees, digging holly from underneath a fallen log, when she heard Marissa’s screams.


  In the soft, white stillness the terrified sounds ripped through her heart, and Ryan dropped everything and began to run back.

  “Marissa! Where are you?”

  As the screams came again, Ryan crashed through the forest and fought her way through, shouting her sister’s name. She could hear Marissa’s cries growing closer—only now there was something else—something so horribly out of place in this picture-perfect countryside—

  Water.

  Churning … splashing … water.

  “Oh, God—Marissa!”

  As Ryan tore free of the trees, she saw the snowbank lying so deceptively just a few yards away, its surface broken, big chunks of ice upended, revealing a dark, jagged hole and black water beneath. And as Ryan spotted Marissa’s head—Marissa’s arms thrashing—she raced toward her sister in a haze of terror.

  “Marissa!” she shrieked. “Hang on!”

  “Ryan! Help me!” Marissa’s cries gurgled as she went under, and as Ryan started across the snow, the ground suddenly began breaking up around her, splitting apart with a slow, steady groan—

  Oh, my God—it’s not a clearing at all—there’s water everywhere—“No!” Ryan was on her stomach, sliding, crawling, and she could see Marissa’s face again, Marissa’s fingers, blue, blue, and the wide, frantic eyes, the arms reaching—

  “—ian!” and it sounded like her own name, but Ryan couldn’t be sure. Ryan?—dying?—

  “I’m here, Marissa! I’m coming!”

  “—ian!” But Marissa’s head was underwater, and Ryan couldn’t hear.

  “—elp! Help me! My hand—sleeve—” And Ryan was trying to understand Marissa’s shouts as the water choked them off again and again. With a sob she grabbed out for Marissa’s sleeve and hung on with all her strength.

  “I’ve got you! Come on—I’ve got—”

  Marissa’s arm jerked, nearly pulling Ryan into the water. She felt herself slip helplessly toward the edge of the hole. She looked down and saw Marissa’s sleeve still in her grasp, part of Marissa’s jacket, floating … “No, Marissa—please—hang on—hang—”

  The hole was empty.

  “Oh, God, no—”

  As Ryan watched in horror, she saw the smooth patch of snow-cleared ice, and beneath it, Marissa’s face, eyes bulging, mouth gaping in a soundless scream.

  And then … Marissa was gone.

  Chapter 1

  Three Weeks Later

  There it was again—that feeling of being watched.

  Ryan paused at the edge of the school parking lot, oblivious to the horde of students around her. As her heart raced uneasily, she glanced back at Fadiman High and squared her shoulders. “It’s Christmastime,” she mumbled to herself. “And no more bad things can happen, because it’s my favorite time of year.”

  “There you go again,” a familiar voice said with a sigh, so close behind her that she jumped.

  “Oh, Phoebe, you scared me to death! I didn’t hear you!”

  “Didn’t hear me?” Phoebe’s mouth twitched, and she nodded at the jostling crowds around them. “You mean, standing here in the middle of a wild stampede, and you didn’t hear me coming?” She smiled then, showing her dimples, but it quickly faded as she watched Ryan solemnly scanning the rows of cars, the laughing groups of kids. “Ryan … did you hear me? Hey, are you—”

  “Fine,” the other girl finished mechanically. The lot held only the usual faces and voices, and she flashed Phoebe a look that was almost guilty. “For a minute—I don’t know …”

  “Someone following you again?” Phoebe giggled. “I keep telling you, it’s probably just some guy trying to get up his nerve to ask you to the New Year’s dance!”

  “No … I don’t think so. Oh, well, it’s probably nothing. Just the season. You know how I get this time of year.”

  “Yeah, more like a little kid than usual,” Phoebe responded fondly, falling into step beside her. “Believing in everything. Magic and wishes and Santa Claus and—”

  “Well, why not? It’s just as easy to believe as not to.”

  Phoebe studied her a moment, then added softly, “Even though this Christmas will be so … different?”

  Again Ryan studied the leaden sky, her heart feeling suddenly as heavy. “You can say her name, Phoebe. I’d rather you say her name than just act like she never existed or something.” She saw the flush on her friend’s face and immediately took Phoebe’s hand. “I’m sorry. It’s just that … it still doesn’t seem real that Marissa’s dead. I keep thinking I see her every time I turn around.… I think I hear her calling me when I’m home. And people still stare at me—”

  “You’re imagining it,” Phoebe broke in. “And even if they are looking, it’s just because … you know … they’re sorry.”

  “No. I know what they’re thinking.”

  Phoebe took a deep breath and patted Ryan gently on the back. “Come on. You told me you weren’t going to start all this again.”

