MASH 12 MASH goes to Texas Read online

  “Come on, Hawkeye,” she said.

  “What for? I hardly know the guy!”

  “He did give us the bubbly,” Trapper John reminded him. “And he was out getting us some more firewater when they spotted him.”

  “You’re right, of course,” Hawkeye said. “Greater love hath no man than to battle the law to bring bubbly to his pals. I cannot refuse.”

  With flashing lights and screaming sirens, however clearing a path for them, the stalwarts of the Secret Service reached the Budweiser stand first. Blowing on his little sterling silver whistle, and holding his official credentials out before him, C. Bromwell Fosdick forced his way through the battlers.

  “Your Royal Highness,” he said, “I’m dreadfully sorry for this terrible scene.”

  “Up yours, White Man!” Sitting Buffalo said, throwing a Texas Ranger into the beer cooler.

  “That’s him!” C. Bromwell Fosdick said. “He said the same thing to me in Spruce Harbor, Maine.” He had very little success in stopping the fight, however. Every time one of the Texas Rangers obeyed his stern orders to “cease and desist” and lowered his guard, he was decked by a member of Green Beret Post 5660, V.F.W.

  At that point, the GILIAFCC, Inc., buses bearing the a cappella choir turned into the parking lot. Brother Lester spotted the Reverend Mother Emeritus standing on top of the Neiman-Marcus courtesy car.

  “Yoo-hoo, Reverend Mother!” he called. “We’re here! Yoo-hoo!”

  The a cappella choir, in their lavender-and-yellow robes, debused, as they say, and started toward the scene.

  For the first time in the long and proud history of the men of the Green Berets, they broke and ran in the midst of battle.

  “Well,” Bubba said to Scarlett, “there goes another cherished belief, shot to hell!”

  “I’ll do what I can, darling,” Scarlett said, “to make it easy for you to bear.” She handed Hawkeye Teddy Roosevelt’s rope, and Hawkeye led Teddy Roosevelt into Texas Stadium to see the game.