  “I can’t help it. I know when Mom looks at me, she’s seeing Marissa and wishing things were all switched around—”

  “Ryan … please don’t keep doing this to yourself. I can’t stand to see you so unhappy.” Phoebe stopped and stared earnestly into her friend’s face. “You’ve got to stop feeling responsible for what happened. There wasn’t anything you could do—it was just a freaky thing.”

  “But I didn’t save her.” Ryan’s eyes teared up. “And we’d been fighting—”

  “Sisters fight all the time, Ryan, please—and you couldn’t have known there was water underneath that snow—”

  “If only we hadn’t gone up there … if only she hadn’t gone with me.” Ryan closed her eyes, trying to shut out the regrets she’d gone over so many, many times before. She didn’t feel Phoebe take her shoulders and give her a gentle shake.

  “It wasn’t anybody’s fault,” Phoebe insisted. “Think about it, Ryan, how many people you could blame for what happened that day. You told me yourself, Mr. Partini’s still never gotten over it. And your mom’s the one who made Marissa go with you. And poor Steve—he suggested you check out North Woods. And I had to help my mom, so I couldn’t go with you. Maybe if I had, Marissa wouldn’t have died. Maybe if I’d gone, we both could have saved her. Do you blame me for what happened?”

  “Of course not,” Ryan said in a tight voice. “But I’m the one who left her. And one second I had ahold of her—and—then—” She raised haunted brown eyes to Phoebe’s clear blue ones. “She was gone, Phoebe. She was trying so hard—and then she was just gone.”

  “Oh, Ryan”—Phoebe looked like she was going to cry herself—“it was just a horrible accident. It’s awful, and it’s tragic, but it happened, and it wasn’t your fault!”

  “If only I hadn’t gotten mad at her—I was so mean—”

  “Ryan, you couldn’t be mean to anybody.” Phoebe thought a moment, then gave Ryan her let’s-be-logical look. “Think about me and Jinx! We’re always at each other’s throats, and I really am mean to him because I like to be, and nothing bad ever happens to him! Am I making sense?”

  “No.” Ryan stared at her a long moment and, in spite of herself, had to smile. “It’s not the same. You’d be glad if something awful happened to Jinx.”

  “You’re right. I would.” As Phoebe pretended to wistfully consider the possibility, Ryan gave her a shove.

  “You’re terrible.”

  “I know I am. That’s why I have you—to balance me out.” Phoebe nodded, and then her face went serious again. “Ryan, you’ve got to get on with your own life. I swear I’m not trying to minimize what’s happened, but you’re going to make yourself crazy if you keep on like this.”

  Ryan sighed. “Come on, you can walk me to work.” She did smile then, much to Phoebe’s relief, and they headed away from school and started through town. “Remember that red shirt I got Marissa last Christmas? You and I got it at that discount store and it was on sale, and we thought it was so glamorous?”


  Phoebe tilted back her head and laughed out loud. “And she wore it out that night without a coat, and it rained—”

  “And it was her first date with that weird guy she’d been drooling over for so long—”

  “And the blouse got all wet—”

  “And the color ran out all over everything—”

  “The poor guy thought she was bleeding to death—”

  “And she was so mad at us, she wouldn’t talk to us for weeks!”

  They were roaring with laughter now, and it felt so good, washing over the deep, deep pain, soothing it away. Phoebe linked her arm through Ryan’s and tugged her down the sidewalk.

  “You get a tree yet?”

  “No. I keep bringing it up, and Mom keeps ignoring me. All she does is drag herself to work, come home, and sit in Marissa’s room. She still keeps the door closed … sometimes she even locks it. It’s like a shrine or something.”

  “Tell Steve,” Phoebe said helpfully.

  “I guess I’ll have to. He’s the only one in her life these days.”

  “Ooh.” Phoebe winced. “I know a nasty when I hear one.”

  “Well, it’s true,” Ryan said defensively. “And the thing about you is—”

  “I’m so smart.”

  “You think you are,” Ryan corrected, trying not to smile. “Just because you’ve known me since first grade—”

  “And we were best friends from day one—”

  “Doesn’t give you the right—”

  “To know you so well,” Phoebe finished triumphantly. “Come on, Ryan, you might as well accept the fact that your mom’s going to marry Steve someday—she’s crazy about him! As a matter of fact, I’m crazy about him.”

  “You’re crazy about every guy. In fact, you’re just crazy.”

  Phoebe thought a moment, then nodded. “So I have a very healthy attitude about the opposite sex. Why couldn’t Steve have just met me first?”

  Ryan shook her head indulgently. “I thought you were all for him and Mom.”

  “I am! I think it’s cute. And I think he’s cute. That smile of his—and he’s so funny—the way his hair’s a little thin on top—and that mole on his—”